A Harvest Moon Back to Nature fanfiction.
Chapter 01
"Doctor, can I please come in?"
There was a familiar, quiet 'Yes' from the other side of the door. Elli walked into the spotless office and spotted Doctor Tim seated in his usual place, his dark eyes glued to the papers on his desk. "What is it, Elli?" asked the man without glancing up.
"The medicine for Mrs. Lilia…" she started.
"Ah, yes." Elli didn't have to finish her sentence. Moving quickly, Tim got up from his seat and walked to the cupboard behind him. He snatched two small tubes containing blue liquid, then handed it to her. "Safe trip," he said, eyes only meeting hers for a moment before he sat back and focused back on his paperwork.
Elli remained rooted on the floor.
Finally, Tim looked up and looked attentive for once. "Is something the matter, Elli?"
She made a mental note to choose her words with care. "You look... tired." Which was an understatement. The crease between his eyebrows were deepening at her words, and even the usually stoic face seemed paler than usual. The sharp, handsome face was taut with concentration. "I mean, you should take some time to rest, Doctor. We're closing in an hour, after all," she added when Tim did not respond.
She was expecting to hear a sigh of resignation she had used to hear so many times before when she had suggested the same thing to him. But instead, Tim shook his head, a stern look on his face. "I'll rest after the clinic closes," was a statement she knew better than to rebut.
Elli exited the office. Once the door was closed, she huffed a sigh she had not known she had been holding. It had not been like this before…
Working with Tim, who had the reputation for being efficient with both words and action, had always been a fulfilling learning experience. He was a bit stiff, sure, but things had been different then. Lilia's illness had not been as severe, and he had been less stubborn. Tim was a dedicated person who would immerse himself in one matter until he found a solution to it. She knew that better than anybody else. But apparently,it had become too much when he closed himself even more and started to talk less and chose to bury himself in books and research papers.
She should stop thinking and started moving, she reminded herself. She got a task to do, and she was willing to go back home before the sun set. Hurriedly Elli changed from her nurse outfit into a more casual dress and walking boots before wrapping her coat about her body. It was autumn, and the wind had taken up lately, signaling that winter was to come.
Making a trip to Lilia's house by the southern part of the village proved to be a refreshing trip. The cold wind felt soothing, and the feeling of being outside and breathing in the crisp air brought peace to her heart and body. She had always loved spring in particular, but autumn gave off a different feeling altogether. Witnessing the red and orange leaves danced as the wind blew softly was a great change from the usual view of hospital white she was exposed to almost everyday. The buzz of the town began to fade as she got further and further south. Ahh, how she loved the calming silence. It was no wonder that Ellen, her grandmother, loved the mountains so much. To be away from busy lives and chores was a bliss.
At the bottom stair that led to Barley's ranch that was next to Lilia's, she stopped. A loud, cheery voice was audible, followed by high-pitched laughter that she knew belonging to a certain young girl.
As she climbed the stairs, wide expanse of brown and orange came into view. Cows were grazing lazily behind the fence, and soon Elli found May, who was on the back of a cow. Holding her small hand and walking with the animal was a man in dark jeans and blue jacket. Jack.
"It's so tall!" May shrieked.
"Careful, or you'll lose your balance," said Jack as he trotted beside her. There was a smile plastered to his face but his eyes remained focused on the girl and the deliberate steps the cow took.
May laughed, the sound high and pure. "I won't! You'll catch me if I ever do! Jack, make him run!"
"No, can't do. You'll fall."
"I won't…! Oh!" May's eyes met with Elli's, and the girl finally realized of the mute bystander who was at the gate of the farm. "Elli!" she cried out in joy.
The nurse snapped herself out of her reverie and smiled back. Her thoughts had drifted to places in the past upon seeing them, places full of memories that served no other purpose but to taunt her now. "Hi, May," she greeted.
Jack, who noticed her only after May, looked up and offered a nod as a greeting. He carefully hoisted May down from the cow's back and settled the girl to the ground. May wasted no time to run to Elli and wrapped her arms around the woman's waist. "Have you come to play? Where's Stu?" May asked, enthusiasm in her voice.
Stu had been May's best friend since they were very little. Being same-aged friends who grew up together, the two had become as close as real siblings, even to the point that Sasha had playfully suggested an engagement before they come to age. Elli squatted down so she was on eye level with May. "Sorry, dear, but I'm not here to play. I'm on my way to Lilia's."
"Awww, that's too bad… I was so happy when I saw you; I thought you would stay to play."
