After almost a year of hibernating hiding from my writing, I'm back. Sort of. This is going to be the first one shot in a series of Percico stories that will grow to include at least three others. Enjoy!
Nico had always loved the water. It was one of those things that just was. He didn't even have to be swimming, just being in water, around water, whatever, was nice. He reveled in long showers so hot that the mirrors fogged and so long Hades sent skeleton guards to check if he was still alive and not a prune. Apparently, that was a genuine concern of his father's.
But now it was such a bittersweet thing. He loved it, but Nico just couldn't bear to be near it any more. He loathed himself for it, because even though he was already messed up, he couldn't even enjoy that simple thing. One of his favorite things in the world. Hells, a necessity of life. But the pain outmatched whatever pleasure he acquired. So, no more long showers for Nico.
He sat, knees pressed into his chest, on the warm sand. He was aware that when he got home, the annoying granules would be everywhere. In his swim shorts, which were mostly for show, in his backpack, in his hair, in his ears. Weird places, sand got. Sometimes Nico wondered how it got into his ears. Other times he knew better than to ask.
The water was near-perfect. Rolling waves that were just begging for Nico to jump into them, soft white foam caressing the wet sand, then retreating like it was teasing him. The wind rolling off the waves, a salty breath of fresh air. But above all, the color.
It was the color on cheesy postcards, the color of the most intricate stained glass. It was the color Nico felt when he caught a happy moment. That too-perfect, candy-colored piece of seaglass, formed by the endless waves beating upon the surface. It was his eyes when he smiled, but when the sun caught it just right, it was the color of his eyes when he laughed.
Nico felt like someone was punishing him.
The Seven had been planning a beach day, and Hazel had invited him, but Jason was the one who convinced him in the end to come. In truth, some days it was hard being around him, no matter how close Nico had let him get. That uncomfortable rest in the air that screamed that Jason knew his secret, and that was bad, and he should be running.
Annabeth, Piper, Frank, and Leo were playing volleyball while Hazel watched on, trying to get a hold of the game. Volleyball had been invented five years after she had died, but she was catching on quickly. Jason sat on the sidelines, waiting patiently for Hazel to join the game so the teams would be even when he joined.
But Percy, his Percy- No, he thought forcefully. Not your Percy. He is not your Percy. He's Annabeth's boyfriend. Not yours. And he never will be, so stop thinking like that, Di Angelo. If he even knew, he'd despise you, no matter what Jason said.
Percy still remained in the water. He was just swimming, hanging with the fish. Nico made a half smile. From where he was, it appeared that Percy was having a heated conversation with some angel fish. Nico's eyes slipped from Percy's face down his neck to his chest, resting at the line where skin met swimsuit before shaking himself out of it. He blushed a horrible red, angry at himself for letting his glance slip.
And then Percy was walking over to him.
"Hey, Nico, watcha' doin' over here all by yourself? Volleyball not your thing?" he asked, drying his hair with a towel roughly. His heart skipped a beat. Those beautiful black locks, flopping onto his smooth forehead, dripping water. He must've chosen to get wet this time. Nico was very grateful he had, before he corrected himself. Or tried to.
Then he realized Percy was waiting for an answer. "Not particularly," he said quietly, scooting further into the shade of the umbrella. He liked the sun, and didn't get to see a lot of it, but he would feel awkward being in just swim trunks around people, forget Percy.
"What about the water? Not your style?" he asked, plopping next to him. His heart beat faster. He wanted to scream. Confliction was something that did not suit Nico well, and he felt panicked. Percy was sitting… next to him.
Nico remained silent. Percy laughed, shoving him. "You've got to be kidding. You don't like the water? Come on, that's like the only good part of coming to the beach. You have to come in." Nico's eyes went wide, and Percy laughed. "Yeah, you have to come in. Either that or you have to go play volleyball."
"I really don't want to, Percy." His voice was sharp enough to cut skin, and he even winced at his tone. Percy shrunk back a little, eyes darkening. Oh look, you've made him upset. Can't do anything right, can you, Nico? Can't love right, can't screw up right, can't do anything right.
"It helps, you know," Percy replied quietly, looking down at his feet. Nico's head shot to look at him, startled. "The water. It helps. It relaxes you to the point where you can almost forget it, you know?" His voice was barely a whisper now, but he was all Nico could hear above the rush of blood in his head.
Percy looked broken. Not all the time. He usually looked so strong, so carefree, but Tartarus had snapped something inside the demigod. Nico had noticed it. The way he jumped, a glint in his eyes that was either from fear or his drive to protect. Some days, both. The way his eyes would occasionally flash with this fear; no, not fear. That wasn't a strong enough word. It was the pure terror that still overcame Nico's sleep and woke him up, sweating and screaming.
"Okay." His mouth was moving before his thoughts caught up. Nico couldn't control it. He needed to make Percy happy, he needed that, at least. If he couldn't have him, then at least he could do everything to make him happy. Subtly. His ears burned bright and hot.
Percy smiled, and the brokenness was shielded once more. "Great. Maybe I'll teach you how to surf, eh?" he laughed, slapping Nico's knee as he headed back towards the water. Nico looked once more towards the volleyball game, only to see Jason smiling at him. He made a little motion with his hands, telling Nico to get his butt in the water.
