One out of ten thousand
Prologue
Later that night, Harry and Ron woke up to find a red-eyed Hermione sleeping in a chair next to them in the Gryffindor's common room.
« I guess it did not go very well. » said Ron.
« Would she have had time to brew it? » asked Harry.
« Err, well, maybe not. Snape must have caught her before she was finished. The BASTARD ! »
« Shh. » hushed Harry, « you'll wake her. »
« Too late. » said Hermione in a muffled voice.
« Hermione! » exclaimed the boys, worried. « How?.What?. »
« Please do not speak about it ever more. » she said, trying hard to keep her voice steady.
« We promise Herm. » said Ron immediately.
Harry sincerely hoped that Hermione could get over this quickly. « At least not for a VERY long time. » she added. Well, maybe not, thought Harry, and with a sympathetic smile, they led their friend to the girl's dormitory before finally getting to theirs.
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« Hermione, are you sure? » The voice was near, whispering, careful, but still to loud to be discrete. I stopped dead in my tracks. Weasley. What should I do? Find where they were hiding, snap at them, deduct house points and make them leave. or flee, so as to keep the ideal I had of a head girl intact?
Would it have been Potter, I would not have hesitated to come forth, bullying, severe, sure that there was some mischief ahead. Having officially « changed sides » had not helped much in changing my personality. I still am who I was. Do they now see it is in my nature?
« Ron, we have already discussed it,. it is not like I can help it. Remember how you were drooling over Fleur. And I want that to stop so that either I can be happy, or so that it will be so bad that I cannot do anything but become my older self again. » Romantically helpless. Teenage raging hormones sure did ravages if that brilliant girl was reduced to begging that particular Weasley. « Still Herm, do you think it is a wise time to do it? » Potter. What was going on there?
« I mean, if he. if you. hell. How are you going to be able to spend the rest of the year, whatever happens, facing him every day. I mean, I don't think there is anyone you can avoid at this school except Trelawney.but still. »
What was all this about? Now that Potter was involved, I was nearly sure it was not the disgusting 'romantic' ideas I had sooner that were happening. Maybe time to intervene then. They should be just around this corner. Where the hell were they? Of course. Potter's invisibility cloak. Those things should be banned from school. How on earth could I spot them without painting the entire room or. maybe summoning the cloak will suffice. So where were they?
« It can't be worse than what Ginny went through all these years. And SHE survived it. » she snapped.
She was the most silent of them three, but still her voice resonated in the hall and seemed to come from everywhere around, slowly dissolving into the air. Probably a spell not to be plotted. « We are waiting in the common room Herm, in case. just in case. »
« Very heart-warming Harry. »
And there she was, outside the invisibility cloak, in her school uniform, with her Head Girl Badge all right. I could not take points of her. Still, with Voldemort not yet completely defeated, I believe even prefects should not have the right to go wandering in the corridors after curfew. She did not seem to see me though, as she headed straight for the potion's classroom.
I took a small shortcut and caught Potter and Weasley on their way back, which cost them forty points.each. Then I returned, and found Miss Granger helping herself in my storeroom's cupboards. She seemed to be very familiar with it. Maybe she was not what she seemed. and perhaps Potter did tell the truth when he said it had not been him who stole from my supplies.
« May I help you Miss Granger? » I asked softly with the familiar sneer into my voice, as there was no reason why she should be here of all places. She jumped and dropped one of the vials she was holding. With a quick-cast cushioning charm, I prevented us many disagreements, as there were Joberknoll powdered feathers in that particular recipient.
« P.P.Professor Snape. » she stammered. Obviously I had given her quite a scare. « What do you need Joberknoll feathers for, Miss Granger? » I was quite surprised she would need such an ingredient; potions using it were quite rare, except Veritaserum and dark potions.
« Is there a reason beside Gryffindor's foolish daring to come and steal ingredients from my storeroom? » I added quickly in my most scaring tones. Her lips began to move but it seemed as though she could not utter a sound.She usually did not seem so afraid in class when defending the helpless Longbottom boy.
« Answer me, girl! » I snapped.
At that, her eyes full of tears but lowered, she answered: « Not really, sir. »
That was absolutely the last answer I was awaiting from her.
« Put that down » I gestured towards the nearby table « and spill it out, girl! » I could not bring myself to tell her not to waste my time.Why on earth would she need Joberknoll? A Dark Art's potion for sure, or at least a restricted one.For whom? She obeyed, eyes still lowered and stayed standing in front of me, mute.
