McCoy's Heartbreak
By: Wolfa Moon
S: Kirk/McCoy/ Spock: McCoy saw it and it made his heart hurt. The way Jim lit up when Spock entered the room. He knew then he had lost his friend. (Post Star Trek: Into Darkness).
D: Don't Own.
/McCoy'S HEARTBREAK/
McCoy saw it and it made his heart hurt. The way Jim lit up when Spock entered the room. He knew then he had lost his friend. They had grown into something more during the academy. Yet after he became captain it was strained. They visited enough. Fooled around enough. Yet when Spock was in the room with Jim there he saw it. Saw that he was a side dish to the main courses.
Sitting in a room that had become his after they returned to earth and brought Jim back from the dead. Then the word crumbled from underneath him. Looking at his padd. Transfer forms on one and resignation on the other. All he had was his profession. Thinking the world would go on without the famous doctor McCoy. He signed the resignation. Starfleet wouldn't let him go. He was a poster child like Kirk and Spock. The faces of the Federation.
He had to go. Checking in on Jim, Spock was there sitting.
"Hello doctor," Spock greeted solemnly reading his padd.
"Hello Spock," he had wondered what it would be like if all three of them got together. Yet reality was too forward for him. Spock kept glancing at Jim while he read. Moving to the monitor Len can feel eyes on him.
"How is he doctor?" Doctor, doctor never Leonard or McCoy.
"He's doing fine." Picking up a padd updating all his allergies. Also transfer of responsibilities to another doctor he trusted.
"Are you alright doctor?" McCoy looks at the Vulcan hoping his mask is on tight.
"I'm fine. Why do you ask?"
"You seem to be paler than usual. And there are dark shadows under your eyes."
"Just busy bringing our captain back from the dead."
"For which I am grateful." McCoy smirked. Betting he was grateful. Ever since they joined up on Enterprise the space had been growing between him and he thought boyfriend Kirk. Yet Spock had come in and blew whatever McCoy had out of the water.
"Well what would the world be like without captain Kirk?" the world could go on without doctor McCoy.
"Indeed."
Spock observed the doctor. He noticed how close the captain and the doctor are. Yet recently the captain seemed to be pushing the caring man away from him. Yet the captain needed him. Even when he was dying he made him promise that he would watch out for McCoy. Yet he had failed in his rage. And the doctor had still saved the man who meant a great deal to them. Spock had grown a friendship with Kirk. He felt there could be more but then there is the doctor. Watching the doctor touch Kirk he felt jealously. Then he saw the sadness in the doctor's eyes, as if he is saying goodbye.
"Doctor," standing next to the bed. McCoy jerked back from the bed. "Sorry doctor. Are you alright?"
"You take care of him."
"Doctor."
"He likes you, Spock. What he felt for me was…. is long gone. He likes you. Take care of him."
"Where are you going?"
"I don't know. Take care of him."
"Doctor, I suggest you reconsider."
"Spock, he never asked for me. You were there and …"
"Doctor."
"Good bye, Spock." Len held out his hand to the Vulcan. Knowing the taboo but the man could give him this.
Spock took his hand and felt the jolt of sadness and defeat from the man. The heartbroken man who has lost everything. Acting on his human side he reached out and nerve pitched the doctor. The doctor collapsed into him. He knew his emotions had placed the action in him but he could not let this hurt man run away.
/McCoy'S HEARTBREAK/
McCoy awoke to a pressure on his chest and one hell of a headache. Opening his eyes he takes in a bedroom. It was his and Jim's.
"Damn Vulcan voodoo."
"Sorry doctor but I couldn't let you go under such duress." Looking to his left to see the culprit sitting in a chair.
"What did you do to me?"
"It is a nerve pinch."
"Then why do I have a weight on my chest."
"Look down." Looking down Jim was hugging him tight and squeezing in so close they melded together. "I must confess I skimmed your surface memories and informed the captain of your emotions. When I began to remove you from medical the captain insist on being here when you woke up."
"Damn infant. Who knows what you could have caught on your way here."
"I'm your infant." The grumbled reply came. The body snuggling closer to me. "You said you would never leave me."
"You were leaving me kid." Kirk focused his baby blues on the man he lay upon.
"I never left."
"You did. Ever since the Narada you've become distant. We go through the motions but the spark we held. You let go to go with Spock. And then I saw the spark we had there. I was an old dish. You ordered a new one."
