Anji knew it was a dream, but that didn't make it hurt any less.
She was in the TARDIS kitchen with him. The only man she'd ever loved, really. Dave, her Dave. Her poor, sweet, loving, irreversibly dead Dave. They were sitting at the big country-style table, and Dave was looking out the window with a look of wonder on his face. There was tea, only Anji had drunk all of hers and Dave had forgotten about it in his excitement.
"Anji, this is incredible!" Dave turned to her with that stupid grin that she loved so damn much. "Why didn't you tell me about this earlier?"
Because you're dead, that's why. "I don't know." Anji shrugged. "I guess…" She could hardly say it was because she though he wouldn't believe her. Dave had been so convinced in the possibility of extraterrestrial life, even before he'd been kidnapped. Anji had always sighed and rolled her eyes but he'd turned out to be right. Aliens did exist and she was currently traipsing the universe with one. "I don't know. It'd only make you jealous."
"I am jealous," he admitted. Anji bit her lip. Dave had always wanted so very badly to touch the stars and he'd been so close. She'd wanted to keep her feet on the ground. It wasn't fair. Why was it that she, the down-to-earth stock trader who never looked up, was here in space while her wide-eyed boyfriend had died with a rocket in his mind? It wasn't fair. "But I'm happy for you." Dave took her hand and smiled at her. "Are you having fun?"
"I'm…" Anji hesitated. "Yeah. When we're not in mortal danger, it's pretty enjoyable." She was suddenly glad the Doctor and Fitz weren't in her dream. Anji shuddered to think what kinds of trouble the three boys in her life could get up to.
"Mortal danger?" Dave's face crinkled in concern. Stop it. You're dead. Stop making me feel like this.
"Well, when you're saving the world, it comes with the territory." Anji said lightly, going for what she hoped was a flippant tone.
"So what, you guys are like the Super Space Squad or something?" Dave joked and Anji laughed despite herself.
"I guess so. Kind of a lame name though." Anji paused. "Sounds like something you'd act in," she teased, and Dave shook his head, smiling.
"Yeah, it does. Although I'd probably end up getting the part of an extra who dies right away."
"Stop it," Anji swatted his arm. "You'd be the lead. Everyone would love you." Anji blinked back sudden tears. "Oh, gods…" She swiped at her eyes in a jerky movement. "Dave. Oh. I'm so sorry."
A hand touched her face, startling her. "Anji. Don't cry. Please." She glanced up quickly but couldn't bear the sight of Dave's face, not looking like that. "It's not your fault."
"But…I ran away."
"You would've died too if you hadn't. Anji, look at me." Anji shook her head, staring down at the table. Dave sighed quietly and tipped her chin up and she stared at his blurry visage. "Anji. I was already dead."
"You died twice. It's not fair," she said bitterly.
"Did you know," Dave said suddenly, "that was the first time I'd seen a rocket? Like that, I mean. Lifting off. It wasn't such a bad way to go."
"I miss you, though. So much. I'm so sorry for the way I treated you before…before everything." The words were pouring out of her and she couldn't stop. "I was awful. I didn't really mean it, you know. Dave, I just…"
"It's ok." He took her hand and squeezed it. "I know."
"I love you."
"I love you too. More than that. I adore you." Dave smiled at her, a little sadly. "I would've gladly died a thousand times over if it meant you'd be safe."
"Don't." Anji shook her head. "Don't say that." She took a long, shuddering breath and wiped the last of the tears out of her eyes. Her mascara had probably run everywhere. "I want to show you something."
"Ok." They stood up and Anji lead Dave out into the console room. His hand was so much bigger than her tiny one. It swallowed her up and his skin was warm, way too warm for something that wasn't real. In her dream, Anji knew exactly what to do. She flipped a lever on the TARDIS console and the doors creaked open. Anji didn't know if this was possible in real life, but it was possible here. Dave glanced at her. She nodded and his face lit up, like a kid who's just received the best present of his life.
Dave all but ran over to the doors and leaned out, into space. "This is…amazing. Anji, you get to see this every day?"
"Yeah." She joined him, looking out. Truth was, she'd gotten used to it after a while. Space, with all its infinite possibilities and beauty, just didn't interest her very much anymore. Anji looked at Dave and immediately felt guilty. She was living the kind of life other people could only dream of and it meant nothing to her. "I thought you'd like it."
"I do." He still had that giant smile on his face. "Is it okay to sit down? I won't fall out or anything?"
"I think it's fine."
"Ok." Dave sank to the floor, dangling his legs outside the TARDIS. Anji joined him a minute later, curling her legs up underneath her. She leaned his head on his shoulder and Dave put his arm around her. Nope. Not going to cry again. "Thank you."
"For what?"
"For everything." Dave turned and kissed her on the forehead. "I loved every second with you, you know that?" Anji couldn't speak, because her throat had tightened up. She nodded mutely, the stars outside blurring.
"Yeah," she managed. "I feel the same."
He smiled at her. "Can we stay here for a bit?"
"Yeah," Anji said again, nodding. "We can stay here as long as we want."
"Ok."
"Ok." For now, for this dream, Anji could still pretend Dave was alive. She could feel the heat radiating from his body and his arm was solid and comforting around her. Anji closed her eyes and turned her head, burying her face against her dead boyfriend's shoulder. She never, ever wanted to wake up.
But she did and somehow that hurt even more.