The Evil Plan:
"Ha ha ha ha."
"What are you laughing about Shredder?"
"Oh, nothing Krang. I'm just practicing my evil laugh."
"You mean you're laughing for no reason?"
"NO REASON! The evil laugh is all part of the effect. If
a bad guy doesn't practice his laugh then he gets out of practice.
If
my laugh sounds wimpy then the turtles will laugh at me." This
statement made Shredder burst into tears.
"Krang, I don't want to look bad in front of the turtles."
"SHREDDER! You're a bad guy now just stop crying like a baby."
"Okay, Krang, you're right." Shredder wiped his tears away and attempted to look evil.
"Now Krang, do you have a plan?"
"Of course I have a plan. It's brilliant yet simple."
"Okay then, Krang, please tell me what your brilliant but simple plan is."
"Well ummm... it may be simple for me to understand but you are too stupid to understand it."
"Oh, come on Krang TELL ME, TELL ME.'' Shredder said this as he impatiently jumped up and down.
"No, it's too hard to explain to you and it will hurt my brain too much. A brain is all I have left of my former body."
"It's not fair, IT'S NOT FAIR KRANG. I NEVER GET TO KNOW ANY OF YOUR EVIL PLANS!"
"I don't even know why I work with such a simpleton."
"Wait a minute Krang, you don't have a plan do you!"
"Whaaat? Of course I do Shredder." Krang said nervously.
"No you don't! If you have a plan then just attempt to explain it to me." Shredder said with glee.
"Oh, all right then, if that will get you off of my back. I'll
try to explain it to you but if you don't get it then please don't ask
me
to explain it any further."
"All right then, what's the plan?"
"Well ummmm...I have built a machine called a... ummm... turtleneolizer and it's purpose is to ummm...quadunurate the turtles. Unfortunately, I want you to take Bebop and Rocksteady to capture the turtles so I can use the ummm... turtlenuroteaser on them."
"I'm sorry Krang, you really did have a plan and I'm just too simple
to understand it. Can you forgive me?" Shredder opened
his arms up for a hug.
"Of course I can, Shredder." Krang wiped the mounting sweat off of his forehead. He hugged Shredder back.
"I love you Krang, let's never fight again."
"Okay, Shredder." Then Krang realized that he was violating section H36 of the Bad Guys Code Book.
"Yuck! Stop hugging me Shredder and take those dumb mutants of yours to capture the turtles."
"Bebop, Rocksteady, come with me. We have business to attend to."
"What's going on boss?"
"We're going to pay the turtles a little visit. Ha Ha Ha Ha!"
"Don't cha think your overdoing it a wittle boss?"
"What do you mean by that!" Shredder said as he gave Rocksteady an evil look.
"Umm, boss... It wuz kind of corny."
"Really? It was corny? I guess I should practice it some more." Rocksteady looks to Bebop for help.
"Uhh, we beta get going now, boss."
"Uhh, right Bebop."
"So, what's the plan, boss?"
"Nevermind the plan, it's too much for your simple minds to understand."
"Ah, okay, boss."
"Now come on, you stupid mutants, we have work to do."
Bebop looks to the audience. "I luv it when da boss calls us such affectianate names."
Shredder grabs Bebop and Rocksteady and drags them to the one place where they would be sure to get the turtles attention.
"Umm..Boss..where are we going."
"Where else, Rocksteady, Channel Six News." (Rule of Bad Guys : If you want to take over the world or get the turtles attention than you go to Channel Six News)
"Good plan, boss!!"
"Why thank you, Bebop. Now let's get going you creetins"
Shredder drags the two mutants to Channel Six.
"You know, I've been here so much, I kind've considered it a second home Oh, hi Miss O'Neil, so nice to see you again."
"SHREDDER!! What are you doing here? I'm April O'Neil of Channel Six News and I demand to know!" (Rule of April: April must always state her name and occupation.)
"You act like you don't know me. I know your name Miss O'Neil and I happen to be here for the same reason I'm always here for."
"Oh..and what would that be?"
"To kidnap you of course." (Rule of the Bad Guys: If all else fails, kidnap April)
"Oh, that's right. You always kidnap me. There's only one thing I can do in this situation..SCREAM!!." (Rule of April: April must always scream that patented scream of hers when she gets kidnapped)
"Ha Ha Ha Ha....There's nothing you can do now, Miss O'Neil" Rocksteady picks up April.
