Triggers - Bulimia, self-loathing.
Note - I've never actually written something this before, so please disregard any mistakes I might make. Thanks! I meant to post it last night, but I had to log off before I could.
Prompt - Could you write hunter with an eating disorder and him trying to tell someone but he can't bring himself to and Sebastian kinda finds out on his own?
Title - A Promise to Uphold.
"Hey, is everything alright, Hunt? You've barely touched your food."
"Nah, I'm just not hungry."
Hunter lets out a muffled groan as he flops onto his bed. If someone had told him that track was this brutal, he would have never considered joining the team. He's exhausted.
"I'm never moving again," he declares, burying his head underneath his pillow. "I feel like I got hit by a freight train - twice."
"Didn't you transfer from some military academy or something?" his roommate asks from the other side of the room. "This should be nothing for you."
"It's been a while," Hunter shrugs. "Besides, have you met David?"
"David doesn't have anything on me," Sebastian smirks. "The lacrosse team hasn't lost a single game since they voted me captain."
"It probably has something to do with the fact that you have them practicing for four hours at a time."
"Sitting around and studying doesn't win you national championships."
"They have those?"
Sebastian rolls his eyes before glancing at his watch, "Hey, I'm going to go get some food. You coming?"
"Nah, I don't think I could get up even if I wanted too. I think I'm going to take a nap."
For a brief second, a strange look crosses Hunter's face before returning to its original indifferent expression. Sebastian doesn't make much of it; lots of people pull faces at the sight of cafeteria food.
"Suit yourself," he grabs his jacket off the coat rack and leaves.
Hunter wasn't lying when he said that he had already eaten; he had binged on half an entire pizza nearly thirty minutes ago. He waits until the other boy is well around the corner before leaping into action. Hunter quickly makes his way into the bathroom and takes extreme care to lock the door behind him.
He can't risk getting caught; he doesn't want anyone's pity. He knows that if he is caught, people will start looking at him differently. He won't be Hunter Clarington, captain of the Warblers anymore. He'll be Hunter Clarington, the kid with the eating disorder.
After he deems the door secured, he kneels in front of the toilet bowl. He can already taste the bile rising in his throat, his stomach churning as he gingerly lifts two fingers to his lips.
"Man up, Clarington," he mutters to himself. "You can do this."
He's only done this a couple of times, but he's already an expert. Hunter is quick to stimulate his gag reflex, and within seconds, he's throwing up the contents of his stomach into the toilet bowl. His eyes burn as he fights back unshed tears, lungs heaving as he breathes noisily through his nose.
He waits a minute to recollect himself before repeating the process. When he is certain that there is nothing in his stomach, Hunter flushes the toilet and cleans up any evidence that might give his secret away. Just as he gets ready to exit the bathroom, he looks into the mirror for what seems like the first time in months.
A soft sob falls from his lips as he stares at the person in the mirror. Dark rings are prominent against the boy's skin, his eyes bloodshot and wet with tears. Hunter knows that if this boy were to lift up his shirt, he would see the outlines of his ribs against paper-thin skin.
"This isn't me," he whispers. "What am I doing to myself?"
"Hunter?" Hunter's blood runs cold at the sound of his roommate's voice. Sebastian's early; he shouldn't have been back for another hour. "You okay, man?"
"Yeah," Hunter says, just barely managing to contain the quiver in his voice. "I guess I overexerted myself earlier."
"Are you sure?" Sebastian's suspicious, he can hear it in his voice. "It sounds like you're really sick."
That's because I make myself sick, Hunter wants to say. I'm insecure about how I look, so I make myself throw up.
He doesn't know what it is about the other boy, but he trusts him. Maybe it's because their personalities are so similar. Maybe not, Hunter doesn't know.
"I'm fine," he lies. "Why are you back so early? I thought you went to go get dinner."
"I forgot my cell phone," Sebastian informs. "I was going to ask you if you wanted me to bring you back something."
"No, I'm good. You can go now."
"Are you sure you're okay, Hunter?"
No. I need help - lots of it.
"Yes, Sebastian. I'm fine," Hunter insists.
"If you say so."
The moment the door shuts, the brunet sinks to his knees and cries.
-X-X-X-X-X-
Sebastian knows that there's something Hunter's not telling him. He can feel it in his gut. He walks back to the cafeteria in a daze, pondering over what his roommate could possibly have to hide.
"Hey Sebastian," Nick greets as he joins the taller brunet in the line. "Where's Hunter?"
"In the dorm," he replies, raising a brow as he pokes what's supposed to be a meat of some sort with the serving spoon. "He's sick."
He lets out a sound of alarm when it pokes back, "-and I think I am too."
"Dude, that's all kinds of nasty," Nick says, pulling a face. "Let's go. I'm scared it's going to leap out of the container and attack me."
Sebastian nods before grabbing a salad of a nearby cart, gesturing for the shorter boy to the same. They quickly pay for the meals and begin to make their way back to the dorm.
"So, where's Hunter again?" Nick asks.
"He's sick," Sebastian repeats. "I guess he overdid it at track."
"Sick? How? He was perfectly fine when he left; he didn't even break out into a sweat!" Nick exclaims incredulously.
"He told me that he 'felt like he got hit by a freight train - twice'!"
"Sebastian," the other brunet begins. "I think he was lying. Something's not right here. It's not like Hunter to miss a meal, let alone make a complete lie about it."
"Oh my God," Sebastian stops walking. "I know what's going on. Nick, hold on to this, will you? I've got to go talk to Hunter."
Without waiting for the other boy's response, he shoves his salad into his friend's hand and begins to sprint toward the dormitory. Nick stares at the plastic container in confusion.
"What just happened?"
Hunter's curled on his bed now, buried deep underneath his bed covers. That was close, too close. Sebastian's not stupid; it's only a matter of time until he pieces everything together. He clutches his pillow close his chest, groaning as the pounding in his head worsens. He's starving. It's been weeks since the last time he actually had a meal that he kept down.
"…..Hunter?" He's so caught up in this thoughts that he doesn't even notice that the door opened. "We need to talk."
Hunter doesn't say anything, maybe Sebastian'll go away if he pretends to be asleep.
"I know you're awake. I can hear your breathing."
"What do you want, Smythe?" Hunter snarls, his voice rough. "I'm trying to sleep."
Sebastian's taken aback by his sudden harshness, but he quickly recovers, "I know you make yourself sick."
"Really now, Captain Obvious? I hadn't noticed."
"Look, I know you're going through a lot, but I'm only trying to help-"
"By verbally attacking me with questions?" Hunter shouts, sitting up to face his roommate. "It's none of your fucking business, Smythe!"
"Actually, I think it is!" Sebastian shouts back. "I care about you, idiot!"
His voice cracks, "Probably more than I should."
Hunter can feel himself tearing up, a soft sob tearing its way out his throat. All of the emotions he's kept bottled up for so long have finally found a way out, and he doesn't know how to make them stop.
"I really do care about you, Hunter, even if I don't act like it most of time. You are the most amazing person I've ever met - don't you ever think otherwise."
He sits down on Hunter's bed and pulls the smaller boy into his arms. Hunter's crying freely now, tears trickling down his face in steady little stream. Sebastian holds him close, crooning comfortingly in his ear. Hunter doesn't know how long they sat there, neither does Sebastian, but they do know that something changed between the two of them.
"You're going to be okay again, Hunter. I promise."