IT FELT LIKE HELL. Being away from Teddy felt like absolute hell. Victoire had fallen into a routine of sadness; staring longingly into an empty space, and thinking up different scenarios in which she would feel her heart ache with pining.
Sometimes she hated that Teddy was two years older than her. Born in the middle of a war her parents and her aunts and uncles bravely fought; also a war where he lost his parents. Victoire wished he could have been born just the same year as she was, for that would mean that he never lost his parents in the first place and they would never have been apart for way too long.
Being away from Teddy felt like she was missing a huge part of her —though it was cheesy, and almost a little too sappy for her taste— it was the truth. They had been best friends ever since Victoire was born (even if Teddy stated at the age of two that she looked like a raisin) and had been attached at the hip ever since Victoire could walk.
Needless to say, it was a lot of adjustments to make in just a single year. And she hated how she had to do this for at least another year.
The thought of her N.E. next year was enough to guarantee her a massive amount of distraction while he's gone. But even then, seventh year was still a long way to go seeing as it was only the beginning of October.
Though he vowed to write to her every single day before he saw her off the platform, she knew that that's completely far-fetched seeing as he has to go through loads of auror training. According to him, it's usually in the first year of auror training where the trainees were weeded out. It's either they go to the Department of Magical Law Enforcement, or they retake the first year of training until they were fit to go to the second year.
Knowing her uncle, he definitely wanted to be sure that everyone is at peak condition and he's certainly not going to let anyone who displayed any form of cowardice into the Auror Department. Even with the familial ties, she was sure that Teddy would still have his work cut out for him.
She was sat in front of the fire, holding a lengthy letter in a long piece of parchment addressed to her. It was from Teddy, and he told her just about every single thing there is to know about the Auror training. He didn't leave anything out, she was certain of this for Teddy always gets redundant about the different experiences he get when there's nothing else to say.
At first, it was enough to keep Victoire distracted. But as the time passed by while she was sitting in front of the fire, reading and re-reading Teddy's letter, she found herself missing him even more. They were miles apart, and completely two different worlds apart. She was still stuck in school, while Teddy was out there training to save the Wizarding World.
Although it was hurting her to be so far away from him, she had to suck it up. She shouldn't really show weakness in front of everyone else. It would only lead them into thinking that Victoire was moping way too much. Not that they would understand, anyway. But she was still very wary of showing too much weakness.
...
ON A COLD MORNING DURING NOVEMBER, her sister went from the Slytherin table to the Ravenclaw table with a worried look on her face. Victoire wasn't really sure as to why Dominique would feel the need to come to her during breakfast, but her uncertainties vanished as soon as Dominique started speaking.
"Vic, I'm getting worried." Dominique began, and soon enough her cousin Molly and Roxanne came from the Gryffindor table.
"What's there to worry about? I'm perfectly fine." She stated, though she wasn't really sure who she was trying to convince. Her family, or herself.
Dominique took the open beside her whilst her two cousins sat down in front of the sisters. All of them were looking at Victoire as if she had lost her way. Which, truth be told, she might as well have. Being away from Teddy for so long was finally taking its toll on Victoire, and very obviously too.
"You're barely eating, you're always hiding out at the library. You have bags under your eyes ! You need to tell us what's going on with you." Her sister spoke, her tone worried but fierce. In a way, Dominique took after Victoire, never backing out from anything, and will absolutely do everything for her family. Times like these, Victoire wished that Dominique was one of the sisters who never really cared.
With a sigh, Victoire pushed around the food on plate even more. She would gladly have a staring competition with her food rather than talk about how bad Teddy's absence is affecting her.
She knew that she shouldn't really get used to Teddy's presence in her Hogwarts days. Everyone knew that he would be the first one to leave Hogwarts, but while he was there, Victoire preferred to have that thought at the back of her head instead. Every moment with him was precious, and she didn't want to spend so much time thinking about how he'll be gone by her sixth year.
Now she wished that she really should have paid attention and entertained all thoughts of him growing up while she had the chance. Had she done that, she wouldn't be losing herself in the middle of the school year just because she wanted her boyfriend to still be there.