« Do I have to feed you Veritaserum to make you speak? Or deduct even more point from Gryffindor than I intended to? »
She let out a sob and some tears found their way down her cheek. That girl was way too keen on gaining points, and way too afraid of loosing them.
« Veritaserum, sir » she stammered.
« I beg your pardon? » I really was taken aback by her answer.
« I wanted to brew Veritaserum, sir. » Oh!
« For whom? » I was as menacing as ever, except inside, I was more and more surprised. This Head Girl in particular, so afraid of breaking rules ( breaking them nonetheless), wanted to make a restricted potion.
« For myself, sir. » At that, she was more assured.
« That much is evident. Who did you intend to feed Veritaserum to? » At that she summoned her courage and looked up.
« I was intending to take it myself, sir. » That, I could not comprehend. Why would anyone ever want not to be able to lie? Only in some desperate occasions, and even so. Some of my confusion must have shown upon my face.
« There are some things that could not be believed, even if I told them. I thought Veritaserum would convince. » she lowered her head again. « would prove it to be true. » She seemed on the verge of collapsing.
« Now, you are usually clearer in you essays. Sit down, get your ideas together, and explain this clearly to me before we take the matter to Professor McGonagall. » At that last comment, she staggered a step back, then sighted « I suppose there is no helping it. »
I think I was not supposed to hear that last part, so I stored the information and said nothing. Once seated in the now somewhat more lit storeroom, I waited for the story to come. After a few seconds, she had summed it up in a very small two sentences. « I have something to tell that would not be believed. I thought Veritaserum might convince this person I wanted to speak with that I only told the truth. »
At that she decided that she was not going to tell more, but that was not going to suffice me.
« Would that person actually believe it was Veritaserum you took? » It was almost derision in my voice. How come she would not have thought of that?
« I would have drunk it in front of him, and I have every reason to believe that he would recognise that particular potion for what it is. »
She was very careful in the choice of her words. Maybe she could be more comfortable speaking about this with Minerva, unfortunately this was more a concern for me. As the potions teacher.
« Really. » That was a mockery. Her head jerked up.
« Really professor. » Damn it, she was serious.
« And what was it you wanted to speak to 'that person' about? »
Again she lowered her head, and her voice was a mere whisper when she murmured: « Unrequited love. » And then she began to cry.
In front of those tears, I was completely and utterly helpless. I had had only two experiences of love, both unrequited. The First had died, and the Second still tore my heart apart when I allowed myself to think about her. Too often. Lost in my thoughts, I was brought back to the current situation by a whispered « Thank you. »
« Whatever for? » I snapped automatically.
« For not yelling at me and deducing ever more points for being a snivelling Gryffindor. » There was a tentative smile at the corner of her mouth.
That reminded me that I had not taken points of her yet. But thinking about both unrequited love and Her had taken all will from me to take points of Miss Granger tonight. We were at the beginning of the Christmas holidays. I stood up and went to a carefully warded cupboard, opened it, and retrieved a minuscule flask of clear liquid, which I handed to a very surprised Miss Granger.
« Next time, do ask. There is a small dose for no more than five minutes for one person. I trust you enough to take it yourself. »
She had a tentative smile. « Or maybe not. »
I reached out and plucked one of her hairs from as far as I could. I added it to the potion.
« Now only you can take it. » I had an enigmatic smile. « Count it as a Christmas present. »
« Why? » she asked. She seemed flabbergasted.
« Because you were not fool enough to make, or ask for a love potion. »
« Their effect would not last » she prompted « and I respect him too much for that. » She put her hand in front of her mouth, but somehow seemed relieved. not to have said something? « Maybe you would not need Veritaserum after all. » I mused, with a smile, but somehow I was less than happy. So I dismissed her with a snap.
« Do ask for ingredients if you need them. I like to have a precise notion of the contents of my stores. Dismissed. » and then « Carry on with your project, and do not bother me with it again. »
She had began to turn and head for the door when she stopped dead in her tracks. She turned to face me, indecisive.
« What now? »
« I cannot do both, sir. »
« What !?! » For a moment I had lost it.
« Sorry, sir. » She said. Then she added to quickly for me to think clearly: « Or I could carry on with it now and never bother you with it again after that. »
And, her courage beginning to falter, she drank the whole flask. I thought she had meant 'project' for drinking the contents of this flask, or rather, I did not think at all. Her eyes became glass like. Then I asked without thinking, angry not to understand.
