It's hard to believe that I'm making a sequel of sorts to Flametastic Crack.
Well, you don't really have to read the first one to understand this one. Just understand that this is all complete CRACK and is meant to not make any logical sense at all. So, if I have talking babies in this story, then it is no mistake, it's supposed to happen.
Summary: What?! Kyuubi is alone? And was that Minato walking down the street? … Why is Itachi such a little girl? And why does it seem like everyone just lives in the hospital nowadays?
Warnings: Utter crack, random pairings, mpreg, illogical happenings, and the like. Don't like, then flame.
Disclaimers: Just be glad I don't own Naruto in any way possible. You'll see why after you read this.
Enjoy! ... Or not…
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Striding through the hospital halls, a pregnant Akamaru was trying to decide on what to do. He was extremely bored. On top of him laid the father of his puppies, Pakkun. Sadly, he was sleeping at the moment so that just made him even more bored.
Eye twitching, Akamaru jumped.
Pakkun plopped to the floor.
Unfortunately for Akamaru's amusement, or lack thereof, Pakkun stood up.
"What the hell was that for?!" Pakkun was not happy to be woken up in such a way. However, Akamaru didn't care. Instead, he just turned and left, hoping to find some kind of entertainment.
"Aww! Come on! Don't be that way!" Pakkun gave chase to his bigger lover. "This isn't because I got you pregnant, is it?" Akamaru huffed and hit Pakkkun in the head with one of his huge paws.
Pakkun promptly fell to the ground for the second time and stayed down in his own dream world.
The big, white dog couldn't care less as he finally found something to do.
That squishy-looking bag with a tube in it next to the bed with the person in it looked like a fun chew toy.
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"Shino? Honey? Did I do something wrong?"
"None at all, sweetheart."
"A-are you sure? Because, there's got to be something I did to warrant such… behavior…"
"None that I could think of, Kakashi. I'm just following our son's lead."
"But, did you guys really have to do th- pbph!" Kakashi spit out the dirt that was thrown into his mouth.
"Sorry." Shino said, insincerely. He continued to shovel more dirt from the dirt pile next to him and throw it into the hole he and his one year old son made not too long ago.
Their son pushed more dirt into the 6-feeet-deep hole that his father was now currently lying in.
Kakashi, after getting most of the dirt out of his mouth, tried another tactic in getting out of the hole. "Son? Can you please tell me why I'm in the hole that you're currently filling in?"
The young boy stopped pushing dirt into the hole to answer his father. "I want to see how long you can survive under ground." He smiled down at his father then started pushing the dirt into the hole again.
The grey haired ninja nodded. "Ah, I see. Okay, then, son. You may continue."
Not stopping in his digging, Shino complimented his son in his smart thinking. "This is an excellent experiment, son. Trying to see how long your father can survive underground. I'm very impressed."
"Thanks, mom!"
And they continued to bury, the very much alive, Kakashi into the ground.
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Asleep far away from the insane family of three, were Naruto and Lee in their shared room. However, they didn't have a shared bed as they believed that sex wasn't important enough to be a part of their relationship.
But, we're not going to worry about that as we have to get to the point and ignore Lee completely at this time.
Naruto was restlessly sleeping on his bed. Sweating profusely as he tried to get away from the insufferable heat, the blond felt as if his body was being ripped apart. This continued on for awhile as he struggled within his covers.
Eventually, he came to stop. It was quiet as he didn't make the slightest movements. Then, without warning, there was a bright light. It vanished as soon as it appeared and in it's place lied, not one person, but two people.
The blond boy was still asleep, albeit peacefully this time. Next to him, the red haired beauty was awake with green eyes shining brightly in the night.
Without a peep, the slim figure escaped from the house and ran down the street, hoping to get to the person she's been hoping to see for some time.
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Sakura waved her hand in front of Sasuke's face. "Hey, asshole, I've got a question for you."
The ebony haired man smiled slightly at the four girls in front of him as his boyfriend and daughter stopped walking with him. "Sure, Sakura. What's up?"
Before she could ask her question, though, Konan interrupted with a squeal as she knelt down in front of the one year old girl. "Aww! She's so cute! What's her name?!"
"Her name's Bubba." Shikamaru answered, smiling down at his daughter.
(Kisa cooed at the name. "Aww! That's so adorable!" She looked over at her girlfriend. "Can we have a baby some day?"
Ino shook her head. "Not until we finish with our other task first."
