Well, quick A/N: This story is going to be very angsty. Things aren't going to get really horrible til about the 4th chapter or so, but still... Just a warning. Also, I'm going to be looking at Inuyasha's feelings for Kikyo in this story. A lot of people hate her. Sure, she wanted to destroy Inu, but she died thinking the man she loved betrayed her! Gotta give a little slack for that. Anyway, this story won't be bashing her. Which girl will he choose? If, of course, if he still has the capacity to love when the story's done with him.
Each chapter is cut into two main parts- A Kikyo and a Kagome part.
Hope you enjoy: Believing the Loss
Part One:
Kikyo:
I never stop thinking about you.
Kikyo...
Inuyasha woke up with a start. He had been dreaming again. Dreaming of her. She still haunted him. Fifty years at least- granted, he spent them in an enchantment, but they were still there to be counted. His heart was forever aching from the old wounds that their love had created. It would always hurt him; no matter what he tried, he could find no remedy for the ever-present scar Kikyo had left on him. Always, it would remain.
He yawned recklessly, and cracked his back. Sleeping in trees could make one a little stiff. Guiltily, he looked down at Kagome. She had been in his mind a lot lately, too. And she accepted him, just as Kikyo had done. She cared about him, even if she did "sit" him more and more frequently. And she was beautiful; she looked so much like... Kikyo.
Inuyasha turned away from the campfire, facing instead off into the darkness. They were two different girls. Even if Kagome was the reincarnation of the great priestess, she was still her own person. And she thought he didn't realize that. Well, if he ever cared enough to tell her, he did realize it- he very much realized it. Kagome was Kikyo in appearance, and also in soul, but their personalities were so different. Kagome was more stubborn, and not nearly as serious. She got flustered easily, and just blurted out whatever was in her head. She didn't like to talk about "feelings"- and while Kikyo had never been particularly open, she didn't try to cover it up like Kagome did. They were both different women, but they both had his heart.
In reflection, he found that maybe it was never really the girl. Maybe, instead, he had fallen for the soul. It made sense- Kagome was Kikyo's reincarnation; she carried that great soul in a new body. But, of course, she would never see it that way. Kagome was absolutely unreasonable when it came to Kikyo. Even though she tried to act like a martyr and be understanding, she was really angry and jealous. He couldn't help what he did; he wanted to save Kikyo, and he wanted to see her. Why couldn't Kagome accept that?
The situation was a delicate, complicated one. On one hand, he could try and forget about Kikyo, and be always true and loving to Kagome- well, as loving as he could be. On the other hand, he could tell Kagome that he didn't love her, and though he appreciated her help in gathering the jewel shards, his heart would always be with Kikyo. But, on yet another hand, he could keep carrying on as he had been, keeping both of them in his thoughts and his heart, hoping that a solution would just magically present itself. Somehow, though that seemed easiest, it seemed the course of action that would cause the most trouble.
Life... love... It all was a big, disgustingly complicated mess. There weren't that many people who would accept him, being what he was, and finding two girls was a miracle in itself.
"Inuyasha?" A soft voice said suddenly, breaking him away from his thoughts.
"What?" he replied gruffly, keeping his voice low.
"Are you OK? Can't you sleep? Or do you sense something dangerous?"
"I'm fine," he told her sharply. "I... I'm just not feeling tired right now. Go back to sleep, don't worry yourself about me. I can more than take care of myself."
Though she tried hard to suppress it, a yawn pulled open her mouth. "I know you can take care of yourself; you do that plus take care of all of us. You just seemed so restless. I can't help worrying about you, you know."
"Just go back to sleep."
"Whatever. You just have to be so stubborn." She turned away, snuggling into that sleeping thing of hers she brought back from her time. He watched her silently until he was sure she had once again fallen asleep. His head fell back onto the trunk of the tree, memories and old thoughts plaguing him. Things were getting harder and harder to handle. As long as the others didn't notice, he was fine; as long as no one noticed just how distracted he was, he could brood in peace.