"Damn it Bones I," he didn't know how to respond. He had felt different after that but it was memories not his own. Of a life not his and he wanted part of that.
"See, so get off me and let me go."
"No, I…"
"You didn't ask for me, Jim. You died and I had to find out when he carried your body in. It broke me. And I am not gonna put the pieces together again. I tried with you but we… I'm done. So get off and let me go."
"No."
"Stop being such a child when you've outgrown your toys. Just admit it. You want Spock."
"I do."
"Then let me go. I'll go."
"Want you too."
"You can't have both."
"Why not?" Spock spoke. They look to the alien. Jim smiles devilishly at him. "Why not doctor?"
"First off," McCoy looks at the hobgoblins. "You took him. Jim you hang out with him more than me. I know I sound whinny but it's true. Ever since Narada you've been different. You grew up and I was too old. You got a new toy."
"You're my favorite toy." Kirk spoke maintaining his hold.
"No I'm not. You made that clear."
"When?"
"Why didn't you call for me?" McCoy needed to know. The room was silent. Kirk buried his head further into McCoy's chest. "Scotty was there, even Ny. Why wasn't I?" The room remained even more silent. A pin could drop. And it did. McCoy shoved Kirk off of him. He had yearned for so long to have but no. He is broken. Moving away. His anger building again. It's all he really had left. Swaying with whatever voodoo the Vulcan did to him he backed away form the alien as he approached. He hit the opposite wall hitting a dresser. Spock made a move to get to him, as did Kirk. "Why didn't you call for me?" Jim looks stricken, slapped by the hurt filled words. McCoy slides down the dresser. He is broken.
Jim moves to him slowly.
"Bones," McCoy began to weep. It was so long since he was called Bones. Only if he spurred a little jealousy or in the heat of the moment and he forgot. "Bones, I told him not to." Moving slowly as if McCoy were a colt about to bolt. But that wasn't it. McCoy was breaking, broken. "I was frightened. And I… I was a coward." He scoots closer to his lover. "I didn't want you to see me afraid. You should remember me as I was."
"What, a back walking away from me?" Kirk froze. Had he really hurt him this much? Looking at Bones he sees the tears. The emotional man showing him everything. Had he become so blind?
"I'm so sorry Bones."
"I'm done saving your life. You have him. Let him do it." Curling up tighter into a ball. Sounding even more pathetic then he wanted. "Go to your Vulcan."
"I want you, Bones. I love you. Yes, I have feelings for Spock too. I know you. I needed to know him. Wanted to see if what other Spock showed me could be. That we would be the trio spoken throughout history. That we could be the elite."
"We're not them. We were together and then… just go. Spock take him and go." Spock has been watching them. Had been seeing what his older was talking about. That these people are important. Don't let them go. Then to see the man who his alternate spoke of so highly yet little breaking before him. Seeing he had help cause this. Sure he was getting to know the captain, but what of the doctor. The doctor that older always remained aloof too. Telling him things but also concealing things. There is more he needs to ask his older about the doctor. Yet right now he needs him to stay. Needs him.
Moving toward the doctor the man scoots back till he is in the corner. Stunned he remains still. The man is gasping for air. This is not good. Then it stops and McCoy slumps into the corner. Kirk makes a move toward him.
"Jim, I recommend we leave him there. After we moved him without permission the last time." Kirk sits back. A lost of what to do. "I recommend you rest while I contact Spock." Jim moves to the bed but sits himself to watch the corner.
/McCoy'S HEARTBREAK/
Spock waits patiently as the call comes through. Preparing himself to confront his elder. On all he has bestowed and transpired. Also to confront on what the man has left out.
"I need to inform you about the doctor."
"Is he alright, has something happened?"
"Yes, something has." The older looks down wondering how the present has changed with an old foe
"Is he ill? Injured?" Seeing worry mare his features.
"Please tell me of the doctor." Being caught the older looks at the younger.
"What has happened?" His voice stern like a father.
"Jim has been paying more attention to me then to the doctor. Their relationship has become strained that it broke what they have. He doesn't believe that I wish to be apart of them." Older sighs looking down.
"I fear in remaining silent about him that I have hurt what should be." Spock waits silently for the other man. "Leonard," he sighs as if it hurts to speak the name. "Leonard is more intoned with our mind then any other."
"A mind match."