Nico's heart fluttered. This was nothing, this was nothing. He survived Tartarus, he survived Cupid, he had survived everything. This was literally a walk on the beach. But nonetheless, his hands shook as he pulled off his t-shirt and covered himself in sunscreen. The sand warmed in between his toes as he walked towards the water, trying to keep his breathing normal.
Oh gods, he was actually doing this. Percy waved at him, a couple feet out, patiently waiting for him to make the descent into the water. Nico sighed, then took a step into the water. The water wasn't that cold, and he slowly made his ways towards Percy.
"Exactly what part of this is relaxing?" Nico asked, arms folded across his chest. There were a lot of scars there, but the worst part was his scrawniness. He had retained a lot of muscle, and got more with every fight, every training session, but he was struggling to gain back all the weight he had lost. Nico had lost over forty pounds, from Tartarus to the seeds to the war, but so far had gained back maybe ten. He knew it wasn't healthy, but it was hard. Food just didn't settle with him nowadays.
Percy grinned. "We're gonna play with some fish." When Nico shot him a questioning look, he just smiled bigger. Dang, that smile… It melted his heart. Pangs shot through him. No, bad Nico, bad. You're just here to relax, and that's it. Don't focus on the way his hair falls, or the water dripping from his chest… Dammit!
"Just hold my hand until we get there, okay? I can't lose anyone else. Annabeth nearly killed me that time I let go and she, uh, well, nearly drowned." His heart stopped. Hold. His. Hand?! Someone really, really hated him.
Nico took his hand, ignoring how they fit perfectly together. Percy nodded at him, and they plunged under. He formed an air bubble around their heads and they began swimming into deeper waters. "What are we looking for?" Nico asked, trying to come off as casual and not at all panicked.
"There's some hippocampi that are really, really playful. Tyson and I visit them a lot. They like new friends." Percy looked him up and down. "They don't mind, you know. They play with almost anyone." Nico was about to give him a strange look when he remembered; animals normally hated him. Or feared him. Both? Either way, they tended to avoid him. He was used to it by now, but there were some days were he really, really wanted a dog.
"Are you sure? I wouldn't want to bother them…" Nico trailed off. Percy shook his head.
"Yeah, it's cool. They'll love you. Just let them get used to you first. Then we'll play some ball." Before Nico could ask anymore questions, a hippocampus rammed straight into Percy. Their air bubble split in two, one around Percy's head, the other around Nico's. Percy spiraled backwards, laughing.
"Hey, Popsicle, nice to see you too." Catching Nico's eye, Percy explained, "He really likes Popsicles. And no, I do not have any Popsicles on me. Well, that's too bad!" Nico stifled a laugh. A warm feeling spread through his chest, and he tried to shut it down, but it wouldn't. It made his happy, seeing him like this.
Three other hippocampi came swimming towards them and Percy nuzzled and laughed with and hammed it up with all of them. Popsicle slowly made his way towards Nico. He gently pushed Nico, as if inviting him to pet him. Nico slowly put his hand on his back, and Popsicle didn't flinch. He neighed- did hippocampi neigh?- and Nico smiled. Then he laughed. And then he couldn't stop, laughing so hard it brought tears to his eyes. Something wasn't bothered by him!
Something-this creature, this innocent, happy-go-lucky creature actually liked him. He didn't try to run away, he didn't push him away, he didn't try to trample Nico. Popsicle seemed to like him well enough. Nico pressed the hippocampus's head towards his chest, his arms wrapped around it. He grinned wider than he had since, well, he hadn't grinned that wide in a long time.
"Hey, Nico, you ready to play?" Nico nodded, releasing Popsicle. "All you have to do it try to get the ball of seaweed into the goal. It's really simple, but I'm warning you now, Rainbow here isn't afraid of hitting anyone around."
Nico nodded. "Let's play."
Nico was on a team with Popsicle and Perry the Hippocampi, opposite Percy with Rainbow and James (When Nico asked why James, Percy simply shrugged and said he liked the name). It was more than a little hard communicating with his teammates, but they figured out a basic system of communication. One tail swish, yes, two tail swish, no.
They swam, and passed the ball, and shoved into one another rather roughly. It was fun. Nico couldn't keep the smile off his face. He wasn't as fast as the hippocampi or Percy, but he held his own. He was proud of that. Percy's team won, but he was okay with that. They came in an actually pretty close second. He felt his heart beat slowly begin to even out. It was simply right, to be this way. He knew that this, what he was feeling in that moment, was right. Nico di Angelo felt a lot of things, but at peace was rarely one of them.
So course, he had to screw up.
As they celebrated the end of the game, Percy swam towards Nico. His heart began beating way too fast and filled with adrenaline. Percy went in for a high five. But Nico, of course, had to screw up a high five. How do you screw up a high five, some may ask. It's almost impossible. So, of course, he did.
Nico grabbed the hand that was open for the high five and held it, wrapping his other arm around Percy's waist as he pushed them back against the rock outcropping that served as the goal post. Rosy lips met Nico's own when Percy's hit the wall.
Fireworks. His closed eyes saw fireworks, and the nerve endings where he met Percy just simply exploded. His heart beat a thousand times faster, but he felt Percy's heart beat in rhythm with his own. His chest, oh, Percy's chest, it was an anchor. Nico's hand found itself tangled in thick, raven locks.
