Title: As My Heart Remembers
Author: Syntyche
Rating: PG, to be on the safe side :)
Archiving: Ask me please, so I know where it's going
Disclaimer: Anything recognizable belongs to George Lucas, I guess, and this story is not meant to infringe on copyrights held by Lucasfilm or anything associated with them. I'm not making any money off this story, but maybe if I were I'd be through school already.
Time frame: Two years before TPM; Obi-Wan is 23.
Tissue Warnings: Not sure about this one. I didn't kill Obi this time!!
Summary: Once, when night seemed forever, I was with you.
Disclaimer #2: Jhesana is my creation, but she came into being before I knew of the character Tahl from the Jedi Apprentice series.
all of the flashback sequence dialog is in italics.
Finally, the songs belong to Enya, and I'm sure the story looks really funny with the lyrics, but if you heard them while you were reading, so you at least have the melody in your head and they're not just printed words, you'll get along tons better. :) I especially recommend 'Wild Child' for the rain scene.
As My Heart Remembers
By: Syntyche
Slowly, methodically, his slender hands packed the loamy earth over the mound firmly.
Ever close your eyes …
Ever stop and listen …
His body moved of its own accord as his thoughts swirled. All he could think of was her: her bright, laughing eyes; auburn hair that tumbled to her waist in waves; petal-soft lips that curved in the certain smile she reserved for him alone; the way her body molded to his so perfectly that he knew she was made just for him.
Ever feel alive …
And you've nothing missing
And, wonder of it all, she loved him. Despite his insecurities, his awkward clumsiness, and the way his voice stumbled when he was nervous, Jhesana Rayeso loved him, Obi-Wan Kenobi.
She loved him. And had told him so many, many times in her throaty whisper as her delicate fingers caressed his face, 'seeing' him for her.
You don't need a reason …
Let the day go on and on …
It was so funny. They had practically grown up as Padawans together, and he'd never noticed her dry sense of humor, or her unwavering faith in what she believed was right, or the boundless compassion that had brought her into contact with him again and turned his life – their lives – so gloriously upside down.
Let the rain fall down
Everywhere around you …
Her quiet courage and compassion had led her to volunteer her services to aide the diplomatic team of Master Qui-Gon Jinn and his Padawan Obi-Wan Kenobi in negotiations with the Terkelians, a race dependent on a tactile language due to the permanent twilight state of Terkel. The blind Jhesana had offered her services, both as an aide and in her normal capacity of Healer.
It was becoming somewhat of an unspoken protocol to send a Healer with Jinn and Kenobi, anyway.
Jhesana and Obi-Wan had re-taken to each other immediately. He was twenty-three, she, twenty-two.
She had done well, Obi-Wan remembered proudly, easing them along gently when they would have stumbled trying to communicate in a dark world. Her abilities as a Healer had been welcome, as well. He and Jhesana had spent much time together near his Master's bedside during Qui-Gon's convalescence. When it was time for he and Qui-Gon to depart on their next mission, she occupied his thoughts, and it was to her that he went first upon their return to the Temple.
Give into it now …
Let the day surround you
Qui-Gon Jinn watched his Padawan quietly, adding his own memories to the ones Obi-Wan was unconsciously projecting.
*
The time came when they were separated for the three longest months of Obi-Wan Kenobi and Jhesana Rayeso's lives. Holo transmissions flew back and forth from Malastare, where Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan had been dispatched, and the Jedi Temple on Coruscant, but Qui-Gon had been surprised to find, the times he had been in the room while Obi-Wan and Jhesana communicated, that it was nothing like the mere "crush" he'd expected. There were smiles and laughter, but the surprising absence of the usual giddiness of young love made him take a second look at the new presence in his Padawan's life. Qui-Gon even spoke to Jhesana privately once and was greatly impressed with the young woman. He also noticed a change in Obi-Wan. The underlying self-recrimination that had always hidden in his Padawan's Force signature was slowly dissipating, and instead Qui-Gon saw the fine lines of Obi-Wan's love for Jhesana growing and strengthening rapidly.
