Bad Aim and Video Games
By Dolly
Disclaimer: If it's a proper noun, I probably don't own it.
-chapter 1: the bastard sasuke freaking uchiha-
I could just hear them laughing. Those dark obsidian eyes were just dancing in front of me. Daring. Taunting. Mocking.
And, suddenly, I got the urge to punch that son of a bitch in the jaw.
And I did. Hard.
And he glared. Damn, is he good at that.
Then he lunged.
-post-fight-
I walked away from the fight with a total of:
1 black eye
1 busted lip
1 bloody nose
And so many bruises all over the rest of me that it hurt to move.
Talk about a grand prize winner.
He got:
1 bruised jaw
1 bite mark (yes, I bit him)
And a few other bruises that really seemed to cause him no inconvenience.
Bastard.
And then there was the participation prize:
1 trip to the sunny paradise of the principal's office with...
I frowned.
"What's your name again?"
He fixed me in a half-amused, half-annoyed look. "You try-" And fail, but never mind that. "To beat me bloody, then you ask me my name?"
Uh, yeah... Your point?
"Yeah, well, I decided I don't hate you anymore."
He smirked. It was a very bastardly smirk that made me wonder why it was that I had stopped hating him again.
"Why? Because you know you can't beat me?"
Oh, yeah... It's all coming back to me now.
"What? That's not true! I can, too! I was just having an off day!"
Liesss.
"Uhuh."
He knew it.
Bastard.
"Sasuke Uchiha."
"Huh?"
What? One minute we were talking about my ability to kick his ass (uh, which I so totally have) and the next he's speaking gobbledygook? What is with this guy?
He fixed me in a look that told me everything I needed to know about his opinion on my level of intelligence. Needless to say, it was not a good opinion.
"My name."
"Oh."
Right. One trip to the principal's office with the bastard Sasuke freaking Uchiha.
-principal's office-
"NARUTO UZUMAKI!"
Now where have I heard that before...? Oh, right. It's my name. I must not have recognized it being used at such a loud volume.
"Can't you stay out of trouble for a week?"
That's the principal shouting, by the way.
"You're completely irresponsible!"
Name's Tsunade. Blonde, old. Likes drinking, gambling, and plastic surgery.
"I cannot even comprehend...!"
And yelling.
"What do you have to say for yourself?"
I shrugged. "He was pissing me off, so I popped him." Here, I made a motion to mimic punching someone and said softly, "Pow."
She fumed and I, sensing danger, used my incredible powers of intellect to save myself. "But we're friends now, so it's okay!"
She raised a skeptical eyebrow, so I looked at Sasuke for support. "Right?"
Now he raised a skeptical eyebrow. Bastard.
"Naruto, you know what this means right?"
-school counselor's office-
"Hello, there. My name's Kakashi Hatake, and I'm the school counselor."
Right. Maybe I should explain things.
Look, the fact of the matter is that I'm not exactly the kid who sits quietly in class and makes perfect grades. No. Far from it. I'm just that kid who pulls nonsensical pranks and gets into fights with the other kids and yadda yadda. So Grandma Tsunade basically said, 'Naruto, if you get into another fight, I'm going to schedule you to meet with the guidance counselor three times a week.' And the guidance counselor...?
Well, he seems okay now that I'm talking to him, but he's also really weird. Like, he's got this hair that sticks up like crazy. I don't even wanna know how he does it. And he always wears turtle necks with the neck part pulled up over his face - which, I mean, yeah, is kind of pointless since he has that hair that anyone would recognize in an instant. Just saying. And I think he has war flashbacks or something because he always has this distant look in his eye when he's walking down the hall. That is, when he's not reading this little orange book. While he's walking. And somehow doesn't walk into things...
I change my mind. This dude is totally a ninja in disguise. He's my hero.
So, anyway, he invited me in, offered me a soda (I really wanna know where he got that, too, cause it sure as hell wasn't the school cafeteria) and started talking.
"So, I hear you beat up an honor's student."
What? I did nothing of the sort! I am innocent!"Or he beat you up. Whichever you prefer."
Oh, right...Wait a second...
"That prick is an honor's student?"
No. No way he makes better grades than me.
"If we're talking about the same Sasuke Uchiha, he is. Wanna tell me what happened?"
"No."
Kakashi shrugged. He was supposed to press the issue, but instead he shrugged.
Then he pulled out a book.
I'll repeat that for all of you who didn't get it: He pulled out a book.
Look, I'm no counselor, but isn't he supposed to be, like, examining my every move? How in the hell can he do that when he's reading a book?
"... What are you doing?"
He didn't even look up.
"You said you didn't want to talk about it and I want to know what happens next."
What the hell was up with this guy?
"You don't even care why I did it?"
"Not really."
He flipped a page.
"He was giving me this look and it bugged me. It's entirely his fault." Then I thought about what I had just said. "Oh, you're good."
Kakashi didn't respond to the last bit and shut his book, looking at me evenly.
"So what you're telling me," he said slowly, and the bastard had the nerve to sound amused. "Is that you assaulted a complete stranger because he looked at you the wrong way?"
"No!"
Kakashi raised an eyebrow.
"... Yes."
-post-meeting-
Me and Kakashi kept on talking for a while before he sent me on my way. One thing I noticed about him was that he kept using the word 'assault,' as if I had committed a crime by attacking the prick... I mean, 'assault' is such an ugly word.
Oh, yeah, and we also had a talk about my friends. It went a bit like this:
"So, do you have any friends?"
"That depends. What would you describe as a friend?"
"Someone that you talk to on a regular basis."
"Oh, lots."
"Who talk back."
"Fewer."
"Who you actually like."
"Some."
"Who like you back."
"Do you count?"
"... No."
"Oh, then, none."
So he told me to try to make a friend by joining an extra curricular team or something like that. My first day and I already had homework. Goody.
I had opened the door to leave when I suddenly realized something other than the door was blocking my path - that other something would be Sasuke himself.
I glared.
He glared.
I so won that round... Really.
"Sasuke, you have to visit the counselor, too?"
He glared again.
"No," he snapped. "I have to talk to Kakashi."
I nodded slowly (technically, that was still visiting the counselor) and he moved past me.
All I could hear from their conversation before I shut the door behind me was:
"It happened again."
"And?"
"It's getting worse."
I didn't think anything of it.
-author's note-
Again, I'm posting up something that is not Changes. But that's because I've been working on this forever and just now found it. I seriously have this chapter memorized I've written it so many times, but I've never uploaded it. So, yeah, I promise I'm working on Changes. Promise.
Anyways, this is a bit choppy with a lot of scene transitions, but I have trouble picturing anything from Naruto's point of view as anything other than choppy. So, I'm hoping I pulled this off correctly. -crosses fingers-
I don't have much to say about this, actually. Other than, of course, reviews are loved.