The blue haired girl pouted, "Fine.")
"Say hi to the girls, hon." Shikamaru continued to his daughter.
The little girls with big brown eyes looked at each girl before her.
"Hello, bitches. What the fuck brings you to this hell hole of a crappy village?"
Konan, Kisa, and Ino blinked in surprise at the one year old's vocabulary while Sakura smirked at the kid and Sasuke looked at her in adoration.
Kneeling down next to Konan, Sakura shook the girl's hand. "Nice to meet you, Bubba, my name's Sakura."
"Nice to fucking meet you, flower-bitch." Bubba shook Sakura's hand and turned to the woman next to her. She looked at the carnation in the blue hair. "Ahh, you must be a flower-bitch, too." She looked between the two women. "I guess you two are fucking?"
Sakura nodded enthusiastically and pointed to two other women behind her. "We're with them, too, which is sort of close to the thing I wanted to ask you, Sasuke." The pink haired woman stood up to face Sasuke once more.
Bubba stared at Konan. "So, the four of you are fucking together. Must be interesting."
Konan smirked, "It is."
Sakura ignored them as she continued onto her question. "The girls and I were wondering if-"
"No, Sakura, I will not join you four in sex." Sasuke answered in monotone.
The women looked scandalized as Sakura tried to gain back some ground. "Ew! No! Nonononono! Stupid, Uchiha! I was going to ask you if you knew where Temari and Karin were."
Said Uchiha didn't even have the decency to look embarrassed. Instead he pointed behind him in the direction of the hospital. "Last I saw of them, they were on their way to the hospital with honey, toothpicks, feathers, and a rubber band… I think they also had some black ink with them too."
Sakura nodded in thanks for the information as she and the girls began heading toward the hospital only to freeze as a loud clash of trash cans come from across the street. All seven of them stare at the alley way where the noise came from and wait. Not long after, a blond haired man stumbled out of the alley way, rubbing his head.
Kisa piped up first when they all came out of their shock. "That guy looks like Naruto."
"Yet… it's not." Ino finished as they all tilted their heads to the side.
…
"Oh well!" Sakura interrupted their contemplations. "Let's go girls!"
The four women headed on down to the hospital leaving Shikamaru and Sasuke wonder what it was that they wanted with Karin and Temari. Bubba didn't wonder, though.
She knew.
"Can we fucking go to the park now, asswipes?" Instead of getting an answer from her parents, though, she felt herself being picked up into the air and flying in circles around a person. Said person was laughing hysterically as he claimed that he loved her to pieces.
Eventually, she was put down on the ground again. Once she was a safe distance away from the-crazy-man-who-scared-the-fucking-crap-out-of-me, she looked at him.
The man who was just swinging her around was talking to the other man next to him excitedly while pointing at her.
She wondered if he was on drugs.
"Did you hear her, Kiba!? It was *$)!$ amazing! I &%*(#%$ felt this sort of &%*^$ bond between us and I-" He cut short, frowning. "Why am I still being censored?! She's not being censored and she's using more curse words than I am!"
The other man, Kiba, just patted his companion on the head, smirking. "It's probably because she's adorable, Hidan. Who would want to censor a cute kid?"
Hidan pouted, crossing his arms. "I would…"
"And that's where your non-adorableness comes in." Kiba pointed out. He kissed Hidan on the forehead. "Come on. We should go. I promised Danzo I'd help him on his house."
The taller man sighed. "Fine." He turned back to Bubba, who has been watching them in rapt attention. "Do you think we could hang out sometime soon and maybe you could teach me how to be adorable so that I won't be censored anymore?"
Bubba nodded. "Sure, why the fuck not?"
Hidan smiled, "That's my girl!"
Without even looking at the two parents, who by the way were making out the entire time, of the girl, the two men took off.
Bubba turned back to her parents, stomping on their feet to get their attention. Once they stopped hopping up and down on one foot they each took one of her hands and walked with her to the park.
About fucking time.
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Gaara could feel his eye twitching. No matter how much he wanted to take deep breath and calm down, he knew he couldn't with the raving lunatic jumping up and down in front of him.
You see, this all started when the Kazekage wanted to go out to dinner with his boyfriend and in doing so, told him the "great" news.
"You're fucking pregnant!!" Iruka couldn't keep his glee in. He was going to be a father! Oh happy day! He continued to jump up and down in joy not noticing the impending doom coming from the redhead across the table.