« What the hell do you mean, Miss Granger? »
But she already was under the potion's influence, so the truth came out as a shock for me.
« I wanted to tell you that I love you. » « Before you believe that it is just a crush of a schoolgirl on her teacher, I would love you even if you were not. I like your mind, your spirit, your knowledge, I desire your body and love your looks. But what I adore most is your soul. The one I guess in your eyes, in your every look and in every action you take. I know that even if you did terrible mistakes, you did all you could to make it all right again, whatever it should cost you. I know you had the courage to face Voldemort and stand, oppose him, even if not in the open.
You have all the qualities of the four Houses: Slytherin's cunning and ambition, Gryffindor's courage and daring, Ravenclaw's mind and knowledge, Hufflepuff's like for work, and of course Hufflepuff's fidelity, towards Dumbledore at least. I love you in spite of all I can do. I'm helpless.
Last year, coming to school, I had resolved never to tell you, but I am more and more desperate and it begins to show on my grades. So I had to tell you. While you did not know, I could interpret every innocent move, every unknowing look. But now. you know. And I leave the choice to you in full knowledge.
However I cannot promise to forget you or to give up when you reject me. But either happy or with an even more broken heart, » she flinched, even with the potion. « knowing will allow me to concentrate again. In this I am very selfish. But I had calculated that there was not even one chance in the thousand that you could love me. I do not beg your pardon for intruding your privacy, for if you reject me, your every hate could help. I told you, I am desperate, for with all my being and my soul, I love you. »
At first, I was speechless, then I could not believe it. Well, of course I had to, she damn was under Veritaserum, but my mind refused the idea that a young, brilliant and beautiful girl could love, even desire me. Particularly her.
Her every words embedded themselves into my heart. Too well I knew the feelings she was describing. Too well the pain she was awakening in me. I was not the angry teacher anymore, just the man who had experienced unrequited love and recognised his younger self in this lonely, intelligent and eager young woman. who had quieted and was now standing in front of me, her eyes still glass like.
There was one question I wanted to ask. « Would you go as far as hurting yourself if my response to you was negative? » And like an automaton she replied:
« No, I would not kill myself. I have great friends and they would help me as much as they can, and they would be too hurt if I did. But I would not need to hurt myself. » she added with a sneer I knew only too well. « I would already be hurting. » Slowly I waited for the potion to wear off.
When she woke up, she was holding tears back, and looked at me. Her eyes still expressed decision and courage, but also a real suffering.
I. am a Slytherin and have been deceiving and hiding far too long. It has become an instinct, created for survival. And to disguise my emotion, it took over.
« One out of ten thousand, Miss Granger? You must have forgotten a lot of factors. » She took my evading response as a rejection and tears began to flow. « I trust you have not forgotten I am a Slytherin, Head of Slytherin » I mercilessly continued, « and you a Gryffindor, a student, with all the problems of age difference, of prejudices, of personal history, of personality, and so on. » How could my voice still be so sarcastic? She was now helplessly sobbing, with eyes red and swollen. But still I saw. no difference.
I took a step towards her, she started a gesture to protect herself or take a step back, but stopped, still crying. « But I doubt you considered yourself much in the equation. What about your mind, you brilliance, your eagerness to work. » she looked up at me through her tears, and it was her turn not to believe her ears. « Your beauty, your honesty and your marvellous soul? »
I wiped a tear from her cheek. « I know what unrequited love is. The first I experienced was for a person who died a long time ago. It took me more than a decade to 'recover' » that was bitter « with a second one » Or so I thought. I held her chin so that our eyes would meet. « for you. »
« I love you too, Hermione. » She still cried but was now smiling. I took her hand gently. « Now go back to your dormitories, you need sleep. And your friends might start to worry. I cannot take points off you for being out after curfew, and as far as I am concerned, nothing was taken from my supplies tonight. »
Then, « Finish your school year and begin your life without second thought for me, for I love you and you have given me hope. I will always be there for you. »
I bowed and kissed her hand in the proper fashion to keep my composure, and she shivered. Our eyes met again. The rest did not need words. We understood each other perfectly.
« Good night.professor Snape. » she said.
« Good night Miss Granger. »
She departed and I sighted and smiled, perhaps happier than I had ever been in my life.
