I am not now, nor have I ever been Amy Sherman Palladino.
Winter
"Mom," Rory took a deep breath preparing for the rest of her sentence," I'm pregnant."
"What the hell, kid?!" Lorelai shouted.
"Seriously? That's the way you want to start this conversation?" Rory asked.
"I'm sorry. You're right. Just a little overwhelmed. I now pronounce you man and wife and cograts you're going to be a grandma usually don't happen in the same hour. Milestone overload." Lorelai rambled in a single breath.
"Well here's your do over Gilmore. Give it another shot."
"Okay, here goes," Lorelai cleared her throat and prepared her best British accent,"Oh wonderful! I can't wait to be a grandmother. Oh and to tell Emily! Why won't that be jolly good fun… Nope, I think I'm going to stick with 'What the hell, kid'."
"Fair enough. I know you have a million questions, but if you could just narrow it down to 10 or so for now that would be great." Silent tears slid down Rory's cheeks.
"Where to start. How far along are you? Are you going to keep it? I assume you are going to keep it because otherwise why on earth would you tell me. Who's the father? Oh God, am I going to have to share every Christmas with Paul? What about your career? Where are you going to live? You can't float with a baby. I mean you can, but you have to buy those floaty wings or one of those crazy Japanese floating baby choke collar things and I'm not sure that if you do that I can claim you anymore. Can your kid call me something amazing like Princess Lorelai instead of grandma?" Lorelai paused to take a breath.
"I am going to keep the baby. I don't know how far along I am. I found out yesterday…"Rory explained.
Lorelai interrupted," You sat on this for 24 hours kiddo? What happened to the 12 hour rule for all bombshells? Et tu Brutus. So what's the plan?"
"Plan? I can't even tell the father."
"Oh, Rory…" Lorelai trailed off and pulled her sobbing daughter in for a hug," I was terrified to tell Christopher. We were 16 and he still didn't act nearly as heinous as I thought he was going to. I had nightmares."
"It's not that. Well it is, but it's not. I don't know whose kid it is." She whispered.
"Harlot!" Lorelai shrieked and pretended to push her daughter away.
"Mom! That's not funny." Rory laughed.
"Sorry, just preparing you for telling your grandmother." She laughed and pulled Rory tighter than before," Luke and I are here. No matter what. You have a home here."
"I know, but I can't stay with you guys long term. I have to figure this out on my own."
"No, you don't. I had to figure it out on my own. You have to figure out what your way looks like, but with all the help in the world." Lorelai kissed Rory's forehead.
"You're not even going to ask who the options are?" Rory pulled back and looked at her mother in disbelief.
"Do I need to get a stocking for someone?" Lorelai asked.
"No. I don't suppose you do. Not until I figure this out and tell him. Then we'll make Christmas plans." Rory chuckled.
"Then let this momma pretend her daughter hasn't been going full Chamberlin."
"His numbers are significantly higher than mine."
"Good to know. When are you going to the doctor?"
"I have an appointment Monday in Hartford. I didn't think this was something I wanted spread around Miss Patty's yet." said Rory.
"Probably for the best. Though I can't be trusted. You have to keep me from bedazzling 'world's greatest gam gam' on a sweatshirt for the next 48 hours."
"Mom!" Rory smacked her mother's shoulder.
"So," Lorelai hemmed," I don't suppose you need a getaway driver for when the doctor tells you that you are pregnant with Woody Allen's baby."
"Woody Allen? Really?"
"I don't know what you have been up to on all those sojourns to New York. Besides I heard a statistic that one in every 3 young impressionable women in New York falls prey to that quirky sob."
"I guess in the off chance that I need a getaway driver, I should take you with me… thanks mom."
"Anytime kiddo."
The pair took one last look at the town as they had known it, and stood up to a whole new world as a married woman and mother to be. There were plenty of changes headed their way, but the small world of Stars Hollow had always been a constant in their lives. Arm in arm they strolled towards Luke's in silence. Excitement and fears mixing together to create between them a stronger bond than they knew possible. Just then the first snow of the season let go and the sky filled with glittering falling flakes.
Monday
"Well, Miss Gilmore, you appear to be a healthy 7 weeks along." Dr. Shumaker advised.
"7 weeks? You're sure?" Rory asked.
"As sure as we can be. Your measurements and hormone levels are consistent with 7 weeks."
Lorelai stood silently smiling holding her daughter's hand. This was tough for both of them. Lorelai had to resist her constant feuding urges of becoming Emily and going off the deep end to avoid becoming Emily. It was stressful for Rory too. Lorelai had caught her trying to write a life plan in the middle of the night over a bowl of coco puffs and peanut butter.
"Are you ready to hear the heartbeat?" Dr. Shumaker asked.
Rory simply nodded. As the rapid thump-thump-thump echoed through the silent room, tears fell from both mother and grandmother's eyes. Rory's because of the overwhelming sense of love and fear that every new mother faces, and Lorelai's because this was a moment she had been robbed of… Mother and daughter hand in hand hearing the heart of the next generation beating strongly.
