Dear avid readers/writers of Gorillaz Fan Fiction,
After two days of lurking around Fan Fiction's Gorillaz section, I have come to realize how many stories there are of Gorillaz. Actually, scratch that. I've come to realize how many PAIRING stories there are. Nearly every single story I happen to come across has some sort of romance in it between the band members. I'm a fan due to "Phase 2" of this story of a Satanist bass player, a Japanese guitarist, an idiotic singer/keyboards expert and a one-man rhythm king making music together. I'm one of the seemingly few people left of the fandom that is just there for the music, and not just for the art and characters. I love the fantastically dysfunctional four, don't get me wrong. I can't get enough of them. But seeing a page with "SOMEONE X SOMEONE ELSE" all over the page summaries is enough to make me sick. Not only between members, but original characters. Mary-Sues, if you will. Gorillaz is not an anime or a cartoon. It's a cartoon band. At least show some decency towards them, or else you might wake up with the words "Flying V" forever imprinted upon your forehead.
So what am I going to do about this? Complain? No, usually that's ignored. Ignore it? How can I? It's everywhere! That's it. I've decided I'm going to fight fire with fire. Make up my own story to end all stories. Well, all sappy romance stories. If I can't stop the Mary-Sues, at least I can try to stop the pile of forever growing "Murdocx2D" or "2DxNoodle" fan fics that seem to be breeding on this website. And this story I'm going to write...if you think it's going to be crap, you are wrong.
Dead, fucking, wrong.
It's going to be full of action, sharp wit, stabbings at stereotypes, Mary-Sue zombie-blasting action. Oh, and possibly a musical number with a few dancing bears high on weed or something. There will be faces in this story. Some old, some new. Both will be here to battle this wave of ever-growing sappy fan fiction that is written by love sick teenagers who will never be able to get a date in their miserable pathetic lives. All of this will be written by one fan that is just sick and tired of everything.
I suggest you sit back and get into a comfortable chair, my dear mindless reader. This is going to be a long and wild ride.
Sending you off with many hugs and kisses from the monsters of your dreams: The Author.
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The Gorillaz are not for sale. They are a Cartoon Band going out of their way to give the world good entertainment and good music instead of all recycled pop music. No one has and never will own them, despite what people such as Damon Albarn and Jamie Hewlett would like you to think. They just help scrub the toilets in Kong Studios, after all. But no fan will ever own the Gorillaz. Not now, not ever. That means that events that you are about to read in this story have never happened. Not that they COULD happen, mind you. Review and flame to your little heart's content. Just keep in mind that no matter how well anyone knows the band's personalities, no matter how well anyone knows the layout of Kong Studios, no one will and ever control Gorillaz. This applies to this particular author. Besides, this is just for laughs and to point out a big problem in not only Gorillaz fan fiction, but fan fiction pretty much everywhere in popular areas of entertainment, such as anime or cartoons. Especially anime. Now that you think about it, this is probably the cause of the pairing crisis in the Gorillaz fandom today.
Now, where were we? Ah, yes. The story...