"Yes, his empathy gives him that shine that calls to us. He is very emotional." Which the younger acknowledged with a nod. "But we need that. That bit that we identify with our mother, our humanity. I trusted him with the most important thing I have, my katra." This stunned the younger man. "He gave so much to save us. He survived for many years after tragedy took Jim from us. I fear that I would not still be the man I am today if not for a simple southern doctor. You need to cherish him. For when he is gone you will always feel it."
/McCoy'S HEARTBREAK/
Returning to the bedroom to find Kirk sitting at the head of the bed still staring at the huddled ball in the corner.
"What did he say?"
"That he has messed up what should be something wonderful."
"Ok, how do we convince Bones of that?"
"Let me see what my counter has shone you. So that I may in turn impart this to the doctor."
"He has a name." Kirk informs him.
"I know but I dare not speak it till I have earned the right." Spock lifts his hands to Kirks face. Skimming his mind till he found the treasure that the other had given Kirk. Opening it he is surrounded by memories of a life that never happened here, yet. Looking through he saw the three of them. Saw the memories of Spock and Kirk at the forefront. Focusing on the doctor a special door was there. Opening it, he is flustered with the emotions thrust upon him. Then the smile and love. Relearning emotions to express how deeply. Then the man almost dying on him. Self sacrificing himself for the greater good for them. Seeing McCoy now as a beacon in the night. Always there to be their heart of the group. Then the sad seeing his older holding the man as his light went out. The anguish.
Reeling back he gasp. All he had seen and felt. Kirk looks at him. Spock had shielded Kirk form what he might see. Yet looking at the captain there are tears running down his face. Kirk reaches up to notify the wetness upon the Vulcan's face.
"Leonard," Spock breathes. Turning to the corner. McCoy is gone.
/McCoy'S HEARTBREAK/
He awoke from his doze to see them face to face. Spock doing some Vulcan voodoo with Jim. See, he thinks. They deserve one another. Getting up he leaves. Picking up an emergency bag from the living room closet he departs. There aren't many places he can go. His face plastered beside Jim and Spock on Federation join now posters. Moving through the now cold of night. Moving the cold seeps into his broken spirit. Need to go someplace they won't look. Then he figures it out.
Knocking on the door he is hoping it is not too late. The door opens to a beautiful ebony face.
"Hey, Ny I hope I'm not intruding." She smiles at him warmly. Moving from the door she allows him enter. For she saw his eyes.
"You okay Len." He nods his head before shaking it strongly. Moving toward him she hugs him tight to her.
"Can I crash here?" He hasn't asked that since their first year. Kirk bringing home another conquest. Getting all the alien booty he can.
"Sure," she moves him to the couch. "Want some tea?"
"Have anything stronger?" she shakes her head.
"I'll make you a hot totty."
"You are a godsend." He burrows into the couch. The warmth of her room beginning to seep into his old bones. They won't look here. With the downfall of Spock's relationship with her. They would avoid her.
She reenters giving him his drink and sitting close by him.
"What's going on?"
"I.. I could really use a friend right now."
"Is this about your resignation?" he looks at her. "Yeah, Pavel found out about it and has been asking around if it was true."
"How'd he find out?"
"The higher ups asked him. What is going on?"
"Jim, Spock. Jim with Spock." Nyota understands now. The distance had been growing between herself and Spock. But didn't know that it had begun to interfere with Jim and Len's. Len leans into her. His forehead hot but his cheeks cold. That low slimy slug and other colorful metaphors filed her mind. She is gonna kill him. "Please don't be angry."
"Sugar, I am not angry with you." She wraps her arm around him pushing his head closer to her neck. "I may kill our captain though."
"Not my captain. I resigned." she nods. "Can I hide here?"
"Of course you can. Let's get you to bed."
"I'll sleep here."
"No," she begins to move him. The man is blotchy and shaking. They had shared a bed before. The nights of Kirk's escapades. The man the most noble and gentle hearted she has ever met. Gallia even loving the southern man. Moving their beds together when he was over. A big huddle under the covers. Yet McCoy ever the gentlemen. Didn't mean Gallia and Uhura didn't ever steal a few kisses and touches. But mostly all kosher.
Laying him down she removes his socks. Gathering in his rush he forgot to put his shoes on. Getting them in bed she pulls the man to her.
