Moony, Lily, Padfoot and Prongs
By: Dimantrien
Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all related characters, settings and terms belong to JK Rowling, Warner Brothers, Scholastic Inc., Bloomsbury Publishing, and whoever else I don't know has copyright over it… All unrecognizable stuff are mine.
Chapter 1: Total Annihilation
10:49 am, King's Cross. Two cabs pulled up to the train station with eleven minutes to spare. Out the first cab came out a very harassed-looking Sophia Black, two sugar-stimulated boys, one with untidy black hair and eyeglasses, the other also with black hair and dark eyes, but with a manic grin that many who knew him feared. The last person to come out was a composed seventeen-year-old girl that resembled her younger, more recklessly dangerous brother (in other words, Sirius Black).
"Gee mum, you look like a tornado hit you," Sirius remarked bluntly.
"Who wouldn't after putting up with you and James in the same car?" Cassiopeia spoke for their mum.
"I was just stating a simple fact," Sirius shot back, annoyed.
"You mean, a rude opinion," Cassiopeia corrected.
Sirius opened his mouth to retort, but his mum cut him off. "Okay, let's just try to get all your things from the trunk in peace. Is that fine with you?" she asked exasperatedly.
"Sure," three voices responded.
Things were much less hectic in the other cab. Mr. Black came out first, though he didn't look as tired as his wife. Perhaps Lily, Remus and Peter really couldn't beat a combined team of James and Sirius in a game of ultimate mischievousness and deceit even if they tried. When everyone managed to gather their own belongings in one piece, they had exactly three minutes to spare to get on Platform Nine and Three-Quarters and onto the Hogwarts Express.
"Ow! Lil, your trunk landed on my foot!" James yelped.
"Well, it's not my fault that there are so many people in this bloody station!" Lily snapped.
"That won't help my foot from swelling like an overgrown tomato," James shot back scathingly, clutching his injured foot.
"I thought you were the clever one, why don't you magic it better," was the reply.
"We're not supposed to do magic yet, you idiot."
"How dare you call me an idiot!"
"Idiot, idiot, idiot!"
"Shut the hell up!"
"Lily Evans is an ugly, bastardly idio—"
"Will the two of you shut it? You're attracting a lot of attention," Cassiopeia hissed. She was dressed in Muggle clothes, but she already had her prefect badge pinned on her shirt.
"Yeah, yeah. Just because you're a prefect doesn't mean you can order us around outside school," James said under his breath.
"What did you say?" Cassiopeia narrowed her eyes.
"Nothing, just that you're a perfect little flower and that everybody just admires you for being a royal pain in the butt. Happy now?" James said sarcastically.
"You little—"
Mrs. Black sighed. "All right, we've got two minutes. Will you please just get onto the platform? Cas, Remus, why don't you go first?" she ordered, heaving a sigh of relief when her daughter discontinued her harsh comment (or threat, since it's more appropriate).
She waited until they disappeared into the barrier. "James, Si—Lily, you next," she instructed, catching herself just in time before saying Sirius's name. She almost always forgot that those two could be the most chaotic duo in the world when they were together. Well, they probably already were.
Sirius scowled his displeasure at this. He knew he was going to be paired with Peter, who really was no fun when you were ready to make a good prank.
"Peter and Sirius?" Mrs. Black called.
Sirius sauntered toward the barrier, Peter at his heels. As he neared it, he noticed two rowdy-looking teenage Muggle boys leaning against it.
"Oh, what now?" Peter moaned.
Grinning and obviously thinking that he could start trouble, Sirius threw one arm around Peter's shoulders and went up to the boys.
One of them narrowed his eyes. "Whaddaya want, kid?" he asked suspiciously.
Peter let out a terrified squeak. "W-we were just w-w-wondering if you could m-m-m-move, p-p-please?" he stuttered, looking at Sirius helplessly.
"We got here first, so if you're looking for a place to lean on, then find another one," the boy who spoke earlier said.
Fortunately, Mr. Black came to the rescue. "Boys, boys, what's the holdup? Only one minute until—" He stared at the Muggles. "Oh."
