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I Know Now Why You Leave
"Take all the time & energy you waste on envy, and use it to try to improve yourself. You will find you are better off and happier than you ever imagined."
― Gary Rudz
Peeta starts to resent Katniss when she continues to do her own thing after twenty years together.
"Daddy….daddy…..dadddddyyyy!" The shrill little voice is one that I usually love to hear. Most days. But today is not one of those days. Today is the day that Katniss is out hunting, as usual, leaving me with our daughter and the house and everything that comes with it: a few loads of laundry, dishes left in the sink, feeding Ari, dressing Ari, feeding her again…on and on and on. "Daddddyyyyy!"
"What?! What do you want little girl?!" I throw down the plastic cup I had in my hands, splashing bubbles all over the front of my shirt. I didn't mean to yell, but I'm getting tired of that name. "Daddy", the name I had wanted for so long with the woman I have also loved for most of my life. I take a deep breath; turn off the water, and turn to face her. Blue eyes just like mine, brimmed with tears ready to fall because she thinks I'm going to have a flashback. I roll my eyes, take another deep breath, kneel before her in her chair, and calmly ask, "I'm sorry, baby girl. What do you want?"
"I wan you to pant wit me." She says, flashing the adorable smile that she knows will make me give into her every want.
"After I finish with the dishes and getting lunch going, okay?" I know she doesn't understand; I know she's too young. She's only three and all she knows about Daddy is that he bakes cookies, cleans a lot of the stuff in the house, and takes care of her and Mommy.
She shakes her little dark head, pigtails hitting her cheeks, "No, Daddy, now. Pant wit me now!"
"Baby girl, Daddy has to finish some things before he can do that. If Mommy had done it before she left, than Daddy could be doing whatever he wanted right now." Great, now I'm venting to my three year old daughter and the look on her face makes me think that she's either going to try crying again or tell on me. "Baby girl, as soon as I'm done, I'll paint with you, I promise."
She nods and it's as if nothing happened. Oh to be that young again and have no clue how hard it is to be a responsible adult. Not that Katniss isn't responsible but when she leaves, she doesn't care much about what hasn't been done yet. I, on the other hand, want to make sure everything is set and ready so I don't have to worry about it later. I go back to the dishes, mumbling under my breath about how I wouldn't mind going out for a bit. Not to the bakery to go pound my frustrations out on some dough, but out where I can paint, by myself, and no one to bother me. I'm trying to figure out when Katniss got like this. Leaving me behind to take care of everything when she was so used to doing so.
But maybe that's why she does it. She was taking care of people for so long that maybe that's why she thinks it's my turn. I never actually had to take care of my family; they could get along without me. I only ever took care of Katniss and now Ari. What is it that they said a long time ago? "The grass isn't always greener on the other side?" That's a good one actually. I don't know what it would have been like to have to take care of my brothers and parents, to have all that weight on my shoulders. But she did, Katniss knows what it's like and her one freedom from it had always been hunting. Even when she was hunting for survival, she still enjoyed it.
So I turn off the water again and turn to Ari. "Hey, Baby Girl, how about you and me go out with the paints and have some fun?"
She whips around, her hair smacking her in the face, she's so excited. "Yea! Can I bring Teddy?"
I laughed and nod, "Of course. You go get him and I'll get a bag ready."
"Okay, Daddy." She practically bounces off of the chair and runs as fast as her chubby little legs will take her. One thing she did not get from her mother is how quiet she can be. We're still not even sure where she got it from.
I gather a few things from my art room, a room I've barely spent any real time in since she's been born and get some snacks ready to go. Once we have everything, we head out into the warm spring day, hand in hand, ready to paint the colorful flowers, the bright blue sky, or the trees where the birds are playing. It doesn't matter though, I figured out why this is the best part of Katniss leaving us alone.