"You'll never get away with this, Shred-head, because I'm April O'Neil"
"Oh really, Miss O'Neil. Well it seems to me that I am gettting away with this...ha ha ha ha ha ha."
April rolls her eyes at Shredder.
"What?"
April tosses her hair aside and says "Nevermind."
Bebop and Rocksteady look at each other and snicker. Shredder looks around at everybody.
"Am I missing something here?" He turns to April who is giving him an angry look.
"Just get on with it Shredder."
"Oh, yeah, of course. Bebop, Rocksteady."
"Yes, boss?" Rocksteady asked.
Let's take Miss O'Neil to our new, luxery hideout."
"Where's that boss?"
"Oh, a newly abandoned warehouse." (Bad Guys' Rule: Bad Guys always have abandoned warehouses as hideouts because there are plenty of them out there!)
April rolls her eyes again. "Do you always have to hide out in an abandoned warehouse?"
Shredder quickly turns around and stares at April.
"Where do you think we would go to? A nice, beautiful hotel suite?" After Shredder lectured April on why bad guys hide out in abandoned warehouses, they arrived at the brand new warehouse.
"Welcome to our new hideout, Miss O'Neil." He looked straight at April.
"Is that okay with you?"
"Yeah..." April mumbled to herself. She didn't want to hear another annoying Shredder rant.
Shredder sighs deeply.
"Bebop, Rocksteady! Tie her up and take her turtle comm. I need to make a phone call.... Mwahahahaha." Everybody sighs and rolls their eyes at Shredder's bad joke and bad evil laugh.
Shredder takes the turtle comm and contacts the turtles.
The Turtle Lair: The Ninja Turtles, the heroes of our story, were
sitting around in the lair watching some monster movie.
"Leonardo, Raphael, Donatello, and Michealangelo what do you think you're
doing?" A mad, senile rat stood in the den.
"Ummm, yes Master Splinter?" the four turtles said all at once.
"It is not time for this contraption, you call television, it is time
for practice."
"Ummm, Master, we already practiced this morning. Remember?"
"I most certainly don't and even if you did you should be practicing
all day. In my day we didn't stare at a box like mindless zombies,
we practiced all day long for any possible battles. That's what you
have to be ready for. We had to battle aliens. Those aliens
were bigger than the ones today. They weren't small little green
men. They were huge blood thirsty monsters. There was no time to
just sit and stare. Times were just too hectic back then to be loafing
around like you four are doing right now. I remember fighting in
World War IV when I was 9 years old. It was the world against the
Neutrinos. These were an ugly bunch of aliens from a very evil planet.
We didn't have laser guns like you have today. We had to fight with
real weapons. I remember an encounter with one of the aliens... "
Splinter's voice trailed off. He stood there for a minute.
"Ummm, what was I talking about?" Splinter stood there confused.
"Whoa, like you were about to tell us about that encounter with..."
Don and Raph were quick to cover Mike's mouth.
"Ummm, you were talking about how you needed a nap right about now."
"Oh, yes, thank you Leonardo." Leo took Splinter's arm and led
him to his room.
The three turtles breathed a sigh of relief. They sat back down and
started to eat some pizza and watching TV when Leonardo's turtle comm went
off as Leo made his way back from Splinter's room. Leonardo took
it from his belt and answered it.
"Leonardo here, what's up?"
"Shredder, here....ha ha ha ha ha."
"Oh, hello Shred-head."
"You're not surprised that I'm calling?..ha ha ha ha." Shredder was
very amused by his surprise call.
"No, not really..you always steal April's turtle comm and tell us that
you kidnapped her. I know the drill. Just tell me where you have her."
Shredder stands there in silence, surprised that this turtle knew what
his plans were. He snapped back at Leonardo angrily.
"You weren't supposed to know that, turtle!!" Leonardo rolled
his eyes and sighed.
"You know Shredder, this is getting to be really old."
"Well....I have your reporter friend so you better come and get her."
"Okay, what's the address?" Leo asked.
"You could at least have more enthuisium about it." Leonardo sighs.
"Okay, here goes nothing. YOU BETTER GIVE ME THAT ADDRESS NOW
SHREDDER!"