Sirius scowled again. Another plan for a brawl foiled. "They won't move, dad," he explained.
Mr. Black looked around the vicinity before taking out his wand. "Incesantio Forilivo," he muttered. Suddenly the two Muggles grabbed their luggage and quickly walked off. "Hurry!" Mr. Black urged them.
They practically dived into the barrier, and caught the tail end of the announcement that departure time was near.
"—in fifty-eight seconds," the announcer…announced.
"Shit, hurry up, Peter," Sirius said, dragging him along and practically throwing him into an empty compartment. Mr. and Mrs. Black burst through the platform, panting, and helped Sirius and Peter push
their heavy trunks into the compartment. They had just enough time to shove Sirius through the door before the train moved.
"Have a nice year!" Mr. Black shouted.
"And behave yourselves!" Mrs. Black added, but the train rounded the corner, drowning her words.
The door slid open and in came James. "There you are! What kept you?"
"Two Muggle gits, a really heavy trunk, and Peter," Sirius answered. He looked more than a little grumpy.
James grinned. "So. Siri didn't get to wreak havoc in the station. Don't worry, we can always wait for Snape to barge into our compartment and hex him," he assured as he led them to their compartment.
Sirius looked slightly more cheerful. "Great! I can't wait to do that new curse I learned in Cas's book that makes dung beetles crawl out of your nose," he said gleefully.
"Disgusting. How would you know that they'll be dung beetles?"
"'Cause they'll have shit clinging to their hairy little legs," Sirius said with his manic grin.
"Cool! That ugly git better watch his overlarge nose," James said with a smirk. He opened a compartment door to the left of the corridor and went in. And narrowly missed a slimy, flying sneaker.
*****
"Jamie! Look out!" Lily's voice exclaimed. James ducked just in time before the airborne goo-covered thing could hit him full in the face.
Somebody tutted behind him. "What inaccurate aim you have, Snapey," Sirius said with the air of one ready to start a fight.
James looked up. The first impression he had of where he came into was a smelly, green, muck-covered cave with earthworms splattered on the walls and something that looked like a giant pus oozing all over the floor.
Lily looked just like Sirius sounded. She was already equipped with a wand and slime had stained her black robes. "That'll teach you for calling me a Mudblood, you greasy-haired son of a bitch," she snarled at Snape, who was sprawled on the floor and looked like he'd just had the wind knocked out of him. Off to the side and so far the only one who was clean and untouched was a very amused Remus. He too had his wand out, and purple smoke and occasionally a few blue sparks erupted from the tip.
"Hey, guys," he greeted them. "You just missed all the fun."
Sirius's grin vanished. "We did? We did? Oh no!" he moaned in despair, and as he stepped in, slipped on a puddle of slime and fell flat on his back. Snape managed a grimace-like smirk.
Sirius scampered upright. "But it's never too late to add to the fun," he added, and quickly took out his wand. "Squallorine Midjeous!" he shouted, pointing his wand at Snape. Immediately, Snape's nostrils grew to the size of saucers and enormous beetles with brown stuff on their feet and mouths came out. Sirius, James, Lily and Remus doubled over laughing; Peter, on the other hand, moaned, "Oh, no…Avery and Nott are coming…"
Sure enough, Snape's two enormous friends appeared in the doorway, glares of mingled confusion and rage on their faces. Nott attacked Sirius, his fist colliding with Sirius's right eye. Avery lunged at Peter, who scrambled away and kneed Snape's large nose (dung beetles were still crawling out). Sirius punched Nott in the nose. Avery, failing to get to Peter (and now covered in slime from head to toe) went for Remus instead. Remus dodged his punch, and Avery lost his balance and fell on Snape's stomach. Lily started cursing anyone who dared to come near her.
"Furnunculus!" Lily yelled.
"Hey! Don't attack me, Lil!" James said, swerving out of harm's way.
"Oops. I thought you were Snape."
"Bloody hell, do I look like a grease-haired git with an abnormally large no—"
"James, watch out!" Sirius shouted.