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Coming back without a sound in the Gryffindor's common room, Hermione found Harry and Ron fast asleep. She settled in a chair next to them, faked sleep, and, her wand hidden in her sleeve, she murmured « Enervate. »
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Harry and Ron woke up to find a red-eyed Hermione sleeping in a chair next to them. « I guess it did not go very well. » said Ron.
« Would she have had time to brew it? » asked Harry.
« Err, well, maybe not. Snape must have caught her before she was finished. The BASTARD ! »
« Shh. » hushed Harry, « you'll wake her. »
« Too late. » said Hermione in a muffled voice.
« Hermione! » exclaimed the boys, worried. « How?.What?. »
« Please do not speak about it ever more. » she said, trying hard to keep her voice steady.
« We promise Herm. » said Ron immediately.
Harry sincerely hoped that Hermione could get over this quickly. « At least not for a VERY long time. » she added.
Well, maybe not, thought Harry, and with a sympathetic smile, they led their friend to the girl's dormitory before finally getting to theirs.
« Not before the end of the year, that is. » murmured Hermione in a smile before falling asleep.
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Later that night, I sent an owl addressed to her where I tried to put in words what I felt for her. The owl arrived at breakfast the next morning with all the other letters, but as she recognised the writing on the envelope, she smiled and looked up to the staff table. Our eyes met and she nodded. Then our contact broke and she had an embarrassed smile.
Dumbledore. Dumbledore was winking at her. That man knows everything that goes on here. How? I don't think I will ever know.
The next night, an owl found me in the staff room. That is how our letter's exchange began. For Valentines' day, she received a lot of letters. Seven of them were from me, in different, disguised writings. At first she was puzzled, then she opened one which looked a lot like from Potter's hand. She frowned at the content, then looked for the missing signature. Then she quickly smiled as she began to understand. I love her smile. It brings a joy to my heart I had once thought I would never know.
If Potter and Weasley noticed that Hermione received a lot of letters, they never said so. It was getting hard to be as harsh as usual in class. Cruelty is difficult to achieve when your heart is content, happy. But I had a long experience of acting and nobody except Dumbledore suspected anything.
As the end of the year approached, I found it more and more difficult to resist the urge to stand and shout that I loved her. I was as crazy as the teenagers I used to scowl at. Of course it did not show anywhere but in the letter I wrote. There was no danger anymore for me as an Ex-Deatheater. The Dark Lord was dead. But I owed Hogwarts' reputation and Dumbledore's trust to wait till Miss Granger graduated before we could freely love each other in the open. I started taking more risks by putting a charm on the letters I wrote, and on the last day of the final exams, one of them finally came to use.
Hermione had been thinking a lot these days (as usual), about how soon she could talk with me about 'other things than potions' assignments', as she expressed it in her letters. So, after the owl had departed, she stayed watching the letter dreamily, waiting perhaps a bit too long before storing it safely away. Potter and Weasley were bound to notice this, and indeed they did.
« Earth to Hermione, do you copy? »
« Hey! You have been watching this letter for more than five minutes! You're lucky it's no howler! »
« Why would I receive a howler? » she replied, snapping back to attention.
The charm took immediately effect, as it was keyed to her saying 'howler'. The letter began to change colour, sparks flying from it, and seconds after, it was entirely red.
« What the hell? » exclaimed Weasley.
« Whoa! » said Potter, « That's magic ! »
« You'd better open it, Herm. You have already waited for a long time you know, and I don't want it exploding right here! » said Weasley.
All eyes were riveted on her. Including mine. She did not look up but seemed puzzled. Then she opened carefully the red letter, and it shouted:
« I LOVE YOU ! »
That was it. Very short, very loud, and I don't think anyone beside Hermione and Dumbledore recognised the voice. After all, this is not a thing I would say, is it?
Well, Minerva did throw me a questioning glance. But I did as if I had not noticed it. I could not have responded by anything else than a smile. Hermione was literally beaming. The letter had taken its original form again and she quickly folded it away.
« Who was it from? » asked Weasley.
« Do you have any idea, Herm? » asked Potter.
She smiled at them. « Let's go, you would not like to be late for your last exam, would you? » Weasley shrugged.
As they met for lunch after the last exam: charms, Potter said: « I'm glad you finally forgot that bastard Snape, you obviously were happy with that declaration this morning! »
And she began to laugh and laugh, as if she could not stop.
« Oh, Harry! » she said, wiping a tear. « Who do you think sent me that howler? »
To be continued. . in your imagination.
