Dedication: This is dedicated to anyone who has ever asked who my best friend is. Damn annoying gits.
Many people asked Sirius Black who his best friend was. Normally, he would answer and make some effort to think of a decent answer. But when he couldn't be bothered to think of an answer, he just said he didn't believe in the idea of best friends. Just friends and more than friends. End of story right? You'd think once someone had asked who his best friend was, they'd be satisfied and leave him alone.
But no, it was not to be. Instead, he even got his own friends asking. His best friends I guess you could say. So, it was one day when he and Remus Lupin were sitting on the grass by the lake, watching the Giant Squid, when Remus was playing with Sirius' shoulder length hair, when the sun was reflecting off Remus' hair just so, that Sirius gave his most cryptic yet wonderful answer to date.
" My best friend is someone I've known and had as a friend for a very long time. He's always been there since I was a child and yet I only think I've really gotten to know him in the last few years. He really is amazing and I've come to realise how much I love and value him. It's quite weird how I miss not using him for one night."
Remus was in a slightly sleepy daze from the combined feelings of the heat and Sirius' soothing voice. So much in a daze that he didn't notice that Sirius had said the word 'using' as opposed to 'talking' which would make more sense in the context. But because Remus' mind wasn't working that way today, he just assumed Sirius meant James, but asked for confirmation all the same.
"So, do I know this amazing person?"
"Person?"
"Yes, person, assuming you don't have an imaginary friend…" He was never too tired to make some form of sarcastic comment.
"Ah, see what you mean. It's my cock."
Remus opened his steadily closing eyes and sat up with a start. He was still holding Sirius' hair at the time, so Sirius was forced to sit up when faced with the threat of his beloved hair being pulled out.
"What?"
"Well, think about it, I've had my cock for a long time -my whole life in fact- but I've only just realised how much I need him because I only started to masturbate when I was twelve. Duh Moony."
"Oh." Remus decided to lie back down. He moved quite jerkily and pondered why his stomach lurched so much when Sirius said 'cock' and 'masturbate'.