The area around Victoire was filled with silence until James came into the seat next to her and complained about how he missed Teddy. Victoire noticed Molly and Roxanne's eyes lit up, and she was certain that Dominique finally guessed it too.
"Of course you miss Teddy." Roxanne mused, her eyes focused on Victoire whose face is blank.
"Vic, he's just going through auror training. It's not like he left for Argentina or somewhere farther." Her sister spoke. And Victoire understood the reason why Dominique said that, the intention was clear. To bring her back to the reality that he would still be there at the Burrow by the time the holidays came around.
However, that's not really the same thing as seeing him every single day in Hogwarts. She wouldn't really hear his voice over his letters, even if the words contain the same level of enthusiasm his voice has. She couldn't really see through his soul and look deeply into his eyes if all she ever got from him was a parchment with words written all over it.
The letters were very helpful, yes. But not helpful enough to stop her from missing her boyfriend more and more each day.
She snapped out of her reverie when she felt her first year cousin wrap his arms around her, "I miss him too, Vic."
And for the first time since the first of September, Victoire cried.
...
DAYS WENT BY a little too slowly. It was only the first of December and they wouldn't be out of Hogwarts until the twenty first. Victoire felt more and more deprived each day. Teddy's letter started to thin out. What used to be at least four letters a week, came down to two.
It's not really Victoire's intention to doubt him, but she couldn't really help herself from thinking that maybe he didn't really want to be with her anymore. What if there was a girl during auror training that he found absolutely fascinating? What if there was someone else who caught his eye and was more interesting than he ever found her? What if he changed and everything else about him changed?
These thoughts were clawing at Victoire every single day. Taunting her that she may never be good enough for Teddy after he graduated from Hogwarts. These thoughts were poisonous enough to claw into her veins until it eventually became a part of her system.
Not a single day went by where Victoire wouldn't think about Teddy ending their relationship in favour of someone else. It's not like she doesn't trust him to hold a commitment, but what if he realised that she wasn't really the one for him? What if that thought suddenly came to mind and there came a girl who would swoop in and take him away?
She swore not to cry after she did publicly in the Great Hall, but now was a better time more than ever to just let all of these emotions out. She was in her dorm room and she tried her best to quietly hide the noise of her crying. But it got so bad to the point where Victoire had to hold her stomach just so she wouldn't make a sound.
But even her best efforts to try and conceal all of the hurt didn't go unnoticed. Kaia Gonzalez ー one of her best friends in Ravenclaw, and also the girl who just so happened to sleep on the bed next to her ー heard her and moved to her bed and held the blonde until all of Victoire's tears had dried up and she was left with nothing but a dull ache settling in the pit of her stomach.
"Honestly, I have no idea how you managed to hide everything. I thought you were okay after breaking down in the Great Hall. But seriously Vic, you need to let someone in. I know that this is hard, but it would be harder if you shouldered all this pain by yourself." Kaia sighed, holding both Victoire's shoulders. "You're notー"
"Atlas. I know, Kaia." Victoire sighed. Kaia didn't exactly leave her side until Victoire swore that she will go to sleep and stop thinking about Teddy until the next day.
But that didn't mean that Victoire wouldn't cry in her sleep. In fact, she woke up the next morning with her pillow wet from all the tears. In her dream, Teddy told her that they just don't work well anymore. It wasn't even the worst case scenario, but it was enough to have her crying even subconsciously.
...
BY THE TIME both Victoire and Teddy were at The Burrow, they were screaming at each other. It took everyone by surprise that the moment Teddy apparated into the backyard, Victoire glared at him, which he responded with a bitter retort. One thing led to another until they were both screaming and crying.
None of their relatives tried to stop the fight, or at least, they never successfully did. Ron came in between the couple in order to hold off their screaming match but Victoire just kept on yelling until Ron eventually gave up. Next was Dominique who tried to physically restrain Victoire since the latter already had her hands curled into fists, but Dominique was unfortunate for her sister had always been the stronger one physically. Harry and Bill tried, but the moment their children told them to "stay out of this", they knew that this was something Victoire and Teddy had to work out on their own.
