March 2016

Jay was sitting on the couch, his hands shaking as he read the letter one more time. He knew the words weren't going to change the tenth time he read them but still he couldn't allow himself to believe the words he was seeing. This couldn't be happening to him, not now, not ever. He had married Erin only a little over a year ago and things couldn't have been better between them.

Oh God, Erin, Jay thought to himself. How in the world could he tell her this, how could he break the news to her. He knew this would totally crush her. Jay knew that Erin was strong, really strong, maybe even more than he was, but this he knew would even break her. In a way he was glad she wasn't home right now, like this he would be able to work up the courage to talk to her when she got back.

That reminded him, he looked at his watch and saw that he had about thirty minutes until Erin's plane was due to land in O'hare. Jay folded up the letter and put it back in the envelope, he then placed the envelope in the inside pocket of one of his suit jackets knowing that Erin would not find it there. He then went to the bathroom to clean himself up before going to pick up Erin and for the first time he noticed that he was crying.

Jay sat down on the floor and continued crying as he remembered the first time he met Erin. It was a little over 6 years ago yet he remembered it like yesterday. He had just gotten back from tour and he had joined the police force. Antonio Dawson was able to pull some strings landing him the job with the intelligence unit. The first person he had met was Erin and for him it was pretty much love at first sight. Jay liked to believe that the same went for Erin too but she was too stubborn to ever admit such a thing.

After 10 minutes of sitting on the bathroom floor Jay's phone began to ring. Jay looked at the caller ID and his heart did a little flip flop when he saw Erin was calling. She wasn't supposed to land for another 15 minutes. He guessed they had landed early, it wasn't crazy he just wasn't ready to talk to her, but he really missed her. It had been two weeks, two long weeks in which they were apart. Erin had gone to New York to help Sargent Benson with one of her cases. Jay had wanted to go with her, but with Erin gone Voight needed all hands on deck and had not allowed Jay to leave.

As his heart ached to hear her voice Jay picked up the phone even though he had no idea what to tell her. He decided he will try to act as normal as possible.

Jay: Hey baby how are you? How was the flight?

Erin: Don't ask, I feel awful. The flight was really tough the captain didn't turn off the seatbelt sign until we landed in Chicago. There was so much turbulence that I got really nauseas and threw up a whole bunch of times.

Jay: So your glad to be back on the grownd huh?

Erin: You bet I am. When will you be here? I can't wait to see you! I really missed you.

Jay: I missed you to babe. I'm on the way to the airport now. So far the traffic has been pretty slow so it depends on weather or not it wants to start moving but i should be there soon.

Erin: Okay great I have so much too tell you.

Jay: Me too. I made reservations for dinner I really want to take you out if you feel up to it. If not we can get take out and catch up in the house.

Erin: Honey, I would love to go out with you. I'll go get ready in the bathroom so don't worry too much about the trafic.

Jay: Okay. Erin?

Erin: Yeah?

Jay: You know that I love you right?

Erin: Of course I do.

Jay: Great I just wanted you too know that.

Erin: Babe, honey is everything okay?

Jay: Yeah, don't worry about it. I'll see you soon okay

Erin: Okay, if you say so. I really missed you, video calling every night is just not good enough. I don't ever want to go help Olivia alone, the next time she needs me I will convince Voight to let you come with me.

Jay: Uh Erin. I gotta go I'll see you soon.

By this time Jay had left the apartment and was already on the 90. He was only a couple of minutes out but after hearing Erin's last sentence he was devestaed. He pulled over to the side of the freeway contemplating what his next move will be. He had already called the army's office and they told him exactly what he had expected them to say. He knew he had to carefully break the news to Erin he just really didn't want to have to hurt her like this but it didn't seam like he was being given much of a choice.

Jay quickly pulled back into the trafic, and a couple of minutes later he slowly merged onto the 190 following the signs to O'hare international airport. All to soon the freeway ended and he was in the arrivals section of the airport. Jay took a deep breath and then called Erin to let her know he was outside. Erin came and the reunion was extremely emotional. Jay wasn't sure how he pulled it off but he somehow managed to act normal for the next hour and a half, as he drove Erin home from the airport and to the restaurant for a lovely dinner.

Jay had made the reservations the day before as he always did whenever Erin came back from a trip she took alone. This was the longest amount of time they had spent apart from each other since they had gotten married and it was really hard on both of them. After the first week Jay had promised Erin that they would never let another week go by with them being apart and now Jay knew it was time to tell Erin his news breaking the promise he made a little less than a week ago.

They had finished their food and were just enjoying each others company when Erin decided to ask Jay what was up and Jay knew he was stuck and had no choice but to tell Erin the devestating news.

Erin: Baby, you have not been acting yourself all evening, would you like to tell me whats going on?

Jay: I thought I was acting pretty normal.

Erin: Normal for someone else maybe, but you have not been acting like the Jay Halstead I fell in love with. What's on your mind

Jay: Your right there is something that is going on, I just don't know how to tell you. I mean we have been apart for two weeks and I just don't know how to say it. I know its not what you signed up for when you agreed to marry me. My only hope is that no matter what happenes you will still be wife. Erin you are the love of my life and there is no one else in the world that I would want to start a family with and spend the rest of my life together. Erin do you understand that I didn't ask for this nor did I want this to happen.

Erin: YOU CHEATED ON ME? HOW COULD YOU DO THAT?

Jay: Erin, Honey calm down, I never said I cheated on you.

Erin: So you'r saying you did cheat on me

Jay: No that is not what I'm saying.

Erin: So what are you saying.

Jay: I got a letter today, They are drafting me back into the army.

Erin: What? I thought you were done with the army.

Jay: I was but they want me to go back.

Erin: But you told them no right?

Jay: Babe, I tried, but unfortunately it doesn't work that way. If they want you back they can call you back and unless the think you are physically unfit you have no choice but you have to go.

Erin: How long would it be for?

Jay: Between a year and a year and half.

Erin: Jay, this can't be happening. Not now.

Jay: Erin, honey I'm so sorry I promise you I called them I tried to get out of it but they aren't giving me a choice. They need me and I have to go back.

Erin: But a year a half that is way too long, how can we live apart for a year and half.

Jay: I don't know how but we will have to make it work. The time will fly past I promise.

Erin: A year and a half. That I will have to be here alone, in this empty apartment wondering if you will ever get back Jay how could you do this to me?

Jay: Erin, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Look I know this is not what you signed up for when we got married. So although it would kill me, if you want out of this marriage I will totally understand.

Erin: Baby, how could you even think that, of course that's not what I want. What I want is for you to stay here with me, to always know that you will be safe no matter what. But honey the universe has other plans for us. You will go back to the army and I will pray every day for you to come back home safely.

Jay: I was hoping you would say that.

Erin: When do you leave?

Jay: The day after tomorrow.