By the way, this is the original type. I have not changed anything about it. It just helps to show that I really am nuts.
Yoh Asakura, the new Shaman King, stood proudly on his stand of importance. Yes. The stand of importance which signifies his reign as... The superior-being-in-charge-of-all-these-bitches! Yes, Yoh had accomplished more than any man could. He might as well be God. And what would Yoh do with his newfound power? Bring about world peace? Establish a community for those in need? No. What he had planned was bigger. Much, much bigger.
"I'm gonna make the perfect omelet! " Yoh shouted smiling triumphantly.
"Idiot." Ren muttered. "Who else would use the power of the Shaman King to make an omelet?"
"Well, I'm hungry."
"Yoh, you moron!" Anna yelled. You should be using your power to help others! Not make a damn breakfast!"
"Pleeeaaasse, Anna? I'll even dry clean your clothes!"
"Hmm... Add in an all day spa treatment, and you've got a deal."
"DONE!" Yoh shouted happily. He clapped, a boom was heard, and the magical spa fairies took Anna away to the land of comfort and relaxation.
"Wow. That was... strange." Horo looked up watching Anna disappear.
"And now, for my perfect omelet!" Yoh clapped his hands, but nothing happened. "What? What's wrong here!"
Ryu suddenly decided to speak up. "Perhaps the clap feature is broken!"
Yoh looked at Ren. Ren looked at Horo. All three of them nodded. And before Ryu could protest, Yoh clapped his hands and squirted him out of the universe like a watermelon seed. Everyone sighed happily. Except for Lyserg, who was shortly squirted after Ryu. He didn't mind. After all, Ryu would be waiting for him right?
"Where did you send them anyway?" Ren asked.
"Somewhere they can always be happy." Yoh replied.
Meanwhile in the universe of eternal disco...
"All right! Let's get down!" Ryu shouted. A disco light turned on, and everybody started discoing. Numerous girls swarmed upon Ryu, and proclaimed him the disco king.
Meanwhile, in the universe of fantasy...
"Lyserg was surrounded by Jeanne's, and Ryu's. Sighing contentedly, he opened his mouth, allowing a Ryu to drop grapes into it. He was holding two Jeanne's in his arms, and others were at his feet kissing them and worshipping him. They proclaimed him their King.
Meanwhile in the universe of Yoh...
"Disco universe... I never would have thought it existed..." Horo shrugged it off. "Now, back to discovering the reason why your magical shaman powers can't make an omelet..."
"Perhaps we need a female blood sacrifice..." Ren tapped his chin.
"Hah! You're so funny Ren!" Yoh cracked up laughing.
"I'm serious." Ren stared at him. "Horo, where's your sister?"
"WHAT! You'd kill my sister just to make a damn omelet!"
"The perfect omelet." Yoh reminded him.
"You mean you wouldn't like it if I killed her?" Ren smiled. "But she's so damn loud..."
"Point taken, but she's my sister and I say NO."
Ren ran off and returned with a gagged and bound Pirka. "Don't worry, sweet little Ainu. You will be donated to a worthy cause." He smiled happily.
"MMF! MMMF MMMMMMFFFF!" Pirka mumbled.
"I knew you'd agree." Ren raised a dagger above his head and started to mumble a Chinese prayer. He rose into the air and his eyes turned white. Lighting began to crackle, and demons from hell emerged from the ground. (Think exorcist with a twist)
"Uhmmm... Ren, I don't think we need a sacrifice." Yoh frowned, holding Horo back from trying to kill Ren. "You can let her go."
Ren stopped flying in the air, his eyes returned to normal, the lightning ceased, and all the demons were sent down to hell with Tao En, Hao, and those annoying rocking monks. "Damn." He untied Pirka and removed her gag.
"ASSHOLE!" Pirka slapped him, and Ren stared at her speechless.
"No one was ever brave enough to strike me before... I find it attractive..."
Pirka and Ren stared at each other for about 5 minutes, and then pounced upon one another.
"We could make out right now."
"Gasp! Here in the middle of the living room?"
"Why not? It's not like some other author hasn't made us have sex before!"
"I see your point. OK!" Gratuitous making out
"REN! GET OFF MY SISTER DAMMIT!" Horo was about to kill Ren, when Tamao returned from grocery shopping.
"Hello Yoh-sama. Hi Horo-Kun."
Horo, being jealous shouted, "Alright Ren! Two can play at this game!" He grabbed Tamao and started making out with her.
"EEEK! Horo Kun! What are you doing!" Quickly, she became like she always does in Horo/Tamao fics, and started making out even more than Horo would've imagined.
Yoh meanwhile, simply scratched his head and hmmed. "Tamao! Do you have any eggs, cheese, and other various items needed to make an omelet!"
Inbetween having her face sucked off by Horo, Tamao managed to mumble, "Yes...Right in the.. OH! HORO! Right in the bottom left corner of the bag!"
