PG – slight cussing
A/U (For those not hip on the lingo, that's Alternate Universe!—I'm sooo caring!)
8/24/03
Disclaimer: I do not own Tenchi Muyo. I wish I did since it's one of my favorite animes but, alas, I don't. Sniff
(Scene: Ryoko dealing w/ an unknown boyfriend who just dumped her—not Tenchi!
Ryoko is not a Space Pirate but a regular girl who lives in the USA as a Japanese-American. She's about 19 in Earth years and is more like "Zero Ryoko" in that her emotions are shown a bit more than usual. Yes, she is O/C—out of character…don't you appreciate that I think of you guys that don't know the codes yet!)
'It must have been something that I did. What else could explain it? I'm too forceful…clingy…embarrassing…utterly hopeless…'
Sitting in the bleak darkness of the woodshed was a nineteen-year-old Ryoko; a Cyan-haired beauty with heavenly golden-hazel eyes. The usual brightness of her laughing eyes was now dull but sparkling by the diamond-like tears caressing her face.
'What went wrong? Was I not good enough? Was I too hard to handle? Was I dull? Unimpressive? Scum? Damn it! Why?!'
Another series of heavy sobs rocked her frail body. She was being torn apart from the inside out.
Her mind whirled as old memories overtook her:
There was when they first met in the marketplace. They both had been reaching for the same kumquat. Her hand touched the kumquat a second before he could. His fingers are touching hers atop that fruit. They both glanced up at each other, looking deeply into the other's eyes, their fingers still in contact. With a small smile, she introduced herself, "I'm Ryoko..."
Next came the memory of their first date. He surprised her with a picnic atop his apartment building's roof. It was lovely; complete with candles for a romantic glow. Unfortunately, it started to rain, forcing them indoors. They moved his furniture around and continued their picnic on the living room floor in front of the fire.
Then came the memories of kayaking together, rock-wall climbing, movie, and trips they were on together.
She remembered their first kiss beneath the stars. She was going away for about two weeks and the night before she was to depart, they shared a sweet, tender first kiss.
'What's funny about that kiss is it wasn't my first kiss but I Remember my first kiss! But I remember the one with him…'
It was true; she couldn't remember her very first kiss from a previous boyfriend. She has always heard that "A girl never forgets her first kiss", but she did!
'Does that make me a terrible person? I'm sure I wrote it down in my diary but I can't remember it…Why did things go so wrong?'
Memories continued to haunt her mind before coming back to their final moment together.
FlashbackHe no longer felt the same about her and then he left. That was it. He was gone before her very eyes.
"Come back! Don't leave me!" she cried out after his retreating shadow.
Ryoko crumpled to the ground in a sobbing heap. She eventually pulled herself together enough to run to the woodshed; her comfort zone.
Present DayFor as long as she could remember, the woodshed had always been her place of refuge. It was a place to be alone and let out all her pain and frustrations without anyone to witness her breakdown.
She hated crying; hated it with a passion. For her, it was a weakness she tired to avoid. She hated it even more when people were around.
Part of her hated when people ask, "Are you alright?" She could never understand why they would even care about her. She was nothing...
Her other half, though, longed for comfort by someone while she was in pain. Just to know someone did care.
The victor of the internal struggle was usually her mysterious side. So, here she was; alone in her pain.
'Why did that day have to be so much fun? Couldn't it have been miserable? Maybe then it would have been easier to believe that it's really over.'
Wrapping her arms tightly around herself, she dug her fingernails roughly into her skin in an attempt to force herself to stop crying. A small trickle of blood began to run down her right arm, just above the elbow. She didn't care any more. She squeezed harder, trying to take away the pain and emptiness.
[A/N: other voice, not Washu]
'Why? How could you...?'
Questions continued racking her brain before she turned on herself…
It was your fault.
'No…'
You are a slut…a tramp…you should be damned to hell where you belong…
'No…that's not true...'
You can't do anything right! You're waste of space! Everyone would be better off without you in the way!
"I don't believe you!" Ryoko cried out in a harsh whisper.
Sure you do…This is the 'real' you speaking idiot. You drove him away. You were too hard to deal with and do anything right. Pathetic.
The torment inside her was causing her to cry harder. Her angel half could no longer fight against the words of the demon half.
In her heart she knew they were untrue but in her pain, she couldn't help and feel that they were true. She listened as the list went on about faults she may or may not have had but couldn't stop herself from saying them.
She was lost in the darkness, alone. Her arm's blood continued to run down a small pool of crimson had begun to form.
She cried till she could cry no more. The horrible inner voice began to subside slightly.
Her once glittering eyes held an emptiness and in then. That's how she felt.
That's who she was…
Empty.
A/N: A few facts are true but not all. I will warn you: No, I didn't re-read this before I posted. I just wanted to get it up. Remember to read and review…