Prologue
Later that night, Harry and Ron woke up to find a red-eyed Hermione sleeping in a chair next to them in the Gryffindor's common room.
« I guess it did not go very well. » said Ron.
« Would she have had time to brew it? » asked Harry.
« Err, well, maybe not. Snape must have caught her before she was finished. The BASTARD ! »
« Shh. » hushed Harry, « you'll wake her. »
« Too late. » said Hermione in a muffled voice.
« Hermione! » exclaimed the boys, worried. « How?.What?. »
« Please do not speak about it ever more. » she said, trying hard to keep her voice steady.
« We promise Herm. » said Ron immediately.
Harry sincerely hoped that Hermione could get over this quickly. « At least not for a VERY long time. » she added. Well, maybe not, thought Harry, and with a sympathetic smile, they led their friend to the girl's dormitory before finally getting to theirs.
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« Hermione, are you sure? » The voice was near, whispering, careful, but still to loud to be discrete. I stopped dead in my tracks. Weasley. What should I do? Find where they were hiding, snap at them, deduct house points and make them leave. or flee, so as to keep the ideal I had of a head girl intact?
Would it have been Potter, I would not have hesitated to come forth, bullying, severe, sure that there was some mischief ahead. Having officially « changed sides » had not helped much in changing my personality. I still am who I was. Do they now see it is in my nature?
« Ron, we have already discussed it,. it is not like I can help it. Remember how you were drooling over Fleur. And I want that to stop so that either I can be happy, or so that it will be so bad that I cannot do anything but become my older self again. » Romantically helpless. Teenage raging hormones sure did ravages if that brilliant girl was reduced to begging that particular Weasley. « Still Herm, do you think it is a wise time to do it? » Potter. What was going on there?
« I mean, if he. if you. hell. How are you going to be able to spend the rest of the year, whatever happens, facing him every day. I mean, I don't think there is anyone you can avoid at this school except Trelawney.but still. »
What was all this about? Now that Potter was involved, I was nearly sure it was not the disgusting 'romantic' ideas I had sooner that were happening. Maybe time to intervene then. They should be just around this corner. Where the hell were they? Of course. Potter's invisibility cloak. Those things should be banned from school. How on earth could I spot them without painting the entire room or. maybe summoning the cloak will suffice. So where were they?
« It can't be worse than what Ginny went through all these years. And SHE survived it. » she snapped.
She was the most silent of them three, but still her voice resonated in the hall and seemed to come from everywhere around, slowly dissolving into the air. Probably a spell not to be plotted. « We are waiting in the common room Herm, in case. just in case. »
« Very heart-warming Harry. »
And there she was, outside the invisibility cloak, in her school uniform, with her Head Girl Badge all right. I could not take points of her. Still, with Voldemort not yet completely defeated, I believe even prefects should not have the right to go wandering in the corridors after curfew. She did not seem to see me though, as she headed straight for the potion's classroom.
I took a small shortcut and caught Potter and Weasley on their way back, which cost them forty points.each. Then I returned, and found Miss Granger helping herself in my storeroom's cupboards. She seemed to be very familiar with it. Maybe she was not what she seemed. and perhaps Potter did tell the truth when he said it had not been him who stole from my supplies.
« May I help you Miss Granger? » I asked softly with the familiar sneer into my voice, as there was no reason why she should be here of all places. She jumped and dropped one of the vials she was holding. With a quick-cast cushioning charm, I prevented us many disagreements, as there were Joberknoll powdered feathers in that particular recipient.
« P.P.Professor Snape. » she stammered. Obviously I had given her quite a scare. « What do you need Joberknoll feathers for, Miss Granger? » I was quite surprised she would need such an ingredient; potions using it were quite rare, except Veritaserum and dark potions.
« Is there a reason beside Gryffindor's foolish daring to come and steal ingredients from my storeroom? » I added quickly in my most scaring tones. Her lips began to move but it seemed as though she could not utter a sound.She usually did not seem so afraid in class when defending the helpless Longbottom boy.
« Answer me, girl! » I snapped.
At that, her eyes full of tears but lowered, she answered: « Not really, sir. »
That was absolutely the last answer I was awaiting from her.
« Put that down » I gestured towards the nearby table « and spill it out, girl! » I could not bring myself to tell her not to waste my time.Why on earth would she need Joberknoll? A Dark Art's potion for sure, or at least a restricted one.For whom? She obeyed, eyes still lowered and stayed standing in front of me, mute.