All further jumping for joy and planning for demise of a certain dolphin stopped abruptly as they heard a cry of pain just outside the window by their table. Outside stood the one and only Kurenai trying desperately to keep her pregnant boyfriend from falling to the ground. From the looks of things, he was probably in labor.
Gaara's lips twitched down into a frown as he glared over at his boyfriend when the other couple got out of sight.
"Get up and let's go." At the curious blink from the brunet Gaara elaborated. "We're going to see Tsunade in the hospital." Gaara's gaze flickered down to Iruka's crotch that was oh so innocently under the table.
Iruka didn't miss the gaze.
The whole way to the hospital he begged, pleaded, and even bribed the redhead from thinking of hurting his best friends in any way.
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Somewhere close to the park were two men skipping throw a field of flowers, happy to have such a nice day. As they leave the field of flowers, though, they find dirt that has been freshly dug up and put back in. Next to it was a shovel laying innocently on the ground.
Itachi skipped over to it, curious as what could be in there.
"I wonder if there's some kind of treasure in under there." Juugo, Itachi's boyfriend, spoke up from behind him. He took a step back, however, when the weasel began to jump up and down in delight, clapping his hands as he went.
"Ooh. Ooh! I want to dig it up!!" With that, Itachi dug into the dirt like the little weasel that he was.
Fifteen minutes later Juugo heard a high pitched scream from in the hole. Next thing he knew, he had an armful of boyfriend clawing at his back trying to get away.
Juugo looked down into the hole to see what had scared his lover into a panic attack. What he saw made him sigh and rub circles on Itachi's back, shaking his head as he thought that if the silver haired man was conscious he'd be laughing at the Uchiha.
He was double disappointed that he forgot to bring his camera that day.
A sleeping Kakashi is one funny sight…
…especially when he was sucking his thumb.
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In the Ramen Shop sat a lonely figure, eating a single bowl of ramen that she seduced out of the old man behind the bar. She wasn't expecting to have anyone come in at this time so she took her time in eating.
Her expectation wasn't met.
"Oi! Old man! I'll have the usual!" A woman with a powerful voice ordered from behind the redhead. Said redhead soon found the same woman sit on the stool beside hers.
The redhead felt a certain pull towards the other woman. Was this who she's been looking for? She decided to be her self and ask outright.
"Hey," The short haired woman faced the redhead in askance. The redhead continued, "Are you Anko?"
The woman, now proclaimed Anko, smirked. "I see you've heard of me. What do you want?"
A bowl of ramen was placed in front of Anko. She thanked the old man and began to eat. In the meantime, the redhead was having an inner war on whether she should say it outright or not.
She did.
"I'm pregnant with your baby."
Anko spit out her ramen all over the counter in front of her. She coughed, trying to get her breath back into her body.
"What the fuck?!" Anko stared at her in disbelief. "I don't even fucking know you!"
At this, the redhead smirked. "Of course you do. Everyone here knows me." The redhead paused.
"I'm the Kyuubi-no-Kitsune."
The smirk left her face when the other woman laughed herself into cardiac arrest.
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The ex-Hokage didn't know why, but it seemed like everyone chose today to either get sick or hurt. She wouldn't be surprised if by the end of the day every single ninja in Konoha today decided to drop by the hospital.
But, right now, she's not worrying about that. No. Instead, she's too busy trying to corner a certain teenager and ask if he wanted to join her and her boyfriend in their relationship. So far, it hasn't been that successful. Her boyfriend, Suigetsu, was actually starting to get upset.
He really wants a baby.
And like she said before, she is not going to have a baby. So, they decided that they need a little something more and that's where they are right now chasing man of their choice, hoping to ask him if he wanted to join.
By ask, Tsunade meant persuade him to the point that he has no choice but to say yes.
But the teenage didn't need to know that.
"Tsunade!" Suigetsu called from down the hall. "I've got him!"
The blonde grinned and ran down to where her boyfriend was with their soon-to-be boyfriend.
"Let me go!" Konohamaru was squirming in the grip Suigetsu had on him. "What do you want from me!?"
Suigetsu held onto the squirming boy. "Well, we both want you to be with us and I want you to have my baby." He stated quite bluntly.
Maybe a bit too bluntly as Konohamaru promptly passed out.
Tsunade sighed. "Well, it's a good thing we're in the hospital already."
Suigetsu just pouted as he picked up the boy bridal style, bringing him into the closest empty room to lie him down on the bed.