This happened over the course of twelve seconds. Because, you see, twelve is the limit. Twelve Olympians, Heracles's twelve labors, twelve months in a year, twelve numbers in the Zodiac, and Cinderella had until midnight, the twelfth hour in the later half of the day, to have her happy ending. Nico had twelve seconds before things went back to Tartarus.
Percy pushed him away. And then Nico snapped back to reality.
"What… Why… Nico?" With every word, Nico's heart snapped. It broke, but it wouldn't stop beating at the speed of light. Why wouldn't it just stop beating? In the moment, Nico truly wanted to die, disappear, something that would get him away, anything. He would've jumped into Tartarus all over again. The way Percy was looking at him, not quite with disgust, but with something Nico had imagined and feared and dreamed a thousand times over. He felt sick.
Nico didn't even think: He did. He swam as fast as he could to the surface, thrashing violently to get to the beach. Percy popped up right behind him, but Nico was halfway gone. Shock had slowed Percy down, but it had sped Nico up. Nico ran up onto the surface, ignoring Percy's shouts for him to wait. He ignored everyone else, and by the time he got a foot under the shadow of the umbrella, he was already gone.
He didn't know where he was, but his breathing was labored, and tears dotted his eyes. He had kept in so much, had bottled it all up, and now he was just done. He was done with these, these, feelings, but he couldn't get rid of them. He had tried far too many times to detach himself, to try and not feel, but he discovered that you couldn't fully ever get rid of emotion.
He couldn't stop, why couldn't he stop crying, Gods dammit. It was as if all the pain, and suffering, and everything he had gone through was just coming out. His mother dying, his memory being wiped, the time switch, his sister dying, loving guys, Tartarus, everything. It just came out. And it wouldn't stop coming out until it was done with him.
Sadness, he found, was a hollow emotion. It wasn't an emotion that filled you, that made you want to burst. At least, that wasn't the case with him. He found it hollowed you out until you were just an empty shell. But sadness was every-so rarely just that. That hollowness became home to thousands of other emotions. Occasionally, happiness. Ever so rarely, happiness.
But more commonly, anger. Hate. Guilt. Disgust. Emotions that made Nico want to scream. The sadness wasn't just sadness, no, it was the Mother of all pain, the emotion that made all other pains. It held every other pain in its palm and controlled every single one like sadistic puppeteer.
By the time Nico had pulled himself together enough to slow the tears continuously streaming down his face and somewhat steadied his breathing, the sun was caressing the horizon, the moon kissing the day goodbye. The stars began twinkling, and that's when Nico knew where he was. Of all the places to come, of course his subconsciousness had chosen here. He wasn't sure if it made it better or worse.
His childhood home. Venice. He was in Venice, in the house he had grown up in. He knew that. Part of him wondered how he had shadow traveled that far, but it wasn't exactly secret that powers sparked out of control with strong emotions. So, yeah, it made sense that he had been able to get this far.
Nico looked around the room he was in. This had been his bedroom, hadn't it? The house appeared to be abandoned, but not totally in ruin. It was just empty, so empty. Nico remembered it being lively, and always full. As his memory returned, his ache for his fallen family grew. He would never see any of them again, he knew that. But the memories were strong.
He remembered Bianca swinging him around as his mother cooked in the kitchen. He remembered his little friend, Marco, had it been? He remembered the smell of his mother's pasta sauce, filling the entire house. He remembered goofily getting it all over his face and Maria wiping his face, her touch gentle. Her fingers would caress the side of his cheek afterwards, and Nico would smile.
He stood up, wiping his face with his arm. Where was his shirt? Oh, right, he had left it the beach. He shook his head, trying not to start crying again, but then Nico remembered a beach visit with his mother and sister. It was when he was really young, and they had loved splashing in the water. His breath caught. So many bad things connected to the water, but he just couldn't stay away. He had tried that. Nico was drawn to it, like an addiction. He couldn't simply stay away.
Nico looked at the canals that sparkled in the moonlight, laced with the glow of stars and streetlamps. The water glistened, and Nico had to take a deep breath. He had kissed Perseus Jackson, and his heart, his head, had never been clearer. His nerves still sang with Percy's heartbeat, his heart beating faster even as he recalled it.
Nico had known a lot of pain. He knew grief, he knew heartbreak, and he knew loss. He knew the loss of a loved one, and now he knew the loss of a love he could never have. Nico had thought he had known pain in the silence, Gods, no. At least then he could dream, he could hope, even in his darkest hour when he feverishly wished to not like guys, to not like Percy, that Percy would one day return his affections. His true pain was knowing that it would never be.
Nico turned his back on the canal and towards his abandoned room, sizing it up. With a little bit of work it would be livable. With a little time, he could make his entire house livable again. He leaned against the banister of the window, taking a deep, shaky breath. That would be his task. That would be his distraction.
He would fix up his house.
It had been a week, and the house was in constant mess as Nico tried to fix it up. He summoned skeletons to help him, but even with them, at the end of the day he would fall into bed, exhausted. He hadn't gone into the any of the bedrooms yet besides his own, but that was okay. He was taking it slowly. Nothing wrong with that. He was slowly repairing the house to its former glory.
