Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek: The Original Series in any way, shape, or form. If I did, I'd be older than my own mother and quite possibly dead. XD
Captain's personal log, Stardate 23.46 Captain James T. Kirk recording
An unintentional venture into Romulan space one standard week ago resulted in hostile interactions and moderate damage to the Enterprise - moderate damage that includes the food processor being very efficiently wrecked. Things looked bleak for us, but Mr. Checov came to me after the fact was confirmed and advised we take on a temporary ship's cook. He recommended a close friend of his, one Ensign Igor Ivannovitch, who, he informed me, is a culinary genius. (Side note: How is it that I'm the captain, and yet have never met hundreds of my crew members? I've never heard of this Igor Ivannovitch, and had no idea that he was on my ship.) Seeing no other course of action, I employed him to the post, and have since been enjoying a variety of expertly-cooked meals of various nationalities for a number of days now.
Unfortunately, I was rather desperate when I assigned him the post of ship's cook, and therefore didn't check his qualifications past the excellent pumpkin strudel he offered me as a tester. And now disaster has struck.
The numerous reports I've received on said disaster have been biased on one side or the other, and all of them extremely garbled. But I gather that earlier today, Lieutenant Barker, (never heard of him, either,) sampled some of Ivannovitch's cooking, unauthorized, and was "put out of commission".
I dread to think of just what that means.
Dear Diary,
It vas NOT my fault. I vant that to be perfectly clear. Lt. Barker should not have dipped his grubby fingers into my ginger glaze vithout asking first. And I'm quite confident that he's perfectly alright, and will be discharged from sickbay once Dr. McCoy has ascertained as much.
As luck vould have it, First Officer Spock was privy to the...ah...incident, and does not seem to share my optimistic wiewpoints. I vas treated to a long lecture of how, "the enthusiastic application of jacta ferrum (vhatever that is,) to the human cranial region is non-conducive to good health, and may result in extensive and potentially lethal brain damage later in life." Pah! There is nothing wrong vith Lt. Barker, I am sure. And to put everyone else's minds at ease, I shall confirm it vith Dr. McCoy.
Igor Ivannovitch
On-board dispatch
To: Ensign Ivannovitch, ship's kitchen
From: Dr. Leonard McCoy, Sickbay
If you EVER hit someone in the head with a cast iron skillet again, I will PERSONALLY see that you are court-martialed, and your collection of pots and pans confiscated and thrown out the nearest air lock!
Hey everyone! Thanks for reading the first chapter of this silly little fanfic. :) This is the first Star Trek story I've attempted, and I may take the characters out of character a bit, but I'll do my best to make them seem realistic. ;) If you like it, please review! And if you don't like it, please review anyway, and tell me why you don't like it, so maybe I can improve my writing.