Jack walked to them and gave May a false look of hurt. "So the person with whom you've just spent the last two hours is very replaceable, I see."
May turned to Jack and giggled. "You're nice. But not as nice as Elli is! She makes the best sandwiches and chocolate cakes!"
Jack threw his hands in defeat, smiling sadly at Elli. "You see how we're being graded here? Food wins the girl's heart."
Elli let herself laugh. It was surprisingly easy to be with these people. She had not laughed in...what? Weeks? Everything that was required of her in the clinic was her focus and polite smiles. She was surprised at the ease that crept into her that lifted some of the burdens away.
Jack had been friends with May and Stu since his arrival at the beginning of the year. She had only seen and talked to him briefly, noting how his usual polite demeanor would change when he was with the kids and how his eyes would gleam when he was with them.
"When are you going to come to play?" May asked as she tugged on Elli's coat.
"Next Wednesday sounds good?" she replied after thinking for a while. A break with company sounded nice. She surely needed one.
"Of course! Bring Stu along! We can play hide and seek and make some cakes afterwards!"
Elli patted the girl's head, amazed just at how May never seem to lose her spirit. "I will."
Barley's voice from inside the house called May over. Saying her goodbyes to Elli and Jack, the girl ran and disappeared into the house, leaving the two alone in silence.
It was Jack who spoke first. "The girl's sure got energy."
"Yes. May has always been like that."
"Hm? You've known her for how long?"
"Ever since she was a baby," Elli replied. "She was born only two months after Stu. They've been playmates ever since they could walk."
Jack's eyebrows were raised. "That was news. Oh, am I keeping you? You said you were going to Lilia's."
Elli smiled. "No, you are not, don't worry."
"May I walk you? I'm heading back myself."
She didn't know if it was the subtle smile that always accompanied his words or the gentleness of his hazel eyes, but she found warmth creeping to her face that she had to look away. "Thank you."
Their conversation was light and the topics didn't stray off the weather and changing season and the abundant food in autumn. On their stop at Lilia's, Jack opted to go inside with her. He was well-acquainted with the house occupants, as could be seen by the banter he shared with Popuri and Rick. Lilia welcomed Elli and chatted quite a bit, asking about her grandmother's health and Stu. By the time they were back on the road, the sky had darkened considerably.
"You know you don't have to walk me home," said Elli when Jack insisted that he stuck around until she was at her house's doorstep.
"It's okay. The town's relatively peaceful, but you can never predict what's going to happen, right?"
Elli gave a thankful smile. Fatigue soon found itself gripping her body and mind. Seeing Lilia's weakened condition had undone something in her. The kind woman had seemed bright and cheerful as usual, but Elli had noticed how thinner she had been and how her coughs had grown more serious. Doctor Tim had increased the dose of her daily medicine, but it appeared that it did little to her health. Tim's frustrations could be understood...
"What about you, Jack?" Elli asked her companion, willing to distract her mind from Lilia and the Doctor. "Are you well? The weather's getting cold lately, and you work outdoors."
"I am well, thanks." Again the same smile made its way back to his lips and Elli could not help but to note how his eyes would crinkle when he did that, making him look almost boyish. Said smile also left her understanding rather abruptly how it was Popuri and Karen might have lengthened their talk over boys in town the first weeks after his arrival. She reminded herself that he might do what he was doing to almost every girl or every one, given how majority of the folks had spoken highly of him already. "It is you I'm concerned about."
Caught off guard by his words, she looked up to stare into his eyes. "Me?"
"Yeah. You." He nodded. There were no traces of smile on his face; only a slight frown that indicated that he was being serious. "I'm sorry to point this out, but… you seem very tired. You are easily distracted and your mind seems to wander off often. Sorry," he quickly said when Elli stopped in her tracks. "I didn't mean to offend you or anything…"
"No." Her voice was too hoarse, she realized, and she tried again, louder this time. "No, it's all right. I just... " Did her fatigue really show all that much? "I am just under a lot of stress, that's all."
"You're sure that's all there's to it? It doesn't seem all that light to me."
"I'm just a bit dizzy." Again she summoned a smile, one she had used a thousand of times to reassure people, healthy and sick alike, that she needed not their concern nor sympathy, but it somehow faltered. Darkness swam in her head and her vision dimmed for a brief moment.
Jack seemed to have noticed her steps wavering a bit, for he surprised her yet again when he pulled her closer and supported her weight as they resumed walking. "You're not walking on your own," he stated when she was just about to protest. "A nurse or not, I'm not letting someone who's about to faint to walk alone to her home." And before she managed to automatically reply by apologizing, he said, "And please don't say sorry. It's not anybody's fault."