"My sweet Len. You are worth so much more than they deserve." he snuggles into her warmth. And she is gonna prove it to them. Kissing his forehead she lets him slept while she contemplates the beat down she is gonna deliver.
/McCoy'S HEARTBREAK/
Pavel knocks on her door the next day. McCoy had caught a cold in his escape here. Moving to the door she lets the boy in.
"Howz iz he?"
"Sleeping. Thank you Pavel for getting this for me."
"No problem." He follows her as they enter her bedroom. Ny sits on the edge of the bed moving the covers off McCoy. Chekov comes over to see their doctor. "Vhat happened?"
"Kirk broke up with him."
"Vhat? Vhy?"
"Spock."
"Ey yi yie." Running a hand through his hair. "Iz there anything I can do?"
"Hack into their cortex and make it cold extreme one minute and hot the next." The bundle of doctor laughs. Then coughs.
"That's a nice sentiment but Ji… Kirk just got out of the hospital against medical request. So just make something that sounds like water leaking everywhere. Make it travel so they have to hunt it down."
"Good one Len." Ny applauds while applying a hypo. "That should make you feel better." The drugs do work nicely.
"I can do that." Chekov spoke. McCoy looks at the Russian.
"Ok," Chekov beams. The doctor and him had a rocky start but they had proved to each other their worth. McCoy became almost a father figure in the emotion department for him. The one to go to when the embarrassing things came up.
"So yov are resigning?"
"Yup." sitting up the world moves.
"Easy Len." he nods.
"You can't tell anyone I'm here."
"Yes sir," McCoy gives him a look. "Len." Len smiles.
"Good." he looks around. "Now what do I do with myself." He looks to them. They smile together.
"Let's go sightseeing."
"Why not." he agrees. Gives them something to do. And it gives him something to not dwell upon.
/McCoy'S HEARTBREAK/
"I can't find him anywhere." Kirk spoke. He was breathing heavy. Spock escorts him to a chair. "I look in all are old haunts. Even a few that Bones didn't know I knew. Nothing."
"Jim I don't think the doctor would want you up and about after your recent experience.
"Then he shouldn't have left us." he breathes deeply
"You're not doing anything for Leonard by ruining his hard work on saving you."
"Maybe that will bring him back."
"No, that will make him angry. Besides he already signed you over to a different doctor."
"He what/ he can't do that."
"He can and he did." Kirk stares at the ground hard.
"I need him Spock. I can't be the great captain Kirk without him."
"He doesn't want the great captain Kirk. He just wants Jim Kirk, his friend and lover." They both sit. Their eyes going to a Starfleet recruit poster.
"I screwed up."
"We both did."
"So you want in on us?"
"If there is yes."
"You think he won't come back."
"He is hurt. We hurt him. It will take a lot to want him to come back." Spock moves down to lift Jim into his arms. He did this before when he was dead. Jim goes willingly since he drained most of his reserves up. Spock remembers
/He had screamed in rage. Rage turning to see a shocked Uhura and Scotty.
"Open the door now," he growled at Scotty. Scotty going to the controls to make sure the decontamination is done. Thankfully it is. The door swishes open and Spock all but hauls the captain into his arms. The body cradled close to his chest. Passing by Nyota he hears her gasp.
"Oh no," she knew what this would mean. But then she sees Spock's eyes. There is murder there. "Len, does Len…" bypassing her he heads right to sickbay. Dropping off the body he doesn't stop but to look one last time. For he is filled with rage and needs it. With a quick glance at McCoy he sees sorrow. No time. He walks away. He has a man to kill. A friend to avenge./
Laying Kirk in his and McCoy's bed. The man they pushed away had given them back Kirk. Lighting a candle he kneels to meditate. See what he has missed. Pondering on the time he spent with the captain. Kirk maintained appearance he was single yet there were pictures and items that spoke otherwise. Now he sees the doctor there.
Then what he saw of what his elder left in Jim's head. The older had loved the doctor. Holding the doctor, letting him rest against his chest while they read and did reports. Content.
Opening his eyes he sees Jim asleep on the bed. Then looking around for, Leonard. He had never once called the doctor by his name. After so much time spent with and by the man he had never called him but his Christian name. Next time he sees the doctor he is gonna grab him and call him by his name.
/McCoy'S HEARTBREAK/
Carol Marcus did not want to be seen by anyone she knew. With recent events they had abandoned her treating her as if a leper. Going to a public tourist sight she didn't feel so alone. Looking up she hears laughter to see a cable car coming down the street with four people she knew. All of them hanging out of the side laughing and cheering.