James sidled out of the way, and a green spark hit Snape in the stomach. An arm started to grow from it.
Laughing, James attempted a spell of his own. "Plurensium!" A lightning-shaped spark collided with Avery's nose, and a gigantic pus planted itself square in the middle.
Peter ran out of the room. Not noticing that he'd gone, his four friends resumed the fight.
"Parasitus!" ZAP! Leeches crawled out of Avery's and Nott's ears (courtesy of Remus).
Snape tried to retaliate, but Sirius was quicker. "Petrificus Totalus!" he cried, and Snape landed flat on his face.
"Skalinta Oculus!" Lily and James hollered at the same time, and both spells hit Avery's and Nott's eyes. They bulged bigger than plates.
Nott blundered toward Remus, who sent a jet of sparks into his face. He accidentally kicked Snape's face and tripped over him (ouch.). Avery swung his fists around, but his eyes were so big their faces seemed to be magnified.
James hexed him again, and boils covered every inch of his skin. Sirius took over Nott ("Disfigurus!") and within seconds, his face became oddly contorted, one enormous eye was on his cheek; his nose was on his forehead; his mouth was on his neck and the other eye was missing.
Snape staggered upright, looking like a mutated monkey with oily hair and an extremely big nose. He took out his wand with a shaky hand but—
"Incantatum Permanentus!" Remus cried. Snape froze.
People started moving around outside. "What's all that racket?" they recognized the muffled voice of Mundungus Fletcher, a seventh-year Hufflepuff.
"Who screamed?"
"Sounds like a brawl."
"Pettigrew from Gryffindor was babbling something about a fight."
"But he's always like that."
"I think it's in here." The door slid two inches open, but suddenly the high-pitched voice of Cassiopeia Black rang out.
"Excuse me, I'm a prefect. What are you all doing out of your compartments? Move on, move on, nothing to see here…"
The door opened wide, and a few girls outside gasped. Everybody else took one glance at Snape, Avery and Nott and fell over laughing, otherwise crying with mirth.
"Looking good, Snape!"
"Since when did you have your plastic surgery, Nott?"
"Whoa. Nice makeup job there, Avery."
"Maybe Slytherin's Seeker could take a leaf out of Snape's book and grow his own extra arm!"
"They'll sure need it. Think they can catch the Snitch faster than Potter that way?"
"No chance!"
The Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws were jeering and mocking the three disaster cases openly, since this was the first time that they couldn't fight back. Gryffindors, on the other hand, were another matter.
"Excellent! Will we infiltrate their common room next?"
"Total annihilation!"
"Good job, you guys!"
"Gryffindors rule!"
In the midst of catcalls and congratulations, no disinterested Slytherin could fail to hear the racket outside. Lazily, they poured out of their compartments to see what was going on. What happened next was…
A Slytherin fourth year screamed. "You! W-what have you done to them?!" she screeched at James in particular.
"The same thing I'll do to you if you step any closer," Lily snarled.
Sirius nudged James in the ribs. "What?" James hissed, rubbing where Sirius elbowed him.
"I don't know. Lily Evans defending James Potter? Was I hallucinating or something?" Sirius replied with a Cheshire-cat grin.
James turned beet red. "What are you talking about?" he said with narrowed eyes.
"Just that I nev—" Sirius's sentence was cut off by a deafening roar. Lestrange, a Slytherin who was two years older than them, stood in the doorway.
"What the bloody hell is going on here?!" he shouted angrily.
Snape, Avery and Nott cringed at his words. They were still sprawled on the floor in humiliation and now…fear.
"You three! How dare you! I can't believe— And you call yourselves Slytherins?" he boomed, his face full of disgusted anger.
"Please, Lestrange, we can explain—"
"Shut up, Avery! I have never seen Slytherins with such pathetic behavior!" Lestrange snapped at him.
"B-but Black and Potter, they were getting out of hand—"
"And you say you can't handle them?! How much of idiots are you?" He dragged both of them out of the compartment and turned to Snape, his eyes flashing and a vein throbbing in his temple. "SNAPE!"