Elli shut her mouth and let herself be supported by him. Despite her embarrassment and shame of how she had neglected her own health, she found her senses attuned to his every movement. She had never been this physically close to a man before, more so in a non-medical setting. The arm around her felt secure, the broad and tall frame she was leaning onto as steady as a pillar, the faint scent of musk that hung to his being reminding her of pine trees in the mountains. It was all too different from the antiseptics that was the only odor surrounding her life in the clinic; it felt heavy and masculine… to the point that it was almost alluring. Foolish of her to think about things like that in such an inappropriate time, but her mind did not listen to the logic that was trying to combat the feeling that grew inside of her. It was a vain attempt, of course.
She was thankful of semi-darkness that had covered the area, for she was sure that heat that had nothing to do with her cold was coloring her face in a reddish glow.
"You've got to rest the moment you hit home, okay?" she heard him say.
A weak nod was all she could manage. She didn't trust her voice to speak right now.
They arrived before her house, and by then night had already fallen. Jack's arm parted from her, and coldness stung her in the sudden absence of his warmth.
"I will rest. Again, thank you," she said with her head bowed.
"Hey, look." Jack touched her arm so she would meet his gaze, and there she found not sympathy that she had guessed would be present in the hazel orbs. What was that conflicted look that was shadowed by the play of light? "I know I may sound rude, given that I'm a nobody, but I think a nurse should take a better care of her health. I'll drop by tomorrow to bring some medicinal herbs from the mountains, and no, I don't take a no." A smile curved his lips at the end of his sentence, perhaps already sensing the direction of her thoughts.
There was something in his thoughtfulness that unsettled her, awakening incomprehensible emotions that swirl around in her heart. Realization dawned late, and pain throbbed in her chest at the sight of his back walking away.
It was hope.
It was hope of having someone going through the walls she had built around her heart, hope of someone seeing through her smiles. Dare she to say, it was hope of someone to care for her in a special way that she had dreamed of. The kind of hope that, somehow, someday, someone would pull her out of the gray routine and lead her to a place that promised true happiness barren of pretense, where she could be free and be none other than herself.
"Don't."
The word had escaped her before she could even think about it.
Jack, who was ambling his steps towards the direction of his farm, stopped and turned back. "What?"
A flashing thought of Doctor Tim's stoic face and his unseeing eyes doubled the constriction in her chest. No. She should not hope for such a world of fantasy. A bitter experience told her that hope always ended in heartbreak and loss. Her parents and the doctor had taught her of that.
"Please don't bother yourself to come and see me."
Coldness gripped not only her heart but her frame. That was not what she had meant to say, but the words were not lies. Fear took the better of her, and Jack, looking puzzled, tilted his head in question. "Hey, what're you saying?" he asked, walking towards her.
"Don't come and see me," she repeated, and the coldness froze every ounce of feeling and guilt that had arisen. "I appreciate your kindness, but it is not necessary. I should not be your subject of pity."
For you will only break me.
Seconds passed and Jack's eyes cooled. If he had been hurt by her statement he did not show it. He had only displayed surprise and shock, and Elli barricaded her heart from empathy.
Without a word he turned on his heels and walked where he'd come.
Elli took a calming breath and struggled to clear her head. What had she done? What had she said? It had been pure instinct; a desperate act to defend herself from more heartache, words omitted by the haunted side of her that must have emerged through the thin walls. Tears sprang to her eyes but she blinked them away. No...this was for the good of them both. She knew she was not up for another loss, for another pain, and that he was too good to hurt himself by being near her.
Opening the door to her house, she once again willed herself to deflect all other emotions that threatened to pull her under.
Her grandmother was seated in her rocking chair by the fireplace when was inside, and the elder woman closed the book she had been reading upon seeing Elli coming home. "It's rare that you're a bit late, dear," her grandmother said. Ellen pushed her glasses of her nose and leaned forward. "And you look unwell. What happened?"
The sweet smile was not a hard feat to pull now that she had pushed unwanted feelings into the depths of her being. "Nothing. It's just the cold outside. Shall I make some tea for you, Grandma?"
The lies had rolled easily from her mouth, just as they had always been. No one had ever questioned them.