« Do I have to feed you Veritaserum to make you speak? Or deduct even more point from Gryffindor than I intended to? »
She let out a sob and some tears found their way down her cheek. That girl was way too keen on gaining points, and way too afraid of loosing them.
« Veritaserum, sir » she stammered.
« I beg your pardon? » I really was taken aback by her answer.
« I wanted to brew Veritaserum, sir. » Oh!
« For whom? » I was as menacing as ever, except inside, I was more and more surprised. This Head Girl in particular, so afraid of breaking rules ( breaking them nonetheless), wanted to make a restricted potion.
« For myself, sir. » At that, she was more assured.
« That much is evident. Who did you intend to feed Veritaserum to? » At that she summoned her courage and looked up.
« I was intending to take it myself, sir. » That, I could not comprehend. Why would anyone ever want not to be able to lie? Only in some desperate occasions, and even so. Some of my confusion must have shown upon my face.
« There are some things that could not be believed, even if I told them. I thought Veritaserum would convince. » she lowered her head again. « would prove it to be true. » She seemed on the verge of collapsing.
« Now, you are usually clearer in you essays. Sit down, get your ideas together, and explain this clearly to me before we take the matter to Professor McGonagall. » At that last comment, she staggered a step back, then sighted « I suppose there is no helping it. »
I think I was not supposed to hear that last part, so I stored the information and said nothing. Once seated in the now somewhat more lit storeroom, I waited for the story to come. After a few seconds, she had summed it up in a very small two sentences. « I have something to tell that would not be believed. I thought Veritaserum might convince this person I wanted to speak with that I only told the truth. »
At that she decided that she was not going to tell more, but that was not going to suffice me.
« Would that person actually believe it was Veritaserum you took? » It was almost derision in my voice. How come she would not have thought of that?
« I would have drunk it in front of him, and I have every reason to believe that he would recognise that particular potion for what it is. »
She was very careful in the choice of her words. Maybe she could be more comfortable speaking about this with Minerva, unfortunately this was more a concern for me. As the potions teacher.
« Really. » That was a mockery. Her head jerked up.
« Really professor. » Damn it, she was serious.
« And what was it you wanted to speak to 'that person' about? »
Again she lowered her head, and her voice was a mere whisper when she murmured: « Unrequited love. » And then she began to cry.
In front of those tears, I was completely and utterly helpless. I had had only two experiences of love, both unrequited. The First had died, and the Second still tore my heart apart when I allowed myself to think about her. Too often. Lost in my thoughts, I was brought back to the current situation by a whispered « Thank you. »
« Whatever for? » I snapped automatically.
« For not yelling at me and deducing ever more points for being a snivelling Gryffindor. » There was a tentative smile at the corner of her mouth.
That reminded me that I had not taken points of her yet. But thinking about both unrequited love and Her had taken all will from me to take points of Miss Granger tonight. We were at the beginning of the Christmas holidays. I stood up and went to a carefully warded cupboard, opened it, and retrieved a minuscule flask of clear liquid, which I handed to a very surprised Miss Granger.
« Next time, do ask. There is a small dose for no more than five minutes for one person. I trust you enough to take it yourself. »
She had a tentative smile. « Or maybe not. »
I reached out and plucked one of her hairs from as far as I could. I added it to the potion.
« Now only you can take it. » I had an enigmatic smile. « Count it as a Christmas present. »
« Why? » she asked. She seemed flabbergasted.
« Because you were not fool enough to make, or ask for a love potion. »
« Their effect would not last » she prompted « and I respect him too much for that. » She put her hand in front of her mouth, but somehow seemed relieved. not to have said something? « Maybe you would not need Veritaserum after all. » I mused, with a smile, but somehow I was less than happy. So I dismissed her with a snap.
« Do ask for ingredients if you need them. I like to have a precise notion of the contents of my stores. Dismissed. » and then « Carry on with your project, and do not bother me with it again. »
She had began to turn and head for the door when she stopped dead in her tracks. She turned to face me, indecisive.
« What now? »
« I cannot do both, sir. »
« What !?! » For a moment I had lost it.
« Sorry, sir. » She said. Then she added to quickly for me to think clearly: « Or I could carry on with it now and never bother you with it again after that. »
And, her courage beginning to falter, she drank the whole flask. I thought she had meant 'project' for drinking the contents of this flask, or rather, I did not think at all. Her eyes became glass like. Then I asked without thinking, angry not to understand.
