Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this story. All rights belong to Chris Carter, Fox, and 1013. I am merely just borrowing them to write something for my enjoyment. I am not making any profit off of this story.
A/N: thanks for reading! This story begins right after the scene in Detour where Scully sings to Mulder while holding him in her lap. I just love that scene to death! Anyway, enjoy!
I let out a small breath of relief as I listen to the burgeoning sounds of the forest nightlife. It appears as if Mulder is finally asleep. He's been requesting me to sing him the first thirty seconds of Jeremiah Was A Bullfrog every few minutes for at least an hour or two. Now that he's seemingly conked out, I have the freedom to process the days events and keep a better look out for whatever attacked Mulder.
Mulder squirms a little bit in his sleep, trying to find a more comfortable position. I hold still while he roots his nose around on my leg, cuddling into me. Tentatively, I let my hand come up to stroke his hair away from his eyes. My mind wanders to last night...
How could he have missed the signal I had been sending? I can't believe that he or I could have been so stupid- him, for not having realized that I was trying to make advances on him… me, for thinking it was a good idea in the first place. Stupid wine and cheese. Yes, I want him. I love him, even. I'm in love with him… and that says a lot because I've never been in love with anyone. However, despite those facts, he seemed to either be oblivious to my feelings and my flirting… or he didn't care in the first place. I'm not exactly the type of girl that guys tend to be interested in. Plus, I'm not even Mulder's type in the first place. I'd need to grow another five inches and turn into a snake before he'd ever look at me with lust.
I snap out of my bubble of self-pity just in time to realize that Mulder has rolled over so that his face is toward me. My fingers are still casually running through his hair. He lets out a contented sigh that prompts me to let my mind wander once again. What would it be like to be truly loved by Mulder, in every sense of the word?
My last cognizant thought is of how it would feel to be allowed to fall asleep in his arms every night- to be the little spoon to his big spoon… or to lay on his chest in the early morning and run my fingers through his sparse chest hair while his hands knead my ass sleepily and slowly work me into a taught frenzy...
I was in the middle of the best dream when I was awakened by the sound of a bird singing with an impressive shrill from close by. In my dream, Mulder and I had been taking a bath in my bathtub. His hands were alternating between rolling my nipples around and teasing the inside of my thighs with feather-light touches. I could feel him waiting patiently for me, his cock pinned against my back, long and hard. Sadly, I'm never going to know the ending to that particular scenario- not for a lack of thinking about it- all because of that stupid ass bird. God, I'm really not a morning person… especially when my fantasies get interrupted.
Movement from below me cause me to open my eyes and look down. I must have fallen asleep for a while because it's light out now. Early morning… if I had to guess. Mulder is humming in his sleep as he tries to burrow his head further into my body. There is only one problem. One big problem. With every movement that Mulder is making, his face is inching closer and closer to my clothed core. I definitely do not want to experience the embarrassment of having Mulder wake up and know that not only is his nose and- oh, holy hell he moved again- correct that… have him know that his whole damn face is pressed up into the apex of my thighs, but also that I have been awake while it was happening.
Ignoring the intense pangs of desire I feel at the visual I'm getting, I try to subtly move my lower body further back against the log I am leaning against. I am unable to, though; it seems as though Mulder has his arm slung around my hips, preventing me from moving backward without pinning his arm, which will surely rouse him from unconsciousness. I'm assuming that this subconscious action of his only helped to enhance his 'cuddling into my vagina' abilities.
He lets out a groan this time and my blood runs cold. I stare down at him, waiting for him to pull away from me before he opens his eyes.
"Mmm, Scully," he mutters, digging his face in further, causing a small squeak to fall from my lips as his nose rubs a small circle over where my clit is under my clothes. I try to talk down my arousal, but the combination of the dreams, the visual, and now the sensation are too much. "Scully," he groans again quietly. He is most definitely waking up. "You smell so good. What perfume is this?" Mulder leaves his eyes closed.
Jesus. I tense up immediately. I feel mortified. Could he really smell me? And not just me… but me? God, this is so embarrassing. My body, however, continues to decide that it is the exact opposite of embarrassing. I feel myself get wetter and it isn't from the Florida humidity. My brain goes into overdrive trying to come up with my options. I can fake being asleep. He'd probably fully wake up, move away carefully, and then we'll never speak of it because he won't know that I know. Or… or… or… I can wake him up now and confront the situation head-on. That doesn't sound like the most pleasant of experiences, but what if it gets us somewhere?
