I am someone who tries to please people. I like praise. I've spent my 18 years trying to hear the words "I'm proud of you." From my grandma. I never do. I'm never good enough. I've been listening to Proud by Icarus Account for like 5 hours. I actually made a video to it. I got this idea and I don't know. This is not meant for me to try to please you guys. It's meant to hopefully put my feelings into better words.
Summary: Even though his dad had spent 13 years out of his life. Eddie couldn't help trying to make him proud.
This is a fic that's a series of moments a series of flash backs if you will. Eddie and Patricia are 36.
I'll spread these wings and try to fly
And if I fail at least you know I tried
I hope that I make you proud
Even if I fall
~ The Icarus Account
Eddie stood outside the hospice room nervously. He knew it was coming. He knew everyone's life had an expectancy. His dad's just happened to be 20 years after they reunited. He started pacing. He slightly wished his wife was there to help calm him down in her own special Patricia way, but she was at home taking care of their 4 kids. He felt someone tap his shoulder. He turned to face a nurse.
"Mr. Miller if you have any last words, now would be the time to say them," she said calmly before walking away. Eddie paced some more in an attempt to gather any thoughts. Once he had his thoughts straightened out he stepped into the cold room.
"Hey dad," he murmured turning to look at his dad. It was cancer. Cancer winning. Slowly wearing his dad down till there was nothing left. He knew it'd be a lost cause. He had clung to hoping for the best. This was not a best scenario. He was losing his father. His father who had spent 13 years out of his life. The father he spent trying to make proud when he had finally reentered his life. Eddie thought back on his attempts to make his dad proud.
20 years ago
Sixteen year old Eddie Miller had been called into his father's office. He had been working his butt off trying to get his grades up in a small attempt to make his dad proud. He had been getting help from Mara and Fabian, and he knew it was paying off. His grades improved dramatically. He was certain his father would have noticed this improvement. He was hoping it would earn the words 'I'm proud of you.' He had heard the words from his mother but never his father. Now that could be due to the fact his father had been absent. Eddie knocked on the office door.
"Come in Edison," his father said as the door was opened.
"So what do you want," Eddie asked. His mind thought about calling him dad, but he still wasn't that comfortable with referring to Eric as dad. He was still bitter about his dad walking out when he was three.
"I've noticed your grades have been improving," Eric said calmly before gesturing to the open seat on the one side of the desk. Eddie was ready to hear those words. Four words. He was trying so hard to here.
"Yeah they have been dad," he stammered slightly at the word dad.
"Keep up the good work. It's nice to see you finally making an effort with your schooling." Eddie felt his face drop. That's not what he had been working to hear. He took it as a sign he'd need to work harder.
Present day.
"How you feeling today," Eddie asked already knowing the answer.
"Better then usual," Eric said with a cough. Eddie had already been told that in the final hours they'd start feeling better.
"That's good to hear," he smiled weakly. The pair sat in silence. It gave Eddie more time to think of his many attempts to make his dad proud. He thought back to graduation.
18 years ago
18 year old Eddie stood awkwardly in the living room of Anubis house. He kept tugging at his tie. He couldn't believe he made it to graduation. He had to laugh because his freshman math teacher said he'd either be in jail or dead before graduation. Well he was graduating sure he was in boarding school in England, but it counted.
"Eddie stop it, what are you so nervous about. You're starting to annoy me," his girlfriend Patricia snapped noticing his nervousness.
"Thinking about what the teachers I had before i came here said."
"And what was that," she sighed. It was just them in the living room. Trudy wanted pictures of all her students before they all headed to the school to graduate.
"That'd I'd either be dead or in jail."
"Well you're neither."
"Yeah I know."
"So why do you care so much," she muttered she hated when he got like this. He'd get all deep and stuff and she always felt like she needed to be not herself for a few minutes to make himself feel better.
"I don't care that much."
"Yes you do slimeball. Don't lie to me," she sighed.
"Okay it's not that I care about what they think," he sighed. She knew it was coming, one of his gut spilling moments.
"Okay then what is it exactly?"