"Tsunade!!" Sakura shouted as she burst into the room. "Have you seen Temari and Karin?!" She still shouted.
The blonde put a finger to her chin, thinking of where she last left the two troublemakers. Then it dawned on her.
"They're in one of the rooms downstairs tied up to chairs."
Kisa came up behind Sakura out of breath. "Why are they tied up to chairs?"
"Because they tried to wreak havoc in my hospital!" Tsunade felt a tic coming from the corner of her eye. Those bitches will be the death of her.
A coughing sounded from behind Kisa in the hallway. "I'm sorry Tsunade, but I thought that this was my hospital."
The busty woman pushed the other two women out of the doorway as she ran out into the hall. Sakura and Kisa fell to the ground hard.
"I'm so sorry for my rudeness, Kabuto-san. I forgot that this was your hospital." Tsunade bowed deeply to the man in front of her, accidentally hitting her head on the ground which will surely leave a bruise.
"Oh, it's okay, honey. Just making sure we have our facts right." Kabuto pushed up his glasses with a finely manicured finger.
Tsunade stood up. "It's been awhile since you've been here." She stated.
"Yeah, well, since Kakuzu gave up money for life," he glared slightly at the man behind him who was too busy counting cookies to care, "I've been too busy to do anything but the financial work."
Before she could reply to that, another interruption was made.
"Tsunade!!" Gaara called from the other end of the hall. They all turned to face him. Well, by all, I mean Kabuto, Tsunade, and Suigetsu (who has been in the doorway the entire time). Kakuzu was still to busy with his cookies, Sakura and Kisa left to find Ino and Konan so they could all then find Temari and Karin, and Konohamaru was still unconscious.
Following the angry redhead was a very nervous Iruka as he was mentally planning for an escape in case Tsunade decided to agree to Gaara's plan.
"What is it this time, Gaara?" Tsunade chuckled, knowing what it was that he wanted.
Gaara stomped over to the ex-Hokage, about to ask for the final time for his boyfriend's castration when he noticed Kakuzu. Or, more specifically, what was in his hands.
"Are those cookies?" Gaara asked in child-like wonder.
Kakuzu finally looked up from his cookies to answer with a nod. Sadly, he never did get to finish counting those cookies for the 60th time over as he was tackled to the ground by a very happy Kazekage.
Iruka came up to the group, staring at his boyfriend. "I don't know whether to be jealous of the cookies or happy that he was distracted by them."
Suigetsu smirked. "Oh, be jealous. Be very jealous."
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Humming to a tune in his head, Steve watered another flower pot. He was very glad to have volunteered to help out the Yamanaka's with their flower shop. It was a lot of fun.
It let him get away from work as the best Hokage ever.
Though, it would be better if those fan girls (and boys) would get away from the shop's windows so that more people would come and pay for these lovely flowers. Oh well, maybe with his boyfriend's help of hanging the huge banner, he'd get a lot of customers!
Speaking of customers.
"Yamato! What a pleasant surprise!" Steve shook the other man's hand. Some girls (and boys) sent glares at Yamato from the window. "I'm guessing you want some flowers?"
Yamato beamed. "Yep! For both of my pregnant lovers! I just love them so much!"
Steve chuckled. "That's good to know. So, they're fairing well, then?"
"Yes they are." Yamato answered. "Both of them are two months along and still active as ever. In fact, Asuma has been holding conventions for the past few weeks and Danzo is painting the house today." He beamed once more pointing to some roses behind the counter.
"Good. Good. What convention is Asuma holding?" Steve continued the conversation as he finished up with the roses. Yamato handed him a twenty, telling him to keep the change.
"It's on how smoking is bad for you and that if you smoke, you can get cancer."
"Ah! That's great!"
A loud crash was heard outside.
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"You three, kneel down next to each other. You three, stand in front of them." Neji ordered the six Peins as they all got into positions that Neji wanted.
"Now, blow them."
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"What the fuck did you do that for?!" Sai screamed as his head hit the cement.
"The same reason you'd do it for me!" Amie screamed back. They both forgot that they were supposed to be quiet and so completely missed the two shoes that were aimed at them from the window above them. While Sai was knocked unconscious, Amie just got hit in the chest.
Though, that didn't stop Sai from falling on top of her.
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The blond ended up hiding behind a dumpster, trying to get away from the two psycho bitches out for blood. The blonde woman along with her redhead companion just didn't know when to call it quits, did they?
