I do not feel love or hate, I am only a spectator to your world. When you found me, perhaps I was impressionable. I do not know. I do not care.

You impressed me. I have to say that. Though I had no resentment nor attachment to you, you impressed me wholly and I found my own escape from you fruitless. You have that way about you still. You draw others in, like a spiders web, and once they are trapped, there is no hope. You will devour them.

Beloved. That is our name. The one I share with you. The name that shapes our lives. Beloved.

It is written on my body by fate, just as it is on yours. We were meant to be together from the start, but it was not so, and we had to make mistakes along the way. You are like your mother, you crave others. You are that kind of person. To tear the wings from a butterfly so that it can not leave anymore. You often spoke of such things at first, now you will not speak of it.

I do not mind, I can not hate, just as I can not love.

But Love is Hate you said once. "To love something is to hate it the most in the world. To hate something is to love it so nearly that you can not stand it in your life." That is what you told me. Is that the kind of people we are? We love each other and we hate each other?

How can that be? I have no feelings for you.

"Don't be silly, you love me." you say as I watch you read. I am not silly. I do not love you. You raise your head and your ears flatten against your head and I know you are thinking of them again. Loveless. "How can you say that? Would you do nothing for me? Would you leave me to die?" Of course not. "Of course?" What are you getting at?

You smile and climb from your chair, pacing to where I am sitting on the floor, cuffed to the lamp as you have left me. There are bruises on my wrists. I do not care. I am used to your abuse. I like it.

"If you would not leave me, then you must love me." you say simply and stroke my cheek before fingering the cuffs.

I do not.

"You do."

I do not.

"You do."

I do?

"You do." you kiss me tenderly and I blink. It feels just a little odd to know this. To know that we are bound by more than a name. Do not leave me.

"I will not leave you, why would I?" you give me an odd look.

You left Agatsuma, Soubi. You sigh at me and kiss my head once more.

"Soubi is not my fighter." I am for now. I was not your fighter before and you have said that you are not my sacrifice.

"Do not worry, Nisei." I do worry. I can not help but worry, because Love is Hate. I love you and I hate you. I can not help but worry and be suspicious. I can not help but think that all of this will amount to nothing and you will cast me out like you did him.

"Do not worry, Nisei."

I do.

"You won't."

I do.

"You don't."

I don't?

"You don't." he said and kissed me roughly, the cold way he always did. The cruelty of it makes it fun. The hurt of him makes it alluring, and so even if I worry about the future. Even if I do not love him. Even if I do not hate him. Even if Love and Hate go hand in hand, I will be with him. Until the end.

"I love you.

I love you so much, that when I hear you talk about him...

I want to tear your tongue out.

I want to cut your body up.

I want to make you hurt the way I do.

I want you to punish me for the selfishness inside my heart, because it is the only way I know you love me too."