She wishes she had friends like that. She did she thought.
"CAROL!" she turns. The trolley stops a little past here.
"Told you is was her," McCoy spoke. "Carol," he waves to her. She came toward them. Looking at them and seeing them smiling. Uhura smiling at McCoy. Then the two drivers, Sulu and Chekov, if she remembers right. McCoy hops off to stand before her. "What are you doing?"
"Walking around." Uhura jumps down pushing on McCoy's shoulder. Looking at Carol and McCoy. Wondering if she can heals McCoy's heart with a new love.
"Want to join us?" Carol looks at this smiling faces.
"Where are we going?"
"Chinatown."
/McCoy'S HEARTBREAK/
Kirk needed to get out. Spock finally conceded. As they began to walk around the campus they realized how much life has returned to the campus. People signing up in droves. Replenishing their ranks. Laughter caught their attention. It was midday so classes were over. But what got their attention was who's laughter. Both of them knew that laugh because they were gifted with the rare occurrence of his rare laugh.
Spock watches as Kirk heads off toward the laugh. Stopping they see them. McCoy had his arms carded with Nyota's and Carol's arms. Carol leaning more into him. Pavel and Hikaru were doing something silly. Looks like cartwheeling. Then Carol lets go handing a bag to McCoy. She does a cartwheel. They all laugh but applaud as she completes it. Nyota goes next adding a little ballerina flair at the end. The girls collect their bags from McCoy. Encouraging him to do one. He laughs and plays it off. But then he does one landing in a crouch. Standing up bowing. The other clapping him on the back. Carol and Ny giving him soft pecks. Then they head off but McCoy freezes.
Then their eyes connect. Jim smiles at McCoy. McCoy looks away heading away from Jim. A part of Jim breaks at seeing his lover run from him. Jim never realized when Spock came up next to him. Or when he laid a hand on his shoulder.
Nyota saw them after McCoy did. The man so strong and full of life a minute ago drained of it. McCoy ran away.
"Carol can you go with Len. Take him back to my quarters." Carol nods. Looking at the captain before running after the doctor. She knew there was something more there but that could wait till later.
Nyota began to make a move toward the captain. Her fellow crewmates following her. Coming up to the captain she slaps him on the face. Spock catches him. Spock knows what it is to be on the other end of a pissed off Uhura's slap.
"He brought you back into this world and I sure as hell won't ruin that for him. But that does not give you the right to walk all over his heart. He gave you everything and what. And you," she turns to Spock. "How could you? I know you both love one another. Len even welcomed you in. He didn't mean for you to push him out. Yet you," turning back to Kirk. Kirk who was rubbing his sore cheek. "You pigheaded man. He gives you life. And you steal his heart. How dare you?"
"Uhura, I've tried to contact him but he won't."
"Really how far have you strayed from your new lover."
"We have been together for a while now. The reason we are not searching separately is because Jim is not feeling up to his old self." Spock informed her.
"Well when his old self is back. I hope he sees how much he's hurt a wonderful man."
"Uhura,"
"Shut it."
"No, I love him. I want him. But he won't let me talk to him. I need to explain."
"He made it clear. He welcomed Spock into your trio, for you. Let his heart welcome you both. Then you push him away. When was the last time you hugged him? The last time you even had sex? A kiss that was more than a good bye? Jim, you did this. Figure out what you want. You are not allowed near him until I say so."
"And what of Carol Marcus?" Spock final spoke after her lecture.
"What of her? She is one of us."
"What are her intentions toward doc… Len?"
"I'll answer that when you can say his name without hesitation. Grow up." she leaves. The two seniors look at their two junior officers.
"Do you have anything to say?" Hikaru looks at Pavel who just looks at his superiors before him. Pavel steps forward gives a curt nod before leaving. The two share a look then look at Sulu. He just shakes his head and walks away. Sometime silence is more hurtful then words or the expected action.
"We have a lot of work to do."
"Agreed."
/McCoy'S HEARTBREAK/
Carol had ran after the emotional doctor. She had been welcomed without question. Given one of the best days she has had in a long time. Then to see a man who had smiled so much just crumble. It hurt to watch. He was willing to die for her mistake. Coming upon him he sat huddled under a tree.
