Broken
A Mortal Instruments song-fic
I wanted you to know that I love the way you laugh. I wanna hold you high and steal your pain away
Clary's blue iPod switched to this song, Broken, by Seether and Amy Lee. She was laying on Jace's bed like she had for the past week- the week that he had been dead. She inhaled as much as she could- trying to soak up the soap\sweat\blood smell of Jace. She pictured him like the last time she saw him- fierce and frightened, but determined.
I keep your photograph; I know it serves me well. I wanna hold you high and steal you pain
Clary had not once taken a step out of Jace's room since she learned that Jace died. Not even to eat, not even to go to the funeral.
'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome. And I don't feel right when you're gone away
There was an anxious knock on the door. "Clary?" It was Luke. She didn't answer. His voice was a mixture of worry and irritation. "You are going to have to come out sometime. Don't make me call the fire department." He chuckled, a weary, short laugh at his joke. They both knew that the fire department would never do anything right. Clary had put her strongest locking rune she had ever used. It only let people in, not out.
The worst is over now and we can breathe again. I wanna hold you high and steal my pain away. There's so much left to learn, and no one left to fight. I wanna hold you high and steal your pain.
In everyone's words, the worst was over. Valentine had been defeated, Sebastian was dead, and both Shadowhunters and Downworlders had agreed to start over and make new accords. But for Clary, every part of the shadowhunter world, every one she loved and cared about, reminded her of Jace.
'Cause I'm broken when I'm open. And I don't feel like I am strong enough. 'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome. And I don't feel right when you're gone away
For a fleeting moment, Clary thought about opening her sketchbook, something she hadn't done for a while. She thought about drawing Jace again, one last time. To draw Jace with black wings, like a dangerous angel. Like the angel he was now.
With great effort, Clary stood up off the bed. Her muscles were sore from not being used, and she didn't know if she was going to make it to the door, let alone her room. For the first time in a week, Clary took a step. Then another, and, after a while, she got used to walking.
She sighed as she finally got to the door, and opened it. Immediately, the rune wore off. In the mirror across the hall, she realized that she looked hideous. Her hair looked black from not showering, and her curls hung down to where they were almost straight. Her skin was pale and washed out, and she had a huge zit in the middle of her forehead. Her body looked deprived and shrunken up. I look like crap.
'Cause I'm broken when I'm open. And I don't feel like I am strong enough. 'Cause I'm broken when I'm lonesome. And I don't feel right when you're gone away.
"Clary?" Simon came rushing up. He had black circles under his eyes. "You're… alive." He said, as if he was amazed. "You didn't think I would live?" I rolled my eyes, but the effort that it took to talk to him was an even greater feat than she would have thought.
Just looking at him, as a vampire, reminded her of the night he turned. Jace was there, he watched over her and Simon, though he didn't like Simon. The memories all came back, crystal clear. The day she told Simon about shadowhunters… the night they went to the party and Simon turned into a rat… the battle on Valentine's ship, when Jace gave his blood to save Simon…. Suddenly it was all she could do to keep from crying out at the memories that had resurfaced, to tell them to stop from racing around in her brain.
You've gone away. You don't feel me, here. Anymore.
The last few seconds of the song played in her room, and they echoed in her brain. "You've gone away…" She chocked back tears, sobbing, gut-wrenching tears of regret and sorrow. She didn't have the chance to tell Jace that they could be together, because they weren't brother and sister. He had gone before she could tell him. She ran out of the hallway, just barely making it before Simon got to her. She quickly got out her stele and drew the rune again before he could knock the door down.
It was odd, thinking that this was her room. It was, but it didn't have Jace stamped all over it. But then again, maybe it did, simply because Jace was stamped all over her. She ran onto the bed and collapsed into tears and defeat. How could she go on? Jace, her reason for existing, was gone. They could not have one without having the other.
She went over to her bed and pulled her sketchbook out from under the pillow, where she had kept it since she went to Idris. Flipping through it, Clary ripped out every last drawing. Until she stopped at the picture of Jace with wings. Again, she thought of drawing him with black wings and a smirk on his face. The sarcastic Jace that she knew and loved with every cell in her body. The Jace that she knew would have kissed away her fears, her every thought of worry, of stress. After that picture, there was the picture of the coffee mug, the one that she had explained her power to Jace to get the Mortal Cup.
Then she realized that with some runes, she could maybe possibly- no, there was no way in Hell it could happen. But she just might be able- having the kind of gifts that she does- to bring Jace back through her pictures.
Okay, this obviously is not gonna be a one-shot like I thought originally. I wanna do each chapter with a song, but for the next chapter I don't know what song to use. I was thinking I belong to you by Muse, but some of the lyrics don't fit. So tell me what you think!!!