Loss leaves us empty - but learn not to close your heart and mind in grief. Allow life to replenish you. When sorrow comes it seems impossible - but new joys wait to fill the void.

– Author unknown

"You're cold inside."

My little sister mumbled these few words before she fell asleep. I don't suppose she knows how much those words hit me. I was more than just a little surprised.

I've been trying my best to keep my innermost feelings to myself, to show her that life still goes on even though both of us have lost so much over the past few years. I've tried to be a sister and an ersatz Mom and I dearly hope I've done a good job so far.

But it's hard.

The two of us have been on our own for almost five years now. Our parents were killed when the first wave of Yuuzhan Vong entered our galaxy. They had been on vacation and I remember telling them to enjoy themselves since they hardly ever left to be on their own.

They never came back.

Ti'ana and I ended up as refugees when our home had been evacuated. Months turned into years until we were finally able to settle down and watch from afar, as the Vong threat was neutralized.

And we've lived in peace ever since and I'm utterly grateful to finally be living a half way decent life. But hearing my ten-year-old sister say I am cold inside…

It's an indescribable feeling – because she's right.

I've tried my best to keep everything bottled up inside; I guess I wasn't doing a good enough job.

Considering that she's everything I've got left, considering that our entire family's been wiped out and considering that the place we once called home is destroyed, I'm not surprised that the coldness is slowly but surely seeping through.

My current mood matches the weather outside. There's a storm raging in front of my window. I'm enjoying watching a silver stream of water running down the streets, listening to the rain hammering away against the transparasteel. The wind's howling, blowing up dirt and debris, twirling it around in the air.

Sometimes I get the feeling that this is the planet's way of expressing itself. It's a silly thought, I know, but what if rain was its tears? The wind its way of telling us to back off a bit?

I'm trying to pass the time and I'm babbling again. I'm not good at expressing myself with words. This is my first try at a journal and I suppose I'll just have to see how this turns out.

Someone once told me it would be very interesting to read the pages in a few years, smiling at the written words and shaking my head in amazement at what had bothered me when starting this journal.

Instead of dwelling on the past, I'll look ahead into the future. There's still so much out there that we haven't seen yet and I promised Ti'ana that I would try to show her everything her little heart desires.

To do so I have to find a decent job. And there's nothing here on this barren rock. I applied for various jobs on Denon and I have an interview in a few days.

Ti'ana is so excited to leave for space again. When she's old enough I'm sure she'll do something with space ships or the like. She's fascinated by the stars, by the black endlessness of space.

Just like our father.

I'm hoping Denon holds more for us. Maybe then we can start forgetting about the war – even if only one step at a time. My main goal is for Ti'ana to live normally.

It can't be that hard to give to her what she deserves, can it?