XXX-cut scene-XXX
Naraku chuckled to himself evilly; a malicious smile on his face, and an insidious plan in his mind. "What are you so happy about?" Kagura asked warily, "It's not like you to be so giddy."
"Oh don't worry Kagura," he said in an oily voice. "You'll see soon enough; I have another way to get more jewel shards. And you're going to play a part in this too. But of course, it's not like you really have a choice, is it?" He laughed again, in an even more evil way than the first time. "Wouldn't you like to hear this brilliant new idea?"
With a wave of his hand and a glare, he dismissed Kagura, who promptly flew off, knowing that if she didn't do exactly as he wished, he would destroy her. What irony, to be in the control of the foulest conglomeration of demon abominations ever conceived when the only desire she had was to live freely. She wasn't a wind user for anything- she was the essence of the wind itself, and one day she would blow any trace of Naraku away. But until then, she was forced to do his bidding, pressed under the thumb of a tyrannical monster.
"You're going to suffer so much, Inuyasha," Naraku whispered to himself. "I'm going to annihilate any happiness left in your heart. You won't wish for death when I'm through with you; no, you'll wish that you never had to live at all. I hope you remember your nightmares, because you're about to face them once again. I'm going to plunge you all into a darkness that could compare to hell. Enjoy the suffering while you can; I know I'm going to."
Standing up, he slunk out of the room, ready to put this new plan into action. If everything worked out as he expected it to- and it would, of course; he was a master manipulator- then he would be rid of Inuyasha for good. And since he knew Kikyo wouldn't interfere, there was no one to stop him. No one could stop him- no one at all.
Kagome:
The sun woke the travelers up. It's warmth pulled at them, until they couldn't help but open their eyes and face the day. Morning was still new; the ground was wet with dew and the light was bright and low. The atmosphere was unusually quiet, as though the day would be an unforgettable one- terrible, and completely unforgettable.
"Are we ready to go?" Inuyasha asked impatiently. "I can smell something of Naraku's, so he must be close. The sooner we leave, the sooner I can kill him."
"We all want revenge on Naraku," Sango said wisely, pulling hiraikotsu onto her back. "But we could just as easily be walking into a trap. We've got to be ready." She looked off into the direction they were going to be heading in. The direction where Naraku was waiting. Her eyes gained that glassy look of recollection, and everyone knew she was thinking about Kohaku, who still stayed with Naraku, trapped in his commands.'
Kagome was just as anxious as everyone else. And nervous too. Her instincts told her that something was going to happen, and it was going to be something bad. Something horrible. But she didn't know what to expect. And she couldn't tell the others that they shouldn't go. With Naraku that close, so near to finally being defeated, she knew her friends were like rabid wolves after their prey- there was no way they were going to give him up.
Suddenly, she felt a light pressure on her shoulder. It was Shippou, who had jumped up to talk to her. "Kagome," he said seriously- quietly. "I don't like this. I know it's Naraku, but... I think there's something wrong. Am I just being paranoid? Because I'm brave, just like Inuyasha." He puffed his chest out proudly. "I'm a real demon; something like Naraku doesn't scare me." But just as quickly, he took off the act. "But I still don't like this Kagome; I really don't like this."
She smiled at him sweetly. "Neither do I Shippou. I don't know what's going on, or what we're going to find, but I don't like this any more than you do. Something's waiting for us, and no matter how hard I try to beat down this apprehension, I just can't seem to get over this feeling in my gut. He knows we're coming."
"Oi, Kagome," Inuyasha called. "Get that brat and come on. We need to get going now."
"Yeah, yeah, I'm coming."
And with that, they set off, drawing ever closer to their sworn enemy.
End A/N: Well, that's the end of the first chapter. I'm expecting to finish the next soon. Now, I know this chapter was boring, but give it a chance. And like I said, no Kikyo bashing in this story. And don't flame me just because you don't like her. Thanx!
A.D.D.