What if this is the push I need in order to know definitively if there is a future for him and I? If there's not, then I need to figure out how to move on. I scoff quietly under my breath. I know that'll never happen. There will never be anyone for me other than Mulder. He's ruined every other man for me just by being my friend. I'll never love anyone like I love him. Maybe I can get another dog though… I miss Queequeg. Or I can go out more and make some good friends… call Ellen, too. I can finally look into adoption and get that started… if I can't have a man, that doesn't mean that I don't want a child, as well. If I can't have Mulder, then I won't want to have to have the pain of being around him quite so much, so I'll have to set more boundaries.. maybe move... I could go visit my mom more. She'd like that. Or I can buy a house or an apartment there so she can help with babysitting. I cam go work and retrain at Baltimore General… Surely, the adoption agencies would prefer a woman who's a doctor, rather than a woman who's an FBI Agent. Right?
I shake my head. I'm getting way too far ahead of myself, but I'm a textbook overthinker. I have to analyze every scenario and possibility before making a decision. A squeeze from Mulder's arm, burying himself still further toward me, makes me suck in a tight breath and make a quick choice. I can overthink this later. I have to know. I won't let myself chicken out of it this time.
Tentatively, I let my hand come down and slowly stroke his cheek with him thumb, the rest of my fingers resting under his ear. "What was that, Mulder?" I bite back a smile. God forbid, I'm a little curious to see how he's going to react.
He's still yet to open his eyes, but I can tell how groggy he is by the tone of his voice. "You smell really good," he mutters. "Why don't you wear this all the time?" He's always been more honest and less guarded when he waking up… and when he's on meds, but that's getting off topic.
"Mulder…" I choke down a chuckle at all of the different places my brain tries to go to in light of his question. "Maybe you should open your eyes and you'll realize why," I speak softly to him, stroking his cheek with my thumb.
"Hmm?" he hums as his eyelids began to flutter open.
I sit and wait with bated breath while he took in his surroundings. So far he's just looking confused. It doesn't appear as though he's aware that he's still got his face pressed against my slacks in an extremely intimate place.
"Mulder," I prompted him again, waiting for the awkwardness to set in.
His eyes moved up toward my voice and I saw the change in his body language the second he realized just where his face was. "I- Scu- I wa- ah- uh-" he began to stumble over his words, no doubt flustered by this turn of events. He tries to pull away and sit up quickly, but his injuries make him slow down and grunt with pain. He can't seem to make eye contact with me again. I'm not sure that I've ever seen him blush, but this situation seems to be a good propellant. His ears are on fire and his cheeks are tinted pink. It's kind of cute. A glance down at his half sitting/half lying body tells me that not only is he embarrassed, but he's also extremely aroused.
"It's okay, Mulder." I tell him, putting a finger under his chin to force him to meet my eyes. "I'm not offended or anything…"
His eyes widen. Mute Mulder is an amusing sight to witness. Apparently, that's all I've ever needed to do over the years in order to shut him up… remind him that I'm a woman and I have sexual feelings and needs. "I- uh- Scully… you're not?" His voice breaks at the end of his question. "But I just! I just- my face! It was-"
"Mulder, I'm aware." I speak dryly. "Tell you what… I'll take it as a compliment." I can see the wheels in his head working overtime, trying to figure out a way to respond. This is certainly a new realm of conversation for us.
He sits up fully, lifting the rest of his body away from my thighs and rubs the back of his head with his palm as he shyly responds to me, "Well, you should..."
Now it's my turn to blush.
"I-" he starts again, but falters. "Oh, my God! I can't believe I… and then I just said..." He brings both hands up now to cradle his face.
"Muuulder!" My voice has a soft whine to it. "I know. I was there to hear it… to feel it..."
Mulder groans at my words. He's not over what he said apparently.
"Mulder, you have no reason to be embarrassed." I try to console him.
"The hell I don't, Scully!" He's beginning to really get worked up now. "I basically just molested you in my sleep! I- I invaded your space and then to top it all off I commented on it, too!"
"Exactly, Mulder. You were asleep." I tell him. "And you didn't know what was going on until you'd fully woken up. Stop beating yourself up about it." I'm not sure where I'm going with this.
"No, but Scully you don't understand!" He groans and slams his eyes shut.
I see an opening- a one-time only window into the recesses of Mulder's sexual nature. I'll be damned if I don't take it. "What, Mulder? What don't I understand?" I make sure to keep calm, even tone while I push him to tell me. Hopefully, he can't tell how frantic my thoughts are inside my head.