He went to the marketplace to get food and supplies every other day. Nico's appetite was slowly returning, and while it wasn't great, it was the best he'd been. He was proud of himself. He was getting better. Okay, he still might be… not right and grieving, but that was okay. Nico could breath.
It felt as though he hadn't ever truly left that jar until he came to Venice. He breathed, air went in and out of his body, oxidizing his blood, but there felt like there was a ton of weights resting on his lungs. He struggled to cope, and just after a week, he could already breathe. Nico still wasn't perfect. But he was doing okay.
Nico heard someone knocking at his door early one morning. He got up from the couch, holding his coffee in his hands. He figured it was his young neighbor, Cosimo, asking for a game of catch. He couldn't say no to him. In truth, he reminded Nico of himself before everything happened.
But instead of finding his sweet, eight-year-old neighbor, he found a very relieved Perseus Jackson. He froze, dropping his coffee on the floor. The cup shattered on impact, spraying its contents everywhere, but Nico didn't care. He was too busy looking at Percy. His hands were partially shaking, clothes torn. But Nico zoned in on his face. His eyes, oh, his eyes. They were bloodshot, as though Percy hadn't slept and instead had spent his time crying. Before he could say anything, Percy engulfed him in a bone-crushing hug.
"You're safe," he heard Percy whisper, more to himself than to Nico. Nico couldn't do anything. He was frozen. "You're actually safe." Nico's stomach sank. Percy had worried about him? Of all the people to worry for, Percy Jackson had been worried about him?
Percy ended the hug, now fire blazing in his eyes. "What the hell happened to you? We've been worried sick! Hazel's been out of her mind with worry, and Jason has been searching almost non-stop, and Leo took a break in making a compass of Ogygia to get to Calypso again to try and find you, and we've all been searching and worried sick!"
Nico felt disgust at himself clawing its ugly way up his throat. He had been so busy, trying to make himself, trying to make himself, what? Better? Forget what had happened? He didn't know. But while he was doing that, everyone else- people who he thought couldn't care less for him- were out of their minds with worry. And Percy, oh gods, Percy. He looked wrecked.
His stomach churned, and his mind screamed insecurities at him. Idiot! Useless! Making those who don't even care about you go out of their way to find you! How selfish can you be, scum? Nico couldn't- wouldn't- deny any of it. He was the scum of the earth, he'd known that for a long time. But this just made him feel worse.
"I didn't mean to worry anyone," he said softly, pushing around the remains of the coffee cup at his feet. Nico felt Percy's gaze on him, but he didn't stop. "I just… I needed to breathe. And my subconscious took me here, and I just… I wanted to fix the place up. It was home, once. It deserved at least that much. I know it was just a distraction, but a pretty good one."
His mouth felt unbearably dry, and his voice cracked on the last word. And then Percy seemed to understand. "You mean… This is where you grew up." Nico nodded, not looking at him. Percy leaned against the doorframe. "I'm sorry, Nico. I'm so sorry." Shock rocketed through his body, sparking from his fingers.
"You're sorry?" Percy winced, and Nico realized his tone was sharper than intended. Nico met his blues eyes, his own blazing with anger. "Why on Earth are you sorry? It's not your fault, and it never was. It's always been my fault, don't you get it? It's was my fault Bianca died, it was my fault that Hades trapped you, it's my fault that I fell in love with you, you idiot!" Nico's voice cracked, and tears started blurring his vision. "Don't you get it? It never was your fault. The fault was mine alone." He would've collapsed had he not been leaning on the wall.
Nico wanted to run, wanted to hide, but something kept him ground. His soul had just been bared, why couldn't he run? He watched as the smoldering balls of blue filled with sympathy and confusion. He felt sick. Percy reached for him, but Nico shouldered him away. "Just… Please don't." Percy nodded.
It felt as though something had sucker punched him.. Had he really just done that? His mind was spinning, and he felt sick. Why, why, why had he done that? Like he didn't mess up enough in his daily life. So of course, his mouth decided to- for once -open up and screw him over. But this he knew, wasn't a decision of tongue.
It was a decision of the heart. His heart. It was so sick, and tired, of the pain. The pain of the grief, from losing his sister, his mother. And then the hope, the very beginnings of hope that he could bring his sister back, crushed into oblivion. Tartarus, not just the physical pain, but the mental pain that had taken its toll taken on him. And love. Wasn't love the worst ache of them all? Because you could fool yourself into thinking that, maybe, one day, it could work. When logic showed that it wouldn't.
His breathing grew shallow. The weights had returned.
"How did you find me?" he shoved the words out of his mouth, but that cause physical effort. The weights were crushing. But how had Percy found him? As far as Nico was aware, no one had known where he had lived in Venice. Hades, he hadn't truly known. He had barely remembered the place until he was there. So how would anyone find him?
Percy shifted uneasily. That's when Nico noticed his wounds. He was covered in gashes, some of which were still bleeding. He was favoring his left leg, but it was buckling. A spiral of worry grew inside him. How could he not have noticed his wounds, his pain? Now, looking at Percy's face, the pain was clear.