She would rest as Jack had suggested, yes. But she would be the same and usual Elli the nurse she had always been tomorrow. No one needed to know the dark parts of her. She would keep her demons to herself.
x - H - x
Elli's sudden change in behavior worried him more than her words hurt him. It had come out of the blue. She had gotten very silent, then her eyes changed, the look on her face a mask preventing him from reading her emotions. Within a heartbeat she had shut herself out from anything around her and demanded others to take a retreat from her personal space.
Even more than that, her smiles were self-depreciatory. They had always been.
That was the best description he could think of her when he hit home and had some time alone to think and mull over the recent event involving Elli. He had known her only as a kind nurse who never lost her composure, a sweet woman behind the clinic counter who would always greet every patient with civility. She would always make time to chat with patients, asking of their well-being, worrying for them as they exited the door. All in all, Jack had felt something off with her though he had not put a lot of thought on it. He had never gotten a chance to know the nurse better past the obvious little facts that she was Stu's older sister and that she lived only with her Grandmother and brother. Rumours had it that her parents had been killed in an accident around the time when she had been just a little child. After hearing it, he'd admired her for her strength and passion in her career, thinking that he too must also learn from her and work harder. But that was it; he had not cared further than that.
The trip to her house had allowed him to see a glimpse of what lay underneath the exterior. Just remembering the look on her face when he offered to walk her home put him in a state of unrest. He could not shake off the feeling that sorry's and thank you's were automatic replies that were always at the tip of her tongue. She would put others before her, to an extreme point where she would lose sight of her own wants and needs as been attested by how she genuinely had looked baffled as well as discomforted when he had chided her and worried for her.
And there was also the way she carried herself. He had not caught this before, but the walk had given him time to observe the manner in which she walked; her posture upright, her head held modestly on the slender stem of her neck, whilst at the same time being so careful never to sway her hips as to prevent attraction to her femininity. He could not be sure if she did that on purpose or not. But it only served to build a man's appetite to know more of her, to see her reveal more of herself.
The thought made him restless, then bringing the ball of energy that tied the knots in his stomach to a new level of ache. Damn, he needed to think of something else, of someone else, but somehow he couldn't. He couldn't think of anything other than her.
Jack groaned as he got up from his bed. Shit, he'd thought too much that he couldn't stop the cogs in his head from slowing down to allow his body the rest it most definitely needed. Absently, he walked to the kitchen, perhaps out of habit, and opened her refrigerator. He grabbed a bottle of milk but stopped when he saw slices of bread on the kitchen counter and some frozen tomatoes inside the fridge.
Sandwiches, was it…?
Sandwiches. And Stu.
Ah. Now he had an idea.
Rolling up his sleeves, Jack began to work.
x - H - x
On the next morning Elli found that sleep had not done its usual healing magic. She felt strangely weak, even weaker than the moment she'd climbed to bed last night, and it was as if there was a lump in her dry throat.
She tried to get up, to pull herself to a sitting position, at the very least, but she miserably failed. She could not move too much without feeling as though her head were being cleaved in twain-for even the tiniest bit of motion drained so much energy she could not muster.
Was he suffering from a cold? Elli shut her eyes and held back a sigh. There was no question about it. It must have been the exhaustion. Or the cold wind, or the stress. Or everything.
Footsteps approached her bedroom, then Stu's voice carried over. "Sis, you awake? Grandma told me to get you."
Elli would have replied if she could, but all she could manage was something akin to a pathetic whisper. Goddess, talking hurt.
Stu, who must have realized that the quietness coming from his sister's bedroom was odd, creaked the door open just an inch. "Elli? Hey. You awake?"
The last thing Elli remembered before darkness claimed her was how Stu's small hand rested tentatively on her forehead, and then him running off to the living room while shouting for their Grandma.
x - H - x
"A fever?"
Stu nodded, and there was a sad frown with a hint of panic on his face that Jack rarely saw. He had always been an energetic boy, always laughing and up for some games. "Just this morning, I found her still asleep. She was sweating a bunch, and I did what Grandma had always told me: I checked her temperature. She was like an oven!"
Jack looked at the bag filled with sandwiches and herbs in his hand, then at the boy. "There're only you and Grandma home?"
Stu nodded.
"Can I come in?"
The boy moved back to allow him entry, and Jack put down the food and herbs he brought on a dining table in the living room. Stu led him to a bedchamber at the farthest back of the house, where he soon found a sleeping Elli with Ellen seated on a chair beside her.
"Jack," Ellen greeted. Her voice, usually gentle and patient, sounded a bit rougher with weariness. "What brings you here?"
