The Many Uses of an Invisibility Cloak
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters, places, or pretty much anything that comes from the Harry Potter world. If I did that would make me J.K. Rowling, which I'm not. Boo hoo….
A/N: I came up with this after reading a Hermione/Ron fanfic. You'll learn what I was thinking of later. But for now I want to do this chapter. Oh…and sorry for any typos I may have made and didn't fix in here.
Italics are thoughts
"This is speaking…but I'm sure you knew that."
It was around 10:00 P.M. All the students were in their dormitories (at least they're SUPPOSED to be). It was a full moon out and a clear sky, a perfect night for one to go out and gaze upon the sky. But not Filch.
Filch was sitting in his office going through his drawers of confiscated items from the student's in his desk. There were gobstones, stink pellets, whoopee cushions, rat poison bottles, dead rats from the rat poison, condoms (XD), bubblegum, notes, candy, and more. He looked around to see if anyone was looking (which is weird since it's HIS office) but no one but Mrs. Norris and himself were there (DUH). He reached for a Licorice when something slapped him from the back of the head and dove face first into his drawer. The Licorice snaps began to live up to their names and began biting Filch as he struggled to pull his head out. When he finally yanked his head out he spat out a Gobstone (that had just gone off) that got in his mouth and looked for the culprit.
But there was no one there except him.
Filch scowled thinking this was another one of Peeves tricks and went back to looking through his drawer. He rubbed his neck in agony (getting your head stuck in a drawer isn't exactly something your chiropractor would advise) as he leaned forward. Now his drawer was empty.
His eyes widened as he frantically searched for where they could've gone. Peeves must've taken them out when Filch was looking for who knocked him into his desk. If Peeves really had all those things that had been the drawer, think of all the chaos, destruction, and blackmail he could do!
"PEEVES! This isn't funny! Show yourself! If you don't, so help me I'll get the Bloody Baron! DO YOU HEAR ME PEEVES! THE BLOODY BARON!"
No response.
He's trying to mess with me! He's plotting something….he's waiting for me to let my guard down.
Now he was really going nuts. Peeve's was nowhere to be seen; only making Filch tenser.
"REOW!"
Filch spun around to see his precious cat being swung around by the tail in front of the window. The moon was shining right into the window so it was quite a sight to see. But Filch didn't care. Peeves had crossed the line and was going to pay.
"I WARNED YOU PEEVES! NOW I'M GETTING THE BLOODY BARON!" he bellowed.
"You rang?"
Filch jumped and turned to see the Baron in all his bloody glory floating behind him.
"How did you know I-?"
"Everyone in the castle could hear your screaming Argus. The real question would be 'How could I NOT know you needed me?' "
"Well….then you must know that Peeves has been-!"
"Actually Argus…I saw Peeves stuffing dead frogs in the Girl's Lavatory on my way down here. You may want to take care of that before morning comes by the way."
Filch was dumb-founded. Not only did he need to find a plunger to find some frogs, but he now knew Peeves wasn't to blame for this.
Meanwhile poor Mrs. Filch was still getting dizzy in the moonlight but we'll worry about that later.
"But…but then who's-?"
"I'm not sure Argus but since whoever this is may not be willing to listen to me, I see no reason for me to linger here any longer. Good luck." And with that the Bloody Baron drifted out of the room.
Filch searched his brain trying to remember any other poltergeists Hogwarts might have but he couldn't remember. He just said the one name he could think of.
"Myrtle? Is that you?"
The perpetrator finally stopped spinning Mrs. Norris and gently placed her down. Mrs. Norris wobbled around on the floor trying to stay up. Then she let out a big furry upchuck.
Great….another thing to clean. Mr. Filch thought was the half-digested contents sunk into his carpet.
Now that he knew his cat was fine, all he needed to worry about was what happened to the things in his desk.
"Myrtle! If that indeed is you then I ask you to put my things back in that drawer! They're dangerous items to be carrying around and I don't want to get in bed worrying that the ghost of a big crybaby is walking around with them!" he screeched.
The next thing he knew a Gobstone came flying towards his head, smacking him right at the forehead. Filch tumbled over and came crashing into his desk. He felt himself blackout as the throbbing pain took over, then he fell unconscious.
"Oh geez! We better leave now Fred!"
"Right behind you George!"
The sound of running footsteps filled the room as the twins ran out of the office under the Invisibility Cloak.
"It was awfully nice of Harry to let us borrow his cloak for this!" said Fred.
"Sure was. When we said we'd put some of the stink pellets we'd find in Snape's office he was happy to give it to us." said George.
The brothers were sitting on a couch in the Gryffindor common room congratulating themselves on job well done. They'd put the riches they'd found in a pile on the table in front of them.
"That was hilarious the way you spun Mrs. Norris around by the tail George!" said Fred.
"Oh yea, I heard that swinging a cat by the tail under a full moon is good luck!" said George.
"Isn't the cat supposed to be dead for that to work?" asked Fred.
There was a slight pause.
"Oh well. Seeing her throw up on Filch's rug makes up for it!" George responded happily.
"Do you think I overdid it when I threw the Gobstone at Filch's head?" asked Fred.
"Nah. He called Myrtle a big crybaby. I think she would've wanted us to do that." replied George.
Fred started going through their loot from Filch's office (that they hid under the cloak) hoping to find a Chocolate frog. "Say George…Filch seemed a little too eager to get this stuff back didn't he?" he asked as he bit into a licorice snap.
"You know…he kinda did now that you mention it. Wonder why…?"
"Maybe he his something along with this stuff so no one would find it."
There was a slight pause then the brothers dove into the giant pile, looking for anything
"Licorice wand, stink pellet, enchanted mouse trap with sharp teeth, dead mouse with teeth marks…" muttered Fred browsing through the pile.
"You know he really needs to throw those away, not keep them in a desk!" said George.
"Yea….I'm starting to think eating that licorice snap wasn't such a bright idea…" said Fred clutching his stomach.
"We'll have to make up an excuse for Madam Pomfry later. Okay what is here? Pumpkin pastry, love note…"
He stopped to read it, and then threw it in the fire.
"Mushy crap poem…who'd want to go out with someone who writes stuff like that?" said George in disgust.
"Yea…let's see. Here's a condom (Fred slipped it in his pocket when George wasn't looking), a rubber mouse, and….Oh My God."
They'd found what Filch was hiding. They'd just discovered Filch's dark secret! Fred and George just sat there and stared in horror at what they'd just found.
It was Viagra.
So how was it? Not bad for a first chapter in my first story right?
You thought the Ron/Hermione thing was in this chapter? Sorry no. That's in the next one.
I'd like to say thanks to my friends werecool and RockLifeDude for inspiring me to do a Harry Potter fic and for giving me the idea that led to this. Whether you meant to or not. 3
If anyone has a suggstion for another chapter feel free to suggest some! Who knows? It may lead to my next idea!