"Come on in, you can't stay out here with your wounds." Percy nodded, and then tried taking a step. His entire face crumpled like paper in flames. He fell to the ground, holding his leg. He saw the pain in Percy's face flash like lightning. He never admitted that he was in pain until it was dangerous, and sometimes not even then.
Nico picked him up, being as careful as he could and set him down on the couch in the living room. Percy groaned as his back hit the couch. He rushed to the kitchen for some ambrosia and nectar, and ran back to his side. Nico unconsciously stroked his face, only realizing what he was doing when he realized Percy was burning up. Nico grabbed a bowl of cold water and some rags, laying them across his forehead. He then let nectar drip into Percy's mouth, wiping away the drips with his thumb.
He was so sick, and yet he still came looking for Nico. It was obvious that Percy had had some of his wounds for a while, but he hadn't stopped looking. And then he gave the rest of his energy to talk to him, to inform him, to comfort him. Nico's heart hammered. Percy shivered. He was so ill, so injured, and he had just used up the remains of his energy.
Nico didn't leave his side. He replaced Percy's rags, held his hand, stroked his face, fed him nectar, whatever Percy needed. Nico stood by his side all through the night, only pausing to get drinks of water for the both of them and bathroom breaks. By the time morning had come, Nico had hope that the fever was getting close to breaking.
But then Percy started hallucinating. They started out as simple mutterings, nothing Nico hadn't heard the entire night. But then he started thrashing, screaming. The screaming didn't stop. Percy screamed for his mother, for Annabeth, for all of his friends, and, at one point, him. He actually screamed out for him. Nico didn't know what he was seeing, but he could imagine.
It was early evening before the fever broke. Percy hazily opened his eyes, and croaked for water and food. And that's when Nico realized he hadn't eaten in over a day. Neither had Percy. His stomach growled with a ferocity he had not know it capable. He prepared some simple soup, easy on the stomach, for the both of them. He spoon fed Percy, who was still too weak. His wounds had mostly healed, but his main concern was his illness.
Wounds, fine, a little ambrosia and nectar would heal them quickly, within two, three days tops. But sickness was harder. It could only do so much, and wounds were its first priority. So, most demigods just tried really hard not to get sick. But exhaustion, and pushing the body's limits could still give the healthiest demigod a fever.
The day after the fever broke Percy's stomach revolted against the program. He was throwing up almost everything Nico tried to give him. He rested when he could, but Percy was constantly vomiting or dry-heaving. Nico routinely cleaned him and fed him the simplest of things, no matter how much vomit he had to clean up. Spoonfuls of soup, sips of water, and the occasional bite of toast was all Nico got that day.
He had been up for three days- or was it four days now?- straight, and Nico's eyes were starting to droop. But he had to take care of Percy. Nico knew that making himself sick wouldn't help Percy, but he couldn't bear to leave him alone. At that point, he was too weak to shadow travel, and no one would come to the Mare Nostrum on such short notice, or just in general.
Nico slept for seven hours hours before he awoke to Percy's dry heaving. Guilt stabbed his gut, but he had been exhausted. He still was. But Percy was sick, and he couldn't let him suffer. Nico wiped the sweat from Percy's brow, gazing into blue green eyes that were glazed over with sickness. Percy was getting better, but Nico didn't want to leave him alone. He was protective, overly so, yet he couldn't make himself leave his sea prince.
Day five was when Percy could handle more solid foods. His eyes were still empty with sickness, but he insisted Nico sleep. So he did. After making sure that Percy had enough of everything he could possibly need. The rest was much-needed, and he definitely overslept. But it was needed.
When he woke up, Percy was calmly crunching on an apple and watching cartoons. "Hey, Nico," he said softly. "Sleep well?" Nico pulled himself off the opposite couch, examining his surroundings. Percy looked much healthier, with the rosy flush in his cheeks back. He was a little thin, but in all he was healed.
"How long was I out?" Percy shrugged.
"You were asleep when I fell asleep, and then when I woke up. So I don't really know. But you need to eat. You must be starving. You didn't eat a lot, did you?" Percy looked down at his feet. "When you were taking care of me, I mean?" Nico nodded. "Thanks for that. No, I mean, like, no, I just wanna say thanks. Really. Thank you."
"It was no problem." His voice was hoarse. Damn, he needed a glass of water. And food sounded good. Nico rose on shaky knees. "I'll make lunch. It's lunchtime, right?" Percy nodded. "Great." Before he ducked into the kitchen, he paused.
"Percy?" His head snapped towards his. "There's a prism on the fireplace, and a few drachmas next to it. You might wanna call your mom and Annabeth…" Nico trailed off. He should've called Camp Half-Blood, or his mother, or someone before now. It had been almost a week, if not more, since Percy had found him. And if what Percy had said was true, then Percy had been gone for almost two weeks.
Percy nodded, standing up and leaning on the wall for support. At Nico's concerned look, he shrugged it. "I'm fine. Thanks, Nico. I'm gonna… I'm gonna go outside. Eat without me, if need be. Just save something for me." He nodded before ducking into the safety of the kitchen. He cooked, and he cooked a lot, but if you asked him what he was making, he wouldn't be able to tell you. He was on autopilot while his thoughts wandered.
Nico could hear bits and pieces of Percy's conversations. His mother, worrying and scolding him, Grover, who was playing the panflute, Chiron, who made sure he was alright, and countless others. But the worst was hearing his conversation with Annabeth, because right then his hearing suddenly decided to sharpen to hurt him that much more.