Jack walked into the room with tentative steps, eyes locked on a motionless woman whose face was burning with fever. It was the first time he ever looked at Elli in such a weakened state. Her lips were pale, and sweat was plastering her brown hair, which had grown longer until it reached her shoulders, to her face and neck. By the way her chest rose and fell in an unsteady rhythm, he could tell that she was having breathing difficulties. "I bring some sandwiches and herbs," he said without glancing away from Elli's figure. "That aside, is she…?"
"Ah, she must have overworked herself, yes," Ellen said with a shake of her head. "She returned home late last night, as she had been for the past few days."
"Will she...be all right?"
"She should be, after the medicine kicks in. All she needs now is rest."
When Jack was still transfixed on Elli, Ellen said, "We've given her some pills to combat the fever, so you shouldn't worry too much. Only if she does not get better in an hour or two must we take another action."
Stu, who had been uncharacteristically silent, suddenly said, "I'll go and heat up some milk," and ran.
"He's scared," Ellen explained when Jack shot her a confused look. "All this time Elli's been the one who takes care of him. Now, seeing his sister in this condition must have instilled worries unimaginable within him." She gave a smile to Jack. It was meant to reassure, but all he saw was tiredness of an old soul who cared for her grandchildren more than herself. One look at those gray eyes and one would know that Elli and Stu meant the world and more for her. A pang of jealously resonated through his veins. "And it is so kind of you to drop by, Jack. We enjoy your company more than you know."
But not her, a small voice in his head whispered. He ignored the voice along with the frustration that rose up with the thought.
"It's nothing, really," he said with a faint shrug. What came out of his mouth next was words that were born from pure instinct. "Can I help you watching over her?" It was only a second later that the words registered themselves into him. Quickly he amended. "No, I mean… You only live by yourselves here with Stu and Elli. I can help around the house for the day. I've finished my work on the farm."
Ellen only smiled. "Why, thank you for your kindness. You will be a great help."
Ellen slowly got up to her feet. They were very shaky, Jack observed, and with his help, she was back to her wheelchair and she went back into the living room to help Stu prepare what would be lunch. Jack returned to the bedroom, and so very carefully as to not make any noise, he dragged the chair Ellen had occupied before and seated himself on it. Elli's ragged breath was the only sound in the room.
It was hard not to look at her. Not just because the irony that the warm and compassionate caretaker and nurse he'd known her for was now a bed-ridden patient, but also because of how she looked.
Elli was an attractive woman. Granted, not as charming as Karen who flaunted her beauty in her every movement, or like Popuri who would spend hours in front of a mirror to style her hair into a chic, wavy style she often wore. Her angular face and high cheekbones brought her eyes out, and the sculpted nose and thick eyelashes only accentuated her beauty. They were features many women would die for. And said features, if his guess was right, would only be shown once a year on the Goddess Festival, with a slight touch of makeup and a proper dress that loosely hugged the curves that were so often obscured by the nurse outfit. Elli was very modest in her appearances, and Jack knew from his experience living in big cities and associating with city women, that she was not aware of her own charms.
Her looks were often downplayed, maybe due to her job requiring efficiency more than eloquence. Now that she was not in control over them, they stood out, even through flushed skin damp with perspiration.
He reached for the clot on her forehead and dipped it in a bowl of water on the table beside her bed. As he put the wet material back, his fingers lingered. Elli's eyelashes fluttered and her lips parted as she gasped. Her mind was not at peace. A nightmare, most likely. Fever often did that.
Jack moved from his chair to sit on the bedside. What the hell he was doing, he didn't know. But attraction, something he'd never felt before with her, was mingling with curiosity as well as awe, and they drew him closer to her.
He rested one hand on the pillow beside her, then lowered his head to study her face up close. How could a woman so kind and frail put up such a strong appearance, he wondered. How could this one person, who got uncomfortable at the mere act of kindness from others, withstand the world on her own? She was so tough, and yet delicate.
Don't shut me out…
Tears came out of her closed eyelids. A soft murmur, incomprehensible, longing. She repeated the words again in her sleep, body writhing under the mental torture that was the illusion her nightmare created for her. Jack lowered his head to make out of it. He finally understood the chant.
"Father… Mother…"
She was beautiful, yet sad.
Jack reached for her hand-soft, small, so fragile in his hold-and gently squeezed it. Elli's breath steadied, and her head lolled to one side as her contorted face relaxed.
He wanted to know her better... This woman who wore a smile to ease other's pain and hide her own scars…
Not as the hard-working nurse in the clinic, not as the reliable sister and devoted granddaughter. He wanted to know her more as a person; to see her wounds and tend to them.