Stepping out from behind the dumpster about twenty minutes later, he tried to make it to the hospital as fast as he could to see if her could get some answers. Though, he didn't get far as he bumped into another person causing both of them to fall to the ground.
Looking up, they both thought they were looking in a mirror. Even though they had a few differences, they weren't too noticeable at a glance. In their shock, they both blurted out the same thing at the same time.
"Are you my twin?"
To say that both blonds were freaked out was an understatement.
The blond with Lee behind him stood up first, offering his hand. The other blond gladly took it.
"I'm Minato." The blond that was hiding behind the dumpster earlier introduced himself. "Who're you?"
"The name's Naruto." Naruto gave a cheeky grin.
However, it was short lived as he was promptly smacked in the face.
Stunned, Minato ran off before something bad could happen.
He rounded the corner and stopped. Taking a deep breath, he began to move at slower pace, hoping to get to the hospital without any more interruptions.
No such luck.
Without taking even a mere five steps a scream starts off on the other side of the street. Looking over, Minato finds a man cowering behind a taller man who was carrying another man who vaguely resembled Kakashi. The man who was cowering took a peek over at Minato with red eyes (was he an Uchiha?) but suddenly dashed back behind the burly man.
If he had super hearing, Minato would have known that Itachi was whispering to Juugo that the man on the other side of the street was the Yondaime. And then he would've notice that Itachi was actually having another panic attack, but he didn't, so he just moved away from the crazies.
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While that was all happening, a few blocks away Zetsu was busy tying up his boyfriend, Kankuro, to the bed and then leaving him with his puppets.
"Zetsu! Please! Don't leave me hear with them! You heard what happened to Jiraiya one night, right?! It got so bad between him and Sasori's puppets that he submitted to them thus submitted to Sasori! I can't submit to my own puppets! That's suicidal!"
The green man chuckled. "Then it looks like you're going to have to find a way to submit without dying, babe." He shut the door behind him, ignoring the screams, and left the building, hoping to find someone to torture before he got back to his boyfriend.
After a few minutes of walking he found his perfect victims.
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Itachi made a promise to himself after he calmed down for the second time that day. As he hung onto Juugo's arm, he promised that he wouldn't have another panic attack for the rest of the day.
When he saw Zetsu run past him, he didn't pay any mind to it.
When he saw him doing something to Minato and Ibiki, he didn't think anything of it.
When he saw Minato and Ibiki making out in the middle of the street, he still kept his promise.
He never said anything about fainting.
He just hoped Juugo didn't mind.
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In a restaurant that wasn't too far from Itachi's fainting spot, Deidara decided to treat his boyfriend to a nice meal.
It's a shame that Hinata caught on as soon as they sat down.
"What do you want?" He asked without any preamble.
Deidara chuckled nervously. "Um… I know that we've been together for awhile now and I love being with you. And I would love to be with you for years to come. Uh… Hinata, will you marry me?"
He was hugged tightly by the other man, Hinata nodding and chanting "Yes" all the while. Deidara hugged back as he was relieved that the first part was done.
They heard screaming from across the room before he even had the chance to continue, unfortunately.
"I'm going to rule this world and then all of you will have to bow down to me!!"
"Chouji! Sit down before we are kicked out!"
"Who would dare kick out the ruler of the world, Orochimaru?! They had better think twice before they do!"
"If you sit down and give up this ridiculous dream of yours, I'll let you have as much salad as you want!"
"… Fine…"
Deidara and Hinata turn back to each other and chuckle at the little escapade their friends just went through. The blond stopped, though, when he thought about his other question.
"Um… also… how would you feel if we asked your sister to join?"
By the time he saw the punch coming, it was too late to block.
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"Well, at first, we were to come here today because we both felt weird in our stomachs as well as we kept throwing up in the mornings. But then I found that I also needed to come because I have no idea what happened to Kyuubi. It's like she all of the sudden disappeared. Then, I get this slap in the face from my look-alike who really knows how to slap. And lastly, Lee said he hurt his pinky." Naruto explained to the, rather annoyed, nurse in one breath.
Shizune's eye ticked. God, she hated people. They're all just a bunxh of idiots who don't know up from down!
"As for the throwing up and stomach whatevers, you guys are probably pregnant, I'll get you a doctor for that. Kyuubi's in the other room with Anko, waiting for her to wake up. She also said something about her being pregnant or whatever."
"Who? Anko?" Naruto questioned.
