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The box in front of me was begging to be opened. Pulling out the contents, I scanned the room quickly for places to set them. I looked around my new house and smiled. It was going to be great. I was so excited to be here, so far from the memories. Here, I would create a new life and new memories. Maybe I would even find love again, if I allowed it.

I was in the guest bedroom. Well, that's what it was originally. I was turning it into an office. Knowing the way I was, it would never be used as a bedroom. I ran a finger across my cherry-oak desk. It was gorgeous. I had fallen in love with it the moment I saw it. The chair that accompanied it was comfy as well. I pulled out the pen cup and supplies, setting them in their correct spot. I then pulled out some books and placed them in the overhead bookshelf. The shelf was larger than I expected; I would need some photos to fill the rest of the space. Sighing, I turned back to the original box.

I stopped when I saw the next item. Sadness crept into me as I slowly pulled the picture out. The glass of the frame had been cracked in the move. Fitting, I thought as I stared at the image in front of me.

It was of a happier time. The man and the woman were smiling and there was definitely love in their eyes. They were standing on a beach with sand between their toes and the ocean behind them. The lifeguard had taken the picture at just the right moment; the sun was setting and its rays made the horizon red. In the picture, the man and woman's skin glowed and they looked like they would be forever.

I'm sorry, Jasper.

An image of the man with a gorgeous smile appeared in front of me. He was tall and lean, muscular and oh-so-sexy. His smile made me melt on contact. He had blue eyes and blond hair. He was from Texas and would use his accent when he wanted to seduce me. He didn't have to try very hard. The man was perfect.

And I let him go.

Leaning against the wall, I closed my eyes and thought about the day I ended it. It was last December. He had no idea that I was going to do it and I broke his heart, but I thought it was the right thing at the time. I will never forget the look in his eyes when I did it. It was pure pain, pure devastation.

I saw Jasper later, about three months afterwards. Awkward was an understatement. He was definitely guarded talking to me and I knew why. He had to have been replaying that break-up in his mind repeatedly as we talked. He smiled when he saw me, but it didn't reach his eyes. I could see they were still harboring the pain that I inflicted on him. Pain I never wanted to cause.

I kept the conversation light and he did too. I found out that his company landed a huge client for a new advertising campaign and if it goes well, it will be the start of great things for him and the company in general. I smiled at that and told him I was proud; I knew how hard he worked to get that company started. He was extremely busy with meetings and potential clients, along with hanging out with his friends and family. I didn't get a chance to ask about them, though. I missed them; I hadn't seen them in awhile.

He asked me about work as well. I told him that I landed a new client and she was gorgeous. I couldn't wait for her face to start appearing in magazines and ads everywhere. I mentioned that she looked like him, blond hair and blue eyes. I told him that his smile was more beautiful though. I realized later I shouldn't have said that. His eyes darkened at the memory of before and I knew the conversation was over. After he left, I cried over him for the thousandth time.

I sighed as "that day" drifted into my mind. He showed up at my place right on time, carrying roses, my favorite flower. We went out and had a great time. He talked and laughed, holding my hand and telling me he loved me. I felt so special and beautiful. I felt free.

Then it was ruined. As I sat with him by the fire, I noticed him stand up and walk across the room, picking something up and turning back to me. With a small smile on his face, he crossed to me and knelt down on one knee. It wasn't until then that I saw the ring box in his hand. My breath hitched at the sight and my heart began beating wildly.

"I love you," his Texan-accented voice said, "I have never been in love with anyone before, but that changed when I met you. You are my world and I will spend the rest of my life making you happy." He took my left hand in his right one. "Alice Cullen, will you marry me?"

And just like that, I felt my freedom slip from my hands. I stared at him, not registering that he wanted an answer as I flashed on myself sitting on the front porch of a house, our house, reading a book and waiting for the children to come home. Of having to devote my life to them and not to me. Of having to sit in on PTA meetings and soccer practice instead of late nights at the office. I wouldn't be able to do what I wanted to do. I wouldn't be able to go to Europe with a gorgeous man beside me (preferably him). The beating in my heart increased again and my left hand started to sweat in his. He tilted his head to the side. "Alice?" he said. "Did I lose you?"