"Thanks Tamao!"
"H-Hai." Was all Tamao got out before she got smothered by Horo. All four of the making out shamans crashed into one another in a heap and ended up mixing up partners repeatedly. (For those wondering, I'm attempting to get every possible shaman king couple that could be made using these four in this scene.)
First, Tamao ended up with Ren, and Horo ended up with... Pirka!
"What the hell! This isn't right!" Ren shouted. "SWITCH!" another fluster of bodies went by.
Now, Pirka and Tamao were making out, and Ren and Horo were making out.
"YAK! HACK! OH MY GOD! SWITCH!" Horo screamed.
Now, all of them seemed to be in a non-sexual making out orgy. Horo, Tamao, Ren, Pirka, and... wait...
"FAUST! What the hell are you doing in here!" Pirka shouted at the strangely placed German necromancer.
"I like orgies. And so does Eliza. Don't you Eliza?" Eliza nodded.
"GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE! PONCHI! CONCHI! ATTACK!" Tamao screamed, siccing her two spirits upon him.
Faust ran into a corner and began making out with his skeleton. Everyone just stared, trying to ignore the scene. Finally, they decided they were too hot and sweaty to make out anymore.
"Group bath?" Horo suggested.
"That would mean getting naked in front of your sister and Ren though!" Tamao noticed.
"So?" Horo asked.
Everybody backed away.
BACK TO YOH WE GO! Hey, that rhymes! (Starts singing) Yoh we go, oh Yoh we go. Yoh we go, oh Yoh we go. AHHHH! (gets attacked by the P.A.B.S 'Persons Against Bad Singing') Anyway, Yoh had managed to produce his master omelet, but something was missing... Something important... It wasn't human sacrifices... it wasn't oranges... So what was it? Yoh sat for a while before it finally dawned upon him! "I know what I need!" Yoh grinned happily. "I NEED SOMETHING TO COOK THIS WITH!" Yoh decided to call Hao's spirit of Flame upon the omelet.
"SPIRIT OF FLAME! I SUMMON YOU!"
Everything within a five-mile radius was burnt to a crisp.
Miraculously unharmed, Yoh thanked the spirit. "Thanks spirit of Flame!" The omelet, also miraculously unharmed was enjoyed by Yoh.
Fin
Epilogue
Ryu, who had inexplicably returned from the universe of disco was extremely hot and sweaty and decided to take a bath. He opened the door to find Horo, Ren, Pirka, and Tamao all in the bathtub cleaning each other off. "Oh...my...god..." Ryu stared at them. "IT'S LIKE A LEMON LOVERS DREAM COME TRUE!" Anna decided to choose this time to return, and beat the living shit out of Ryu. Afterwards, she and Yoh went to a cliff side estate, and had awesome Shamanic sex.
So did Ren, Pirka, Horo, and Tamao.
Lyserg had sex with the Jeanne's, popped himself up on drugs, and had sex with the Ryu's. He then developed aids, and died shortly after. (Sorry Lyserg fans.)
Ryu, never able to get anything during his time with the disco universe ladies, resorted to reading Lemons that were based off of all heterosexual SK couples on developed a rare disease caused by making out with skeletons, cured himself, and repeated this process until Yoh finally revived Eliza.
En, Hao, The Rocking monks, and all the Demons got involved in a bondage club, and did special shows for Satan every Thursday.
Jun, those three chicks from shaman king chapter 61, Ran, The Patch Tribe, and all other Shaman King characters decided to form a revolt against idiots like me, who threaten the peace and tranquillity of their comic.
I sat back and laughed at how fucking stupid I must be to have written this while not being drunk, or on any form of drugs or medication. I really must be insane.
Fin. Again.
AUTHORS NOTES
Yes. I hoped you found this as ridiculous and insane as I did. It began production at 11:35 PM, and ended production at 12:13 AM. Everything is welcome. Comments, questions, suggestions, flames, everything. I shall await your responses. (But... what I DO with the flames is completely different) If I feel like it, I might make another ridiculous story like this... Is this even considered a story? Oh well. Enjoy your day, and if it's evening where you are, get some fucking sleep! Staying up this late might make you write something like this! Don't do drugs, and stay in school! Or don't. I could care less what someone I don't know does.
Notice: Although the author seems like he may be drunk, on speed, or any other form of drug, he assures you it's purely for medical reason. He also assures anyone offended, upset, or angered by this fic, that their complaints will be fed to his dog, shitted out in the backyard, and then eaten again by his dog, thus starting a never ending process that proves, once and for all, flames are worth SHIT.
Disclaimer: For those who actually took the time to read this far without taking my disclaimer threat seriously, congratulations you've earned it. Here it is in big bold letters in Bookman old style font (Which I don't own by the way.) Those five special words...
I DON'T OWN SHAMAN KING!
(fuckers)