"No, numbskull! Kyuubi! And that slap from your look-alike? You probably deserved it-"
"Hey!"
"-And the pinky? Suck it up!" She yelled at Lee.
Then she left without another word.
Naruto pouted. "I hate that lady."
~Hours later after the tests~
"How the fuck are we pregnant with kittens!?" Lee shouted as Naruto passed out.
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"Please! Tobi's a good boy!"
"Well, if Tobi was such a good boy, then why does he want to go against my orders?"
"B-but… I just want to show you!"
Tenten frowned. Then, she hit him with a fly swatter. "No! Bad boy! I said no and that's final."
"B-but!"
SLAP!
"I just want to-"
SLAP!
"Show you my oth-"
SLAP!
"Please!!"
The brunette heaved a large sigh. "Fine. If you want to bring out your other half, then you can go fuck yourself." She tried to stalk off but was stopped with a hand on her wrist.
"Don't you think I would if I haven't already tried? That's why I have you!"
Tenten paused, tears coming to her eyes. "That's… the sweetest thing you've ever said to me."
Tobi perked up. "Tobi's a good boy!"
She nodded in agreement to her boyfriend. "Now, why do you want to show me your other half? Madara? Did you name it?"
"Yes!" Tobi nodded. "He's practically the opposite of me."
"Hmm." Tenten wrapped her arms around his neck. "Kinky."
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It took awhile but Itachi was finally awake from his faint a mere half hour ago. He shook his head to get rid of the fogginess around him. Looking around him, he noticed that he was lying under a tree next to Kakashi.
Abruptly, he sat up. Juugo was sitting in front of him. He gave the burly man a questioning look.
"Why are we lying here in the park?"
Juugo shrugged. "I didn't feel like carrying both of you. So, I waited for one of you to wake up."
Itachi looked over at Kakashi, who was still sucking his thumb, sleeping. "I guess he hasn't woken up yet."
"No, he did." Juugo contradicted. "But, once he saw you lying next to him, he jumped so high in the air that he hit his head on a tree branch. I believe that the only time he is knocked unconscious, he sucks his thumb like that."
"Oh." So that's where that large bump on the grey haired man's head came from.
Wait a second…
"You mean he was scared of me?" Itachi asked.
Juugo nodded.
Itachi pouted.
"Well, look at what we've got here."
Juugo and Itachi looked over at the spot the voice came from. Standing not too far away were Shikamaru and Sasuke with their daughter, Bubba.
The older Uchiha squealed. "Is that my niece?!" He ran over to her, hoping for a hug but instead getting a kick to the shin. "Ow!"
"The fucking name is Bubba. No shitty nicknames. Got that, bastard?" At Itachi's dumbfounded nod, she continued to her parents. "Why the fuck do I have a pussy for an uncle?"
Sasuke shrugged.
Shikamaru got a black marker out and stalked over to Kakashi.
Juugo sighed.
Itachi bawled his eyes out.
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To say that Akamaru was happy was an understatement.
He was ecstatic!
So many people he knew were coming in and now he wasn't so bored.
Of course, his good for nothing lover didn't take away his boredom the second time he found him.
So, he just hit him on the head again.
Now, he's been walking through all the rooms he could to maybe get some information on why they were here. So far, it's been going really well.
For instance, the first room he went into was the one where Kurenai and Jamie were in. Jamie was in labor and cursing up a storm at Kuranai. He would've stayed longer but then he took a look at the boy's lower regions and ran off before his lunch decided to make a turn around.
The next room was better than the first. This one had Anko and another woman who said her name was Kyuubi in it. They were arguing about how Kyuubi couldn't be pregnant with Anko's baby if they've never had sex but then Kyuubi mentioned about that time when Anko licked the blood off Naruto's cheek during the chuunin exams which only confused him to the point that he had to leave before he got a headache.
In another room, Suigetsu was trying to convince that boy, Konohamaru, who was tied to the bed, that he's perfect for joining their relationship, especially if he wanted babies. That was only in passing, though, as Akamaru didn't care about there relationship dynamics.
The last room he was in before now was the one with Naruto and Lee were in. He would've gone in to congratulate them on being pregnant with kittens but by the looks of thing in that room, he decided it was better not to.
So, now, he was going to find another room to get some more juicy information.
Ooh! Here's one now! And look, it's his master, Kiba, with his boyfriend, Hidan, and good friend, Danzo. Each one of them looked like they were in some kind of fight.