The doctor left the room to gather paperwork and literature for Rory. The pair sat in silence for thirty seconds before Rory broke down in tears.
"It's okay babe," Lorelai reassurred," her little heart is so strong! You can do this."
"No," Rory cried," I can't. I can't do this. I can barely take care of myself. I don't even have a place to live. I still can't find my underwear. I bought new ones 3 days ago and I can't find them either. I work for a small town newspaper that pays well, but won't let me write any actual news. I eat like a toddler. I had tater tots and syrup for breakfast this morning!"
"First of all, once we tell Luke, your days of maple tots are over. Between him, Suki, and Jackson you'll be eating all organic gourmet health food in no time. Secondly, I hid your underwear. I spilled coffee on the bag and burying them in the bushes in the back yard seemed easier than laundry." Lorelai wiped tears from her daughter's face," But that's not what's bothering you and we both know it. You looked like the doc punched you in the ovaries when he said 7 weeks. Why?"
"Good news: 7 weeks means you don't have to bedazzle 'Paul' on a stocking." She laughed through her tears.
"Thank God! I didn't know how I was going to make my rhinestone artwork as forgetable as Paul himself. And I was worried that any child of his we'd forget at the store anyway. So- win win… right?" she cradled Rory's head to her chest as she had done since Rory was a child.
"7 weeks ago Logan got married. I slept with Logan the day before his wedding, and I felt like utter shit about it. So I drove around the day he got married a"nd just hated myself. I wound up in Philadelphia. I spent a couple days with Jess."
"Oh kid. I'm so sorry. Why didn't you tell me that you were having such a hard time?"
"You're telling me after how you reacted about me and Dean; I was supposed to tell you that I was sleeping with another married man?"
"He wasn't married at the time. Ror, I'm sorry that you felt so alone, but running from one bed to another just for comfort isn't the answer."
"I got that!" Rory shouted as she held up the picture of her first ultrasound.
"I didn't mean it that way!" Lorelai shouted back," I just mean you have to tell them both now. Are you ready for that?"
"No. No, I don't have to tell either of them if I don't want to. Jess is settled and happy in Philly, and Logan is married and unhappy, but that doesn't matter." Rory stood up from the exam table and began shoving her purse full of pamphlets from the wall.
"Listen. You are making a mistake if you think that forcing their hand is the way to go on this one. Huntsberger or Heir to burgers… either way they deserve to know."
"So you're saying that if the dad is Logan, a married man you love to hate- you want him sitting across from you at recitals checking his phone and making stupid lavish purchases for your grandchild?" Rory mocked.
"I know I've not always been team Logan, but if he's going to be a dad he deserves to know. Jess too."
"You mean your nephew?"
"Ew ew-ew-e-w ew-ew-ew-ew-ew ew-ew!" Lorelai hopped back and forth from foot to foot trying to shake off the disgust.
"See. It's better if I do this alone. This way I don't wreck a marriage or a life. I have to do it this way. Please, promise me you won't say anything to either of them."
Lorelai paused for what felt like a thousand years and took a deep breath before answering," No. I can't. I saw what that did to Luke, and you did too. Don't Nardini this one. I love you, but no."
She left the office, and waited in her jeep for Rory to follow, but when she emerged from the office she sat on a bench to the left of the doorway. Rory's eyes were full of tears and her face full of anger. She sobbed alone for about 10 minutes before finally approaching the jeep and climbing in.
"I explained to the doctor that I needed to know. Apparently, I can have an amnio done in a few weeks, and since Jess and Luke are related I can use Luke as a sample to find out who the father is. I don't want to rob anyone the way Luke was. I just want to live an uncomplicated life."
"Newsflash. Complicated comes in the form of a blue plus sign."
"It was digital." Rory remarked.
"Digital?"
"Yep. Pregnancy tests say 'pregnant' or 'not pregnant' now. Welcome to the future, Gilmore." Rory stared ahead blankly.
"Major advantage to being a woman of a certain age: I don't have to keep up with the newfangled pregnancy technology."
"I did read in a history book once that people in your time used to pee on sticks to find out if they were pregnant. However would a stick tell you if you were pregnant?" Rory mused.
"Well, that is quite simple. After urinating on whatever stick one could find outside, you had to perform a ritual sacrifice to the full moon and the answer would be revealed in your tea leaves like the grim in Harry Potter." Lorelai explained.
"Turn left up here." Rory guided.
"Left. Why left? Food, coffee, and Luke are all right."
"Left will take us to Grandma's. While I feel this horrible about myself I should get telling her out of the way. No way she could make me feel worse." Rory grimly chuckled.
"Oh yes, she can. That woman could make Hitler feel sorry for Poland. If we had sent her to Afghanistan she could have guilted Bin Laden out of hiding! This is a bad idea. Let's wait until you have some confidence built up, and maybe a baby to use as a shield before we tell her."
"Fine, but can we get Luke to make us grilled cheese with chips in the middle before I tell him. I really don't feel like carrots for lunch."
"Deal."