Title: Clockwise
Date: 12 July 2004
Disclaimer: Saiyuki belongs to the wonderful Minekura Kazuya-sama whom I worship on daily basis
Notes: Dedicated to and based on a fan art by Olivia YuyMaxwell
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It was drizzling late in the afternoon.
The weather had been unpredictable lately and Hakkai was glad that they managed to find a shelter for the night right before the drizzle began. He gazed out of the window for a little while before the chills told him that he'd be better off with the window shut.
Gojyo and Goku had retired to their rooms respectively, pleading tiredness and stiffness due to days and hours of sitting on the hard seat of the jeep. No doubt that this journey was mundanely tiring. Not only the constant danger of losing their lives and being attacked from all directions, but also they had to endure trying, everyday things like boredom, sickness, and tiredness and in Goku's case, constant hunger.
When would all this end, Hakkai wondered. Did he even want it to end? He had everything that he hadn't before the journey began. Well, almost everything. But one should be grateful with one was given, he was told long time ago. Hakkai let his mind wander in the rhythm of the soft melody of the drizzling rain outside. When the journey ended, would he get to keep what he had now?
Tonight, he had to share a room with Sanzo again. Had to. The words were wrong, of course. Nothing forced them to share a room but themselves. "Forced" was the wrong kind of word too. And "had to" were used for appearance's sake only. Whose, Hakkai wondered.
He and Sanzo had come to an understanding. The constant attraction was mutual and the pull of each other was quite impossible to resist in the end. It was like finding out the one he wanted was the thing he'd already had. It was like winning in a game he didn't realise he was playing. Nevertheless it was an understanding.
"Don't close the window yet."
He glanced at the sitting figure by the table near the window he was about to close.
"I need the light," said the blonde monk without looking up.
Hakkai averted his gaze back to the view outside the window. "Alright," he murmured. Sanzo preferred the natural light that the sun gave to the artificial one that the bulb offered when he was reading.
But soon, Hakkai knew by habit that the monk would want his daily caffeine crave.
He pulled his wandering mind back and set to work.
It worked really. This understanding that he shared with the monk. He could almost adjust everything to match anything that Sanzo wanted. He could almost taste the happiness ticking away in the present time of his life. Some would say that it was only for comfort sake. Some would say it was nothing but clockwork, compromised happiness. But some would say anything.
He could say that he understood everything about the monk. But that would mean he lied. He didn't. But he could say that he understood what he needed to understand from the monk. It was enough.
Was it love then? he wondered. But wasn't love just a cliché, a word used to cover the guilt for harbouring lust for another individual? He never expected it, not after he had lost one.
Hakkai poured the black liquid down the mug that the monk claimed as his own and to another one as well. Coffee didn't have any effect on him, as neither did any alcoholic liquid so he might as well drink it without any fear of getting insomniac effect later on tonight. He placed both mugs on the tray and brought it down on Sanzo's table.
The monk put down his reading material and selected one mug from the tray. It amused Hakkai at first how Sanzo could differentiate the seemingly identical mugs that they had. He had bought a set of four mugs in some cheap shop a few months earlier for the four of them. Sanzo always chose the same one apparently. Hakkai only did notice it recently. Of course, now he knew which one was which. He himself didn't mind using the other three mugs alternatively. It was only a mug after all.
In a way more than the others, he felt like this mug, selected from the others by something that he was still trying to understand.
Hakkai sat on the other side of the table and took a sip of his coffee. He relaxed all the tension in his body as the warmth of the drink was enveloping it. It was nice to be like this, to be enjoying ordinary things like perhaps, the hot afternoon coffee. There was something comforting about ordinary and mundane things.
There was something comforting about having coffee with someone you really felt comfortable with.
Their gazes met across the table.
Hakkai allowed him a little smile and Sanzo replied.
The light was getting dimmer. It was no good to let the window open as the cold breeze was blowing steadily into the room.
Hakkai stood up to reach the shutters to close the window. Sudden darkness embraced his vision. His hand was moving in search for the power point on the wall when he heard a movement.
"No," he heard Sanzo's voice from behind him. A hand grabbed his and pulled it from its trip on the wall. "Let's go to bed."
He turned around and saw the monk's face in the glimpses of faint light that was still filtering through the window.
And suddenly he was pinned on the wall as Sanzo moved forward to kiss him roughly.
Almost desperately.
Almost. He could almost understand it all.
Some said that love was an illusion and happiness was only for a moment.
His fingers were tangled with the fine blonde hair of the monk as Hakkai was trying to keep his thought assembled. Something just occurred to him.
A moment was all he needed.
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