Title : Summer Solstice Fiesta
Content : Well, a stupid parody, everybody's gone crazy, and is acting... strange. Very random.
Thanks to Mr.Riordan, owner of these freaking characters and universe, for creating them, and to Elliot for reviewing my story.
Summer solstice fiesta, here!!
With a bunch of little rabbits playing in a bunch of flowers, below a bunch of little birds flying and smiling happily… That is hung to the entrance of Kronos's...flat in Tartarus.
Well, let's say even Kronos the Evil can go back to childhood. But his fellows Titans…
"Champs-Elysées Avenue – you have to pay, Iapetus."
"Yeaaaahhhhh dudes! I'm wining!!!!" And he threw the Monopoly game through the room. Yeah, Kronos enjoyed his little party.
"Whoa, brother, it's the third time in like ten minutes… Don't do that."
"You suck, Hyperion... Just jealous 'cos I'm beating your ass off!! I rock at Monopoly. And hand me another beer."
"Who chose that French version? Shame, can't even cheat decently… With them Euro-I-don't-know-what money…"
"I can. As usually at least, hehehe. My beer, man, and a drac too, you lost."
Oceanus reluctantly took a golden drachma in a leather wallet on the shelves.
"Hey, that's a false one!! Dirty thief!!"
"Kronos! Stop strangling your brother!! Don't get me mad."
Who'd have ever said that the Evil Kronos himself would try to do the "little-puppy-eyes" at his mother?
"But, Mother... He tried to give me a false drachma. He's a thief."
"More than you can imagine, dude. I bet it was your pouch, and -"
"WHAT!! I was saving that money to buy the last Pokemon deck, with the collector DVD and Pikachu's figurine. I love Pikachu, he's so cute, and the way he says "Pika Pika", and…"
"I. Don't. Wanna. Know!!! I'm going to a little party at Hera's palace. Be nice." Gaïa's image faded as the Iris message ended.
"OK, so now's the Oldie's left, MUSIC!!!"
"Take care of my HI-FI. It's a gift from Rhea, and you know my wife, and…" He could not finish, being cut off by Led Zeppelin sound max.
That's when he heard it.
"My Lord. My Lord!"
Stupid Luke. Couldn't he wait?
"I found the perfect plan to overthrow Olympus and you stupid Olympian sons. Lemme explain."
"Oh shit…." Only a mutter…
XXXXXXXXXXX
Zeus, Hades and Poseidon. The Big Three. What were they doing? Hades had left to a private thing with his brothers. No disturb. Strange.
Pleasure of gossip, let's see what they are doing...
"Hey!! Who finished the vodka? Not fun, dudes, you can't imagine how difficult it was to get it. Hera's so difficult with alcohols…
" 'Brooooot!' Better when out, eh? Anyway… Sure, Amphitrite's the same. "No alcohol at my house." "But, darling, it is my own palace…" "I don't mind! And go washing the dishes! A Sea god like you has to do it. And do it properly this time! And wash your hands before!"
"Could we go on our little poker game, now? I was wining I guess…"
"I should have brought more drachmas. And put your feet off the table, Hady, you'll dirty up my cards."
"I won't. And my feet are cleaner than yours, man. And don't call me Hady, Zeus, or I'll tell Mother Rhea how you call her when she is not here..."
"Bastard trick, that... You wouldn't dare, Hady..." Poseidon had managed to stand up, half drunk, and went hand another beer in the opened fridge, already full with bottles and ... bottles' content. And vomit."
"Are not!! I use the new Lesbos soap, which destroys 99.9 of the bacterium."
"HA! Mine's 99.99! And it smells lavender. Wanna try?"
"Erk no!! Musta got really much bacterium, with only 0.001 left and such a cadaver smell. Hey wait! It's your personal smell! Anyway... What's up with the music, brotha'? Sex Pistols back!"
"You uneducated brats don't even know who Mozart was…"
"Sure I do! The most famous punk group in USA around the 1960's."
BAAAM! That was Poseidon, completely drunk now (yeah, a few beers - not even more than a dozen, and half a vodka bottle, and Hades's special guts-twister cocktail - and he's already drunk... Poor god.) who had tried to go change the music himself, rolled on the empty vodka bottle, and fallen on the floor. He was now trying desperately to stand up, searching help around the poker table's corner.
BLAAAAAAM! The table had not been strong enough. Cards flying everywhere, and Zeus standing among the remnants of the table.
"WHAAAAA!!! My 2001 Poker Tour table!!! It was a gift from Auntie Tethys, she'll kill me… Someone go take Flashy!!"
"Flashy? And for Auntie Tethys, you're right, bro'. You're dead…"
"Yeah, his little plastic lightning bolt. He can't sleep without it."
"DAD?!!?"
For a reason we don't know (yet), Percy and Dionysus were both looking at the three gods, all completely drunk and collapsed among scattered cards. Iris message…
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
"Percy! You waited at the Big House. At once I guess. There might be something new about Luke, they looked unusually excited."
"Why would they like to see me in particular?"
OOO
"Ah, Peter Johnson. Our fourth player." Mr.D took a card game and dealt it.
"Your what?"