"How dare you accuse me of cheating on you, Victoire?! You knew full well that I would never ever do anything to risk losing you but here you are being absolutely delusional over nothing at all!" Teddy screamed, there were tears streaking out of his face but he never bothered to wipe them off.
"Oh now I'm the delusional one? Come on, Teddy! I didn't fucking say anything about you cheating on me! The exact words I said were 'I hope you don't find anyone else while I'm still at Hogwarts' . You were the one who thought that I was accusing you of cheating!" Victoire fired back.
She knew the severity of this situation, this was foreign waters. Not once in their life did they ever have a screaming match like this. And it was more painful than anything she had ever felt. The fact that Teddy called her Victoire was enough to guarantee her that he was mad. And it was all her fault.
"You implied it, Vic! The fact that you said that just showed how you didn't trust me enough to let me out of your sight. What the fuck was that all about?" He ran his hands through his hair out of frustration. His hair went from turquoise to red, but Victoire couldn't stop. Not even if she tried her best.
Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Aunt Hermione cast a muffliato spell for the two of them so that the younger kids wouldn't hear their fight. In hindsight, Victoire should have done that before she started screaming. But this argument was long overdue and she was desperate to get everything out of her system. It just so happened that she had a colourful string of words to go along with everything she needed to tell him.
"Now that you've mentioned it, how the was I supposed to know that you wouldn't move on to some pretty auror girl who's more mature and knows more spells than I do? How am I supposed to know that you'll still be with me after your first year of auror training? Who knows maybe you've decided that I was too immature for you!" Underneath all the anger and frustration was pain and absolute insecurity. Victoire saw Teddy's eyes soften, only for them to glare at her once again.
He sighed, "You don't trust me, do you?"
And that was enough to break Victoire in a blink of an eye. When his glare was focused towards her, telling her that he thought she doesn't trust him anymore. Victoire's knees were weak and all she could ever think about was how she only wanted to be sure that he wouldn't leave her after he's experienced the real world.
"That's not true." She whispered.
"Well why would you say that if it wasn't?!" He inquired, though he wasn't shouting, his voice was still loud enough for Victoire to feel the guilt building up in her throat.
"Because I was fucking scared of losing you! I couldn't handle so much as a few months being away from you, how well do you think I'll be able to handle myself if you weren't by my side for two years? Fuck, Teddy, I have always been better with you and knowing that I have to spend every single day without you is fucking torture! And who knows maybe I'm not enough for you anymore, maybe you want more than what I could ever give you and that's ー I have no idea how I'll be able to deal with that." Her walls came crashing down and now she was just a crying, sobbing mess who was afraid to lose her anchor.
Her eyes were filled with tears and all she could see was a huge blur, red became a dull shade of blue ー bordering on grey ー and a pair of strong and familiar arms were wrapped around her shaking shoulders. Victoire leaned into Teddy, snuggling closer to his chest as she cried.
"I'm sorry if I made it seem like I don't trust you. I really do, Teddy. It was myself that I couldn't trust." Victoire spoke wrapping her arms around his torso.
"And I'm sorry that I thought you didn't. I should have… I should have written to you more, told you enough that I love you. Enough for you to never have to think about that again." He replied, pressing a chaste kiss on the top of her head.
"Are we okay now?" She asked, looking up with glassy eyes.
"Of course, Love. You do know that I'll do just about anything for you, right? And that it's no way possible for me to find anyone else who could get me as much as you do. Vic, you have been my other half ever since you were born. I don't think any other person could change that, no matter how hard they try." He said as he laced their fingers together.
And for the past three months of pining and longing after someone who's so far away, that was all the words of comfort Victoire needed to last her for another four months before the Easter Holidays where she could see him again.
"I love you." She told him with a tone of finality in her voice ー like she was certain that it was going to stay that way forever.
"I love you too, Vic." And then his lips were on hers.