Sometimes, I really hate CCTV.
Not because it's against human rights, or because I have better things to do with my time then watch boring people live boring lives.
No.
I hate it because I see things I don't want to see.
When you get involved with Jack, you know it's not a ordinary relationship. Your not going to be able to call him your boyfriend, no matter how much you want to. It's so hard, because he's so un-accesable, and yet he's so easy to touch. He'll do anything with anyone.
Anything but fall in love.
Actually, no. He does fall in love.
Just not with me.
I really don't see what I could have done differently. I plan all sorts of amazing things to say to him, to explain what I want, to tell him how I feel about him...
and then I see him and I forget everything.
And after, lying in bed, thinking back on the night, I can believe. I can just believe he loves me.
But then, I wake up, pour myself some coffee, and watch the CCTV...
and I see him making out with Gwen Cooper.
She already has a husband. Doesen't she have enough? I lost my girlfriend, and I've never had Jack.
She's got a husband who loves her. And Jack. Jack loves her. I see the way he looks at her. I never say anything. I don't want to say it because that will make it true. I know that he might never love me, but what gives him the right to love someone else. And he doesen't see anything wrong with it either! He never apologises, never even seems sorry.
I can't hate him because he doesen't mean to be cruel.
Actually, no. I can't hate him because I...
no.
I am attracted to him.
That's all.
I refuse to fall in love with captain Jack.
I refuse to fall into that catagory. I've met some of them, you know, people who blew up buildings or started plagues of aliens... just to get Jack to notice them. Past lovers. He seems to have a lot of them. People like me. People who...
no.
I don't love him.
I don't.
Really.