/ Any spelling/grammar mine as this is unedited. /
"The shadow claims to have seen all that is the world, but does not own a soul himself. He strongly desires to have a shadow of his own."
I.
He was 5 when the man visited for the first time.
His mother had just tuned his lights off and closed the door and Dean knew this was the time he was supposed to be falling asleep. Except he couldn't help but feel eyes on him as he stared up at the pale ceiling. The feeling made goose bumps form across his skin. He shot upright and glanced around his room.
There was nothing out of the ordinary. Stray Mega Bloks littered the floor, ones he and Sam had neglected to clean up earlier. The odd piece of clothing was piled around the bottom of his hamper where he had missed the winning slam-dunk. There were a couple books piled in one corner, but it had been years since Dean had even touched them.
Lately his father had been telling him some of his more original bedtime stories. Ones about ghosts and werewolves and all the other creatures that went bump in the dark. Dean always found these more interesting and preferred them to any written book. They just seemed so much more real, especially the way John told them with his hand making big movements and his voice going up and down with the mood of the story.
That night, before he gave into sleep Dean looked over his room once more making sure he was alone. The creeping feeling on the back of his neck told him he wasn't, yet the fact not a thing was out of the ordinary in his room told him otherwise.
Laying back down and turning onto his side Dean could have sworn he saw the shadows in the corner of his room move. He reminded himself it was way past his bedtime and he was likely seeing things before he closed his eyes and gave into the darkness of sleep.
II.
He was 8 when they spoke for the first time.
Over the years Dean continued to feel that someone was watching over him while he was in his room. Although now he found comfort in the feeling, it no longer made his skin crawl. He assumed it was his guardian angel, since his mother was always telling him how angels were watching over him.
It was a chilly winter night. His little brother, Sam, was curled up next to him in his too small bed. John had been drinking again so poor 4-year-old Sam had come to find shelter in Dean's bed.
It had become quite a habit between the two in the last couple of weeks since Mary left. John had finally driven her out and turned to drinking as soon as he realized she wasn't coming back this time. He wasn't wrong of course; their mother was gone for good. He took out his anger out on his sons instead. Never physically of course, but sometimes words hurt more than a punch.
Dean's room seemed to be paradise though. John never seemed to linger long there any longer than a minute, almost as if something was forcing him out against his will. This was where the boys had taken to spending most of their free time.
Dean sat on the end of his bed unable to sleep again, listening to Sam's slow even breathing letting him know his brother was still alive. The past couple of weeks had been hard on Dean especially on Dean because he had practically taken on full responsibility of Sam. He was always making sure he had enough for his lunch for when Dean would be at school, enough food for dinner, got all of his homework done on time, had clean clothes to wear. Dean knew that his father could very well be doing all these things, but he felt that in the state he was he didn't deserve it.
He sat there staring into the corner of his room most clouded with shadows. He looked onto the empty space and prayed to his guardian angel; if that even was such a thing. He prayed that Sammy would stay safe while Dean was away at school and John would at least stay away until Dean was home and able to protect his brother. He prayed that John would stop his drinking and remember to buy groceries this week so that they would have enough food.
He also prayed his mother was safe and happy wherever she was now. He prayed for her to come back, his mother who had placed the idea of guardian angels in his head in the first place. He wanted to tell her he loved her one last time.
He decided he was focusing too hard when he thought he heard a voice.
"Hello Dean."
The voice was low, a little on the rough side as well. It was very different than John's. It was softer, kind almost. Dean couldn't place where it had come from as his eyes scanned the darkness of his room.
"Hello Dean."
Sam was still sound asleep.
"H-hello? A-are you my g-guardian angel?" His voice shook betraying how scared he was in that moment. Then the adrenaline kicked in and his courage seemed to shoot through the roof.
"Where are you? Who are you? Show yourself." Dean demanded.
Dean could have sworn a veil in the shadows opened to let the man walk through. He walked a couple paces towards Dean and stopped a couple feet in front of him.
"My name is Castiel. You may call me your guardian angel if you like, but I am whatever you want me to be."
The man that stood before him had brown hair from the looks of it, but it was sort of hard to tell in the dark. His eyes were clear as day though. They were a bright crystal blue and almost seemed to be glowing in the darkness. Dean would have placed him to be slightly younger than his dad. It was had to tell though since he had an almost ageless grace to him. Like depending on the lighting he could appear a couple years older or younger.
"So… If you're an angel does that mean you've been hearing my prayers? Is that why you're here now, you heard me praying?" Dean spoke softly as to not wake his brother.
"I'm afraid I haven't been able to hear them Dean, but is there something you'd like to tell me now that I'm here?" The man, Castiel, spoke slowly making sure Dean heard each word.
