Title: Love is War
Rating: T
Summary: Fifteen musical prompts focusing on Fenris and mage Hawke. MaleHawke/Fenris
A/N: Thanks for reading. Review please.
Halo- Beyonce
Hawke was still, listening to the soothing sounds of the ocean as it lapped gently at the docks. The cold of the water matched only the frigid temperature of his ale and the iciness of the wind. It was winter in Kirkwall, a fierce, snowy winter. A tiny sliver of light broke the horizon, branching out into bright yellows and pinks that stretched like spider webs across the heavens. Hawke sipped at the bottle in his hand, smiling to himself.
He'd been drinking all night.
The elf shifted slightly in his lap, cold nose nuzzling against Hawke's warm belly. The sensation shocked him, and he glance down. Fenris's small size helped him in espionage and stealth. When it came to holding his liquor, it was a slight disadvantage. Hawke had him there. Burying a hand into the soft, white hair, Hawke felt his smile widen.
It was exactly where he wanted to be.
Keep Holding On- Avril Lavigne
Hawke couldn't believe it. The dead thing in his arms was no longer his mother. She wasn't warm, this corpse. She was lacking—without the flush of life or the mischievous twinkle in her eyes that made him think that once his mother had been a young girl with her own dreams. This thing…he shouldn't want to hold it so closely. He shouldn't caress the sewn body parts that were not his mother's. Yet, he couldn't let it go.
Aveline eventually pried it from his arms, soothingly. She did not do it with force. Her hand was so warm, so reassuring on his shoulder. But when he felt the first tear fall down his cheek, it wasn't her arms that enveloped him. The person was much smaller, strong but soft, and he smelled of wine and lyrium. Hawke couldn't help the tremor that shook him, and Fenris didn't judge him for it.
"It's going to be all right, Hawke."
Thinking of You- Katy Perry
Isabela wasn't like him. She was voluptuous, a real flirt, and curved. He was all controlled strength, wiry and built with sharp angles. She made his bath stink of perfume and the soaps he'd had imported from Orlais for her for her last birthday. Fenris left no scent. She left traces of her lipstick on his lips, tasting of sweet strawberries and bitter wine. Fenris's kisses scalded his mouth, leaving behind only a trembling passion and a dark desire.
Isabela was vocal, and Fenris was quiet. She knew everything and didn't long to learn. Fenris was the exact opposite. When Hawke invited her over, she snooped into everything and escaped through windows and through the cellar. Fenris always used the door and lingered like a vampire waiting to be invited in. He was quiet, a respectful guest of the house. Only once had Hawke dragged an outburst from the elf's lips. And Hawke had deserved it, teasing him so about Hadriana's treatment of him.
Her cool body fit awkwardly under his arms. Fenris's had always been just right.
Sober- Kelly Clarkson
Hawke left the elf in his bed, thinking to himself. The buzz of alcohol in his veins and the taste of lyrium on his tongue did little to clear his thoughts. It only served to further darken and twist them. The fire burned avidly in the grate, licking at the smashed bottle of wine still even as the long-dried pieces began to turn black and disintegrate.
He could still see Fenris's angered face as he threw the bottle into the fire, smashing it on the hearth. Hawke had been baiting him again, practically begging for a reaction. The reaction he'd gotten wasn't the one he was hoping for. The bruises on his naked body would last for a few weeks at least. There was blood in his mouth, and he felt the scratches aching.
Warm arms encircled him from behind, and he jumped despite himself. A tongue lapped gently at the bite mark under his jaw, soothing it almost apologetically. Hawke sighed, wanting to speak. Fenris shook his head. "You are too hard on yourself," he said quietly, staring at the fire as his fingers dug into Hawke's shoulder. "If I did not want you here, you would not be here."
On Ne Change Pas- Celine Dion
How many years had it been? Hawke couldn't remember. It struck him suddenly how different it all seemed. Fenris was reading out of a book quietly to himself, sitting with his foot propped against the couch. He no longer required Hawke's educated prompting or lessons. It had been a very long time since he'd last needed that. Hawke was sitting at his desk with a quill in his hands. Fenris often read while he worked, the viscount's ever vigilant bodyguard, though Hawke suspected it was just because he liked to be where his lover was.
"You are staring at me," Fenris remarked, casually turning a page.
"I am," Hawke agreed with a smile.
"Why?" Fenris asked, glancing up from his book with glittering eyes.
Hawke didn't even have to think. He replied without meeting those tempting orbs. "Because I love you," he said simply with a blasé shrug.
He didn't miss the grumble or the blush, though, when Fenris tried to shift his attention back to the book. No matter how many years passed, at least that had remained the same.
Will I- Rent
He was caught, and that was all there was to it. The cell was so small that he couldn't even pace it anxiously as he waited for the Templars to come. There was little to do. Everyone was gone. No one was going to save him this time. His magic would be the death of him. At least Anders had succeeded in his endeavor. Wasn't that worth Hawke's mind-death?