"The fact that it was an accident isn't an excuse! Not when I feel the way I do!" He practically yells at me. I can tell how frustrated he is with himself.
"Mulder, what are you talking about?" I decide to keep pushing. "What do you feel?"
"I want you, Scully! I always have."
I tuck my chin back and look at him seriously. "Mulder, I-" I begin self-consciously, but he interrupts me.
"God damnit, Scully! I love you! I love you and I've been too much of a chicken shit to tell you." His tone is starting to calm down and lose some of its volume now. "I just keep getting scared. I know you deserve better… and things keep happening where I get so close to losing you, Scully." He sits back on his haunches. His position is signalling an attitude of surrender. "I can't lose you, Scully, whether that's because you choose to leave me or you're forced to leave me. I don't want to live without you and I've always been so scared of doing anything that might make you run… or God forbid one of my stupid stunts actually causes me to lose you permanently. And now- now I've done just that. Apparently, I can't even trust myself not to fuck everything up when I'm asleep."
"Oh, Mulder," I speak while I let out a breath. Whatever I had been expecting, it certainly wasn't this. "C'mere..." A nervous smile sneaks out from my otherwise passive facial expression. I can feel my eyes getting misty. He usually only says things like this in my dreams. But this isn't a dream. No, this is so much better.
He cautiously moves to sit down next to me, his back against the log.
I feel like I need his closeness in order to let me be able to say those three little words back. I try to hold his hand, but it doesn't feel like it's enough, so I let it go almost as soon as I grabbed it. I can tell that he's getting more and more anxious with every passing second. Instead, I choose to be equally as bold as his outburst, but in a more physical way. He's done the hard part anyway, with being the first to admit his feelings. I lay my hand on his shoulder and swing the opposite thigh over his legs. I'm hovering above him, wary of the fact that he's still got an erection and it might make things more difficult since he doesn't know where I stand yet. As soon as I complete my action, I watch as he gapes at me and gasps loudly. I bring both of my hands around his neck to scrape lightly through the hair that's nearing the nape of his neck. God, I've wanted to do that since forever. Leaning in closer to him, I rest my forehead against his. "I love you, too..." It seems so simple once I've verbalized it. It feels like something I can categorize with all of the other laws of nature. Dana Scully loves Fox Mulder loves Dana Scully.
"You do?" His voice seems to be filled with disbelief and amazement. Hah. Looks like we've got the shoe on the wrong foot here. It's usually me who can't believe.
I nod against his face and let out a very small, "Mhmm," before pulling away. I take a moment or two to look into his eyes. There's an escaped tear slowly making its way down my cheek and I desperately want to wipe it away, but I don't want to ruin this moment. The most important moment of my life. I delicately press my lips to his for a quick taste. His bottom lip sticks sticks against mine briefly as I pull away and it's the most delicious feeling. I never want to let him go. How have we been so stupid? "Mulder, I've loved you for a long, long time."
His grin is blinding. He quickly brings his good hand back up to the back of my neck in order to pull me back in again. We kiss languidly for what seems like forever and a few seconds all at the same time. We both keep our tongues to ourselves like there's an unspoken agreement to let that discovery wait until we've gotten back home. As my brain registers the sound of both of us breathing heavily through our noses, I backtrack a bit. We might not make it home… maybe the hotel is a more doable goal. I giggle against his lips as I think of another thing that's 'doable.'
"What?" Mulder smiles against my lips.
"Nothing," I assure him, shaking my head and then pulling away just to lean back in and peck his lips a few more times.
We both become distracted by the sound of our names echoing through the forest from behind us. Help has seemingly arrived. I kiss his lips once more, savoring the new feeling. "Later," I say with contentment as I begin to get up off his lap. I help him up, too, and before we begin to walk toward the search party, I lean in and hug him tightly. When I pull away, I glance up at him and brush away the hair that's fallen across his forehead. "Let's go find those missing people." A few steps after I start walking, I think of something else that I'd like to say while I still can. I turn around and wait for him to catch up. "Oh, and Mulder?" I place my hands on his shoulders and reach up to whisper in his ear. "Feel free to let me wake up every day the way that I did this morning." I bite my lip as I hear his answering groan.
"Scully, you're going to be the death of me. I swear to God. I can tell already."
"Oh, but what a way to go," I purr, reaching around to smack him on the ass. "Let's Go, G-man."