I shook my head and came back to reality. "I'm sorry, Jasper," I whispered. How dare he do this to me?

He smiled. "That's okay. Now, will you marry me?"

I shook my head again. I felt my heart clench as I watched the smile slowly fade from his beautiful face. His blue eyes were confused. "What?" he whispered.

"I'm sorry, Jazz," I said, pulling my hand away and standing up. "I'm so sorry, but I can't do this. I can't marry you." I turned and headed for the door.

He caught up to me and turned me around. "Why not?" he asked.

"Because I can't," I said. I couldn't tell him it was because I was scared. Scared of the unknown. Scared that I wouldn't be enough. I loved him, but would that hold him to me forever? How seriously did he take vows? Suppose we married and a few years later I met someone else? Or he did? Or we were struck with tragedy? I would lose him. It couldn't happen.

He pulled me to him. "Alice please," he said. "I love you."

I shook my head and pushed away from him gently. "I can't Jazz. And I think it's best we don't see each other anymore. I don't want to feel suffocated."

The last thing I saw was his jaw dropping at my words as I opened the door and ran out. I sped down the driveway, not looking in the mirror and reached my home in minutes. My phone rang and I shut it off. He had to realize that it was done, we were over. I walked into my bedroom and changed into pajamas, trying desperately not to think about him. I turned the television on and saw the ball drop in New York City, signaling the start of a new year. A new year without the man I loved. At that moment, I couldn't hold back. I collapsed on the bed and wept.

I never gave him the reason why, nor did I ever tell him I loved him.

Pulling myself away from the memory for a moment, I gently ran a finger over his face. He was a gorgeous man and I doubted I would ever meet another one. I thought I knew what I wanted. My freedom was more important to me than any man…even Jasper Whitlock.

I shook my head. I couldn't believe I had been so stupid. Ever since then I had missed him terribly. That was what finally made me move. The memories of him were non-stop. I had to start my life over again. I couldn't be in the same town as Jasper, not where I might run into him and realize what I lost. I couldn't see him heal and find someone else, looking at her the way he looked at me, loving her the way he loved me. Even today, almost a year later, it still hurt too much.

Standing up, my back against the wall, I slowly moved to the box and placed the picture back in it. Then I turned and walked to the bedroom, changing slowly into a tank top and shorts and climbing into bed. I didn't sleep through the night anymore; ever since the break-up. I may get a few hours in but then the memory would creep into my mind and I would awake sobbing. I reached my hand out and picked up my appointment calendar, flipping it open to the day with a big red circle around it. I hung my head. I didn't even call him to wish him a happy birthday, even though it was after we saw each other. I was too scared that he wouldn't want to talk to me that I thought it was best. Of course, he didn't call me either. I bought a belated card but didn't send it. It just didn't seem right.

Another memory flooded my mind as I remembered the two of us last summer; laughing, joking and enjoying each other's company. I smiled as I thought about the joke he told me on our one-month anniversary. We were in his car and I was watching the sun bounce off of his beautiful skin. The top was down and his blond hair blew in the wind, making my breath catch and itching for my fingers. I ran them through it lightly, watching him almost purr as he concentrated on the road.

I flashed on the memory of when I realized I loved him. He had gone off on a business trip in early October and had just text me telling me when he would be home. I held the phone against my chest and whispered "I love you" as though he could hear it. That morphed into my fear starting to rise as the weather became cooler. I thought we would be okay. I never expected him to propose to me.

He gave me love and all I gave him was goodbye.

And just like that, last December flooded back. The pain in his eyes will haunt me to the day I die. Even when I saw him earlier this year, I knew he was broken. He had lost so much when I ran out that it would take him awhile to recover.