"Well, that wasn't your best but that'll do. She's at 3945 Dock St."
"Oh, another warehouse, huh? Okay, we'll be there."
"Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha...you better turtle if you know what's good for you."
"Enough with the laughing already."
"What? You don't like my evil laughing? Does it strike udder fear
into your heart?"
"Ummm..no..it's just really annoying." Leo replied boredly. Shredder
shrugs.
"Guess you can't when them all but at least my evil laughter annoys...Ha
Ha Ha Ha Ha....."
"Whatever Shredder. We'll be over in bit." Leonardo looks to his
brothers.
"Well Turtles, we have a job to do. TURTLE POWER!!!!" (Rule of Leonardo:
He must always say this line at least once but usually once isn't enough!)
The others roll their eyes. (with all the rolling eyes in this fic,
we better hope nobody trips on them.)
"He's just about as annoying as Shredder is." Raph mumbled to himself.
"Ummm...Guys...Do you notice a pattern here?"
"What do you mean Donatello."
"I mean, Shredder always kidnaps April and we always rescue her."
"So..." Raph said impatiently
"What if we didn't go and rescue her?" Don replied.
"Why do that dude? I mean... it's our job to rescue her..."
Raph interrupts Mikey. "Wait a minute...I think you're on to something
here Donatello."
Leo points at Don and Raph. "You're actually suggesting that we
don't go and rescue April?"
"Yeah...I think we are Leo. Do you have a problem with that?"
Raph asked Leo with his fists ready.
"Well...ummm...actually no."
"We're not going to rescue April?" Mike said nervously.
Leo put his swords away. "No. That's what Shredder wants
us to do."
"Oh. I get it. So if we don't do what Shredder wants then
his plans will be foiled."
"Exactly." Don says knowingly.
"So now what do we do?" Mikey asks.
"Watch TV, of course. What else?"
"Sounds good to me."
The turtles sit back and relax. Instead of going and rescuing
April, they decide to watch TV.
Shredder paces around back and forth. Once again he checks his
watch.
"Where the f*** could they be and who the heck just censored me?"
"Sowwy boss but this is a children's show, rememba?" said Bebop.
"Oh yeah." Shredder mumbles to himself about being stuck on a kid's
show. He was furious. Finally he just ripped his watch off
and threw it against the wall near April. April mumbled out a scream
through her sock.
"Fine don't come!! See if I care!" Shredder looks away from everybody
as a single tear falls from his face.
"Why haven't they showed up yet? I thought they liked me.
I thought.....I thought we had fun together." Shredder sniffles.
His emotions change to anger as he turns and points an excusing finger
at April.
"YOU!! Did you do something to make them mad at you so they wouldn't
come and rescue you?" Shredder takes the sock out of April's mouth
so she could talk.
"No....I'm April O'Neil and nobody is ever mad at me. Face it,
the reason why they won't rescue you is because you are boring them.
You're not very exciting anymore. They know that if they don't come
then you'll probably just release me."
Shredder stuffed the sock back into her mouth.
"That's where you're wrong Miss O'Neil. I'm not giving up till
they come. I worked hard working out this evil plan and I'm not going
to let them just ignore me. I think up all of these brillant evil
schemes for them and what do I get in return? A bunch of ungrateful
little... "
That morning after a deleted scene of Shredder getting hammered...
(really be glad you didn't have to read all about it)
"I can't believe it! I've never been stood up this long before.
They never called! They think they can just stand me up like this and get
away with it...that's where they're wrong."
Just then Shredder's com link goes off. Shredder picks it up and
answers it. "What?"
"So Shredder, how is that plan of ours working? So far you haven't
called me once whining about the turtles or the flaws of your plan.
Did something go right for once?" Krang said.
"Actually...the thing is....THEY NEVER SHOWED UP....WAHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Here I work up a perfectly good plan, kidnapping April and threatening
the turtles so they can fall for our little trap and what happens...NOTHING!"
"Are you sure you did everything right? You're sure that you kidnapped
April O'Neil and that you DID call the turtles."
"Yes Krang, I did everything right."
"Well maybe....maybe April O'Neil isn't good enough bait for them anymore...I
mean, I don't even know how they can stand her."
"Hmmmm...maybe you have a point there, Krang. So what should we
do then?"
