JUST ADD TOURNAMENT ARC

Chapter 1: Ginjou vs. Ganju!

"Kubo. Kubo." His editor drew a long puff of smoke, having taken up smoking due to the sheer stress of Kubo nodding but seldom ever following his advice. "Kubo-my friend, my buddy, I love ya to death, do anything for ya-but STOP IT with the mouth shots. It's gotten to the point where I'm kind of worried about you as a person. What is this, like, eight mouth shots in one chapter? I'm even kind of impressed you managed to fit in so many, what with the five pages of basically nothing."

"If I stopped drawing mouth shots, then the entire page would be blank," Kubo objected Zenly.

"Maybe that's a bad sign."

Kubo hung his head, but he took the comment in stride. Yet another editor with no appreciation for his unique brand of capturing emotion.

"Look, the truth is that Studio Pierrot has been breathing holes down the necks of everyone in the office so hard about your, ahem, 'uncooperative paneling,' that I'm surprised we haven't become Hollows yet. And honestly, I'm inclined to agree. You've got to give the anime guys more to work with, man!"

Kubo contemplated this. He'd worked closely enough with Pierrot on Movie 4; were they betraying him now?

His editor watched as Kubo's face turned glum and pouty. Thankfully his JUMP editors before him had managed to stamp down Kubo's nervous breakdowns, but he wasn't so sure this calm, collected Kubo was much better. His editor had finally managed to can Kubo into drafting up a long term plan for the series, but he'd seen how schizophrenically Kubo handled the Fullbringer arc-for which he clearly had at least some plans-when the ratings were headed south, (not to mention the volume sales). It'd turn from a glacially slow buildup of tension to a long stretch of nothing but fights. Suddenly, his editor struck on a brilliant idea.

"You know what, Kubo? Forget the plan. Just do a tournament arc. That way you get to do nothing but fights, you get to involve absolutely every character, and you don't have to worry so much about plot inconsistency (since I know you'll be playing it by ear no matter what anyway)."

Kubo scoffed. He would never surrender his authorly integrity and sell out to such a cliched, too often erratically executed idea.

"It's also an easy ratings boost," his editor added.

"Welcome to bimillennial Soul Society Grand Shinigami Tournament!" blared the soul megaphone; the entire tournament would be commentated by none other than the unforgettable, inimitable Charlotte Cuulhorne, collectively deemed by the higher ups of Seireitei as just the sort of hilarious camp personality they needed to boost ticket sales from zero to about one or two (it was difficult to turn much of a profit without a currency).

The soul arena would have burst into raucous cheering, were it not for the fact that half the people in the stands were half-dead Rukongai beggars who'd only agreed to sign the ICHIGO CHANGED US public relations campaign agreement on the off chance they'd finally die by crossfire. (A gaggle of raggedy old men by the soul taffy concession stand were shooting the barrier-kidou shinigami some particularly dirty looks.)

"The first match up is Ginjou versus... the radical awesome wonderful terrific superb and stupendous GANJU!" Charlotte chortled with a coy little wink. This actually worked the reverse of what he expected, since it filled the combatants with amused whimsy and the audience with a murderous rage. Come what may, they were now clamoring for Cuulhorne's eventual demise.

Ganju was floating on his floaty ball on one end of the arena, grinning to the ears. Damn straight I'm wonderful and terrific, he thought.

On the other end Ginjou was teetering on his bankai, his own grin a smidgen over on the psychotic side of the spectrum.

"The rules are thus: There are none! Fight to the death! The stakes? The loser gets either a mouth to mouth with Unohana (try not to splurt out too much blood!), or gets to finally be free of the cycle of want and join the unknowable afterafterlife. The overall victor gets..."

Anticipatory silence fell over the choked crowd.

"...two tickets to see my one and only one-man special and singalong spectacular, I Envelop You in Darkness: Charlotte Cuulhorne, the Tender Rose!"