"Len, Leonard?" Moving close his shoulders are shaking. Her heart breaks. Sitting beside him she places a hand on his shoulder. She had missed something really important.
"Sorry, sorry you had to see this."
"I'm not. Can you tell me what happened?"
"What did you see?"
"I saw a man I had a wonderful day with get lost in 2 seconds and hurt."
"And?"
"You and Kirk were in a relationship?" McCoy nods.
"Yeah," looking over at her.
"Now he is with Commander Spock."
"You got it darling." She smiles not at the situation but at the southern charm. "You probably think I'm a big drama queen."
"No, your heart was broken. And I always had a thing for southern accents." he smiles at her.
"Yours ain't half bad itself."
"We'll then let this Brit buy you a drink at the pub."
"How about we buy a bottle and go home with our friends and play a game of apple to apples."
"What's that?"
"An old game. It's fun. Especially when you have good company and good liquor."
"It's a date.
/McCoy'S HEARTBREAK/
Carol woke to a warm masculine chest under her cheek. The group had gathered back at Uhura's. Booze was bought as well as food. They sat around getting drunk and playing the game. Then they changed games to strip poker. Then things became too fuzzy for her to remember. Sitting up she looks down at Len. Len had loosened up more as the night progressed. Then seeing more of him then she thought but she was not disappointed. Looking up she just stares at the handsome doctor. Who in their right mind would give up such a good soul?
"Mmmm," he moans. His arm coming up to pull her topless chest closer to him. Carol wiggles a little to get away. "Good morning."
"Sorry," she whispers back. "I just need to use the lavatory." he nods. Moving his arms off her slowly. Letting it travel down her exposed back. They share a smile as she gets up passing Hikaru who is in a chair with a pillow to cover his dignity. Chekov on the ground beside him. The only one fully clothed. Boy can he play poker. Passing the kitchen she sees Nyota putting on coffee. They share a smile. Uhura had lost her fair share of clothing but apparently had time to put on some cloths. "May I?" Gesturing with her hand over her naked form.
"Yeah, I'll lay them out for you."
"Thank you." Carol likes these people a lot. Doing her business she comes out to her bag on the door. Taking it she stepped in pulling out her brand new day dress. Coming back out to the kitchen everyone is up and moving. Hikaru had apparently commandeered back his cloths. Chekov sat in the dinette chair sipping his drink. Then when she turned to McCoy he still had his shirt off. Uhura is sitting beside him. Her head resting on his shoulder as he drank the coffee.
"So what are you doing today?" Carol asks as she enters the kitchen.
"Not sure yet," Uhura sighs. "Len what do you want to do?"
"Riding." he speaks.
"Riding, what?" Uhura gives him a devilish smile. He smiles back kissing her on the head.
"Horses."
"Fun," Carol ends it and decides it.
/McCoy'S HEARTBREAK/
Kirk didn't know what to do. He had racked his brain all night. Looking over everything he did and didn't do. Sure he brought Bones down with him on almost all of his away missions. He had become his good luck charm. Yet he never told him that. That with him there he felt safe.
Then he let Spock into their duo. With Spock there too he felt safer. Yet he needed to know his right hand man. Then he spent more time with him. McCoy spent their time playing chess reading or whatever. Whatever, great. When was the last time they had sex just the two of them. Racking his brain he couldn't. Sure he and Spock had solo time.
Oh man did he screw up. The man saves his life over and over again. Brings him back from the dead. What does he do? He thanks Spock and ignores his friend, lover. Uhura was right. He was a bad lover. Closing his eyes he tries to remember the last time he had McCoy all to himself. All he can remember is a good night kiss or was it a good-bye kiss.
Spock sat at his terminal. His eyes going to Jim then back to his final moments. Remembering something that was said and ignored. Jim did care for the doctor. Seeing his lover sulk he gets up.
"Let's go for a walk," that always seemed to perk Jim up a little. Then he takes in his mate. He is staring at a photo. Looking down he sees the photo. It's an early one of just McCoy and Kirk. They are in civilian clothing looking young so full of hope. Their beginning.
Outside in the sunlight they try and remain anonymous. The dark hides their pain. Walking along a path they hear a shout.
"Come on slow pokes, HA!" they turn at the voice. Then they see it. The face of the man they love looking so free. The air wiping past him as he controls the beast between his legs. His face pure joy. He rides past, near them. They see his control and freedom. The man who is scared of space and transporters riding a horse at full gallop.