I wished I could go back, knowing how much I missed him and stopping it from happening. I would have accepted his proposal and made him happy. I now knew that marriage does not mean prison, it means living freely with the one you love. I could have married him and still focused on my career. He would have been my primary cheerleader and I would be his. I could see it now, his eyes shining in respect as a smile graced his beautiful lips, pulling me into a hug and telling me how proud he was after I became president of my company.

I lay back in bed, closed my eyes and saw his tan skin and sweet smile. Jasper worked hard on his tan and it made his blue eyes and blond hair stand out even more. He looked like a surfer, even though he wasn't, just very fit. I didn't demand anything from him, but he said if he wasn't fit then I wouldn't be interested. I tried telling him that wouldn't happen, but he didn't listen. And his smile…oh God. He was so good to me. He would open doors and give me foot rubs, ask me about my day and call me just to tell me he loved me.

So right.

Then I thought about that day in September, the first time he ever saw me cry. I had fought so hard for that model, put in late nights and canceling dates with Jasper to show how dedicated I was. And when I found out it was given to my best friend, Bella Swan, I lost it. I broke down in Jasper's arms. He held me tightly while I cried, never telling me to stop or get over it. He just held me in his arms and let me have my moment. After I recovered, he told me I was still beautiful and smart and pampered me for the rest of the night.

"Maybe it's just mindless dreaming," I said to myself, "but if you took me back I swear I'd do it right." I knew that we didn't have a chance, but if he forgave me, I would show him how much I still love him. I would pamper him and never let him go.

I really wished I could change the past. I wished I could go back in time, but I can't. I wanted to go to his place and knock on his door, to see if he would answer it or if I would be greeted by the chain. I would totally understand if I saw the side of his face as the taut chain told me to get lost. And then hearing the words, words which would totally destroy me and any hope of reconciliation.

"I'm sorry Alice," I could see him saying through the chain. "I need to move on and forget about you breaking my heart. I can't do that if you're still around."

And then the door shuts, the chain going limp.

I began weeping as the memory of last December returned. The pain in his eyes as I told him no, the mistake I made in running out on him and most importantly, turning my phone off so that he would get the message and stop calling. I saw the snowflakes falling as I drove home, another symbol of the sadness I had created. I threw him away without a valid reason.

"I wish I could make it all right," I said into the darkness. "Jazz, I go back to December all the time."

My pillow became wet with the tears that fell as I cried myself to sleep, his beautiful voice echoing over and over.

All the time.

The next day, I had finished putting my stuff away. I was heading out to buy some dishes for the new place, along with a pet. I had decided on a rabbit as they were small and quiet and sad, just like me.

I opened the door and jumped at the image in front of me.

He hadn't changed much. Well, his face was leaner and his eyes were sad and his tan had faded considerably but other than that, he was the same beautiful man that I ran out on.

"Hi," he said softly. I smiled.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

He sighed. "I'm tired of being in pain," he drawled, his accent warming me. "You have no idea how often I go back to December, thinking about that night." He ran a hand through his hair. "I know I have no right to ask this and you were firm in your answer, but I need to know…"

"Yes," I answered immediately. His blue eyes lit up. "If you wanted to know if we could have another chance the answer is yes." I took a step closer to him and noticed his eyebrow arch. "I've missed you, so much, Jazz. I thought that marriage meant giving up my freedom and that scared me. It wasn't until after I let you go that I realized what really scared me was you leaving me. I figured we would get married and you would tire of me and the leave. That is what truly scared me. I wasn't giving up my freedom; I was giving up my happiness. I was giving up the man I loved."

He smiled as the words registered. He finally knew I loved him. Placing a hand on my arm, he pulled me to him. "I love you, Alice. I always will."

I felt his lips on mine and all thoughts of December fled as I held on to him. As we reacquainted ourselves, the past became a distant memory. I knew that the oncoming December would produce new memories, memories that I would be happy to go back to.

A/N: Thanks for reading! Please review and let me know if you would like this story expanded.