Illumi and hisoka are texting buddies, but illumi has been ignoring hisoka for the past few days and hisoka wonders why. Hes up for some mischief.

One day Illumi is on a mission in this posh 5 star hotel to kill this rich powerful mafia boss. he opend the door and its midnight, to his surprise he saw hisoka sexually lying in the bed instead of the boss.

"mnnnn?" hmmed hisoka

"wheres the guy?"

"ahhhhnnnn who knows"

its only reasonable to assume that this freak had done something to him. Illumi turns around ready leave but hisoka calls "hey, why not stay for the night?"

hisoka uses his bungee gum to stick the door so it don't open no more, and then turns the light off so the atmosphere is sexual.

"my mission is not complete"

"youre mission starts here" after saying this, hisoka revealed the trap he set up in the room. Bungee gum jungle, if illumi moves carelessly he will be trapped. The only free passage is the passage to the bed.

"we need some quality time as friends" says hisoka. "weve only talked via texting and its not enough."

To illumi the assassin, friendship is something that he doesn't understand (tho he understands ships quite well). Perhaps he should take advantage of this learning opportunity. He walks to the bed and sits down.

"so, what are you going to teach me?"

"hahaha" laughed hisoka. "first lesson, skinship"

using his cards, he shreds illumes clothes into pieces so his skin is bare

hisoka started exploring the continents that marco polo had never set foot on, nor illumi's parents. Hisoka discovers the larges continent and holds it as if he's claimed it.

"w…wait hisoka, do u kno wat ur touching…?"

"a very gay lighthouse" he whispers in illumes years

CONCEAL DON'T FEEL CONCEAL DON'T FEEL says illumi's assassin instinct, but the lighthouse is on and its midnight

Hisoka starts dry humping illumi. "lesson two, humans other than me should be four legged animals"

STAHHHPP… STAHHHHHP

illumi finally let it go.

"hnnnn?" hisoka syas "that was quicker than expected? I haven't even hit the jackpot myself"

"is this… seriously what friendship is?"

"of course" lies. Lies. Hisoka tho cant imagine how pure illumi acc is. Maybe this is something that runs in the zolDICK family… I mean, killua said hes never gon on a date before he met gon. they were brought up harshly, never experienced living pleasure I guess. At this point hisoka sympathises illumi. I will teach him. I will sensei him from now on.

As hisoka rides, illumi gallops. Illumi lose brain and hisoka wins the jackpot eventually.

Illumi pants like a whorse, tired af. All this time they've not exchanged glances once, except fluids. Illumes sexy long hair (reins) is everywhere. Now they are lookin at eachotehr.

"I am your b…"

"My b…?" bitch?

"Bestie, right? After all this, we must have gotten very close" says innocent illumi. "it was a new experience"

suddenly hisoka realises. Illumi is a virgin. Or was, a moment ago. Dammit. I should have been a better man.

"so, whats lesson three?"

uhhh… illumi's job is an assassin and Im unhired. Since im probs just as good as killing as illu, perhaps I should ask for a job? No that's too much for a beginner night. Leave it for next time…

"youll have to wait until the next time. In the meantime, sext me." Hisoka walks towards the window and waves goodbye and leaves.

Illumi still on the bed with shredded clothing, in the bungee gum jungle.

"this is trouble…" sighs illu.

Eventually hisoka and illumi became very good sexting buddies.

The end