"I really care about what my dad thinks. I just want to hear him say he's proud of me."
"I'm sure he's proud of you slimeball. Don't worry about it. We're graduating cheer up," she murmured.
"You're probably right," he said. He pulled her into him and planted a kiss on her forehead.
"Peddie moment," Amber squealed as the rest of the house joined them in the living room. Trudy snapped pictures of the kids and they then headed for the school.
Present day.
"How's Patricia? The kids," Eric asked. Eddie had had the entire family in to see his dad yesterday. He figured today would be best to come alone. The oldest child had been slightly traumatized at the visit. 10 year old Emma knew grandpa was dying, but seeing someone once so strong now so weak scared her.
"Kids are good. I wanted to bring them again, but Patricia thought it'd be best if it was just me today," he said quietly.
"I would've liked to have seen them."
"They miss you," Eddie said lying slightly. They missed the old grandpa, the healthy one. The sick one they weren't close to. Eddie was thankful that only Emma would really have any memory of grandpa. The middle child 6 almost 7 year old Lucas might remember some of his grandfather. Then the three year old twins whom Eddie had nicknamed ,Pancake and Hoagie much to Patricia's displeasure, would most likely not remember a thing.
"Bring them next time then," Eric asked.
"I'll see about that dad." The pair sat in silence. Eddie thought back to the night when Emma was born. He had this weird thought in his head, that maybe by not running after his kid was born his dad would be proud of him.
10 years ago
Eddie's mom had flown over to England for two weeks, to spend time with her son and his eight months pregnant wife. The two Miller's decided to host a small gathering. Eddie's parents, Patricia's parents, and some of their Anubis family. The group of people had gathered in the Miller's back yard. Mr. Williamson was trying to teach Eddie how to grill properly. Patricia's mom, Eddie's mom, Amber, and Joy were fawning over Patricia. Asking her if she was ready to be mom, if she was excited. If Eddie was excited. Jerome and Mick stood awkwardly off to the side of where the girls were standing or sitting. They made small talk. Eric hadn't arrived. He claimed car trouble and said he'd be there soon. Eddie had finished the burgers, just barely earning approval from Mr. Williamson. When there was a knock at the wooden gate to the side of the yard.
"Come in," Patricia yelled as she attempted to stand up to get some food. Eddie noticing his wife's struggle to stand up went over to help.
"Here let me help you," he smiled.
"I'm pregnant not paralyzed I don't need help," she snapped.
"Fine," he sighed. He was used to it at this point. He had mastered the art of just agreeing that she was right a long time ago and went with it.
"Sorry I'm late my car wouldn't start I ended up borrowing my neighbors," the last member of the group said entering the yard. They ate their food, small talk being the only things spoken. Patricia had gotten up to get something from the kitchen, when a few moments later there was a frantic cry. Eddie leaped from the table.
"My water just broke."
"But we have another month."
"Well apparently not." The pair rushed to the hospital. Their parents waited in the waiting area. A few hours later. Emma Evelyn Miller was brought into the world. The sets of new grandparents were soon allowed to see their new granddaughter.
As Eric studied his new granddaughter he had only one thing to say to his son.
"Don't be me. Don't leave your wife and kid. Don't turn into me."
"I hadn't planned on it," Eddie murmured staring at his daughter. He pondered how his dad had been able to leave him so easily.
"Good," was all Eric had to say.
Present day.
"Before I go Eddie, I need you to know something," Eric coughed slightly. Eddie sat down next to his father's bed. He took his father's hand in his.
"Yes dad?"
"I'm proud of you. You worked hard to impress me in school. You found happiness. You're an amazing father, when I failed you. I couldn't be more proud."
"I've spent 20 years trying to hear those words from you dad."
"I'm proud of you for not being me."
"It really means a lot for me to hear those words dad."
"I'm proud of you," Eric coughed one final time.
"Goodbye dad," Eddie said quietly letting go of his dad's hand before standing up to go find a nurse.
Rushed ending. Road blocked.
Headcanon Eddie's mom's name is evelyn. BAM.
Headcanon Peddie will have a daughter named Emma after the bass player from sick puppies.