Getting Fresh with Mercedes

By: Priscilla Violet Regina

Disclaimer: The character I own not, nor the vehicle used in this sad fic, but the situation does belong to me, as does the writing, so take it and I'll kill you! *sickly sweet grin* You know, I've been told that I resemble Kari from Kari 2 a bit more than it's comfortable to...*evil smile, bearing fangs--I mean, teeth* ~.ó

Warning: No Yaoi implied, although it does seem that Heero and Duo live together. So? Point? Don't be so hentai people, they are just friends! *laughs* Gosh...kids these days...Dunno what we'll do with `em! *grins at Bef-chan*

Chapter 1: It's just like a Gundam, Duo! Put the key in and turn it on!

"Hey, uh, Heero?"

"Hn."

"Can you...teach me how to drive?"

"Hn."

"Really? Thank you so much, Heero!"

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*

How could I know what I was getting into? Not that I really agreed in the first place. A `Hn.' does not constitute an automatic yes, as that baka assumed. But how could I try to explain to him I had not one ounce of wanting to teach him to drive in my body? I tried, saying exactly that, and here was his response:

"Well, you had better get quite a few ounces because tomorrow you're teaching me how!"

Americans.

Almost as stupid as women.

So, I tried evading his insisting by saying I was busy.

"Yeah, with teaching me how to drive!"

"Duo, don't you already know how to drive?"

That baka shaking his head `no.' was my death sentence. Metaphorically, and, almost, literally. Thank Kami for airbags. So, I finally agreed, thinking the least of it until I had forgotten completely. Thanks to Duo, though, I remembered the next morning, and after receiving the Heimlich for trying to inhale my bagel, we got in the car.

My second mistake was made right there. What? You don't remember my first? Saying `Hn.' instead of a solid `No.' when Duo asked in the first place. And now, my second. I let Duo drive without me showing him anything. How naïve can a person be, you're probably asking by now. Just wait: it gets better.

"Hee-kun?"

I rolled my eyes. "Nani, baka?"

"Are you going to put your seat belt on?"

"Hn."

Third mistake. Now, in baseball, as you probably know, you make three mistakes (otherwise known as strikes, for those of you not catching onto my metaphor) and you're out.

I got no such luxury.

I got to be able to make many more than just three.

Lucky me.

And let's say I will always wear my seatbelt when in a car, either driving or as a passenger, knowing this maniac might also be on the road.

So, the lesson began.

"Uh...Heero? How do you start this thing?"

I sighed. "It's just like a Gundam. Put in the key and turn it on."

"Oh!" I saw his eyes light up as he heard this and my instinct took over as I braced myself for whatever he would attempt to do. He put the key in the ignition and turned it on, revving the engine.

Pushing several buttons at once, he started counting down as the radio came on and scanned the airwaves, the left blinker started clicking and flashing, the windshield wipers went into a frenzy, and he got to one, wondering why the car wasn't moving.

I sighed, burying my head in my hands. Duo looked to me expectantly, lips pursed, an unsure expression playing over his features. "Uh...Heero?"

Grinding my teeth, I opened the door on my side and said, "Get out, we're switching spots." He nodded and started to unbuckle his seatbelt, eyes downcast. Getting out, he happened to hit the gear shifter with his foot, and it dropped down to reverse. I became aware of the car moving after he and I both were out of it and suddenly, there was a large hole in my garage door.

Did I mention that my driveway is on an incline?

Needless to say, it rolled down the driveway, into the street, and finally stopped when it hit the gorgeous new Mercedes belonging to my neighbor across the way.

I turned on Duo, hands raised as I glared at him, ready to pounce and rip him limb from limb, after confiscating his wallet first, of course, when he stated quietly while backing away from me, "Gomen nasai, Hee-sama, but don't worry. I'll pay for it!"

At the moment, I was too angry at Maxwell to have any other thoughts than killing him with his own braid, then running over him with the car. He was never going to learn to drive when I got through with him. "You're damn right you're going to pay for it, Maxwell no baka!" Just as I was about to lunge for his throat, my neighbor, who had been standing there for quite some time, cleared her throat. I whirled around, facing her, and spat out venomously, "Nani?! Gomen, onna, but I don't have a cup of sugar or whatever the hell else you want! If I were you, I'd leave so you won't get this baka's blood on your pretty white shoes as I slam his empty head into the pavement!"

The woman, raising an eyebrow at this comment, smiled briefly and blinked, saying, "Well, I think I might have something of yours."

"Keep--"

"Is that your car getting fresh with my Mercedes, or am I terribly mistaken?"