"You should threaten them with something else that they love.
Like their favorite place to eat."
"...and where would that be?"
"How should I know? I'm always left behind here in the technodrome.
I never get to have any fun. Your the one that gets to fight with
the turtles, not me. So figure it out yourself."
"Krang? Are those tears I see?" Krang quickly wipes away the wetness
from his eyes.
"No...it's sweat." Krang quicky says.
"Oh...okay."
"Now get your plan into action. Take over their favorite place to eat
and then contact them."
"And what are you going to be doing in the meantime?"
"I'll be doing laundry of course. I've got your other cape in
the washer right now. Sure just leave me here doing all of the work that
has to get done while you get to go caping around in your shiny metal armor
in the Big Apple. Well, I hope you have fun!" Krang cuts the
conversion short from being so furious.
"Indeed I shall have fun, Krang...Mwahahahahahahaha!!! Hmmmm...now
where is their favorite place to eat?"
"Ooooh ooooh...don't them tortles like pizza, boss?" said Rocksteady.
"No idiot, they like tacos. I bet their favorite place to eat
is Taco Bell."
April mumbles in the background, trying to spit her sock out again.
She was trying to mouth off to Shredder, because being April O'Neil, she
knew that Shredder was wrong.
"Shutup you. Did I say you could talk? Mmmmm...I can't wait
to take over Taco Bell and have some tacos while we wait for the turtles
to come."
An hour later: Shredder, Bebop, Rocksteady, and April O'Neil arrive
at Taco Bell.
"Hmmm..strange costumes. What would you like to have today?" said
the teenager working there.
"I want to blow this place up is what I would like today Mwahahahahahaha!!!...and
a hard shelled taco."
"Heh heh...very funny...will that be all?" Shredder was tired
of talking to this stupid cashier. He decided that making a scene
was the best approach.
"All right! Listen up! I'm taking over this place so everybody
out!" Just at the sight of seeing Shredder and his sharp shiny armor
along with his mutants made some people run in terror. Of course
there are always those people who don't seem to notice the mutants or Shredder's
strange style of dressing.
The manager comes out to see what all the commotion is. "Oh, what
are you doing punks? You think you can just come in here and ruin
my fine establishment like this. Why don't you take your animals
and tied up lady out of here Mr. Shiny man and take your party elsewhere
cause I don't appreciate you scaring away all of my customers!"
"No...I'm not leaving Mr. Briggs."
"Now how did you know my name?"
"Yeah, boss how'd ya know his name." asked Bebop
"Well, I...kind've used to work here part time." Shredder said
quietly.
"Ohhhhhh...I remember you. You used to be a cheese shredder here.
I had to fire you cause you were too slow and I didn't like your punky
little attitude either." April could be heard laughing through her
sock.
Shredder turns around and gives April an evil look. "Shut up.
It's not funny."
Everybody that was left in Taco Bell was laughing. "What's so
funny. Everybody has to start somewhere, even us bad guys.
I sure can't wait to blow this place up now."
"Oh no, you're not going to be blowing this place up."
"Yes!! Yes I will blow it up! Mwahahahahahaha! That'll teach you for
being my boss and also for getting rid of the chihuahua. He was soooo
cute." Everybody gives him a look.
"Well...he was! Now stop staring at me and take care of Mr. Briggs,
my mutants."
"With pleasure, boss." said Bebop.
"I love ruffing up people, Bebop, it's fun." said Rocksteady.
"Now now...stay away from me. I'm sure we can work something out."
"Just scram so I can take over this place." Mr. Briggs took one
look at Bebop and Rocksteady and ran in the other direction screaming.
"Now everybody else still here...OUT!" Everybody else ran out.
"Ahhhhh...now we finally have the place to ourselves." Shredder
sits back at a table and starts eating a taco that somebody left behind.
"Mmmm...not bad but I made the cheese better than this when I worked
here." Bebop and Rocksteady were hungry for burritos and were helping
themselves to some.
"Hey! No eating burritos. I want to blow this place up with a
bomb not gas. So get to work with setting that bomb up. NOW!"
An hour after everything was set up...
Shredder had a hold of April's turtle com. "Now I shall call the turtles!"
Back in the lair...
The turtles were in the lair still watching TV. Just then the
turtle comm went off. Leo answered it.
