Another story, yay. I'm not Dick so I own nothing. I kind of know where I want to take this story, but ideas are welcomed. Enjoy!

"Feels like deja vu." Olivia commented as she put her clothes back on. It had been three months since they broken up. They quickly fell back into their old ways, which included hot sex anytime with no strings attached.

Brian sat up. He was lucky that no one had bought his old apartment, and he was able to move back in it. He sighed. "I can't keep doing this."

Olivia licked her lips and knew exactly what he was talking about. "Neither can I. We've been better at letting our feelings show in the bedroom than actually talking about it, and that's where we went wrong."

"Then why don't we fix it, Liv? We love each other, right?"

"You know I do, Bri." She sat on the bed. "I know you think I don't trust you because I haven't told you about what Lewis did to me, but I've shown you other ways that I trust you."

"How?"

"The fact that I'm having sex with you after what he did to me. I trust you enough not to hurt me. The fact that you're the only man, and probably the last man, I've pleasured orally in the last six years. So don't tell me I don't trust you." Olivia mentally kicked herself when she realized what she said. She didn't want to tell him about Lewis, and she damn sure didn't want to talk to him about Lowell.

"What are you talking about, Olivia? You never have a problem with oral back in the day." He had to admit, whenever she went down on him, he was nothing less than pleased.

She stood up and shook her head. "Forget it. I'm going to go. Text me if you need anything."

"Oh no you don't, Olivia." Brian quickly jumped out of bed and grabbed her arm. He spun her around. "You want us to work, you have to talk to me."

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Bri, please."

He rolled his eyes. "Don't Bri, please me. You do this all the time. You quickly shut me down and out. It's like you're purposely pushing me away. You must want to be alone for the rest of your life, because I swear to God no one would have put up with this for as long as I did."

Olivia scoffed. "And you think you're the easiest person to put up with? Screw you, Brian."

"I bet you would love to do that so you can avoid talking about this. You said we never communicated when we were together, but anytime I wanted to talk about something, you would immediately shut me down and/or seduce me."

"Because you always want to talk about the worst things that have happened to me! You think I want to fucking relive it when I'm trying to move on and forget it? Stop thinking about yourself for once and think about what it'll do to me when I have to reopen the wounds of traumatic events so you think I trust you. How is that even fair? It isn't." She spat.

"I want to help you, Olivia! You keep everything bottled up and instead of talking to me you go drink. Am I really that horrible to talk to about your feelings? I'm no shrink, and I know I'm not the smartest person alive, but I know I give a shit about you."

She bit her lips to bite back the tears. She didn't know why she did what she did, but she couldn't help herself. Maybe because she grew up seeing that drinking was a way to get away from your problems for awhile. She knew Brian cared and would listen to her, but yet she still distanced herself from him. "Bri.."

He held his hand up. "But I can't help someone that doesn't want to be helped. When you want to talk, you can call me. This," He pointed between the two of them. "is over for good."

Olivia sighed and sat back on the bed. "If you wanna know so badly, I'll tell you. Just don't stop me." She already felt the tears start to fall and her body overwhelmed with emotions. "I'll start with Lowell. I was undercover..."

...

An hour later, Brian knew all about Lowell and Lewis. Olivia was right, the images do stay in your head. He wanted to castrate them both and then kill them.

It was quiet in the room besides the sound of Olivia crying. She had to pause a few times because she literally choked on her emotions. She had to admit, it felt good to let it all out. Besides Fin, no one knew what really happened in the basement. She finally pulled away from Brian's embrace and saw her smudged makeup on his chest. "Sorry." She whispered as she wiped her face.

He looked down and shrugged his shoulders. "That's the least of my worries right now." He grabbed her hand and kissed her knuckles lightly. "I knew you were a strong person because you're Olivia Benson, but the more I find out about you, the more I find out where all this strength comes from. I mean, ask anybody on the NYPD why they decided to be a cop, and they'll say to get bad guys off the street, but you.."

"I want to get justice for the victims and help the survivors heal." She said bashfully as she saw Brian's point.

"I know how hard that was for you to tell me, and I'm so glad you did. I wish I didn't have to practically twist your arm for information, but thank you."

"You have to understand this isn't easy to do. It's an emotional rollercoaster to tell your story over and over. I feel like a hypocrite because I tell the survivors I work with all this great advice about moving on and healing, and I can't even follow it myself."

"It's easier said than done." He said as he rubbed his hand up and down her arm.

"Yeah." She sighed. "That was harder than I thought."

"I never said it was easy, but you're making it harder on yourself by holding it in. This was our first real relationship, and we tried, but Liv, you're the only one I want to mess up with."

"Oh, now you want to grow old with me? Brian, I love you, more than I ever loved anyone, but I want kids and to be married, and you don't want that. As much as I love you, I can't sacrifice my happiness for you."

He sighed. Marriage and children were two topics that were rarely spoken about. Hell, they never talked about kids until she took a pregnancy test and it came out negative. It never dawned on him that Olivia still wanted her happily ever after until their break-up, and it was too late then. "I was stupid."

"Ha." She chuckled. "You can say that again."