Dean was silent for the first time since Castiel had showed up. Dean had no doubt he was an angel. That would make sense with the whole ageless thing because weren't angels forever? Plus who else would be able to appear from nothing but shadows and who else would be willing to help him out so kindly.
It was so quiet Dean barely heard himself speak, "I want my mom back."
He gained confidence as he continued on. "I want my dad to stop drinking and I want Sammy to stay safe. Especially when I'm at school. I don't want dad to hurt him when I'm not there to protect him," he finished.
Castiel nodded and stood silently pondering for a moment. Dean wondered if he had said something he shouldn't have. Maybe he asked for too much.
"Would you like to make a deal Dean? I promise that as long as I'm here nothing will happen to Sam, or you for that matter. I can't promise your mother will come back or your father will stop drinking, but I can offer both you and your brother my protection. Do we have a deal Dean?"
Dean didn't say anything. He wasn't sure what to say really. He fidgeted with his Batman blanket instead.
"I said do we have a deal, Dean?"
Dean could hear the tone of Castiel's voice change. It became more powerful, hungry and like John's, angry. A fire danced in his blue eyes, one Dean had not seen there before.
He nodded timidly, not knowing the full extent of just what he was agreeing to, "Deal."
III.
He was 10 when Castiel saved his life for the first time.
The day had been mostly uneventful. John had a couple friends over and they had taken over the living room with their booze and loud voices. They were playing some sort of card game with the TV on in the background. One of them must have been smoking because Dean could smell the smoke rising up trailing into his room.
Yet again Sam and Dean had retreated to the safety of his room. Dean was sure Cas would watch over them in here, that was their deal after all. Sam was working on some basic math questions while Dean lay on his bed reading a comic he had picked up in the hallway at school. He was pretty confused as to what was actually going on with the plot because it was like the sixth volume or something and he hadn't read any of the previous ones, but in the end it helped take his mind off things.
"Dean what's 5 plus 5 again?" His brother looked up from his sheet of work.
"10. Just remember to use both your hands to count, Sammy. Although you can only use your hands for anything 10 and under or else you won't have enough."
"Got it, thanks." Sam turned back to his work and filled in the answer before he forgot again.
Over the last couple of years Dean had gotten quite used to having Castiel around. He of course had kept his promise so far and hadn't allowed John to harm Sam and since now Sam was attending school there was less of a chance.
Many nights were spent awake talking to Castiel. Dean had taken to calling his Cas lately because he was growing more comfortable around him and it seemed the same went for Castiel. He didn't seem to mind the nickname either. He spent plenty of time listening to Dean talking about his day at school and the close run-ins with John and the cruel words the kids at school would call him.
He also listened to the good things; like how there was this new family down the street with kids Deans age. Their names were Ash and Jo and Jo was in Dean's class at school. Ash was a grade older. And how Sam was fitting in at school and had made a couple friends already too.
He would stand at the edge of Dean's bed, still just within the shadows, in the same place he stood when he had first approached the boy. The shadows around him swirled in a calming and relaxing fashion. Dean had always been in awe of the control Castiel seemed to have over the shadows.
They always talked at night though, never during the day, although Dean never bothered to ask why that was. Dean still hadn't told Sam about Castiel yet, he it was difficult keeping a secret from his little brother. But Castiel had made it clear that Dean was to tell nobody, not even Sam, about him. It went against what Dean stood for yet he knew better than to disobey Castiel. He had seen him only slightly angry before and he sure didn't want to see him fully mad.
Another part of Dean didn't want to tell Sam about Castiel though. Castiel may have been their protector, but he was Dean's companion and best friend. It wasn't a secret he wanted to share with everyone.
It was now dark outside and the voices downstairs had vanished for the most part. From the sounds of it there was only one other person over opposed to the big group from before. Sam was now asleep in his own room, his homework complete.
Dean was laying in bed staring out the window onto the street. Castiel hadn't appeared yet and although Dean didn't know for sure that he would visit tonight, but he always held some hope. They lived in a quiet neighborhood and nothing usually happened on their street. Of course there was the one time when Mr. Shurley's cat got stuck in a tree and they had to phone the fire department to come get it down, but other than that not much happened.
It seemed like hours later when finally things quieted down downstairs. Dean no longer heard voices and he took this as a chance to doze off. He awoke some time later the smell of smoke filling his lungs. It took a second to register that this wasn't a normal amount of smoke and something was likely on fire.
Quickly Dean hoped out of bed and ran to the stairs to try and see what it was. It was something all right. The entire lower level of the house was already burning and a path was making its way slowly towards the stairs. Dean couldn't see John though the blaze, but he only assumed he had gotten outside as the living room was right next to the front exit.