With the full Body-Bind still on him, Snape could do nothing.
"How could you be so weak? Five mere Gryffindors—" the Gryffindors behind him glowered and took out their wands threateningly, "—and you couldn't even hurl a single curse at them!"
Somebody appeared behind Lestrange's bulky frame. It was Lucius Malfoy. "Now, now, Lestrange. They are just fourth years—"
"And blunderingly idiotic ones, too!" Lestrange interjected angrily.
Lucius's eyes glittered maliciously. "Yes, they have acted very poorly, I doubt they could harm even a Hufflepuff in their condition—" it was the Hufflepuffs' turn to glower, "—but we will discuss their punishment later," he finished silkily. "Finite Incantatem," he said in a lazy tone, and all three mutilated Slytherins reverted to normal. Snape scampered out of the compartment. He reached for his wand but—
"Another time, Severus. You have lost this round, but you have to promise me that you will do a better, if not the best, performance next time," Lucius drawled at him. Snape, being three years younger, immediately put his wand away.
"Er, if you say so, Lucius," Snape muttered. Quite a few people were still smirking at him.
Before Malfoy slid the door shut, he said in a malevolent tone, "Just so you know, we won't forget this. Maybe then you'll think twice before doing this again to a Slytherin." He slid the door shut.
"Man! Did you see how Snape looked when Malfoy was standing over him?" James said gleefully.
"They'll be crying like babies for the next few weeks!" Sirius remarked happily, finally looking satisfied.
"Let's see them get back at us now," said Lily.
"Have any of you seen Peter?" Remus asked, magically fixing their compartment.
Sirius's eyes suddenly hardened. "That coward," he growled. "Didn't even have the courage to stick around. Don't let him in here."
"You've got to understand the little guy, Sirius," James told him reasonably.
"I don't care! First he was terrified of Remus when he found out he was a werewolf, now he doesn't even have the guts to fight back to the Slytherins. I'm telling you, that guy's a pathetic friend," Sirius said angrily.
"Well, I think we should give him a chance," Remus suggested, though he shifted uncomfortably at the mention of his being a werewolf. He still didn't want to think about how disappointed they looked when they found out he lied to them. And Peter…he never wanted to go near Remus since. James finally snapped and told him off, and he was the one Peter liked the most. Maybe that was the only reason Peter was still hanging out with him.
Lily shrugged. "I think Jamie's right. We have to tolerate the fact that he is made of weaker stuff than us," she said firmly.
Sirius looked at James with another Cheshire-cat grin. "What now?" James said in annoyed tone.
"Well, when was the last time you and Lily agreed on anything? And when had she openly admitted it?" Sirius asked.
"What are you talking about, Sirius?" Lily said.
"You like Jamie," Sirius said matter-of-factly.
"Disgusting! How could you say such a thing, Sirius Black?!" Lily cried, throwing her wand at him. It bounced off his head.
"You act like I'm repulsive now," James complained. "Why do all people have to put me down?"
"Well, it's obvious you like him. You've been acting less Lily-like since we stepped into the Hogwarts Express—"
"And just because of that you accuse me of having an infatuation on the next person as ugly as Snape?" Lily retorted.
"Hey!" James yelled. "I'm not as ugly as that git!"
Lily looked him over. "Well, nearly," she replied with the appropriate amount of disdain in her voice.
James glared at her and didn't bother to retort. He moved to the window, as far away from Lily as possible.
Remus sighed. "Let's all just cool off for a few hours, okay? You guys are still a little excited from that fight," he said.
"Yeah! Let's leave the lovebirds alone," Sirius piped up.
"Sirius!" Lily and James shouted.
Sirius held up his hands in mock surrender. But as he ducked next to Remus, he whispered, "Lovers' quarrel." Remus chuckled.
"I'm warning you, Sirius Black," Lily seethed, waving her wand at him.
"Okay, okay! I bow down to the bossy goddess," Sirius answered, bowing down low.
"Shut up, Sirius." Lily sighed.
