In this life I've seen everything I can see woman,
The Doctor had seen a lot in his time – he was the first to admit (and brag) about that. Pathetic humans, the lot of them, fascinated him – especially the female ones, probably why they were the ones he usually took aboard. They cared so much about the smallest things – even Rose, always asking the silliest things. "Does my hair look alright?" "How does that work?" "Does this dress make me look fat?" And his all-time favorite: "But why?"
I've seen lovers flying through the air hand in hand
The reason the humans fascinated him – oh god, if Rose ever heard of this he'd die from embarrassment, really and truly, cross his hearts and hope to regenerate – they had the capacity to become so much more. And when he saw people really, truly, completely in love, it kind of reminded him of home on Gallifrey, where love was so simple and pure. The Doctor would never admit it, but... Okay, here goes: He wanted that. He wanted the pathetic human's love. He, the Doctor, wanted something that the insufferable apes with the most annoying ego complexes had. Amazing.
I've seen babies dancing in the midnight sun,
He had seen his share of strange things, traveling the universe. And the truth is, they failed to amaze him now. It was just, "Oh, look. Another planet's going to explode. Allons y." But with Rose... He means, with any human – okay, fine, just Rose – that childish glee came back, and all the sudden it was "Oh, goody! Another explosion! Allons y, Rose!"
And I've seen dreams that came from the heavenly skies above
As a time lord, the Doctor was privy to the secrets of the universe. Him and the TARDIS. He didn't even know when that had become Him, Rose, and the TARDIS. She had unknowingly slipped herself into the delicate folds of his life.
I've seen old men crying at their own grave sides
Time Travel was not something you messed around with – he learned that one when one of his few male companions had asked to go into his own future ten years, only to learn he was dead. The Doctor shuddered, thinking about what happened next. He had sworn never to take anyone back into their own timelines ever again... And then Rose just asked to see her father, and he caved. He was pretty sure she say she wanted him to jump off the mountain of Bajaar-Kajun and with a certain amount of cajoling, he'd be directing the TARDIS to the Sapphire System.
And I've seen pigs all sitting watching, picture slides
Some of his least favorite people, probably ranking around third, after Daleks and the Master, were the aristocrats of the future. And the present. And the past. In fact, the Doctor would be hard-pressed to find an aristocrat that he harbored any fondness for and had good dealings with him. To be able to sit by and watch as innocent people died – probably what the Doctor feared second most, after losing Rose.
But I've never seen nothing like you
Rose was different. Pink and yellow, still with that touch of naivety that comes with being twenty-something, not nine hundred like him. She had come so far – seen so much, and still her humanity remained. Amazing. He might pretend to be aloof, but in his mind, Rose was his equal in every way. What would Rose do? He asked himself.
You're in love with her,the TARDIS purred.
Do ya do ya want my love
He wondered sometimes, gazing at her face late at night, wondering what it would be like to kiss her, really, really, kiss her, not because of bad wolf, but because he wanted to. Would she even want him? Eight hundred and eighty-one year age difference, not that he kept track, mind you, and so much baggage. The time war and being the last of his species would always weigh heavily on his mind, and he simply couldn't do that to sweet, perfect Rose – dump an old broken man with a pretty blue box on her. The TARDIS always rumbled in displeasure when he said that, but the truth was that he was lucky she even graced him with her presence here.
Do ya do ya want my face
Do ya do ya want my mind
Do ya do ya want my love
He'd give her the world, the universe, bring back the Daleks if she really wanted it. She was Earth and Gallifrey and everything in between to him, and the sweet agony of it all was she had no idea.
Well I, heard the crowd singin' out of tune,
As they, sat and sang Auld Lang Syne by the light of the moon
I heard the preachers bangin' on the drums,
And I heard the police playin' with their guns
But I never heard nothin' like you.
Her voice. Oh, dear Gallifrey, her voice was perfect, just like the rest of her, sweet and pure and he really didn't know, with all of his knowledge, a word in English that could describe it (several in Gallifreyian might cut it, but she wouldn't understand it, so what was the point, other than seeing her confused face, the one where her nose scrunched up and she looked utterly adorable), and even though she couldn't sing worth a damn, he still found it beautiful and oh dear Gallifrey what was happening to him because he felt like a schoolboy and started blurting out theoretical physics whenever she was close so she couldn't see him blush.
In the country where the sky touches down
On the field, she lay her down to rest
In the morning sun,
They come a'runnin' just to get a look, just to
Feel to touch her long blonde hair they don't give a damn
The other men in her life... They didn't deserve her. Well, he didn't either, but that was an entirely different matter. They wanted her because she was pretty. They didn't care that she was smart and could kill anti-plastic and saved his life too many times to count. The Doctor did, and he hoped, late on nights like these, that she held him higher in her regard for that.