"This is Leo. Wuuuuuuuzzzz up?"
"This is the Shredder! I have taken over your favorite place to eat
and I'm going to blow it up so come and join the party!"
Michaelangelo gasps. "He's gonna blow up Vinnie's? We gotta stop
him!"
"Turtle Power!" Leonardo yelled.
Rapheal tripped him and mumbled "Dickweed."
Later the turtles arrived at Vinnie's and forgot about Shredder's
threat...
"Ummm...guys, didn't Shredder threaten to blow this place up?" asked
Don.
"Oh yeah...I guess he was bluffing." Mike said as he finished the last
of the pizza.
Back at Taco Bell...
"Where the blazes are those turtles? Don't they care about anything
anymore? Don't they even believe my threats?" Shredder was
pacing back and forth.
"Well, who cares about those turtles? I can have fun without them.
It's their own fault if they miss it. I invited them twice and they
never showed up. Can't waste a good plan. I'll blow this place up
anyways. Mwahahahahahaha!!!!"
Taco Bell blows up!
Back at Vinnie's even though there is nothing going on there...
The turtles were walking out of Vinnie's when they heard a loud noise.
"What the...?" Leo said, drawing his swords.
"Nice picture Leo...not!" Leo paid no attention to Raph as he
and the others looked at the flames from across town.
"Whoa cool! We missed some party!" said Mike.
"Huh..strange weather we have here in New York. It's raining beans."
commented Don.
The turtles went down into the sewers and just had a very uneventful
day.
Back at the Technodrome:
Krang is sitting around watching TV on the portal (big screen TV...woo
hoo!). Shredder and the mutants arrive via the module.
"Oh, you're finally back and what did you get all over you. Doggie
Poop?"
"No, Krang..I blew up Taco Bell like you told me to but the turtles
never cared to show up."
The mutants came up behind Shredder. "That was so much fun boss.
It went Ka Boom!"
"Shutup." Shredder starts crying.
"Krang, I don't think they like me anymore. Maybe I'm losing my
touch. I knew I should've practice laughing more than I did."
At that moment, Krang began to laugh.
"What?? What's so funny Krang. It's not funny." Shredder
wipes the tears from his face.
"Yes it is. This is no different than any other day. You
always fail. It's just that this time, it was such a bad plan that
they didn't even bother to show up but.... there is a way that we can fix
this."
"...And how can we do that Krang?"
"Do you still have April O'Neil?"
"Yes, I still do. I wish I knew how to get rid of her. I
know how to kidnapp her but I don't know how to get rid of her because
the turtles always rescue her."
"Why don't you try releasing her?"
"Krang! That's brilliant!"
"I know...NOW GET TOPSIDE...but before you go, could you change capes?
Your a bad guy, not a burrito."
"All right everybody! This is the Shredder!" Everybody at
Channel Six froze with fear. Bebop and Rocksteady came up behind
Shredder holding the tied up April O'Neil.
"I have come to unkidnapp April O'Neil." He pulled the sock out
of her mouth and untied her.
April had a lot of things to say and yell at Shredder but do you
really want to hear them? I didn't think so.
"Well I hope everybody has a rotten day...Mwahahahaha!!" said Cape Boy...
whoops...I mean Shredder.
"Shredder, the evilest of all evil, sharp and mean...(and goes on until
he finally says) wuzzzzzzzzzzzuuuuup?"
"This is Leonardo and I know you're behind this evil. You kidnapped
April then brought her back later just so we would have to listen to her
whining..didn't you?"
"Well, I'm a little modest but....YES!!! I DID!! ONLY I
WOULD BE SO EVIL!! MWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!"
"I thought so....you'll never get away with this Shred-head!"
"Oooooohhhh...I'm so scared...Mwahahahaha!!!" Leo hangs up on
him.
Shredder is still laughing. This was a new feeling for him.
This is the first time he has ever won.
Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!! (Just thought I would
add that in, if there isn't enough evil laughing in this fic.)
The End
Two hours later:
After changing into a new cape, Shredder went topside to Channel
Six news to unkidnapp April.
After unkidnapping (is that even a word..oh well...I'll use it anyway...Mwahahahaha!!
*clears her throat and continues*) April O'Neil, Shredder returned back
to the technodrome and got a surprising call.