"Pinochle. I'm sure you little brat know that. The hor – I mean Chiron and I were playing with that satyr – Grover waved silently at him, looking terrorized, or was it because he was trying to eat an old reed pipe, or just because he didn't want Chiron to know that he was looking at his game, or all those at a time? - , and I wanted another player. Here you are."
"But I can't…"
"Don't worry, you'll know pretty fast." Chiron looked extremely pleased with himself, and had a big amount of gold in front at him, that Dionysus's eyes couldn't leave. "At least if you are better at that than at my Latin tests... Remember? Fs and Fs, and a E when Grover helped you. Even Heracles had better marks, and he was not very clever. Well, not clever at all... Even you would not try to use the WC-unblocker as an arrow... Anyway, forget that. Let's see me wining again!"
"I opened the game those Stale brothers gave me for ruining my Ferrari last week."
"So, make your announce, men."
"Stupid horse…," mumbled Dionysus.
OOO
"And here! I win! Again! Ha, you're so big dumbs, don't reach my ankle at Pinochle. At nothing at all in fact, I'm so clever."
"But, I…"
"Don't be jealous, Percy, I won I won, that's all, your little attarded demigod brains can understand that at least, or can they?"
"I have four ases…"
"WHAT? But you can't! That's impossible! I – you - …"
"The problem I just that they…"
"Don't be silly, boy, you won you won, that's all. Nothing his over sized centaur ego can't understand."
"Weren't we playing pinochle, guys? Not poker. You all dirty cheaters, obliged to beg for a wining hope. Whereas you know it's impossible."
"Stupid horse! Can't you be a loyal looser at least once in your useless life?"
"Shut up, you alcoholic lecherous under grown god!"
"I'm sure Hephaestus would be pretty mad at you, you know. I still have got those pictures, at that party, in -142, with you and Aph. disguised as Adam and Eve..."
"So you wanna me tell your little daddy what happens during your "top-private" "Wine parties"? When everybody's got drunk - ten minutes, but you make the average lower, just need ten seconds, time to open a bottle - and clothes out?"
"Let's just ask "my little Daddy" for our cards problem, okay? Even if he barely ever touched a card in his life, and would be mad at me for even saying "poker" in front of him, he was always wise, and so master of himself. Peter, you call him!
"OK, then…" Percy left his game on the table. All the cards were the same ases…
He threw a golden drachma in the sky, that rebounded slowly on the grass.
"Er… I need a rainbow. Oh, thanks. Goddess, here's your coin, now show me Zeus, Lord of the Sky, master of - "
"Couldn't say "please", you dirty 'censured' ?" Iris looked plainly angry.
"DAD?" Both Percy and Dionysus…
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
"… and this how you'll be able to disguise as a plastic bath duck and enter Zeus's bathroom, and drawn him in his bath until he gives you the ruling of Olympus. Oh, I am so clever. My plan sounds even better today than last night. My intelligence keeps growing. Not like those stupid little mortal brats. Wait... I am mortal too... But so higher than them, so intelligent. And evil. Don't forget the "evil" part, they always do. Jealous. All jealous because I am a so intelligent human." Luke looked very pleased with himself.
"Leave. Now. Far." Kronos looked very bored. "Sniff? Sniff sniff? Hey, guys, what a' ya doin'? Not starting a smoke without me, are you?"
"AAAAAAAAAH!!!! My secret reserve of cigarettes! How did you find it?"
"Well, we were just jumping on your bed, in order to know who could reach the light bulb and imitate Tarzan, and then your pillow was ripped off, and in it was…"
"And Mom who forbids us to smoke... Remember this time when we had some growing among her flowers?"
"Sure, she went nuts. And, Coeos, when you wanted to check that she was really immortal..."
"I was young... I think she didn't like the scorpion in the bed."
"You do? I was sure it was when Iapetus put rotten veggies in her tomato soup, she went as red as it, and Kronos told her. He hasn't changed..."
Mom, yes. How is her party? Let's sneak into Hera's palace.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
"So, mates, who's got the Ricard? And chicory liqueur? Right. Now, the almighty mistress of Nature will make a little cocktail you've never known about."
"Great. A little distraction in our strip-poker…" Aphrodite was collapsed on the floor, already drunk, completely naked, and smelling like she had already puked once or twice during the party.
"Don't you wanna try that? I found it once in your garden, Gaïa… Looks like grass. Maybe smoking?"
"Gimme that. I'm a nerd at this stuff. Well, at anything else too." Athena took it, lit it, puffed twice, and then rejected her head back, not without hitting hard the wall behind.
"Fucking wall!! I'd say it is from Morocco. This little fruit taste, rough though, yeah, Morocco, Far West of the country. Planted in … 2004. - 'Another puff' - Sun all the day, from 6.AM to 11.PM. Around 83°F. Rain twice in the year… Not much to say…"
"Oh shit! I said I'd be back an hour ago. Hady's gonna kill me…"
"Don't worry, darling… Have fun once in your life. He'll wait a little…"
"But…"
"I said: stay here. Got it?" Hera locked the door and threw the key into the closest Beer bottle. Tried... She was pretty drunk too…
I know, totally useless and stupid, but I had fun writing it. I like this random heavy humor... Hope you will enjoy your reading... Read and review, please? Or tell me what you think of it, at least.