Do ya do ya want my love
Do ya do ya want my face
Do ya do ya want my mind
Do ya do ya want my love
It always came back around to the same problem – he, the last time lord, savior of billions of species and her more times than he could count, was afraid. The TARDIS was a bit of a matchmaker – okay, so a little more than a bit. That one time? In the closet? Yeah, he was this close to kissing her, before reminding himself about her. Rose deserved better than him, and so he forced himself to just watch longingly from his chair, looking at her hair and wishing she was his.
Well I think you know what I'm trying to say woman,
That is I'd like to save you for a rainy day,
I've seen enough of the world to know,
That I've got to get it all to get it all to grow.
"Doctor?" A yawn pierced the silence and dear Gallifrey even her yawns were perfect. "Why are you staring at me?"
He blushed and stammered and uh-ummed until he finally settled on: "I was just lost in thought." He added, almost as an afterthought: "Sorry."
"Oh." She said, perfectly, per usual. Was it just him, or did she sound disappointed?
No. She was perfect and everything and brilliant and Rose and he was pretty sure all those words were becoming synonymous in his mind and he didn't care, because fine, TARDIS, you win, he loved her, but she would never love him.
Do ya do ya want my love
Do ya do ya want my face
Do ya do ya want my mind
She was walking back to her room now and he really didn't want her to, because back in her room he couldn't watch her sleep and make sure she hadn't left him. "Rose?" he asked timidly. Ha! Him, timid. Due to a human girl. Gallifrey, the things she was doing to him...
"Yes, Doctor?" She asked, turning back and walking out of the hallway. He praised every entity he knew of.
"What would you do if you loved someone and you didn't know if they loved you back?"
Rose appeared confused. "Wait, are you asking about me or about you?"
"You. This," he waved his hand in the air, "is purely hypothetical."
"Alright," she paused. "I suppose I would ask them out for fish and chips." Fish and chips were now his favorite meal.
"Yeah, but what is you're afraid? What if you don't want to lose their friendship?" The Doctor prodded.
"Well, who am I?"
"You're the last of your kind and not nearly good enough for her." He said sadly.
"Wow," she replied, and was that wistfulness in her tone? "You must really love her."
"This is theoretical. But yes, in this purely hypothetical situation... You do. Cross my hearts and hope to regenerate." He was getting the hang of this, talking about Rose with Rose.
"Well, I suppose I'm a time lady. I think they'd be crazy not to love me too." He didn't bother to correct her and tell her, once again, that it was hypothetical.
"No. You don't understand. She's – I mean, he's... Perfect. He's your everything. And you can't lose him, no matter what, because you love him."
"Just ask her out, Doctor." She said, looking annoyed. "Walk straight up to her and say, 'Would you like to get some fish and chips with me?' It's not that hard."
"But I'm..." He paused, dropping the pretense. "I'm scared."
"Look, Doctor." She looked... Hurt? Why was she sad? He'd kill whoever made her this sad. "I get it. More than you will ever know. But please, it's late and I- I just can't do this right now." A single tear slipped down her cheek.
Oh, Gallifrey. He was so thick. She was crying because of him. He resisted the urge to bash his head into the nearest wall and thought some more. Why had it upset her? The impulse was getting harder to battle until it finally dawned on him. Because... Because she loved him too.
He stood there, dumbstruck, for what seemed like forever, repeating the words over and over in his head. Rose loves me. Rose loves me. Rose loves me. Rose – is walking away. Well, he'd just have to fix that, then, wouldn't he? "Rose." He began, trailing off. I love you? Too sudden. He'd scare her off. I like you? Too juvenile. It didn't even begin to describe what she meant to him. Your hair smells nice? That just made him seem creepy.
"Yeah?" She turned back, her eyes tearstained and mascara smeared and she was so beautiful.
"Would – Would you like to get some fish and chips with me?" He asked quietly, and Rose took a single step towards him. And another. And another. By the time she reached him, he had envisioned the forty nine ways she could reject him.
"Doctor." She said, and he gulped.
She raised her hand close to his face... And slapped him. "That's for not asking earlier, you bloody prick."
She stepped closer, tilting her head up. "And this is for asking now."
She kissed him.
Do ya do ya want my love
This is my first Doctor Who one-shot (well, it's my first Doctor Who anything), so be nice. I love 10xRose and 9xRose (because they're the same person) and I guess this could really be interpreted as 9 or 10. Or even 10.5. Whatever floats your boat.
Reviewers get gold stars and cyber cookies.
- Identity Crisis