He heard the footsteps and felt his heart jump into his throat. They were strange footsteps, though. One pair seemed quiet, and he felt the air rush out of him as two obsidian orbs met his through the confining bars. He closed his eyes in shame, turning away.
"Hawke," Fenris called to him, putting his hand through the bars. Hawke couldn't help it. There was no dignity in times like this even though the Templars waited just at Fenris's shoulders. He grabbed that hand and held onto it with all of his might. "I'm here." He didn't say that it wouldn't matter soon. Hawke would be tranquil. Their relationship wouldn't matter anymore.
That didn't stop Hawke from leaning forward for a kiss when the Templars opened the cell to take him away.
Permanent- David Cook
Hawke didn't feel. He couldn't. Certainly he didn't feel anything when Fenris kissed him, when their lips touched in the gentlest of caresses. He didn't feel a thing when Fenris threaded their fingers together as he lead him about like a dog on a leash. He didn't notice the color of the sky as it turned to morning from the darkest of nights. He didn't recognize the sentiment that his dog showed toward him. Even the staff that he had carved the names of his entire family into didn't evoke emotion.
Surely he didn't understand when Fenris borrowed the blade from above the fireplace and crept into the blackness of Hawke's room while he slept. Those eyes didn't reflect pain when the tip of the knife cut through thin cotton and into the tranquil's cold heart. That wasn't gratitude as his eyes rolled back, and he sank into oblivion. Fenris certainly didn't feel tears in his eyes as the blood stained his hands.
Dear Agony- Breaking Benjamin
The mirror reflected nothing—not the shattered pieces of his soul, not the bruises on his skin, and not the sorrow in his eyes. On the outside, he was a perfect poster child. One couldn't tell by looking at him that he'd murdered his closest friend for destroying a chantry that he didn't believe in. One couldn't see that he'd suffered damage during the fight. One couldn't know that he'd condemned the entirety of the mages to death while selfishly sparing his sister the pointed tip of the sword.
Finishing with buttoning his coat, he smiled at Fenris. The elf wasn't fooled, and he stared with eyes that saw everything. In those dark, liquid surfaces, Hawke could see the tattered thing he had become. He was gaunt, swallowed by sorrow and regret. Only the gentle fingers of his lover and the curling tendrils of his magic kept him alive anymore.
"I want to leave here, Fenris," Hawke said suddenly with a sigh. He didn't want to go to another party. He didn't want to stare at the streets and see them bathed in blood anymore.
Fenris offered no complain. He stood up and began fixing Hawke's lopsided collar. He patted the area and glanced up. "Let's go."
Forever or Never- Cinema Bizare
The human liked to tease him. Well, Fenris wasn't sure if it was the human or his own jealousy that caused him to bristle at every whisper in Isabela's drunken ear. He wasn't sure if Hawke was looking at him directly as he dragged his fingers sensuously down Jethann's back, the elven lover he'd carted around for years. He wasn't sure if it was the wine that made him think that maybe the reason Hawke picked up so many elven men was because they all seemed to bear a resemblance to Fenris.
Their casual flirtations hadn't gone far in the few years they'd known each other. Hawke liked to play around, dragging more than one woman or man upstairs to the room he rented in the Hanged Man. They were more like friends that were bordering on more. On occasion, though, the human would stare too intently into his eyes. He'd say his name a little bit too lustily, or he'd wink at the most inappropriate times. Fenris didn't know.
He hoped that it was the human teasing him, because Fenris had to admit that Hawke was an attractive man. His throat always felt a little bit tighter after one of those looks. As Hawke laughed and dragged a panting Jethann up the stairs again, Fenris almost envied the pathetic whore.
The Horror of our Love- Ludo
The blood was everywhere. It glistened sticky and black on their respective armors. Hawke was shaking, standing in the middle of the room with his hand bowed over his staff. The breaths that he let loose sounded like restrained screams. Everyone was silent, staring at him as he bowed over his mother's cold corpse. The mage responsible was a decimated mass of blood and gore.
Fenris approached him, feeling the undeniable power surge over his skin with a dangerous crackling. He put a hand on Hawke's shoulder. The muscles trembled beneath his touch, but Hawke didn't move to attack him. In fact, the heat of the room was beginning to dissolve. The panting became less, and Fenris glanced over at his face anxiously. Nothing had ever gotten to the human. Even when Carver had gone to the Grey Wardens, Hawke hadn't even blinked an eye in grief. This…this was something awful and intimate that Fenris didn't want to see.
There it was, in his eyes. There was a naked vulnerability beneath those dark blue eyes, roiling with torment. He lifted the end of his staff and smacked it on the ground, setting loose a few waves of pure electricity that crackled over the ground. Fenris kept quiet at his side, head bowed in respect.
