My Dear Ted-
I love you so much, sometimes so much that I feel like I can't bear it. But I know that I can, because love is the greatest thing that I can do. Whether it's loving you, or our children, or even Lily, Marshall, Barney, or Robin, love is the one thing that keeps me going in this world.
Sometimes I wonder if this has all been worth it- this crazy journey that we call life. Falling in love with and losing Max, breaking Louis's heart, meeting you and spending the rest of my life in your arms. But then I remember that the journey is almost always more important than the destination. No matter how this ends, I will be content to say that I have loved frequently and passionately.
When the doctors gave me the diagnosis- ovarian cancer- I felt like my heart was going to drop into my stomach. We tried everything we could think of to heal my body of the tumors, but it was too late. So now, as I sit here, I worry about you. I worry about you, about Penny, and about Luke. I worry about how my Mosby boy is going to hold up, raising our children without me. I worry about how Penny is going to feel without her mother there on her wedding day.
But I know that worrying isn't going to solve anything. What I want you to remember, my silly, absent-minded professor of less than an hour, is that knowing and loving you has been the highlight of my life. Our children are my greatest joy. More than anything, I think about how you always told me how you wished we could have had an extra 45 days together. But I realize that I don't- the time we've had together, no matter how short, has been more than I could have ever dreamed of.
So, my love, my dearest, I want you to remember that there is love after I'm gone. You have our children, and if love comes back into your life, don't send it away. It may never come again, or it may come in a year, or ten years, or twenty. You've taught me so much during our relationship, and though I believe that "death cannot stop true love- all it can do is delay it for a while," I also know that many people experience more than one great love in a lifetime. I know that more than anyone. But I'm always gonna love you- till the end of my days and beyond.
-Tracy