Sirius pretended to zip his mouth shut, lock it, and throw away the key. Total silence. Nobody spoke for a few minutes. After a while, Lily spoke up. "What's the time, Sirius?"
Sirius pointed at his mouth and shook his head.
"You can talk now," Lily said exasperatedly.
"Good! Let's see… It's time…" The witch with the food cart slid the door open. "…to eat! Come on, Jamie boy! Let's see who can cram more Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans into their mouth one minute!" Sirius jumped up and started choosing from the cart. "Uh, guys? Aren't you going to buy anything?"
James was still looking out the window. Lily mouthed, "I'll pass." Remus was still a little queasy because of August's full moon.
"Suit yourself." Sirius shrugged and took his food, paying the lady fifteen Sickles and twenty-one Knuts. He put a few Chocolate Frogs and Pumpkin Pasties on top of his trunk, which was in the middle of the compartment in case the others wanted some.
He opened his mouth, but he couldn't think of anything to say. After his third Chocolate Frog and a rock-flavored bean, he demanded, "Isn't anybody going to say something?"
"I must say it's a first that you can't think of anything to say, Sirius," Remus said.
"Anybody but you," Sirius moaned. "Make them talk!" He gestured at Lily and James.
Remus had a sudden idea. "If the lovers don't want to talk—"
"We're not lovers!" James snapped.
"Don't tell me Sirius alienated you too, Remus," Lily said at the same time.
"Hurray! You spoke at last!" Sirius cheered, jumping up and down.
James cracked a smile. "You're so shallow."
"Better than not admitting my feelings to a girl," Sirius shot back.
"How many times do I have to tell you—"
"I thought Lily was the one who had feelings?" Remus interrupted.
"I do not have feelings for James! Sirius, you are so—" Lily started.
"Okay, okay, scratch what I said. Lily, you should admit—" Sirius tried again with a grin on his face.
"—your feelings for James," Remus finished.
"Sirius, just shut up," James said exasperatedly.
"I was talking to Lily, not you," Sirius replied.
"All the same—"
"Lily, just say it so they'll shut up," Remus told her.
"Lily won't say anything that isn't true," James pointed out.
"Yeah, but if it will stop our teasing—" Sirius said.
"I thought you wanted to tease them of having feelings for each other?" Remus said to Sirius.
"I DO NOT HAVE FEELINGS FOR JAMES, OR ANYBODY ELSE FOR THAT MATTER!!!" Lily screamed.
That shut them up. But not for long…
"See?" James said triumphantly.
"If you're so defensive, it means that it is true," said Remus.
"But it's not," James snapped. "Why can't you just accept that?"
"I already told you guys, James is right next to that Snape git—" Lily said impatiently.
"That's why there's a saying called 'The more you hate, the more you love'," Sirius responded cheerfully.
"I don't love Snape either," Lily responded.
"Does that mean that we all love Snape?" Remus asked Sirius disgustedly.
"Nah, it only works for opposite genders," Sirius replied.
"That's a relief," Remus answered.
"What about gay people?" James said thoughtfully.
"I thought you were arguing with us?" said Sirius shrewdly.
"Oh yeah."
"Well, whatever you guys say, I'm not in love with anybody. Period." Lily said shortly.
"That goes for me too," James added.
"Typical," Sirius stage-whispered to Remus.
"Don't start, Sirius," Lily and James said at the same time.
"Even more typical," Remus said back at Sirius.
'You too, Rem," James told him.
"No fair."
"Well, you did start it," Lily replied.
"But Sirius was the one who told me to!" Remus exclaimed.
"Everybody wants to blame everybody else," Sirius said knowingly.
"Don't change the subject, Sirius," James warned him.
"Oh yeah? Just moments ago you wanted to talk about anything but your and Lily's relationship," Sirius retorted.
"We're on a different topic now," James shot back.
"What topic?" Sirius asked.
"Who started what," James responded.
"You're not making any sense," Lily said.
"That's 'cause you're dense," James told her.
