For the first time in what felt like months, I woke up with a smile and snuggled closer to my own personal space heater. Strong arms wrapped around me and the chest I was currently using as a pillow rose and fell with a contented sigh. Jiraiya didn't fully wake up, though, and I busied myself with memorizing the softer lines his face took on when he slept as the worry and tension that plagued him in wakefulness could finally ebb away.
It took just a few moments for me to decide to not bother going back to sleep. The time I had with Jiraiya was limited, even almost twelve years after I left Konoha. Until my name was taken off of the active threat list- a boon I wasn't to be granted until the normal fifteen year period with no malicious intent aimed at Konoha or her allies- I couldn't bring myself to let my relationship with Jiraiya well known. He was a hero of the Leaf and I was one of their darkest secrets. Even though I had been cleared of all charges for the attempted murder of the man who had organized the deaths of eleven of my closest friends and family, I was still banished for attacking Shimura Danzo. In a sham of a case, I was banished from Konoha without trial and without hope of regaining the asylum I'd been offered during the war.
The result meant that I could only see Jiraiya when he was on a mission and, though his leash had been loosened so that he could fully establish his spy network, we had to be careful not to get seen together.
I shifted, pulling myself up and captured Jiraiya's lips with my own. A deep throaty chuckle escaped me as his arms shifted around me before I was suddenly on my back, wrists pinned lightly to either side of my head while Jiraiya returned the kiss enthusiastically. His long hair fell around us in a curtain, letting only miniscule beams of the early morning's light to reach us.
"I could definitely get used to that," he said with a smirk, breaking the kiss but hardly moving away. I rolled my eyes, desperate to keep the mood light despite what he knew I was thinking. You won't have a chance to.
"Pervert," I shot at him jokingly. He only grinned jauntily.
"And you wouldn't have me any other way." His right hand shifted from my right wrist to my face, caressing my cheek gently before tracing down my jaw and gently bringing my chin up so our lips met once more. The kiss was softer and loving, betraying all of the feelings neither of us could quite get into words. Those three little words everyone else seemed content utilizing just didn't seem to capture enough of the emotion behind what I felt for Jiraiya or he for me. We'd been through far too much, together and separately, to be able to define our relationship as a simple love.
True to his self-made stereotype, Jiraiya's hand shifted none-too-subtly from my chin to drift down to the bottom of my shirt, slipping under the fabric and slowly inching his way back up until I rolled my eyes.
"What?" he asked, mock wounded as his hand retreated. I only grinned, twisted both of us so that he was sprawled powerlessly beneath me. Judging by the look in his eyes, he was perfectly fine with that.
"Only because you're my pervert," I laughed against his lips, smirking with satisfaction when a groan escaped his teeth as my hands danced further down his torso.
"So I was thinking..." Jiraiya began as he walked into the room. His voice drifted away when he spotted me on the couch. I chuckled, nursing a cup of tea as I lounged out on the small sofa wearing my trench coat, opened just enough for the man to see what I wasn't wearing under the trench coat. Jiraiya's eyes studied me like a hawk, probably trying to decide whether it was a better idea to take advantage of my barely-dressed state or to finish what he had begun to say.
To my disappointment, he actually threw his hands into the air and groaned, turning around ever so slightly.
"I swear, you'll be the death of me," he moaned. I raised an eyebrow, trying to determined whether or not I should be offended. Before I could make up my mind, I was suddenly very not alone on the couch. My teacup found itself shattered on the floor but I couldn't bring myself to care as my hands were busied with other, more important things.
I traced circles lightly on Jiraiya's stomach, humming contentedly to myself before glancing up at his face. His eyes were closed and a smile was playing at his lips but I knew he wasn't sleeping as he leaned against the bed's headboard. Peaceful as he looked, there was still an underlying tension around his eyes, a worry that he could not dispel.
In hindsight, I should have let him finished when he made to tell me something. If he was thinking, it was either something that would make me very happy or very upset so, in either case, I really needed to hear it sooner rather than later. When my lazy circles slowed to a stop, Jiraiya frowned with concern.
"What is it?"
"You wanted to tell me something," I reminded him, pulling myself up to a seated position to sit next to him. I drew the sheet up with me, wrapping it about my shoulders. The cool breeze drifting in from the window felt good on my feverish skin but I needed Jiraiya able to think clearly, something I couldn't exactly be promised if I wasn't fully clothed.
"I did, didn't I?" He frowned lightly, trying to remember. After a moment of thought, his face lit up. "I think I found a way to get you off of the active list."