Time seemed to slow down as Dean turned to go find Sam. He found him asleep in his bed and for a moment wondered why the smoke alarms weren't going off. The thought struck him that it had probably been years since John had changed the batteries in them. Before waking Sam he ran down the hall to the bathroom and placed two hand towels under the tap and then covered his mouth with it. He had seen it once in a show before.
"Sammy, hey wake up!" He shook his brother and placed the second towel in the same fashion over Sam's mouth. His eyes opened instantly wide with fear. In a calm voice Dean explained what was going on a fast as he could. He got Sam up and they started towards the stairs keeping low as Dean remembered being told in school.
The smoke was thicker now and it was getting harder to see where they were going. Dean could hear the sirens approaching, as someone must have seen the fire and called 911. As they passed his room he looked out the window to see the street crowded with people trying to catch some of the action.
"Dean! The fire!" He heard his brother's voice call out and turned to look where he was pointing. The flames of the fire were now making their way up the steps towards where the two boys stood. There was no way to get out the front door now; they were trapped on the second level.
"This way!" Dean turned to see Castiel standing in the hall behind them. Sam's gaze was still caught on the flames and he didn't seem to hear Castiel. Castiel walked back down towards Sam's room. Dean grabbed Sam with his free hand and dragged him after Castiel.
Dean knew Sam probably was wondering who this strange man was helping them, but it was almost as if he could see Dean trusted him so he trusted him. He listened when Castiel told him to grab his hand and Dean walked them walk together into a mass of shadows. It didn't phase Dean in the least as he had gotten used to Castiel appearing like that out of the shadows and accepted it had his way of transportation.
Dean walked over to the window in time to see Castiel and Sam emerge from a clump of shadows much closer to the ground. The smoke was terribly thick now and Dean's eyes were starting to burn and water. He tried to stay low and near the window while he waited for Castiel to return for him. He could see Castiel talking to Sam likely telling him to wait there as he then disappeared back into the shadows before appearing back in Sam's room.
Castiel helped Dean down the same way before disappearing back into the shadows on the side of the house. It was weird. Dean couldn't see a thing when it happened, but then again it only took a second. One second they had been in Sam's room and then next he was standing next to Sam on the grass and Castiel was already retreating back to the house.
The boys came around the corner of the house and the first thing they saw was John over talking with a firefighter. The boys made their way towards the front of the house steering clear of the hot flames flicking out of the windows of Dean's old room. There were whispers in the crowd that had gathered as Dean guided Sam over to the ambulance that had arrived and was now attending to John.
Thanks to Castiel they had gotten out safely and with Dean's quick thinking with the towels they suffered very little smoke inhalation. Dean could hear the people talking, wondering how they got out, with no injuries none the less.
"It must have been their guardian angel," Dean heard someone say.
Well they weren't wrong, he thought.
IV.
He was 15 when Castiel met Sam for the first time.
Dean was asleep in his new room. After the fire a couple years back they had moved into an apartment for while John decided whether to rebuild the house or just move somewhere totally different. In the end they ended up rebuilding the house exactly how it had stood before and it had taken some time, but it was finally done. They had moved back in about a week ago.
"He deserves to know Cas. He thinks I'm going crazy talking in my sleep at night. He thinks he's crazy because some man saved him from that fire. He should know that was you that saved him the night of that fire. His therapist convinced him it was the smoke doing things to him and he was too young to remember properly."
"I suppose you are right Dean. He should know. I'll be expecting him tomorrow night." Castiel walked back to the shadows and disappeared.
Dean was genuinely surprised at how fast Cas had agreed. He thought it would take a bit more effort, but he didn't seem to have a problem with it. Dean decided he would tell Sam about their meeting in the morning, it was much too late now. He drifted off to sleep.
"Hey Sam!" Dean called. It was just about time for Castiel to be arriving. It was dark outside and Sam was somewhere downstairs hence why Dean was yelling.
"What?" was the only response he got.
"Come here for a second!" He could hear the sound of Sam running up the stairs. John was nowhere to be found at this hour so it was just the two of them.
"What, Dean?" Sam asked walking into his brothers room and promptly sitting down on his bed. Suddenly Dean didn't know if this was the right thing to do. On one hand sure he wanted Sam to know about Cas, but lately he and Cas and grown closer it seemed and Dean almost didn't want to give up the secret of them.
He stayed silent debating what to say while Sam waited for an answer.
"Was there something you wanted to tell me Dean? Or can I go back to my show now. You know I only have the TV for so long until dad is back." Sam looked back to the door clearly impatient.
"There's something Dean wanted to show you all right. Were you about to back out on me Dean?" Cas had appeared silently from the shadows behind Dean and now stood beside him looking over at Sam.