"And that's 'cause you've got an ego that wouldn't fit in this planet," Lily replied angrily.
"Yours is bigger."
"When have I boasted about winning the Quidditch Cup and acing all of my classes without studying?"
"You've never boasted about those things 'cause you don't know how to do it."
"I can do anything you can do, even better!" Lily said hotly.
"You can't even mount a broomstick," James answered sardonically.
"You are so insensitive, James Potter!"
"Look who's talking."
"Oooh, lovers' quarrel," Sirius broke in. "Let's get out before they start hexing each other, werewolf boy."
James pointed his wand at him. "You're not going anywhere."
"Or what?" Sirius inquired.
"Or I'll hex you first," was the reply.
Sirius clutched the middle of his shirt and widened his eyes in pretended fear. "I'm so scared," he mocked.
Lily turned him into a rabbit.
"I was going to do that," James said, frowning at Lily.
Lily snorted. "So what? It's just the same."
"But I would've done it better than you."
"What are you talking about? Sirius looks adorable."
They watched as the Sirius bunny (black with a white tail and dark eyes) hopped around in protest. Lily pointed her wand at him, but James was quicker.
"Wingardium Leviosa!"
Sirius flew to the ceiling and started somersaulting in the air. James twirled his wand in a circular motion, and Sirius rolled over and over.
"We're not supposed to transfigure people, you know," Remus reminded him.
"That's Lily's problem, not mine," James responded.
"There's nothing to worry about, unless Sirius becomes a wuss and tells on me," Lily said smugly.
Remus shrugged, just as Arthur Weasley opened the door. James stopped twirling his wand, and Sirius dropped to the floor. Sirius made a moaning noise (do rabbits do that?).
Arthur glanced at the rabbit. "Is that Sirius?" he asked.
"What gives you that idea?" James said.
"Because he's not here."
Remus quickly stepped in. "That's not Sirius. He just went out to…look for Peter," he said.
"I saw him in Frank Longbottom's compartment," Arthur informed, looking slightly suspicious.
"Oh, don't worry, we'll tell Sirius when he gets back," Lily said sweetly.
"Uh…okay. Just wanted to tell you that we're five minutes away from Hogsmeade Station. You better change into your robes." Arthur paused. "What were you three doing?"
The three (or four, if you count a bunny rabbit with a contorted look of pain in its face) friends looked at one another.
"Nothing," James said finally, eyeing Arthur's polished prefect badge.
"Nothing dangerous, if that's what you were thinking," Remus hurriedly supplied.
"Just a bunch of friends bantering and joking around," Lily added.
"If you say so," Arthur said slowly. He took one last look at Sirius and left.
"That was close," Remus commented before shutting the door closed. There was a faint pop behind him, and he saw Sirius, looking peeved.
"What did you do that for?" he said furiously.
"Lily transfigured you, not me," James said innocently.
Sirius turned to Lily. "I'll find a way to get back at you," he said, but there was a small smile on his lips. The I'm-thinking-of-a-really-good-way-to-punish-you smile. "You too," he told James as an afterthought.
James shrugged. "Whatever. You know that I'll just do something to you too. Only it'll be double 'cause Lily will think of something too."
"I don't care," Sirius said, unfazed. "I am the prankster king."
"Whatever you say, Sirius," Lily said, rolling her eyes. "Can we just change into our robes now?"
"You're a girl," James pointed out. "Get out."
"Really, Jamie? I thought you'd want to see Lil strip since you like her," Sirius said, his eyes sparkling.
Lily bumped their heads together on her way out, carrying her robes and hat. "I'll go. I don't need to change in a compartment with a sexist and a pervert in it," she joked. "And a werewolf, too," she added, eyeing Remus. "Not that that's a bad thing," she assured him.
"Yeah, I'll see you later too, Lil," Remus said. "But where are you going to change?"
Lily shrugged. "I have girl friends too, you know," she reminded him. "I'll just go over to Celeste Schoharie. Later, 'kay?"
"Good riddance!" James called after her, an amused smirk on his face. She looked back at him and smiled.