"Hey, Owl Face." A shriek.
"Percy! Where have you been? The last time you were gone this long, you went to Ogygia." Nico remembered that. He pushed the emotions down, or tried to.
"I, uh, I found Nico. I got sick, and he's been taking care of me."
"And he didn't bother to Iris Message us?" Her voice was cold, and Nico couldn't help but wince. She wasn't wrong, but his main concern had been Percy. If he had left him alone, at the wrong time, Nico might've not been able to help him.
"He had been a bit busy saving my life," Percy said quietly. "I think that if the opportunity had come for him to take a break, he would've used it on himself. Gods know he needs it. He barely ate that entire time, always making sure I was okay. I doubt he slept more than twice."
Annabeth was quiet a moment. "I just… I missed you. We were worried something had gone wrong."
"Like what?"
"Well, it's obvious Nico is a bit… unstable. We were worried you found him, but things had gone south for you." The unspoken words were just as evident as the ones spoken: She thought Nico was a danger. To him. To her. To himself. Hot bile started forming in Nico's throat.
His head rushed with blood. All he could ear, over the flow of blood, was that damned word. Unstable. Unstable. Unstable. UNSTABLE. Her accursed voice, over and over and over again. Nico really, really hated that word. It was just one of those words that he couldn't take.
It wasn't exactly secret that he wasn't perfectly fine, but Nico knew he wasn't unstable. He was stable enough, and he had been getting better. His blood boiled, and he leaned against the wall. Unstable? Nico was a lot of things, a lot of bad things, but he wasn't unstable. He was off balance, yes, but he wasn't unstable. He could control himself. Right?
"He's not unstable!"
Oh Gods, the certainty in his voice was undeniable.
"Annabeth, look what he's been through. He's far from unstable, but he's not perfect. Hades, if anyone was perfect after everything he'd gone through… I wouldn't think they were human. He took care of me. He didn't have to, but he did everything, and more, to make sure I was okay."
A pause.
"We didn't know. We assumed the worst. I'm sorry. You said yourself, Nico hates you. Can you blame me for worrying that his hate had gotten the worst of him?"
Nico heard something shatter, and then realized it had been the plate he was washing. His hands were covered in blood. Huh. That must've cut deep. That's a lot of blood. How much blood could the human body hold? A gallon, roughly, wasn't it?
His heart started caving in, and Nico ignored his cuts. He couldn't focus. Hatred. Hatred. What a funny thing? What was hatred? What was the one thing, the one person, Nico di Angelo truly hated? It was sure not Percy. He loved him. He didn't hate his father, or the seven, or the gods. He didn't like some of them, but he couldn't hate them. There was only one thing he truly hated, that got anger swelling up in his empty shell so fiercely that he felt, if only for a second, he wasn't hollow. That one thing?
Himself.
He blanked on the rest of their conversation, and then suddenly Percy was in the kitchen with him, concerned and fussing over him. "Nico, are you okay?" Percy asked once he fixed up his hands. "Neeks?" He called him Neeks. Nico sort of registered the nickname, that Percy Jackson had given him a nickname.
And then he was crying.
Nico had breakdowns before. They weren't anything new. But this, this was something different. It was the Breakdown. Nico just sort of went on autopilot, but he couldn't get off of it. He tried. But the only thing he could barely control was his body. His mouth acted as though it was possessed. The same phrases, over and over, with little variation.
He was so aware of everything, but he was trapped in this mode that wouldn't switch off. Percy kept speaking to him, at him, but it made no difference. Nico stared down the face of Grief and lost. He was breaking.
He was aware of Percy holding him, whispering calming nothings into his ears. His lips and tongue grew tired and dry, but they never slowed. He shook, and tears continuously flowed. Nico felt ashamed, bared. He felt as though someone was seeing him at his worst, and someone was. And it wasn't just anyone.
It was the person he cared for most.
Nico knew, plain and simple, that the phrases spilling from his lips were the root of his problems. The root of his pain. It was subconscious knowledge, one he didn't let himself every fully acknowledge. Hearing it out loud, having it forced out his lips, hurt so much.
"Everyone's gone, and I can't save them, I can't save anyone, I couldn't save Bianca, I didn't say goodbye, why didn't I say goodbye, it's my fault, it's all my fault, and I hate it, I hate that you blamed you when it's my fault, it's all my fault, I can't save anyone, and I love you, I love you so much Perseus Jackson, but everyone's dead and it's all my fault," Nico sobbed, over and over and over.
Percy didn't stop holding him.
Once Nico calmed down enough to stop his mouth, his voice was far past croaky. His eyes watered, and his hands had bled through the bandages Percy had placed on them long ago. He was in week old, probably older, pajamas covered in blood, tears, and various stains. He was at rock bottom.
"Hey, Neeks," Percy said softly, gently stroking his hair. "I can't change the way you feel, but I can't change the facts. It wasn't your fault. None of it was. You're just a victim. You've paid more than you've received, but none of it was your fault. Bianca loved you, so much, Nico. You could see it from the start. And she would be so upset to see you blaming yourself."