"No, of course not," Dean quickly shot back, he stood up a bit straighter.
"Sam this is Castiel, Cas this is Sam, but you already knew that," he murmured the last part under his breath.
They both stood in silence waiting for a reaction from Sam. Dean was already regretting this whole thing, he should have known Sam would be weirded out.
"Hi, uh Cas," Sam paused as if still processing this man standing closer than needed to his brother, in his brother's room.
Castiel cleared his throat and glared at Sam. Sam caught on, "-tiel. Castiel. So.. what are you?"
Castiel switched his gaze over to Dean. "Care to explain?" he asked.
"Um, well Cas here is like my guardian angel really. I met him when I was 8 and well he's sorta been around ever since," Dean let that sink in. "Do you remember that fire a couple years ago?" Sam nodded his head. "Yeah well the reason we got out of that alive is because of Cas. I mean he really did save us. We were trapped on the second level and he helped us down."
Sam just nodded again signalling he understood, but didn't have anything to say in response.
"Well there you go Dean. I met Sam and Sam met me. I have to go now." With that Cas took his leave and disappeared back to the shadows.
Dean turned back to Sam. "So?"
"He seems," Sam hesitated, "nice."
Dean huffed, "Yeah he his nice I guess. He's a really good listener."
"That's great Dean, really. Can I get back to my show now?" Sam stood up from his spot on the bed. Dean laughed. Sam was defiantly still a kid with a one track mind stuck on TV.
"Yeah sure just Sam," Sam paused at the door and looked back, "don't tell dad, please."
"Sure thing." And Sam too disappeared from Dean's room.
During the short conversation with Castiel, Sam hadn't missed the fact that Dean seemed to be the only one Castiel allowed to call him Cas.
V.
He was 18 when Castiel visited for the last time.
Dean was sitting at the end of his bed not able to sleep, much like his 8-year-old self. He knew tonight that Cas was coming. He may not have known when he first agreed, but Cas had explained later like the sneaky devil he was.
He was a shadow and although he could take any form and travel anywhere all a shadow ever wanted was a soul, a shadow of it's own. In order to do that they needed to make a deal with a mortal for their soul, that was the only way. Cas admitted in choosing Dean because he had been an easy target, just a little lost boy missing his mother, but he also admitted he had grown quite attached to Dean over the years and would be sad to see him go.
Tonight marked 10 years since Dean had made the deal with Cas and tonight he would come to collect Dean's soul.
Dean had already said his goodbyes although the others didn't know that's what they were. He had said his farewell to Charlie, Jo and Ash at school and his short goodbye to John to the figure passed out on the floor. His drinking had never stopped, only gotten worse over the years. He even said goodbye to his mom. Like Cas had said she never did come back, but Dean still liked to believe one day she would. Maybe she would come back to rescue Sam now that Dean was gone.
Saying goodbye to Sam was a whole different deal. It was probably the hardest thing Dean had ever had to do. Even though Sam knew about Cas Dean decided not to tell him too much until after the fact. That's why he wrote down everything Cas had told him in a letter to Sam and stuck it in his coat pocket hoping he'd find it eventually. He also left the remains of his savings with the letter.
Dean took extra care to hang close around Sam for the last day without seeming too out of the ordinary. He probably blew it though when he hugged Sam before heading to his room. It took a bit for Sam to finally get him to let go and just "go to bed already."
The clock seemed extra loud as Dean waited on the edge of his bed. He was looking at the ground when all of a sudden Cas was standing there in front of him. Dean hadn't heard him approach. Neither said anything as Dean stood up and looked around his room one last time remembering all the times Sam had hid from John with him in that bed, their towers they built out of Lego covering the floor. All the time Mary would tuck him in at night telling him the angels were there. All the times John sat on the edge of his bed telling him stories of things that went bump in the night. One of those things was Cas. He wasn't Dean's guardian angel after all.
"Dean, it's time." Cas broke the silence and Dean took a deep breath before letting his feet guide him to stand beside where Cas stood. Cas reached and linked their fingers together. He led Dean towards the all to familiar dark corner and together they stepped into the shadows and disappeared.
That night a stranger could be seen leaving the Winchester household.
He carefully closed the door behind him and walked to the side of the house taking a moment to look into one of the boy's bedroom windows. He remained there, silent for a couple moments. He then continued on to the sidewalk. His bright blue eyes once again almost illuminating the darkness. If someone would have passed him in that moment they would have seen the tears gathering in his blue eyes as he started walking faster away from the house,
He crossed the street walking towards the lit bus stop. He sat down on the bench not sure when or if the next bus would be arriving, his shadow sat beside him.