"How the &*%$ did that (^$^(*$% ladder come *&%#$ down and $&^$# land on *%#%^ both of us?!?!" Hidan looked pissed.
Danzo answered back, yelling. "I don't know! It's got to be you and your boyfriend's fault because you were both holding onto the ladder!"
Kiba barked back. "This, in no way, is our fault! We held on! You probably pushed off!"
After his outburst, they were all silent. Then, Danzo made the first move by placing a hand over his stomach.
"At least the baby's okay."
Kiba smiled at the affectionate man.
Hidan stared at Kiba. "I want a baby."
The dog lover's eyes widened.
Akamaru left before any conclusion was set.
He was walking in the halls until he found six women talking with each other.
Sakura was leaning against the tall blonde who was smirking down at her.
"So," Sakura started huskily. "Tonight. All of us?"
Kisa came up behind the same blonde, wrapping her arms around her. "It'll be fun." She whispered.
Konan was holding the redhead around the waist. "How about you? Are you game?"
Ino, who had her arms around the redhead's neck grinned in anticipation.
Karin smirked at them. "Oh. I'm game."
Temari nodded in excitement. "Of course, of course. But first, Karin and I have some business to attend to." She stated in a serious tone.
"But of course, you'll know where to find us." Konan answered back and the four pursuing girls walked away from the other two, excited for that night.
If Akamaru could grin cheekily, he would, but he can't so he just continued walking down the hall.
In a room he was just passing by, a loud slap resounded from within. Akamaru took a sneak peek into the room only to find Hinata and his sister corning a poor blond male. He would have helped the blond but he wasn't sure if he'd be able to stop himself from ripping off the older Hyuuga's head off.
God, he hated that man.
So, instead, he continued forth in his adventures through the hospital.
oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo
A constant whimper came from the smaller dog that was also searching throughout the hospital. Only, instead of searching for information, he was looking for his lover.
Pakkun, who had a huge bump on his forehead by the way, searched aimlessly through the halls hoping to find his Juliet and forever, be graced by his presence.
If his lover had even heard the nonsense spewing about in his head, he'd surely gain another bump to the head.
But no matter! He'll find his pup and be his knight in shining armor.
Despite the fact that Akamaru did not, in fact, need saving.
He stopped in his search, though, when he heard an argument going on in one of the rooms nearby. The door was shut so he couldn't peek in.
"I told you that it was suicidal!" Shouted one voice.
"And I told you to try to find a way to not get killed!" A second voice countered.
"Remember what I said about Sasori and Jiraiya? Huh?" The first voice spoke once again.
"What about us?" Said a third voice, which sounded quite amused.
"I think they're referring to those puppets that you guys carry about." Stated the fourth voice.
There was a small silence before the third voice spoke again in an amused tone. "You got attacked by your own puppets?" He sounded like he was trying not to laugh.
"Well, if it wasn't for him," There was a lot of venom in the voice of the first man. "leaving me in the room alone with them, then I wouldn't be in the hospital in the first place."
A new voice spoke up from within the room. "Aww. Come on. You know you liked it."
There was a small huff. "Liked it?! I was trying to escape for my life! If it wasn't for Jiraiya, I'd be dead! Thanks for the help, Jiraiya."
The fourth voice, also known as Jiraiya, chuckled. "Of course. Anything for a fellow victim against the Puppet Army."
"Aww." The third voice, also from what Pakkun could guess, Sasori, sounded upset now. "I thought you liked my puppets."
Jiraiya barked out a laugh. "Yeah right. You think I like being tortured by those… things?!"
"Hey, watch it!" Sasori spat back indignantly. "Those are my parents you're talking about!"
"Which makes it all the more creepy!"
"That's it!" Shouted the first voice, Kankuro, interrupting the couple's argument. "I give up on puppets! I'm going to break apart all my puppets and start with a new hobby."
The second person (Zetsu) spoke up once more. "Does it involve sex?"
"No, you idiot!" Kankuro replied. "Oh, and speaking of sex, you're not getting any for a month."
A squawk from the room followed by some laughter was the response and Pakkun decided that he'd rather not stick around any longer.
Though, he didn't get too far as a sudden gust of wind cam up around him that had him spinning until he hit the floor on his back, facing the way the wind went.
Was that Amie carrying an unconscious Sai?