Damn my luck.
I didn't want to lie to Jiraiya so I allowed myself to bite my lip cautiously.
"Jiraiya... Even if I'm removed from the active threat list-" Jiraiya's eyes hardened momentarily and I regretted my use of the word 'threat'. He tried to avoid it whenever possible. "Even if I was removed, I still can't return to Konoha as an active duty kunoichi... What would I do if I couldn't go on missions? Sit at home, twiddle my thumbs, and worry until you get back from whatever you get sent on?"
"Suki." His eyes betrayed his desperation even more than his voice. "I... I can't let you do this to yourself anymore. It's breaking you, and you can't even-"
"I can see it," I murmured softly, interrupting him. I glanced down. "But going back to Konoha won't help that."
"Then come home. Not to Konoha, or the Council. Come back to Genki, to the corps. Come home to me." My heart skipped a long beat before threatening to crack just a little further as I looked up, only to see my own brokenness reflected in Jiraiya's eyes. "Please... It's not home without you there. It hasn't been home for twelve years."
"The Council-" Jiraiya was never one to be deterred by logic, however. It's one of the things that made me love him but, at times like this, I just wanted to throttle him.
"To hell with the Council!" Jiraiya snapped, eyes never leaving mine as they filled with indignation. "They never gave you a trial! They had no right to sentence you! Sarutobi-sensei said-"
"Three years, Jiraiya," I plead. "That's all that's left. If I get anywhere close to Konoha until then, it'll be another ten years if I'm lucky and life in an ANBU-guarded cell if I'm not. I need you to cooperate with protocol for that much longer. Please."
Jiraiya was silent for a long time, eyes very deliberately averted from me. When he finally returned my gaze, his eyes were hard.
"Eight years," he said, his voice low and dangerous. "Do you understand what those eight years were like for me? I watched Tsunade walk away. I watched Shimura Danzo be hailed as a saint for surviving an attack he instigated. I watched people celebrate because you were banished."
"Jiraiya-"
"No!" he interrupted, almost yelling now. "I stayed in Konoha because that is what you wanted, Suki, so what else could I do? I sat home and twiddled my thumbs, sick with worry because I knew that Root's hunters would be out for blood!"
"I had at least a week's head start," I countered weakly.
"I had no idea where you were, if you were even alive or not... You know sensei's got me teaching genin now? I took on an apprentice from last year's class, Namikaze Minato, because he asked if I could teach him fuinjutsu so he could get into the Corps. And Kushina- your niece- she's a genin now. Do you want to know what Genki had to tell her when you couldn't be at her graduation?"
My blood ran cold.
"Do you think I didn't want to be there?" Jiraiya paused at my tone. I almost did the same. "Do you think that I willingly missed so much of her life? It was your sensei that told me not to risk coming, Jiraiya! Not me. I wanted to wait with Genki in that hospital. I wanted to hold my niece and tell her that Suki-oba would always be there to protect her because I failed my imouto. I couldn't, though! And I've written that girl dozens of letters- hundreds!- for her because I want her to know that this wasn't my choice. I want to be part of her life, part of my own family again, but I will stay away if it's a risk for me to come within twenty miles of the village!"
Jiraiya paled very suddenly.
"Sensei?" he echoed, eyes distant. "But-"
I regretted mentioning Sarutobi the moment Jiraiya's argument derailed.
"I'm sorry." I swallowed, looking down once more. "I know that the situation leaves much to be desired... But we're almost done, Raiya. Three more years and-"
"And then what? Will we stop making excuses? Will we stop putting things off and hoping for a good day tomorrow? Keep meeting in seedy towns and hope no one recognizes us? Keep praying that neither us gets themselves killed while we're apart?"
"I don't know! Are you happy?" I asked exasperatedly. After a long silence, Jiraiya, to my surprise, actually beamed, no sign of anger in his eyes.
"That would depend," he asked, a devious smile playing at his lips.
"On?" I asked suspiciously. Jiraiya actually cleared his throat before glancing at the arrays of seal's he'd tattooed onto his left arm with my help. Finding a small storage seal, he released the seal and toss a small box my way. Upon catching the square box, my eyes widened and my jaw fell open just a little bit.
"It doesn't have to be three years, Suki. You just have to say yes and you can see Kushina tomorrow."
I opened the small box and became unsure what sparkled more: Jiraiya's grin or the small diamond resting in a layered band of silver and gold (A/N: Look up Oria Mokume Gane engagement ring if you want to see a picture).
"Are you kidding me?"