Another one of my late night masterpieces... Jack tries to flirt with Castiel. It doesn't go so well.
"And who is that angel over there?" Jack asked, nodding in the direction of someone in a tan trench coat.
"You can tell just by looking?" the Doctor wondered.
"I can tell what?" Jack asked, thoroughly confused by the Doctor's query. "I was asking if you knew his name and/or sexual preference."
The Doctor laughed. "Castiel. I think he's a little old for you."
"Ahem. Immortal." Jack gestured at himself. "Over 2000, now."
"I don't think he knows his exact age," the Doctor said, "because they didn't have numbers for the first couple billion years."
Jack raised his eyebrows. He shrugged. "Not too bad a difference. Think I have a chance?"
Martha appeared at the Doctor's shoulder, fingers tightened around the stem of an oddly shaped glass containing a golden, glittering liquid. She took a sip of the alien brew. "Go on. I want to see this. Do your best. I'll video."
"A challenge!" Jack pressed his own glass into the Doctor's hand and stood. "Wish me luck... not that I'd need it."
Martha pulled out her phone and began to record.
"Hey, angel," Jack purred, sliding in close to Castiel, who was standing motionless in the middle of the floor.
"Hello... human..." Castiel replied, examining the beverage he held in his hand. From the looks of it, he hadn't tasted it.
Out of all the responses Jack had gotten over 2000 years, this was unique. He frowned. "Do you have a name?"
"Yes," the man said, with a finality that sounded like he thought this was the answer to his question. Off in the distance, Martha covered her mouth with her hand as she giggled. Angels were a very literal sort.
But Castiel looked up, and upon seeing Jack up close, began to look alarmed. He squinted. He took a step back. This was not progress, Jack thought. Something about him spooked this weird, pretty man.
"What... what did this to you?" Castiel asked finally.
"Did what?" Jack asked.
"You are too bright. You are blinding me."
"Is that... is that a compliment?" Jack asked.
"Something is wrong," Castiel said, and unexpectedly took a step towards Jack and reached for him.
"Woah! Buy me a drink first!" Jack said instinctively.
"I have no money," Castiel said matter-of-factly. "Your soul is almost as bright as an angel."
There was really no way to respond to this, Jack thought. It sounded like a compliment, or maybe a flirtation, but this was also the most literal person Jack had ever met. He mouthed at Martha, "Is he screwing with me?"
Are you screwing with me? Jack thought at Castiel.
"No."
You can hear my thoughts? Jack thought, alarmed.
"Only when they are specifically directed at me."
Jack nodded. "Okay, then." He was completely derailed. Luckily, or unluckily, another man appeared and began to talk to Castiel.
"My dear brother!" (They looked nothing alike.) "Who's your friend?"
Castiel tilted his head. "I don't know his name. What's your name?"
"Jack. Jack Harkness," Jack said, sticking out his hand to shake. The new man took it.
"Balthazar. Why are you here?" Castiel asked.
"Oh, Cassie. I just wanted to see how you were. And I might have gotten into a spot of trouble with the old garrison... oh, Elise's old garrison." He pressed a weird purple rock into Castiel's hand.
"I don't want this. Balthazar. Whatever this is, I don't want it." Castiel tried to give it back.
"Yes, you do. Ta! Oh," he added, turning to Jack, "don't bother. He's taken, even if he doesn't know it yet. Me, now..." He winked, and Jack suddenly remembered a phone number.
Balthazar left, but Castiel was still staring at Jack. "What are you?" he asked.
"I'm a human," Jack said.
"But..."
"I'm immortal," Jack added.
"Oh." Castiel smiled slightly. "Me too. How did someone make a human immortal?"
"It's sort of a long story," Jack said, but at that moment, Castiel cocked his head. "Dean's calling me."
"Who?"
"My friend. He might need help." Castiel vanished.
"Right," Jack said. He thought about the number that Balthazar had somehow shoved in his head.
"So," Martha said, as Jack sat back down on the bench.
"You knew something about them," Jack accused.
"They're angels. Not weeping, not fake. Honest-to-god angels."
Jack remembered, then, how he'd greeted Castiel: "Hey, angel." No wonder Castiel had replied so oddly.
"Was Balthazar also an angel?" Jack asked.
"Yes. He's Castiel's older brother. All the angels are brothers and sisters, and their collective dad is God."
"They're not... dead humans," Jack stated. "They haven't got wings and harps."
"They're a species. They do have wings," the Doctor said, "but they don't show them all the time. Honestly, it's probably better to not see an angel's wings, because that might mean that you are in severe danger."
Attractive? Check. Immortal? Check. Human? Didn't matter.
Later, Jack called Balthazar's number.
"Hello, you've reached Balthazar. If you're Elise, I'm dead or in Siberia. If you're anyone else, just start talking."
"It's Jack," Jack said.
The line clicked. "Jack! The adorable glowing human! I'm Balthazar."
"Hey, did it hurt when you fell from heaven?" Jack asked innocently.
"Yes. Fuck you."
"I'd be happy to."
"Okay."
Someone somewhere on the internet pointed out that a common flirtation involves references to the other being an angel, and that the angels would probably react strangely.
A message from the god of this particular set of words: Endings are fun when you wake up and realize you wrote an entire paragraph you don't remember writing.