"This sucks," said Ichigo flatly from the stands, weaving his head left and right to dodge as the Rukongai residents divested themselves of everything they possessed to hurl it at Cuulhorne. "Do I ever get to enjoy a single fucking day of peace? I knew I should have joined Ginjou," he joked.

"Stop whining, it could be worse," replied Rukia sternly, though not without a trace of a smile. "You could be having to fight Aizen again!" she chuckled evilly.

"And now to oversee the festivities before the momentous first match begins, here comes..." Cuulhorne paused dramatically once more, waiting for the black box at the stadium's center dais to dissipate and shatter. "Aizen Sousuke!"

Rukia didn't miss a beat as she thrust her arm to block Ichigo from immediately falling to all fours.

"How can this beee!" cried Hitsugaya (coincidentally sitting next to Ichigo cough ratings cough), who had frozen Hinamori in a block of ice next to him for her own safety.

Aizen slicked back his hair tendril and took Cuulhorne's soul megaphone, the old ultaconfident smirk having never left his lips a single second of his imprisonment. "Well, the only ones who opposed my application to officiate over the tournament were the pre-slaughter Central 46! And when they temporarily released me for my hearing all the other candidates seem to have suffered the most unfortunate complete and total mind warping."

Something was telling Ichigo Aizen had an ulterior motive, but he couldn't put his finger on what.

"Calm down, Toushirou-kun," said Kyouraku, patting him on the shoulder. "We've got Sousuke pegged with all manner of bugs and reiatsu limiters, the only harm he'll be bring today is to himself."

Hitsugaya sighed, relieved. "Are you absolutely certain?"

"Absolutely. Apart from when Aizen will be participating in the tournament, he'll be harmless as a bunny."

"FFFFFFUUUUUUUUUU-"

GINJOU VS. GANJU: START THE FIGHTING!

"Aren't you afraid?" Ginjou laughed. "I've got all of Ichigo's powers!"

Ganju looked at his fingernails disinterestedly. "Who, that two-bit punk? I eat losers like him for breakfiWHOA SHIT!"

And Ganju was on his feet tearing for dear life as Ginjou streaked across the battlefield like a pinball. Whether Ginjou was batting away at imaginary hidden bugs and sensors, or he was just getting higher and higher on the prospect of lulz, could not be ascertained by Mayuri's dedicated team of observers (though they did manage to jot down that he farted at least twice while he was zipping around like a maniac, and that the farts were redolent of ramen with a hint of speed).

"GETSUGA mmTENSHOUUUUUU!" Ginjou reared up his sword like a baseball pitcher and lobbed the massive energy slash.

"At this rate my fight's gonna be boring," pouted Ichigo.

"Not going to double over in anguish over it, are you?" Rukia teased.

"I'm thinking about it."

"Ganju-kun! Watch out!" shouted Orihime, weeping already.

"...His name is Ginjou," corrected Ichigo, having already utterly forgotten Ganju despite the fact that he was looking directly at him a couple of seconds ago.

The Getsuga collided with Ganju square across the abs and he hurtled back forty yards, smashed like a bug against the translucent barrier for all the spectators to gawk at.

Ganju, far from down and out, simply gave his admirers a thumbs-up and a sideways, broken smile. "Puh!" he spat. "Just as planned!"

The fireworks fell to the floor, fuses lit by Ginjou's attack.

"The more energy you set those fuses with, the EXPONENTIALLY bigger the fireworks!" Ganju clicked a little remote controller in his sleeve and the orb he'd left hovered right back to him and swallowed him up. "I have a feeling I'm going to appreciate the show as much as you guys are, gyahahahah!"

But as Ginjou himself would soon discover, losing three limbs and being on fire did not seem to diminish his own enjoyment of the fireworks. "PRETTY!" he hacked with boyish glee.

ROUND 1: GANJU WINS!

"Wait, why is Ginjou alive in the first place?" it dawned on Ichigo.

NEXT ROUND: STARRK VERSUS ISHIDA