1
Giles was worried as he waited outside the hospital room. How would he react when he finally got to see Xander and how would Xander react to seeing him, now that it would be with only one eye? It actually turned out to not be as bad as he'd worried it would be. When he went into the room Xander looked up and smiled; not one of his cheesy grins that lit up the whole of his face and always made Giles feel more cheerful too, just a small smile to greet his arrival.
"Hello Xander." Even as he spoke the words Giles hated himself for sounded so detached and formal. He wanted to climb into the hospital bed with Xander and hold him close like he did in their own bed at home, but his body wouldn't react, it simply sank into the chair at the bedside.
"Hi," Xander's small smile lifted for a brief moment.
There had been so many thoughts in Giles head before but now his mind was a vacuum, devoid of thought so his attention turned to the plate in front of Xander, "What's that?"
"Nachos, Willow smuggled them in for me."
"She bought you nachos?" Giles asked, bemused, "Isn't the proper etiquette to bring grapes?"
"Nachos are better," Xander answered, "They're fun food," He added as if that explained everything.
"More so than Twinkies?" Giles asked, providing the opportunity for banter should Xander want it.
"Twinkies still reign supreme," The young man took the bait willingly, "But nachos are better as comfort food."
Silence followed. Giles couldn't think of anything to say next.
Xander directed his attention to the plate of nachos, picking one up he tried to dip it in red sauce but the nacho came down a few inches outside the bowl at the side of the plate. Smiling and rolling his one good eye at Giles he tried to dunk the snack in the bowl of sauce again, this time it came closer but not still not close enough. Giles could see the frustration starting to show so he took the nacho out of Xander's grip, loading it with red sauce as the young man wanted he held it out in silent invitation.
"I could get used to this," Xander teased, accepting the nacho. In response Giles rolled his eyes in a way Xander had long ago worked out was a symbol of affection and stole a nacho of his own, "Hey, stop stealing my comfort food."
"Maybe I need some comfort too." At Giles's words Xander's teasing grin vanished, his hand slid down the bed slowly, finding Giles own hand cautiously before gripping hold and squeezing reassuringly. The older man smiled up at his lover and fed the young man another nacho.
2
Sunnydale was gone. The mall, the high school, his parents' house, Buffy's house, the Doublemeat Palace, his apartment, almost everything he owned. The place where he'd been born, raised and almost died more times than he could count. All of it was now nothing more than a crater.
While trying to take in the magnitude of it all - and also staring at the nicotine stained ceiling of the motel room - Xander heard the door open and looked from his spot on the bed to see Giles entering carrying a small box.
"What's that?" Xander sounded tired, but then he was tired; they all were.
"Nachos," Giles answered coming to sit on the edge of the bed, "Someone once told me they're a good comfort food."
"Smart man," Xander smiled at the feel of Giles's fingers in his hair and sat up so they could share the tasty snack treats. Xander had been getting better in recent weeks but the lack of depth perception still threw him sometimes and trying to pick just one out of the box of nachos was infuriating.
"Lie back," Giles instructed, pushing Xander back up against the headboard.
"Could really get used to this." Xander grinned and snuggled down in the bed as Giles passed him nachos.
3
Abby was one of the first slayers Xander had tracked down post-Sunnydale and she'd worked close with him ever since. She'd been thirty when she was called and now at the age of thirty-two they were burying her. It hurt Xander more than he'd thought it would, it took the loss of someone close for him to realize that even though there were now thousands of slayers worldwide he could still lose people.
Giles was silent through the entire proceedings, just a figure of support by Xander's side. Afterwards the two men found their way to a small fast food restaurant; a brother and sister were chasing each other in circles round the table next to them while their mother tried to calm a squealing baby. Normal mundane things; they seemed so alien to Xander.
"Nachos," Giles set the carton loaded with the cheese splattered things this restaurant called nachos in front of Xander and settled into the seat opposite him.
"Oh," Xander answered Giles's statement without turning away from the window. It had started raining a little.
"It's... it's never easy," Giles tried to comfort the younger man.
"She never called me Watcher, not even once. She used to call me her 'boy toy'," Xander said with a slight smile, he was still looking out the window but Giles knew his mind was far away.
"I remember." Giles reached across the slightly sticky surface of the table and took Xander's hand, squeezing gently to guide him back to reality.
Xander turned away from the window at last, his one eye shining with unshed tears. He looked down at the box of unappealing nachos and sobbed slightly, "God, I'm hungry." Giles didn't respond aloud; he reached up to wipe away the tear with his thumb, straightened Xander's eye patch and offered one of the nachos with his other hand.
Xander took the nacho, kissing the older man's fingertips afterwards, "I love you," Xander whispered, his voice still full of sadness.
4
The healer had given Xander a nice room; there was a window with a view of the sea right by his bed, a television with satellite - that Giles had forcibly turned off because there were only so many shark documentaries one can watch without going insane – and cheerful bedsheets with patterns resembling some of Xander's favorite shirts. But the biggest difference between this room and the hospital room Giles had visited three years ago was the mood, the overpowering sadness of before was this time replaced with quiet hopefulness. Both men knew that when Xander's gauze was removed this time it would mean he could start using his newly restored eye, but neither was quite willing to acknowledge it yet.
"I guess this is the last time you'll do this," Xander said almost sadly.
"Why ever would that be?" Giles questioned, pausing in his nacho selection.
"I'll be able to do it myself."
"You've been able to eat nachos by yourself for a while now Xander, I do this because I like making you feel better."
"So... They'll still be nachos, even after this gauze comes off?" Xander rubbed the mentioned gauze with one hand.
"Of course," Giles smiled and pressed a kiss to Xander's forehead.
This fic was written for spring_with_xan 2009, over on LiveJournal. I already explained this on my other two spring_with_xan fics, check those if you want the details.