« What the hell do you mean, Miss Granger? »
But she already was under the potion's influence, so the truth came out as a shock for me.
« I wanted to tell you that I love you. » « Before you believe that it is just a crush of a schoolgirl on her teacher, I would love you even if you were not. I like your mind, your spirit, your knowledge, I desire your body and love your looks. But what I adore most is your soul. The one I guess in your eyes, in your every look and in every action you take. I know that even if you did terrible mistakes, you did all you could to make it all right again, whatever it should cost you. I know you had the courage to face Voldemort and stand, oppose him, even if not in the open.
You have all the qualities of the four Houses: Slytherin's cunning and ambition, Gryffindor's courage and daring, Ravenclaw's mind and knowledge, Hufflepuff's like for work, and of course Hufflepuff's fidelity, towards Dumbledore at least. I love you in spite of all I can do. I'm helpless.
Last year, coming to school, I had resolved never to tell you, but I am more and more desperate and it begins to show on my grades. So I had to tell you. While you did not know, I could interpret every innocent move, every unknowing look. But now. you know. And I leave the choice to you in full knowledge.
However I cannot promise to forget you or to give up when you reject me. But either happy or with an even more broken heart, » she flinched, even with the potion. « knowing will allow me to concentrate again. In this I am very selfish. But I had calculated that there was not even one chance in the thousand that you could love me. I do not beg your pardon for intruding your privacy, for if you reject me, your every hate could help. I told you, I am desperate, for with all my being and my soul, I love you. »
At first, I was speechless, then I could not believe it. Well, of course I had to, she damn was under Veritaserum, but my mind refused the idea that a young, brilliant and beautiful girl could love, even desire me. Particularly her.
Her every words embedded themselves into my heart. Too well I knew the feelings she was describing. Too well the pain she was awakening in me. I was not the angry teacher anymore, just the man who had experienced unrequited love and recognised his younger self in this lonely, intelligent and eager young woman. who had quieted and was now standing in front of me, her eyes still glass like.
There was one question I wanted to ask. « Would you go as far as hurting yourself if my response to you was negative? » And like an automaton she replied:
« No, I would not kill myself. I have great friends and they would help me as much as they can, and they would be too hurt if I did. But I would not need to hurt myself. » she added with a sneer I knew only too well. « I would already be hurting. » Slowly I waited for the potion to wear off.
When she woke up, she was holding tears back, and looked at me. Her eyes still expressed decision and courage, but also a real suffering.
I. am a Slytherin and have been deceiving and hiding far too long. It has become an instinct, created for survival. And to disguise my emotion, it took over.
« One out of ten thousand, Miss Granger? You must have forgotten a lot of factors. » She took my evading response as a rejection and tears began to flow. « I trust you have not forgotten I am a Slytherin, Head of Slytherin » I mercilessly continued, « and you a Gryffindor, a student, with all the problems of age difference, of prejudices, of personal history, of personality, and so on. » How could my voice still be so sarcastic? She was now helplessly sobbing, with eyes red and swollen. But still I saw. no difference.
I took a step towards her, she started a gesture to protect herself or take a step back, but stopped, still crying. « But I doubt you considered yourself much in the equation. What about your mind, you brilliance, your eagerness to work. » she looked up at me through her tears, and it was her turn not to believe her ears. « Your beauty, your honesty and your marvellous soul? »
I wiped a tear from her cheek. « I know what unrequited love is. The first I experienced was for a person who died a long time ago. It took me more than a decade to 'recover' » that was bitter « with a second one » Or so I thought. I held her chin so that our eyes would meet. « for you. »
« I love you too, Hermione. » She still cried but was now smiling. I took her hand gently. « Now go back to your dormitories, you need sleep. And your friends might start to worry. I cannot take points off you for being out after curfew, and as far as I am concerned, nothing was taken from my supplies tonight. »
Then, « Finish your school year and begin your life without second thought for me, for I love you and you have given me hope. I will always be there for you. »
I bowed and kissed her hand in the proper fashion to keep my composure, and she shivered. Our eyes met again. The rest did not need words. We understood each other perfectly.
« Good night.professor Snape. » she said.
« Good night Miss Granger. »
She departed and I sighted and smiled, perhaps happier than I had ever been in my life.
