How to Annoy the Phantom
or
How to get yourself Punjabbed Around the Opera House and Back
Constantly rub it in his face that he lost Christine to a guy who swishes his hair.
Decorate the lair in pink fluffy things.
Get him a thong for his birthday.
Drill holes in his boat.
Take off his mask at inopportune moments.
Teach him to swear.
While he's sleeping, remove his mask and hide it…
…At the bottom of the lake.
Paint his mask in bright, sparkly colors.
Play "Chopsticks" on his organ whenever he's trying to compose.
Put goldfish in the lake.
Once he starts to become attached to the goldfish, add piranhas.
Bust the mirrors in the torture chamber.
Replace all his normal candles with scented ones.
Give him a gift card to Victoria's Secret.
Tell everyone he's really just a big softee.
Reprogram the monkey music box to play "It's a Small World" incessantly.
Hide the ring Christine gave him.
Tell everyone he changed his name to Erika.
Lock him in a basement for an hour with Raoul.
At random moments, slap him on the arm and say "mosquito."
Remove all ropes from his sight.
Give the managers full knowledge of his whereabouts and plans.
Ink the inside of his mask.
Laugh and be happy.
Do not act intimidated by him in the least.
Ask him to give you a copy of "Don Juan Triumphant." Correct his spelling and grammar.
Constantly interrupt him by saying random things.
Replace the candles in the prima donna dressing room with relighting ones. Thus ruining the effect.
Light off firecrackers whenever you think he needs to make a grand entrance.
Cut a hole in the butt of the red death suit. Ensure he wears it to the next masquerade.
Add pink butterfly wings to the red death suit. He should notice about the same time he notices the hole.
Make sure the crowd notices before him.
Get a recording or Carlotta singing. Play it constantly.
Get him to go to church.
Force him to watch recordings of "It's a Wonderful Life."
Come up with a long list of similarities between him and George Baily.
Do the same thing with Chuck Norris.
Tell him Carlotta is his cousin.
Constantly sing "All I Ask of You."
Tell him Raoul is his brother.
Come up with a long list of family resemblances.
Secretly get him ingaged…
…To Madame Giry.
Sing horribly off-key.
Hug him. A lot.
Refer to him as the "Deformed Social Reject of the Theater." (thanks to my bro for this one!)
Come running down to his lair at random moments screaming, "The mob is coming!"
Get him a teddy bear. Insist he hug it whenever he feels angry.
Be Raoul. Be alive and with Christine.