Author's note: My attempt at a post-finale fanfic and a version of how the season premiere could possibly go. Please leave feedback J
Summary: Ryan returns from Chino to find that while he was gone the gold luster of Newport has become a shadow of what it once was and all the people he loved aren't the same ones he left.
Brokedown Palace
Michelle Drake
Ignoring his own broken, tired reflection in the car window, Ryan stared out at the California scenery from the stretch of highway that slowly led the way toward the ocean view palaces and beach front paradises that used to glitter in the distance. Everything was starting to feel familiar, like home, but he was so detached from his surroundings that he knew nothing would ever be familiar again. He should have known he could only float between the two worlds for only so long before he lost his place in both. He was always going to be an outsider, no matter what direction he went.
"Ryan, you don't have to leave. You can still stay."
He stayed silent, ever muscle in his body tight and tense.
"I can't." His voice was tense and emotionless. Intent on distancing himself the best he could, he continued to watch the scenery go by until the world was nothing but a blur of gray. As he let his mind wander he went back to where it all went wrong, feeling a lump in his throat that was too hard to swallow.
. . .
"Coffee?"
"No," Kirsten answered, picking up the newspaper and walking out to the poolside sullenly.
Sandy sighed and followed her out quietly.
"They are going to find him Kirsten. He's a big boy. He'll be home."
"Sandy, I don't want to talk about it. I know he'll be back, but-" her voice broke. She let Sandy wrap his arms around her before she fell apart.
"We've raised a good kid. He'll be back," Sandy reassured although he felt like he was starting to lie to himself. Summer was almost over and Seth was still gone and so was the family he had worked so hard to protect.
. . .
From her balcony Marissa looked out onto the ocean. The sun was setting on the horizon casting an orange glow all around her that anyone else would look at as beautiful. As the waves rolled in all she could think about was how monotonous everything was, the waves rolling in and out, the orange glow cast by the rising and setting sun. The same cycle, the never ending pain and sadness and the escape and numbness that always followed. Running so fast, but never getting anywhere, she couldn't find a way out. Falling into a endless pit of darkness she had no one to catch her at the bottom when she needed someone the most.
She reached for the silver flask that she kept in her handbag and let the burning liquid run down her throat as she waited for the numbness to help her through the rest of the day.
. . .
As Theresa's pale yellow car entered the gated enclosure that was Newport he could feel her eyes on him, begging him to not leave, asking him to change his mind. He squirmed under her gaze and finally met her line of vision. He knew she wanted him to ask her to turn around and go back to Chino and forgive and forget everything that had happened. If only it were that simple.
"If it helps any, I am sorry." She tried as hard as she could to get something, anything out of him, pleading with him as best she could. He hadn't spoken more than a few words to her, here and there for days. Once again, without fail her attempt was met with a cold, loud silence that cut deeper than any angry words or accusations could. "Will you say something?"
"What do you want me to say Teresa? What do you want me to say?!" He finally answered, the second time enunciating each word with emphasis a little more loudly, his voice as tense as the muscles in his back and neck.
As they rounded the cul-de-sac that lead to the Cohen's mansion she stopped the car and grabbed his hand tightly in one last attempt to make amends and bring things right again.
"You haven't said more than two words to me since-" she paused for a second, looking for the right wording as she stared up at him with glassy eyes
"-since I learned that this entire time, you-" Ryan had just as much trouble finding the right words, his voice heavy and low as he tried. He shook his head and looked away from her, clenching his jaw tightly. He took a deep breath and pulled his hand away from hers.
Theresa looked down at her lap, a tear falling down her cheek. Her tears were in vain as Ryan opened the door, grabbed his luggage and turned his back quickly. He refused to let her see the fear, apprehension and sadness etched in his own face.
He stood at the bottom of the winding driveway, his stomach knotted so tightly it hurt to breathe. He looked toward the ocean and the pale glow cast by the setting sun, and surveyed the rest of the houses around the Cohen's yard. He drew in a breath of salty sea air, and looked up the driveway to the place that had been the only place he ever felt home. It was the one place he wanted to be more than anything, yet even at the end of the driveway he never felt farther away than he did at that moment.
. . .
Author's Note: More to come soon. More on what happened between Teresa and Ryan, how Marissa will take the news of Ryan's returne, what Seth has been up to and whether Newport will be home again. Please leave feedback and more will come J