The anger drained from my mind as I sighed heavily, ridding my thought process of my previous prey, which was still huddling before me, shaking as he awaited his death. Or, torture, and then death...but it doesn't really matter, seeing as how he was going to be dead eventually for breaking a humongous hole through my garage door and crashing my car into a brand new Mercedes that just happened to belong to the only single female on my street, and who, at least by my standards, was incredibly beautiful. I closed my eyes, counting to ten, and then opened them again, looking at the lady through the brand new window in my garage door.

"Miss, I apologize. I was trying to teach my...friend," I spat out through gritted teeth, not even bothering to glance his way as I knew I would attempt to attack him again. "How to drive. He accidentally hit the wrong gear while we were climbing out of the car, and it rolled down the hill."

"Isn't he a little old to be just learning how to drive?" she asked, leaning forward and looking towards the still cowering Duo.

I hit the switch for the garage door to open, and she stepped back until it raised completely, then walked forward and shook my outstretched hand. "He's...he's lead a sheltered life. My name is--"

"Heeeyyy...." Duo sidled up, taking the woman's hand and kissing it gently. "How you doin'? My name is Duo Maxwell, and it's my pleasure to make your acquaintance."

The woman raised an eyebrow, pursed her lips, and smiled curtly. "Yes, too bad our meeting had to be soured by the fact that you just crashed your friend's car into my Mercedes." She then turned to me, and chuckled quietly at the glare I was giving Duo for trying to charm her even though he had Hilde to think about. "And, I'm sorry, I didn't hear you...what is your name, sir?" she asked, seemingly interested.

Now, the fact that she had even made a joke about the collision after I was quite rude to her had caught my attention, and now, so did the fact that she resisted and even ignored Duo's attempt at hitting on her, and turned to me. I was downright speechless. So, in true Heero Yuy style, I answered.

"My codename is Heero Yuy."

And, immediately, in true Heero Yuy style, I started my reprimand of myself in my head. You idiot! Baka no onna! How could you botch that up so easily! All you had to say is "My name is Heero Yuy." but noooo.....Kisama, omae o korosu! But you can't kill me. I'm you, and you are me. Doesn't matter, I'll do it anyway!

"Nice to meet you, Mr. Yuy. That's...Japanese, right?" I nodded dumbly, wondering how she could just bypass the fact that I had said codename. "Well, you guys seem nice enough, and I believe that it was an accident. I'll just have Daddy fix it up...actually, I'll just have Daddy buy me a new one. I didn't like the color of that one anyway..." she said to herself, smiling and nodding. "Well, I must be going, I have some errands to run. I hope you succeed in teaching him how to drive and not," she leaned in closer to me. "killing him." She finished in a whisper, giving me a light kiss on the cheek. "Off I go, and, once again, Mr. Yuy, it was a pleasure meeting you."

Narrowing my eyes, I realized she never said her name. "Matte, Miss...uh..."

Trying to remember the English counterpart to that word, I paused, when Duo, ever so helpful (and still about to be strangled), whispered loudly, "Wait!"

I glared at him, glad to have the word in my vocabulary, but ego bruised slightly at the fact he, of all people, had to help me, and shouted the word after her. She turned, grinning, and raised her eyebrows. "Yes, Mr. Yuy?"

Stammering, I controlled my heartbeat, looking the woman straight in her eyes. "You never...ah, told me your name, Miss."

She smiled. "Yes, I know." I watched her walk off, stop and look briefly at the car crash on her front curb, and head into her house, chuckling and shaking her head. I glanced to Duo when she was no longer in sight and almost collapsed at the hullabaloo he was making over her apparent nonexistent interest in him. "I can't believe that! She was all over me! Amazing..." he whispered, bringing a hand up to his head and smiling. "Looks like you're out of luck with her, Hee-man! Now, let's get driving!"

My eyes grew wide as I thought of the oncoming danger, and my brain gave me two choices, neither of which were very appealing.

One, I could tell Duo to forget about it and go into the house, telling him to teach himself to drive...with his own car. But then he would either be mad at me forever, not talking to me, or he would be so upset over it that he would go into depression...and not talk again.

Hmm... I thought, raising an eyebrow. Both of those consequences have situations where...Duo never talks again...Then, the more human part of my mind took over, scolding my thoughts. He's your friend. Don't have such horrible thoughts! You don't really want him mad or upset about this, do you? I sighed. The second choice it was.

I went inside and got the phone, bringing it out to him, and told him to call his insurance agent. We would have to get my car fixed if we planned on taking it out tomorrow for another lesson...