Upon their return to Coruscant, Qui-Gon was not at all surprised when, three days later, Obi-Wan and Jhesana stood before him, their hands clasped, and quietly asked his permission to marry. He'd been incredibly touched by their consideration; his consent was hardly necessary, but he'd given it immediately with his blessing on the union.
Life with Obi-Wan had certainly been interesting in days preceding the wedding; he'd taken to walking around with an incredible grin on his face and Qui-Gon watched all his layers of self doubt and self loathing slip away as if they'd never even been.
The wedding itself was small, with only their closest friends present. Jhesana's parents lived beyond the Outer Rim, and Obi-Wan had been left an orphan farther back than he could remember. Despite his newfound confidence, Obi-Wan had been a bundle of nerves up till the ceremony, and Qui-Gon had had to gently straighten the younger man's robe and re-braid Obi-Wan's long plait when Obi-Wan's fingers shook too badly to complete the tasks. He offered Qui-Gon a shaky smile and, to Qui-Gon's surprise, stepped forward quickly to give his Master a brief hug.
*
Qui-Gon noticed Obi-Wan's fingers were shaking now as he combed the crumbly earth over. He knelt beside his trembling Padawan and placed his own large hands over Obi-Wan's, stilling the twitching of his fingers.
You don't need a reason
Let the rain go on and on …
*
The rain beat down on their shoulders, but they didn't care. Jhesana's laughter was infectious, and Obi-Wan laughed with her as they stumbled through the downpour, their shoes sliding on the wet stone walkway. Obi-Wan carried their luggage over his shoulder with his free hand grasping his new bride's, and Jhesana held the robe he'd long ago shed over both of their heads in an attempt to keep them somewhat dry – not that it worked: they were a sodden, giggling mess when they finally tumbled into the stone cottage where they would spend the next week.
*
As Obi-Wan's memories progressed, Qui-Gon carefully withdrew from their bond but moved a hand up to Obi-Wan's shoulder and squeezed gently.
What a day
What a day to take to
What a way
What a way
To make it through
*
In the warm lantern light of the cottage, Obi-Wan stared into Jhesana's sightless eyes. You're beautiful, he whispered, stroking her wet hair from her eyes. I love you, so much. She caught his hand and leaned into his embrace, kissing him gently before inclining her head to rest against his cheek.
Are you feeling better? she questioned softly, laughter evident in her voice, and felt his answering smile against her hair.
I don't think I've ever been quite so embarrassed, he replied sheepishly. I guess now you've lost your idea of me as your invincible protector.
She swatted him with a hand but made no move to leave his arms. Untrue. I'll just have to remember when we travel that you get motion sickness. I'm sure you were a sight! Her arms tightened around his neck involuntarily. Obi-Wan, she said slowly.
Jhesana, what? he asked when she trailed off.
I wish ... she breathed, I wish I could see you right now. I wish I could see your face when I tell you I love you. I wish I could see you smile. I wish I could see the love in your eyes when you tell me that you love me, she whispered fiercely, and Obi-Wan's heart clenched at the sadness radiating from her.
He moved his lips by her ear. Jhesana, he whispered, Let me show you how much I love you.
He reached out to take the hand she offered willingly, and led her upstairs.
Once, as my heart remembers,
all the stars were fallen embers
Once, when night seemed forever
I was with you
What is it? Jhesana asked curiously, sensing the signature of a tiny presence near her husband's. In reply, Obi-Wan scooped up both of her hands with one of his own and dropped the tiny creature into her waiting palms with the other.
I'm not sure, he grinned. I think it's a large, mutated rat.
Obi-Wan Kenobi! Jhesana shrieked, her hands parting involuntarily. Obi-Wan's quick reflexes caught the animal before it could strike the floor.
I'm kidding!! Jhesana, I'm kidding, he placated, replacing the creature in her cupped palms and running a finger between its' small ears. It's kinda cute, actually. And he supposed it was, from a certain point of view. It looked rather homely to him, but he'd nearly stumbled over the tiny cat-like creature on his way back to the Temple; it seemed to be favoring a wounded hind leg.
Jhesana sighed. She had quickly discovered Obi-Wan had a penchant for picking up stray animals, most of which found their way to Qui-Gon's quarters. Oh, Obi-Wan. Why do I sense we've picked up another pathetic lifeform?
*
end part one ...