He didn't have much time to ponder that as he was then stomped on by at least four pairs of feet. Or, at least he though he was. He wasn't sure if he was hallucinating for he thought he saw six of the same person carrying one limp Neji over their heads.
Pakkun shook his head and fell down to his side to get a better look.
The six Peins were going through one of the doors to an empty room with Neji still sitting on their shoulders in a daze.
Or, at least he was…
… Until he crashed into the wall over the door.
Ouch.
To his side he found two more people trying to pass through the doorway. One of the men he noticed was Ibiki while the other man looked a lot like Naruto…
Wouldn't it be easier to go through the doorway with their lips separated?
From the way they were pulling, it looked like they couldn't separate.
Down the hall he heard Kankuro yelling.
"You did WHAT?!?"
Ah, that explains it.
Pakkun found that he couldn't stay up any loner and swiftly passed out.
oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo
The older Uchiha didn't notice the other people who were sitting with him and Juugo in the waiting room of the hospital.
He didn't notice Sasuke and Shikamaru wasting all their money at the vending machine so they could give the candy to their demanding child.
He didn't notice Asuma sitting a few chairs down waiting anxiously for his other lover to arrive.
He didn't notice Iruka glaring at Gaara while said redhead was busy trying to steal all the cookied from Kakuzu who has been trying to hide away behind Kabuto who has been going through a financial crisis the entire time.
He didn't notice that Shino and his boy had left awhile ago to track down the whereabouts of a certain grey haired ninja (who, by the way, is still unconscious).
And he definitely didn't notice when Steve and Yamato finally came in with an unconscious Gai being held up between the two only to be dropped when the wood element user noticed his lover and ran to him to be informed of his other lover's mishap at the house following behind his burly man to go to his other lover thus leaving the current Hokage with his deadweight boyfriend.
No, he didn't notice any of these things because he was still in his own panic attack and probably wouldn't even notice if a bear cam up behind him to eat him.
…
Oh my god! He was going to get eaten by a bear!!
Itachi began to hyperventilate staring straight in front of him hoping to calm down enough so that the bear behind him didn't eat him.
Unfortunately, in front of him was the hallway that led to rooms for patients and right as he started to think that the bear behind him wasn't going to eat him, a large, furry, white animal walked through.
Oh my god!! It's a man eating polar bear and it's out to get Itachi!!
That's when he thought that if he went into a coma, he'd be safe.
And he did just that.
oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo
Akamaru briefly wondered why a man fell limply from his chair in the waiting room.
oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo
Shizune grimaced in her spot behind the reception desk.
Ugh, she hated people.
She'd go for pigs any day.
Speaking of pigs, she has to remember to give her little Tonton a reward for being a good girl.
She smirked as she thought of her babe's reward, completely ignoring the man who just went into a coma in the waiting room.
oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo
In the end, Tenten and Tobi were the only ones who didn't go into the hospital that day. They were to busy with other… kinky… things. It's a good thing too because Tsunade didn't want to take care of anymore people that day after taking care of one finicky Uchiha (who is still in that coma).
Eventually, all the unconscious people woke up and got together to form a coup de tat against their loved ones (except for Gai because he could never go against his boyfriend). They planned meetings for every Tuesday and Thursday night.
Their plans for those meetings never went through.
The people who were in the hospital but weren't unconscious ended up playing poker in Naruto and Lee's room because they had the biggest room in the hospital.
Bubba ended up winning the entire thing.
Sasuke and Shikamaru couldn't be more proud.
The girls still had their plans for later that night but that's not for hours from now. In the meantime, Temari and Karin were hiding away in the lunchroom, finishing up with their plans.
"And what, may I ask, are you two up to now?" A busty woman, who bent down to look at the two mischievous women who hid under the table, asked.
Said woman crawled out from under the table and tried to grin innocently. Keyword being: tried.
"Nothing." They answered back.
Tsunade gave them a pointed look.
That's when they heard someone scream down the hall.
"GET IT OFF!! GETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFFGETITOFF!!! JUUGO!! I DON'T WANTdsfdfjgbkasfih!!!" The rest was jumbled and broken off in sobs as Itachi's voice rang out through the hospital.
Tsunade glared at the two girls.
Temari and Karin just laughed sheepishly.
oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo
The next day, Konoha's Hospital was shut down due to infestation of cockroaches.
oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo
The End
So? What did you think? I'm actually surprised that it's longer than my other story. I had to stop a few times because I was laughing too hard. I loved writing Itachi! XD
Don't forget to review or flame!!