Kirk's heart sinks. What had he done? Looking at the happy Bones it made him feel sick and weak. Turning past Spock he walks back to his house.
Spock watches Jim gone. Jim has been fading and becoming distant ever since the doctor left. Sure they had had a romp in the hey to try and pull up his spirits but it was just routine. They went through the motions. Yet Kirk seemed to grow deep into depression. The man hardly eating or sleeping. This had to stop.
Spock made his move that night. He had hijacked his way into Uhura's quarters. He didn't break in really. Just Ny had not changed her code since they broke it off. Sitting there he waited.
/McCoy'S HEARTBREAK/
The group had riding all morning till lunchtime where they stopped someplace to eat. They bit the breeze and enjoyed life. Then after lunch they returned back to Nyota's place. Then they froze.
"What do you want?" Ny snarled. Spock stood up.
"I must speak to Leonard." The group looks to McCoy. McCoy looks to them and nods. He knows he has back up now.
"Let's go for a walk." They make a path and Spock walks out.
Outside, they walk not far.
"What do you want Spock?" Spock turns on the doctor who stops.
"I wish for you to come back with me and talk with us."
"And why would I do that? Jus because you finally called me by my first name I'm gonna roll over and come back home." Spock holds out a data chip. "What's that?"
"It was Jim's final moments. I know you wanted to see it."
"But somebody had deleted it."
"Yes, I did." McCoy stares at him with his arms still folded over his chest. "I am sorry. I realized that you should have heard Jim." Spock gives a moment thought before continuing. "Jim is not doing well. He is barley eating and sleeping."
"Did you have sex to try and cheer him up?" McCoy knows Kirk old stand by. With Spock looking away he gets his answer. "Yeah, thought so."
"Leonard, please." Spock reaches for the retreating doctor. "I can't allow you. Please see him. Let me show you." Spock begins to raise a hand. Inside it has been to long since he last touched the doctor's mind. His inner core begging him to go to whom they want.
McCoy backed away from those mind delving hands. He had Spock inside his head once during sex. It was good. Hell it was better than good. Yet he never did it again after that. Jim sure. The hand remained frozen between them.
"Why now all of sudden you want to delve into my mind. Jim's mind not enough anymore?" Spock stares at his hand. "Yeah, you did it once and didn't ask. Mind you it was great for what we were doing but after that, never again. If Jim wants to see me he can come to me."
"Leonard, please. He is unwell."
"Unwell!" McCoy invaded his personnel bubble. "You two broke my heart. You made me hurt so much more than I ever hurt him. I saved his life. And how am I treated. You delete vital information so I can't see for myself. Then you give it to me now because you feel now I need to see it." McCoy wants to crush the video but he wants to see it. He huffs, "if Jim wants to see me tell him to come to me. Make an effort." McCoy turns away from him going back to Uhura's.
Entering he picks up his padd going directly to Nyota's bedroom. Sitting there he takes a deep breath. Sliding the chip in the computer asks permission to play.
"Yeah," McCoy watches. His eyes grow watery as his emotions bubble. Sure he saved the man from this death but it hurt his still broken heart. Then he heard it. Jim's weak voice asking Spock.
'Don't get Bones.' his breaths raspy and staggering. 'Take care of him…I'm scared Spock.' Leonard throws the padd across the room. Bending in half sliding to the floor. His entire being shaking. Tears flow from his eyes.
Uhura and Marcus approach the door to her room. Opening it she sees Leonard. Nyota stops Carol from running in and hugging the poor man. Picking up the padd at her feet she sees the footage. Moving back she let's the door close.
"We can't just leave him like that?"
"I'm not." she turns the pad off going to her desk. Punching in a number she calls the only ones who can really help.
/McCoy'S HEARTBREAK/
Kirk runs in the room as soon as Uhura opens her house to him. Everyone made a path for the captain. Opening the bedroom door he froze. McCoy sat huddled on the ground. His body shaking with the aftermath of emotion. Jim ran to Bones scooping him up in his arms.
"Bones, shhh, Bones, I'm here. You saved me." Now he knew why Bones couldn't sleep at night. McCoy went with Kirk. Allowing him to be manipulated into his hold. "I'm here Bones. I'm always here." Bones' arms snaked around Jim pulling him close.
"Damn hobgoblin knowing what the video would do."