Nico nodded, head in his hands. He didn't trust himself to speak, fearing triggering the vigorous cries. He felt deft hands massaging his head, and for once, he didn't shy away from the physical contact. Nico allowed himself to stay.
"And Nico?" His voice was uncertain, and his spine froze. He couldn't move. "It's okay to like guys. A lot of people do. Hades, a lot of demigods do. Don't beat yourself up about that. It helps talking to people. Talking helps with a lot of stuff." Nico nodded, ears burning.
Percy sighed, holding Nico to his chest as he leaned back. "Sleep, okay?" Nico nodded, snuggling into his warmth. He was so tired. So damn tired.
So, he slept.
When he woke up, the sun was streaming through the windows and he didn't know where he was. Nico wasn't in his bed, and he was laying on something unfamiliar, and it kept moving, and, wait, was he laying on someone? And then it all came rushing back to him. Panic attack. Annabeth. Percy. Shame flooded his system, and all he felt was drowning sensation. Had he really told Percy he loved him? Er, again, and this time Percy wasn't on the verge of dying?
Nico stumbled up. He had to go, he had to get away, get out… But then he looked back at Percy. He was splayed, half on the floor and half against the couch, drool falling out of his mouth. Huh. He really did drool in his sleep. Nico studied him. It was kind of cute, when he thought about it.
Nico sighed. He couldn't leave Percy alone. He wanted to stay with him. So, Nico decided to be productive until Percy woke up. His house was kind of a mess. So, he cleaned. He did a lot of cleaning, being as careful to not wake Percy as possible. Until he realized it would take nothing short of Gaea waking to get the young hero up. Well, not so young any more.
Percy was twenty years old, soon to be twenty-one. Nico was seventeen. If he felt old, then he could only imagine how old Percy felt. Then again, he was technically older by a lot of years. But they were aged well beyond their years.
Once he finished cleaning, he showered and laid out some clothes for Percy. Nico sighed with relief at being clean. He had more than his fair share of stubble and shaved it off. He got dressed in clean clothes, eager to get out of his dirty pajamas. Nico rebandaged his hands, wincing as he cleaned them.
He decided to make breakfast. They never ate lunch yesterday, did they? His stomach growled. Food sounded great. Nico was starving. He made blueberry pancakes, and not just because they were some of Percy's favorites. Okay, maybe slightly because of that, but not fully! He actually did enjoy them.
By the time Percy woke up, Nico had just finished the last of the pancakes. "Get in here! Breakfast is ready, and it's gonna get cold if you wait." Percy shuffled into the room, rubbing his eyes. "Sit." He complied and then started shoving food in his face.
"S' 'eally 'ood!" Percy said with a full mouth, syrup dripping from the corners. Nico resisted using his thumb to clean it off.
"Uh, you got a little." Nico motioned, and Percy wiped his mouth with his napkin.
"Thanks. And thanks for making all of this, man. It's really good."
"No problem." Nico tried to ignore the fluttering, warm feeling in his chest. Awkward silence built up, and they had almost finished all of the pancakes before anyone said anything.
"About yesterday…" Percy began, taking a sip of his juice. He avoided eye contact with Nico. "I just… I'm sorry, Neeks. I'm so sorry."
"It's not your fault," he replied as calmly as possible, trying to ignore the pain in his chest. He took a sip of juice to help the shards go down easier. "I love you, and you don't love me that way. Can't help it, you know? So let's just forget it." His voice cracked on forget, and he wasn't proud of the fact he couldn't tell lies to him.
Percy's eyes flashed with concern. "Neeks, I'm not going to forget it. I wouldn't forget it, if I had the chance to." I would, Nico thought darkly. Percy gave him a smile. "And you'll always be a friend, okay?" His words were chosen carefully, and they both were aware of that. Nico nodded. "Great."
Nico took a large gulp of his juice.
He knew that he would never stop loving Percy. It was just one of the things he knew were, like the sky was blue and the moon wasn't made of cheese and that he would never end up with Percy. And that, well, it wasn't okay. But he could live with that. Couldn't he? Percy wanted him as a friend. And Nico could accept that. He could accept friendship.
Right?
"And, uh, I didn't tell anyone. About… Why you ran away. I think Jason suspects something though, cause he kept glaring at me and asking if there was anything I wasn't telling them. So, no one knows. Well, I know, but I haven't told anyone else, if you were wondering. But I know that everyone would be cool with you outing, it may even help you get closer to the others," Percy blabbered, obviously uncomfortable. Copious amounts of relief washed over Nico.
"Thanks. Uh, Jason already knew. Cupid kind of outed me at Split, and, uh, he knows. He's tried to get me to tell you a bunch of times. I guess he just thought I told you and you had laughed in my face or something. He's a bit overprotective of me sometimes." His face flushed a deep red.
"Oh." More awkward silence.
"So, how did you find me?" The question that had been nagging at Nico's brain for the entire… Had it been two weeks? A week and a half? He didn't know.
"Leo managed to get your location down to Northern part of Italy, but couldn't pinpoint your exact location. So I volunteered to shadow travel with Mrs. O'Leary and just sort of look around. I had to send Mrs. O'Leary back to camp after the third empousa attack, and then I remembered you saying you grew up in Venice. So, I got a boat and just sort of knocked around. Your little neighbor, Cosimo, finally pointed me in the right direction. And then I was here," Percy explained. Nico nodded.