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Coming back without a sound in the Gryffindor's common room, Hermione found Harry and Ron fast asleep. She settled in a chair next to them, faked sleep, and, her wand hidden in her sleeve, she murmured « Enervate. »
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Harry and Ron woke up to find a red-eyed Hermione sleeping in a chair next to them. « I guess it did not go very well. » said Ron.
« Would she have had time to brew it? » asked Harry.
« Err, well, maybe not. Snape must have caught her before she was finished. The BASTARD ! »
« Shh. » hushed Harry, « you'll wake her. »
« Too late. » said Hermione in a muffled voice.
« Hermione! » exclaimed the boys, worried. « How?.What?. »
« Please do not speak about it ever more. » she said, trying hard to keep her voice steady.
« We promise Herm. » said Ron immediately.
Harry sincerely hoped that Hermione could get over this quickly. « At least not for a VERY long time. » she added.
Well, maybe not, thought Harry, and with a sympathetic smile, they led their friend to the girl's dormitory before finally getting to theirs.
« Not before the end of the year, that is. » murmured Hermione in a smile before falling asleep.
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Later that night, I sent an owl addressed to her where I tried to put in words what I felt for her. The owl arrived at breakfast the next morning with all the other letters, but as she recognised the writing on the envelope, she smiled and looked up to the staff table. Our eyes met and she nodded. Then our contact broke and she had an embarrassed smile.
Dumbledore. Dumbledore was winking at her. That man knows everything that goes on here. How? I don't think I will ever know.
The next night, an owl found me in the staff room. That is how our letter's exchange began. For Valentines' day, she received a lot of letters. Seven of them were from me, in different, disguised writings. At first she was puzzled, then she opened one which looked a lot like from Potter's hand. She frowned at the content, then looked for the missing signature. Then she quickly smiled as she began to understand. I love her smile. It brings a joy to my heart I had once thought I would never know.
If Potter and Weasley noticed that Hermione received a lot of letters, they never said so. It was getting hard to be as harsh as usual in class. Cruelty is difficult to achieve when your heart is content, happy. But I had a long experience of acting and nobody except Dumbledore suspected anything.
As the end of the year approached, I found it more and more difficult to resist the urge to stand and shout that I loved her. I was as crazy as the teenagers I used to scowl at. Of course it did not show anywhere but in the letter I wrote. There was no danger anymore for me as an Ex-Deatheater. The Dark Lord was dead. But I owed Hogwarts' reputation and Dumbledore's trust to wait till Miss Granger graduated before we could freely love each other in the open. I started taking more risks by putting a charm on the letters I wrote, and on the last day of the final exams, one of them finally came to use.
Hermione had been thinking a lot these days (as usual), about how soon she could talk with me about 'other things than potions' assignments', as she expressed it in her letters. So, after the owl had departed, she stayed watching the letter dreamily, waiting perhaps a bit too long before storing it safely away. Potter and Weasley were bound to notice this, and indeed they did.
« Earth to Hermione, do you copy? »
« Hey! You have been watching this letter for more than five minutes! You're lucky it's no howler! »
« Why would I receive a howler? » she replied, snapping back to attention.
The charm took immediately effect, as it was keyed to her saying 'howler'. The letter began to change colour, sparks flying from it, and seconds after, it was entirely red.
« What the hell? » exclaimed Weasley.
« Whoa! » said Potter, « That's magic ! »
« You'd better open it, Herm. You have already waited for a long time you know, and I don't want it exploding right here! » said Weasley.
All eyes were riveted on her. Including mine. She did not look up but seemed puzzled. Then she opened carefully the red letter, and it shouted:
« I LOVE YOU ! »
That was it. Very short, very loud, and I don't think anyone beside Hermione and Dumbledore recognised the voice. After all, this is not a thing I would say, is it?
Well, Minerva did throw me a questioning glance. But I did as if I had not noticed it. I could not have responded by anything else than a smile. Hermione was literally beaming. The letter had taken its original form again and she quickly folded it away.
« Who was it from? » asked Weasley.
« Do you have any idea, Herm? » asked Potter.
She smiled at them. « Let's go, you would not like to be late for your last exam, would you? » Weasley shrugged.
As they met for lunch after the last exam: charms, Potter said: « I'm glad you finally forgot that bastard Snape, you obviously were happy with that declaration this morning! »
And she began to laugh and laugh, as if she could not stop.
« Oh, Harry! » she said, wiping a tear. « Who do you think sent me that howler? »
To be continued. . in your imagination.