"Yeah, he told me and figured this would be the logical outcome. Then Uhura comm'd." Jim felt the arms tighten around him more.
"I should have been there."
"You would have opened the doors. and I would have… I would have begged you to touch you."
"I almost lost you."
"You saved me. You always save me." Kirk pulls McCoy so he can hear his heartbeat. "I'm here." looking up, Kirk spies Spock standing by the door. "We both are." With his hand on Bones' back he directs Spock to come over. Spock kneels down wondering if he should intrude upon the two. He had taken Kirk and driven the doctor away.
"Is the robot here?" McCoy grumbles into Jim.
"Yeah."
"Tell him to get over here."
"Tell him yourself."
"Spock?"
"Yes, Leonard."
"Whenever Jim tells you not to get me. You get me understand."
"So are you going to retract your resignation?"
"Resignation?" Kirk pipes up.
"Yes, I took the liberty of intercepting it and have not admitted it yet. Would I assume that was a prudent thing to do?"
"You did good Spock. But I still have things to get over."
"I want you Bones."
"I want you too kid but this. I needed to see you but you hurt me. I know I sound like a wounded heartbroken girl. But I am. You hurt me Jim. You know how I am about relationships and you…" McCoy sits up bumping into Spock. "I love you both but you have to… we have to talk."
"Anything you say Bones."
"I'm so tired." Spock reaches out lifting the doctor up. "I ain't no damsel in duress."
"Yet you are in duress and you are mine and Jim's."
"Then why did you push me away." Spock bows his head to touch Leonard's. First skin to skin contact. Letting his mind connect with Len. Feeling all the surface anger, fear, rage and an abyss of loneliness that Spock only dared to peer over. Seeing how far he had pushed his mate.
"I am so sorry Leonard."
"I like that." Spock squeezes him closer to his chest. "You should call me that more often."
"I will do that," and more he promises.
Jim stands up to be with them.
"Sleep Leonard," Spock voices and slightly mental pushes. McCoy exhausted not just mentally but emotionally. Leonard slumps onto him.
"Is he okay?" Jim asks moving the hair from their doctor's faces.
"He is not well. He needs a lot of support and love."
"He has it and we'll show him. Let's take him home."
"And who said you can take him?"
The two turn on the one whom spoken. They're standing all protective and mother hen.
"You can not stop us Nyota."
"Who said anything about stopping. I just want reassurance that he is going to be taken care of this time, properly."
"He will," Spock looks to her.
"Do I have your Vulcan guarantee?"
"Yes, Nyota I will not hurt him again." Unless it is an absolute he cannot stop.
"I'll be watching." She lifts a bag handing it to Jim. "He may want these for later." She moves in to kiss Leonard on the cheek. "Be brave, Len and you are always welcome here."
"Thank you Nyota," he grumbled.
"Let's go home." Jim voices and they do.
/McCoy'S HEARTBREAK/
McCoy woke to a sandwich of heat. After feeling so alone and cold in bed without them he didn't know how to handle being in the middle. He was never in the middle.
"You should have been, th'yal."
"Stop reading my mind."
"I apologize. I find, find your mind comforting."
"So you love me for my brains."
"No, I love you for all the complexities that are you and how your mind organizes it all."
"Thanks," he huffs.
"You do not believe me."
"Spock, you did your voodoo on me once or twice. Yet Jim and you have done it practically every time you are together. How could I compete with you and your special profound bond?" McCoy huffs trying to bury himself away. He began to feel that heavy weight in his stomach come back. That hurt that initially drove him away. It was all here and he could not move. The pain lacing though his heart. Why, can't he be loved?
"I love you Leonard."
"Do you even know what love is?"
"I do."
"Prove it." Spock leans in kissing him on the lips. McCoy moves back. "I will not be dissuaded by physical. Show me."
"You wish me to mind meld with you?"
"What am I unworthy?" he gruffs.
"You are my mind match. I could have no better."
"Don't let Jim hear you say that."
"He already knows. And you will know it now too." McCoy relaxes as Spock dives into his mind. Everything sparkles. Images are clear. "I have you Leonard."
/McCoy'S HEARTBREAK/
Kirk watches as Bones welcomes Spock into his mind. This is how it should be. Always all three of them. He wouldn't be here without Bones. And that is something he will never forget.
/McCoy'S HEARTBREAK/
A/N: Sorry for the quick ending but my muse stopped.