Where will you go?- Evanescence
When Fenris woke up, the human was getting dressed. His blood red armor glinted maliciously in the firelight. The room was warm, even more so because of their recent activities, and Hawke's skin shone with an afterglow. The words they had spoken before to each other in fevered whispers earlier came back to Fenris in a rush, and he slipped silently out of bed to put his arms around Hawke's thin waist.
The human paused in getting dressed, armored fingers closing over Fenris's own tiny ones. Fenris was naked, exposed, and he could feel every sharp angle and pointed tip of metal as it dug into his skin. Hawke's whisper was so loud in the quiet room, almost ghostly as it said, "I have to do this."
"I know," Fenris told him. The mages and Templars were at each other's throats. Bethany could not wait another day in the circle. Hawke was going after her. One way or another.
"If I don't come back…" he started before trailing off. He didn't know what to say. Fenris quieted him with a squeeze.
"I'll be here," he whispered.
Cold (But I'm Still Here)- Evans Blue
They made love with the same single-minded intensity that they used during battles—quick thrusts, groan here, gasp here, bruise, bite, fight, stay alive. Hawke's nails made red lines down his back, pulling the skin apart with practiced force. The room was filled with their gasps, the liquid glow of the fire interrupted by Fenris's blue tattoos that buzzed beneath the human's touch like the vibrations of an angry hive of bees. Kisses were quick, clumsy, awkward. They weren't meant to show affection, only possession.
Hawke took him every time. There were no arguments. Fenris was smaller, and he enjoyed it. He caused his own damage on the outside, drawing more blood from the mage than Hawke could ever reciprocate. It was like battle. It was harsh, painful, and it brought a rush too pleasurable to deny. Neither could live without it.
There was too much hatred to show love, too much rivalry to admit feelings deeper than that. So for now, this violence was all Fenris needed.
Sugar, we're going down- Fall Out Boy
The human lingered in Darktown far too much these days. He was always talking to the mage, the abomination. Fenris noticed the way they looked at each other. It was more than just his jealousy and possessiveness that made him take stock of it. One would have to be an idiot to not see the way their fingers brushed when Hawke handed Anders something. Who couldn't see the way Anders's eyes lingered on Hawke's slim waist, strong thighs, and arms? Even the heated way they exchanged words grated on Fenris's nerves.
He had always hated Anders. That wouldn't change anytime soon. He hated how powerless he was. Of course, he'd been the one to leave. How could he do anything to stop it? Hawke was free to flirt with whom he chose. He could have sex with anyone he wanted. Fenris had no right to stop him.
Why did his heart ache so?
Hands On the Bible- Local H
It was three days after the destruction of the chantry that Hawke finally told them all to make camp. The stars were out, a clear night shining over the Free Marches. They camped out in the ruins of an old, stone structure. Their little band of ragtag thieves separated into groups of close friends while Hawke left them all to stand on the remains of an old staircase and glance up at the sky.
A little after midnight, Fenris separated himself from Aveline's heated conversation and snuck down to where his lover stayed. Anders was not with them. He'd perished at Hawke's blade at the beginning of the battle. Fenris did not touch Hawke, did not make a sound, but the mage knew he was there.
"Fenris," Hawke started, "do you…do you think it was right, what I did?"
"Which part, Hawke?" he asked with a blank stare.
"Killing Anders," he said softly, staring down at his hands. They were all caked with blood and gore. Fenris felt it like a mask on his face.
"Friend or no, he was an abomination," Fenris answered simply. "I do not know if what he did was right. Mages…are not all weak, it seems."
It didn't sound like a compliment, but it was more than Hawke expected. He put his arm around Fenris.
Famous Last Words- My Chemical Romance
The day that Fenris walked out was the day that Hawke became more withdrawn from the group. He left early and spent little time at the Hanged Man. He joked like their old friend, but he did not have the same unearthly smile that brought tavern wenches to their knees. There was less of a spark in his eye. More pain, less love. Even Isabela suffered from the new change, and she hounded Fenris about it constantly.
Yet he did not let it get him too down. He followed orders from the Viscount, did favors, finished errands, and served the world as best as he could. Soon their relationship melted into something kinder, softer. When they were caught on the brink of falling back into the old ways, Hawke caught himself.
"I don't want to be friends, Fenris," he said that night while the fire roared in the background, and the fireworks of Hightown exploded overhead. "I want so much more." He had walked out after that.
Days later, Hawke came back with a smile on his face and offered to teach him how to read. He'd been humbled, shocked. He'd accepted. Hawke was a kind and patient teacher with all the humility that Fenris had wanted Danarius to show.
Fenris fell in love all over again. After he held Danarius's pulsing heart in his fist and felt it rupture and explode, he invited Hawke into his estate. They kissed and fell to the floor, never even making it to the bed.
Hawke changed back as though his personality had only been in remission.
They don't go in any order, and they're not all the same Hawke. I had so many small ideas, but not enough big ones. If you guys have an requests or ideas, I'd gladly read them. Send me a PM or leave a review. Thanks for reading. Review please.