It was cold during nights, it didn't bother me though. It was lonely at times but I told myself it shouldn't bother me either. The truth is, I was only lying to myself. I was making excuses and pretending with this stupid facade so that I didn't had to face any of it. I tried making friends but thing is, I didn't know how to interact with people normally. So I stood there nodding my head with a fucking smile on god knows what they were talking about.

I was the stock character in your movies, there only for your convenience. It was fucking tiring, it worn me out. So then I began thinking, "why am I here?" I pondered on this thought everyday and nothing came to mind. The only thing that stopped me from killing myself was my family. They were there but they didn't knew anything. I didn't wanted to disappoint them, I didn't wanted to further burden them.

God, I really hated living. I would always wake every morning and stare distantly, "is this all there is to life?" I hate every breathing moment. Why couldn't I be fated with the life of those fictional characters?

Sometimes I would pray for something to happen but I'm a no one to god's eyes. What makes me any different from the others? Other people had it worse, I was only a selfish asshole looking for some fun. I didn't deserve such a gift.

This yearning for change continued on that I didn't genuinely felt anything anymore. I wasn't happy, I wasn't anything. I was only me. I was numb, I was dead. People would walk past me continuing with their lives but they didn't know they were walking past a corpse. I was dead and nobody saw it.

Can you blame them though? They had better things to do than bother thinking about a teenager with dysfunctional hormones. They had jobs and families to tend to. Who would want a crying teen on their hands? I wouldnt either truthfully.

And so I had no one really. Now some of you may be thinking, "oh but what about your family and blah blah blah..." cut the fucking crap. They were there alright but they didn't listen. It was like talking to a rock. They nodded their damn heads and only criticized again and again and again. They had their weird way or caring but they only believed what they liked. Oh, you feeling depressed today? That's fine, you'll get through it. You like girls all of a sudden? Its fine you're just going through a phase. That's the only thing they fucking said. So I didn't bother telling them jack shit.

I had many opportunities of killing myself. I could've walked past the yellow line and got smashed against the train. I could've missed a stair step intentionally and have my skull bleeding on the floor. I could've drown in the bathtup and have my lungs fucked up. I could've stabbed myself making lunch today. So many opportunies yet I didn't had the guts to do it.

I was a coward.

I didn't want to die. I didn't want to live either. I just didn't want to exist anymore. No pain, no consequences, only peace. Apparently that wasn't on the menu either. So I continued to live on. I was lazy to deal with the trouble of how I could die without disappointing anyone and how I would die the lease painful way. It was a shitty excuse but it still counted.

I was a walking pile of flesh, that was only it for for me. I didn't care anymore and just did what people asked, fulfilling everyone's expectations. I was fine to them but no one saw the pain in my eyes.

It was cold again tonight but I didn't care. The night sky was empty too. There were no stars, just darkness. There was nothing to light up this filthy world. Not even the sun could do such a thing.

I stared at a pool of emptiness. But I felt something, it was warmth. I glanced at the figure laying beside me. I didn't know who it was but it was some how comforting.

There was a long undisturbed silence. There was no need to think up of some bullshit to say, just pure silence. "Beautiful, isn't it?" the person finally spoke. It was a man. His voice was smooth and strangely relaxing. I didn't say anything but stared distantly at the sky.

A normal person would usually get up and move to a different spot or threaten to call the police. Acceapt I wasn't really a normal person. I was the kind of person that would let things happen and think later of all the things I could've done at that moment. I didn't know why I did that to myself but I did it anyways. Honestly, I didn't know the reasons for many of the things that I did.

"Y'know, this is a pretty open field," I began, "and y-"

"I chose this spot specifically, why?" He finished. There was a pause, "No one should be alone," he stated simply. I glanced at him with the back of my eye. He had his head rested against his arms with legs sprawled on the cold grass. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the peace.

"Yet it happens anyways," I commented lightly. "What do you want?" I asked bluntly with no care. There was slight movement from him as he adjusted his position. I turned my head and faced him.

The stranger flickered his vision on me. His stare was intense, yet calming in a way. His odd golden irises stood out in the dark. He didn't had striking handsome looks yet the way he held himself spoke differently. His tired eyes told a story. I sucked in a heavy breath, he was simply... beautiful.

I wanted to reach out and glide my fingers against his rough skin if any of this was real. It was weird having someone approach me. Usually it would be the other way around. For the first time, I didn't had to do anything. I was overwhelmingly happy but I was suddenly anxious. "I've already told you, but I'm guessing that didn't really do anything," he answered.

There was a a zip accompanied with crumbling of wrappers. I arched my brow at this. He paused with a lollipop in hand as he noticed my heavy gaze. He gestured the candy at my direction slowly. "They told me not to take candy from strangers," I denied his offering simply.

"They?" This time it was him arching the brows. I changed my position of my legs to relieve the uncomfortable numbing.

A sigh parted my lips, "parents."

"Oh,"

"Yeah... they can sometimes be a pain in the ass,"

"More like always," he commented and slipped the candy past his lips. A snort escaped me.

"I'm guessing your's aren't so pleasant either?" I asked for the sake of conversation.

He hummed against his lollipop which followed with crunching, "they're a great big bag of dicks."