"Liv, I'm serious. I'm lucky you even gave me a second chance because I know there are men lined up that would happily take my place, but for some reason you wanted me. Why?"

"I knew you. At first, I didn't think anything serious of the hooking up, but I realized my age, and the fact that I was still just hooking up with people was pretty sad. I said to hell with it and see where this would take me. I had no intention of falling in love with you, but I did. I don't regret it, because you made me happy, but after almost two years, the only major step we made in our relationship was moving in together, and Lewis kind of helped with that. Like you said, hooking up with each other was so much easier." Her last sentence tasted like poison as it rolled off her tongue.

"You know I didn't.."

She nodded. "You didn't mean it like that. I know. You're just a no strings attached person, but I'm not. If you don't want a future with me, that includes kids and marriage, then as bad as it sounds, we're going to have to forgive, forget, and move on."

Olivia was sitting on the couch flipping through the channels. Noah had finally fell asleep after waking up for the third time in two hours. He was beginning to teethe, so he was crankier than usual. She had him for a month, and she couldn't be happier. After the Lewis ordeal, this was the glimmer of hope that she needed.

There was a knock at the door that startled her. She looked down at her watch and saw that it was a little past 11. She got up and sighed. Maybe someone had the wrong apartment. She look through the peephole and felt her heart drop ten floors. It felt like her body was paralyzed. It had been well over six months since the last time she seen Brian.

"I know you're on the other side of the door, Liv. I want to talk."

She snapped out her reverie and took a deep breath. She hoped she wouldn't regret doing this. She opened the door slowly. "Long time no see." She said dryly. "Or talk."

"Yeah, well, being undercover kinda helped with that." He ran his hands through his hair nervously. "Can I come in?"

"Sure." She moved over so he could come in.

He walked in and immediately noticed all the baby things around the apartment. The swing, playpen, random bottles on the counter, and a car seat next to the door. He turned around and looked at Olivia with the question written on his face.

"No." She answered reading the expression. "I'm Baby Doe, well Noah's foster mom."

Brian physically relaxed and then smiled. He was genuinely happy for her. Being a mother was something that she always wanted, and he was glad she finally had that opportunity even if it wasn't with him. "I'm happy for you, Liv. You deserve it."

"Thank you." She crossed her arms. "So you wanted to talk?"

He chuckled nervously. "Uh, yeah." He sat on the arm of the couch. "I heard about Lewis when I got back. I'm sorry, and I wish I was here for you. Even just as a friend."

She shifted her weight uncomfortably. Those were still healing wounds and she didn't want to talk about them now. "Ironically, our last conversation was about him too. It would have been nice to have you there, but I'm coping."

"You don't have to do it alone." He whispered softly.

"Well, having Noah kind of helps. When I'm having a bad day, I just look in those brown eyes and pinch his cheeks, and I'm okay." Her heart warmed just thinking about all the happiness Noah had brought her in just the short time she had him. She looked over at him. "And Brian, I'm okay."

"I know you're not, Liv."

"And how are you going to tell me how I feel?" She suddenly felt the tension between them rise in the room. "Last time I noticed, you haven't been around. I'm doing fine without you."

"I never had no doubt that you wouldn't, but I'm not doing fine without you." He weakly admitted. "I've purposely been asking for undercover cases so I wouldn't have time to dwell about our break-up. I lost the one good thing that ever happened to me because of my fears."

"We both were at fault, but we can't change the past." She knew what he was hinting at, and she didn't know if she was ready to go down that path again.

"But we can start building our future. I talked to my mom, and I realized that I've always wanted kids. Do I think I'm ready? No, but who really is 100 percent ready for parenthood? If I want anyone to nag me at 80 years old, it's you. Olivia, I love you and I'm willing to make this work between us if you just give me a chance."

She was silent, but her thoughts were loud. Brian was the only man that she truly loved, and she wanted nothing more than to grow old with him, but she couldn't stand another heartbreak. She also had Noah and had to think about how this would affect him too. "I can't just jump back into a relationship with you."

"Fine. We can start over. I don't have to move in, we don't have to see each other everyday, either. I'll take you out on dates and make you fall in love with me again. They say third time's a charm." He shot her a friendly smile hoping he was convincing her into trying their luck at a relationship one more time.

"But Noah..."

"I know he comes first, and I'm okay with that.I won't meet him until you're ready. I get it, Liv. A lot has changed in your life the last seven months."

"Are you really ready for this?"

"As long as you allow me in and not after a breakup, yes.

"I need to think about this. Just give me a few days."

He stood up. "I understand. There's no pressure or rush." He let out a sigh of relief. "I'm just glad to get that off of my chest."

It was a silence between them. Not awkward, but not the comfortable silence they once were used to. However, Noah's cries broke the silence.

"Sorry." Olivia said before she rushed down the hall.

"It's fine." Brian said after her. "I'll just let myself out." He said quietly to himself. He was happy that she was thinking about giving this another go, but he couldn't help but to feel defeated because it seemed as if Olivia didn't feel the same way about him anymore. He walked into the kitchen and wrote on a note on the notepad like he had done dozens of times during their relationship.

I want to take you out some time. I know your hands are full with Noah, but I'm willing to wait.

-Love, Brian