"So, uh, when should I take you back to camp?" He didn't want to ask, hated it, in fact, but Percy needed to be back with his friends. They all missed him. And Percy couldn't stay with him. Nico looked around the half-finished house. There was still a lot of work for him, but it was doable.
"Whenever you can. You should probably rest up, though. Shadow traveling still takes a lot out of you. Tomorrow?" Nico nodded.
"Tomorrow."
After spending yesterday watching Italian television shows until Nico got tired of translating and Percy got tired of not understanding, they decided to spend their last day touring Venice. They tried not to act awkward, and after a little bit, it wasn't. They were just two friends, having fun. Percy acted like such a doofus, and it made his heart flutter. Nico had to catch himself at more than one point so he didn't kiss Percy. It was still a good time. Nico took him to all of his personal favorite spots, the ones he remembered. It was weird, walking around. So much had changed, but it was still Venice. It was still His City. Just like New York was Percy's. Venice was his home.
By the time it was time to go, they had been to only a quarter of Nico's favorite spots. "Next time," he promised Percy.
Percy gave him an odd look. "You mean… You want me to come here? Again?" The disbelief in his voice made Nico snort into his hazelnut-chocolate gelato. Percy had gotten some blue colored gelato, and it was all over his face. Nico handed him a napkin, and Percy viciously wiped at his face. He tried not to snort.
"Of course. You still have to show me New York, and Hazel likes it when I'm around people. So, duh." Nico felt a smile stretch across his features. "You're pretty good company, Percy." Percy smirked.
"Well, duh!" They chuckled, Nico trying to ignore the golden fluttering in his chest.
"So, I figured I'd just drop you off then come back here or something-"
"No," Percy interrupted. "You're not isolating yourself again. Stay at camp for a bit. Please? I don't like the thought of you spending so much time alone. I'd like to keep an eye on you, for at least a little while." His eyes shone bright with hope. "Please?"
Nico sighed, looking at the water. It always began with water, didn't it? This entire experience had began with water, no, beyond that. Percy was water. And Nico couldn't resist him. He nodded. "Sure, whatever." He pulled Percy inside the house. A lot of progress had been made, but he had a lot to do. "Ready?" Percy nodded.
"Ready."
And then they were at camp, and Nico was on the ground. He had done a complete faceplant, getting a mouth full of dirt. Nico quickly got up, brushing himself off. Percy stood next to him, taking in the site of kids training, the smell of sweet strawberries. Unlike Nico, Percy seemed right at home among people.
"Camp, sweet camp!" Percy grinned. "Come on, let's go tell Chiron we're back and that you're staying." Percy grabbed his hand, and Nico followed him. Just as he always would.
In the end, Nico ended up staying at camp every summer, teaching swordplay and Greek, along with any other languages the campers wanted to know. He discovered he had an affinity for languages, and reveled in it. After five years at the camp teaching, he had learned the basics of most of the Romance languages, if not beyond, and was on his way to learning more.
In the autumn of every year he would head to Camp Jupiter to spend a few months with Hazel and Frank. It didn't hurt California was beautiful in the fall, but so was New York. He ended up visiting Camp Half-Blood often, whether it was for an emergency or a pleasure visit.
In the winter he'd stay in the Underworld for the most part, although he'd drop in at the camps whenever he pleased. Hades was always on his back, but they'd come to an uneasy truce. Nico knew that Hades preferred Bianca. He did too. But they were what they had, and they had a closer relationship than most of demigods to their parents. There were days where they had to get away from each other, and those days sometimes turned into weeks, and once, almost a year.
But his favorite time of the year the spring. He spent it in Venice, working on his house and just enjoying life. Percy would visit him when he could, and Nico sometimes brought friends home. Venice was his calm place, his sacred place. Nico was content there. He wasn't fully alone. He knew that now, but he still struggled to keep that in mind all the time. He still had his bad days.
Hazel and Frank had twins, a boy and a girl, named Emily Mary-Louise and Martin Seth Zhang. They were both beautiful children, nearing their second birthday. Emily was his godchild, and he found himself visiting New Rome more and more to see his niece and nephew. He adored them, and Hazel and Frank used that adoration to get him to babysit and visit them more.
Annabeth and Percy got married two years ago, and Annabeth was pregnant. He was surprised they had waited so long, but he was glad for it. He had time to prepare himself. Nico had made himself go to the wedding, and tried not think about how he should have been the one walking down the aisle to Percy. For the most part, he contained his affections. He even had had a serious boyfriend for almost three years before they broke up.
He had come out slowly, starting with Hazel and going from there. They were all pretty cool with it, although Leo still made jokes about it. He never stopped making jokes, and Nico didn't mind. It made him feel more relaxed. Once they knew, he started making more and more bonds with people. It was good for him.
But Percy was always there, always in his heart, and he always would be. Nico knew it. But he was content with that. He had made his peace.
So when Percy invited him to a reunion with the Seven, Nico didn't even have to think. He said yes, and when he got there, he was happy. He hung out with his niece and nephew and his friends. He even played some volleyball.
In all, it had been a good Beach Day.
I hope you enjoyed, and please leave a review if you have any requests, comments, or concerns.