Disclaimer: Yes, I know what you're all thinking - J.K. Rowling, why are you using a fanfiction website? Because I'm not her (see my fanfic called Disclaimer if you want a funny disclaimer).
A/N: I wrote this one a while ago, but it still occasionally makes me smile. Hopefully the same will happen for you. Enjoy!
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All was silent in the fifth year Gryffindor boys' dormitory on the night of March 16th. The inhabitants of this dormitory were in their beds, but none of them were asleep. Finally, one of the boys (his name was Sirius Black) spoke.
"Did you know that a cockroach will live nine days without its head, before it starves to death?" He asked.
"What?" One of the other boys -Peter Pettigrew- asked.
"It's true." Sirius said.
"Padfoot… Why in the name of Merlin did you just tell us that?" Another boy (his name was James Potter) asked him.
"I thought you'd enjoy being enlightened on the whereabouts of headless cockroaches." Sirius said simply.
Silence followed his statement.
"What?" He asked.
"Sirius… That sounded so…" Peter started.
"Smart…" James finished for his friend.
"I didn't know you even knew what enlightened meant!" Exclaimed the last boy (Remus Lupin), who had been desperately trying to go to sleep, but failed miserably.
"But I am incredibly intelligent, Moony. I know marginally what enlightened means." Sirius told his friend.
"Ah… There is the extent of Sirius' intelligence." Remus said.
"What do you mean?"
"Do you know what marginally means?"
"No… it sounds smart, and you've used it before…" Remus sighed. "What?" Sirius asked. "What does it mean?"
"Whatever." Remus said.
There was another moment of silence.
"Did you know that an ostrich's brain is the same size as it's eye?" Sirius asked.
"How are you coming up with all of this?" Peter asked.
"I don't know... I saw it somewhere..."
"The facts are pretty interesting though..." James said, "Do you have any more?"
"No! No more useless facts. I want to go to sleep!" Remus exclaimed.
"But Moony! Prongs wants to increase his knowledge! You've never opposed to that!"
"You know what opposed means?"
"Anyway... A camel has three eyelids, a flamingo-" He was interrupted by a thump.
There was another thump. And another. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump...
"What is that?" Peter asked.
"I-" Thump. "am-" Thump. "banging-" Thump. "my-" Thump. "head-" Thump. "against-" Thump. "a-" Thump. "wall." Thump. Remus told him.
"Well, Moony, did you know that banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories per hour?" Sirius asked. The thumps increased in speed.
"Why-" Thump. "am-" Thump. "I-" Thump. "even-"Thump. "friends-" Thump. "with-" Thump. "you?" Thump.
"Because I'm so lovable." Sirius answered.
"Kill-" Thump. "me-" Thump. "now-" Thump.