Drunken Deals
A/N: I got inspired by a South Park story to write this one. The basic idea is totally from the story Paper Saucers by Fletset. Check it out if you want to laugh, I promise you will. It's the same basic idea but not the same story at all, but I still give her all the credit for inspiring me. So read on, young friends. Or old friends. Or people who aren't even friends with me at all. Read on.
Disclaimer: I own the books, does that count?
Chapter One: The Things I Do For You When I'm Drunk
"Alright, alright," Sirius Black said, teetering over the arm of the blood red couch he was sharing with Remus Lupin. "No more for Paddy, no more." He tipped the bottle of Firewhisky in his hands towards the ornate carpet below but only managed to drop it on the floor and watch it roll underneath the chair that James Potter was snoring on. Sirius laughed at the event that was hysterical to him, and fell backwards, his head resting on the edge of Remus' leg. "Why the sad face, Moony?"
"I'm not sad, Sirius, I'm just sleepy." Remus groaned inwardly as his headache became more prevalent. Alcohol did not go well with his system; he couldn't even stomach Butterbeer when they went into Hogsmeade. It did strange things to stomach, which aptly explained what Sirius did to him as well. The combination of the drink and his mate that close made him experience a mixture of nervousness and impulsiveness.
Sirius wasn't talking. A once in a lifetime chance was being thrown Remus' way and he decided to take it. "I've got an idea." Like he hadn't thought of this before. "Have you ever noticed that neither of us can find someone to date who really suits us?" Sirius peered up at him and nodded, then hiccupped and laughed. "Well, I had an idea."
"You already said that Moony. Spit it out." Emphasizing the word spit with some of his own and then giggling raucously, holding his stomach and rolling onto his side so that he was about to fall off of the couch.
"Oh, Merlin, disgusting." Remus wiped the spit off of his left arm, then proceeded to mess up Sirius' hair with his spit-drenched hand. Sirius giggled, a broken record. "Now shut up you." He reached to cover Sirius mouth and just ended up getting even more spit on his hand. The song replayed. "It's like a deal, alright? It's almost the end of the year, so I figure if by the time sixth year starts up neither of us is dating anyone…we'll date each other."
"Each other?"
"Me and you, we'll just forget about girls and date each other."
"Whatever you say Moony. Let's put this into writing."
"Is there some chance we'll be able to read said writing after it is written?"
Remus only received a glare and then Sirius fell off of couch, apparently for some sort of purpose. He literally dragged himself across the floor to where someone's forgotten Potions book and parchment lay and snitched the parchment and left-behind quill, returning innocently like the little fiend he was. "What to write, hm, Rem? Want to make this sound official, don't we? Alright, let's see…"
'We, Sirius Black and Remus Lupin, agree that if after this summer vacation neither one of us are steadily dating anyone that we will date each other.'
"Keep the change," Sirius said, folding up the parchment and slipping it into the band of Remus' boxers. He fell asleep quickly, and his head found Remus' shoulder to be an excellent pillow, but then when didn't it? Sirius seemed to have the worst tolerance of alcohol out of all of them, and Remus had the best. James simply feel asleep after exactly two and a half bottles of Firewhisky, at which point Sirius would steal the other half and then add it to his already spirited system.
Peter Pettigrew, on the other hand, didn't even bother joining them anymore. Not since the time Incendio had been cast on him and his left eyebrow had tragically passed away. As for Remus, well, he had the best tolerance of the four, but that didn't mean much when the next best couldn't even keep his eyes open. The only benefit that Remus had with this talent was that he remembered everything that happened. That didn't mean that he had any control over what he did.
No, he definitely didn't have any control over what he did. Once James and Sirius discovered their lycanthrope friend's ability to recall all the events of a drunken event they were horrified and awed. Because Remus would never use what happened against them, and they were dying to hold that power over each other. Remus reveled in this, the one thing that made him fearful to his friends.
The trio had spent so many plastered nights in the Common Room that it was normal for them to wake up a few minutes before breakfast when other students traipsed down from the dormitories, calling them fags and getting smiles in return. They all knew that everyone speculated about what they did under the influence, and liked the keep up the perpetual idea that the answer was something along the lines of: 'Anything and everything.' It wasn't like Padfoot or Prongs would remember anyway.
Remus even forgot about the agreement until he was up in the dorms, hurriedly putting on a new pair of trousers after he had realized there were splashes of Firewhisky all down the left leg. Buttoning his pants he saw a piece of folded parchment fall to the ground. He leaned down and picked it up, the immediately recognized what it was. The drunken deal was left in his trunk and would stay there for the summer, melting away from Remus' memory.
"Did we get up to anything crazy last night, Rem?" How many times had he been asked that now? They all knew that Remus wouldn't answer with anything of true merit, it was the only time he lied after all. Yet everyone at the Gryffindor table would subconsciously talk in a softer voice and turn towards where the trio plus the rat sat just in case he decided to break character and say something. They were always hoping that some day they would get some inkling of what really went on.
"Oh, right, well Sirius and I are dating now, you know." James nodded and Sirius brought one hand to his mouth and slapped Remus' arm in an overdone show of false surprise. Peter, who never realized these things were a joke, scooted quickly away and bumped into Lily Evans who was rolling her eyes. The rest of the table was a sea of giggles and smiles. Remus liked these sorts of days; it was the only time he got any real recognition over his much more popular friends.
What if this time it had been slightly true? Remus had certainly been more inventive than this before. Once he had even admitted to being a werewolf and no one had thought a thing about it. "Well, we've certainly done crazier things before, haven't we, Prongs? Moony?" Sirius said with a gratuitous wink to his mates, the spotlight affixed back to where it always was, Remus cast back to the supporting role.
"I'm not so sure about that anymore," Remus muttered to himself, thinking about the piece of parchment that sat in his trunk under various books, books and more books, all of which he had read more times than he could remember. Out of the craziest things he had done while drunk, he had to put agreeing to date one of his best mates at least in the top five.
Alright, maybe top ten.
A/N: This is basically a prologue. Nothing too serious right now. Oh gods it's almost humor right now. I swear it's going to be the most over the top, angsty thing you've ever read. No, not really. But, after this it's going to be more serious, and I've decided to make it about acceptance and tolerance a lot, because we need more of that. Review even if you hate it.