the chronicles of a misunderstood heart, a naruto fanfic

Nothing hurts more than having one of your best friends love the man you love – and the man you love loving your best friend back.

Nothing hurts more, because you are slashed thrice.

The first is done by your best friend, by loving someone whom you have sacrificed everything to love, and shamelessly showing it in front of you.

The second is committed by the man you unwillingly love, by playing your strings and making you hold onto the smallest sliver of hope, and then choosing your best friend after casting you away so ruthlessly.

And you yourself inflict the third, for your stupidity and insanity to think that someone like him would actually love someone like you. And this one is the slash that hurts the most, the slash that cripples your heart and kills your soul.

Because that is your entire life wasted on a man who left you for your best friend.

And you can't help to cry yourself to sleep every night, because that is, in fact, another battle you have lost to your best friend. And you are definitely sick of losing.

the chronicles of a misunderstood heart

disclaimer: don't own Naruto.

un.

beginning

You look at the pretty girl sitting all alone under the tree, eating her peanut butter and jelly sandwich, not caring that she was entirely alone and nobody wanted to speak with her. Quickly, you wonder if it would be worth it to befriend her, because you knew from experience that people needed friends to survive. And so, you walk away from your best friends, who completely look shocked at your bold move, and ignore their yells of protest and disgust.

When you reach the pretty girl, you wonder why everybody calls her a freak, because she is exceptionally pretty, much more pretty than your best friends. You muse that her name – Haruno Sakura – is fitting, because her hair matches the bubblegum pink of cherry blossoms, and her green eyes sparkle like the diamond your mother wears on her finger.

"You're all alone," You find yourself saying to her.

You smile when her eyes widen with surprise. You realize that Sakura needs help with speaking with people, because it is fairly obvious that she is uncomfortable with you talking to her.

"Y – yeah," She finally says.

You wonder if you are really that intimidating, causing her to stutter. You wonder if it is the fact that you are Yamanaka Ino, the popular girl in the class who befriends and knows everybody in the first grade.

"Why?"

Sakura bites her lip and looks away from you, and you instantly find yourself guilty. You know that you are known for being mean, but that is just a rumor, and you want to befriend Sakura, regardless of whether or not she is as popular as you. When she refuses to answer, you realize that she must be one of those believers, and you giggle.

"Why are you laughing?"

She then looks at you again, and you find yourself amused and amazed by her spunk. You realize that she is underestimated, and that she has the potential to do great things and make more friends if she spoke her mind.

"You think I'm mean, don't you?"

Then Sakura crinkles her nose, and starts mumbling words you cannot understand. Then she looks at you with a new gaze in her eyes, and you instantly wonder if she was more perceptive as the other kids in your class say.

"Well, you're just like everyone else, aren't you? You think I'm a freak."

Then you feel a feeling that you thought that only mothers felt, and you smile.

"My mommy says that you can only judge yourself."

You instantly feel lighter when she smiles and looks away.

"My mommy is gone."

Then a breeze passes, and you regret bringing up her mother.

There is more to her than meets the eye, you muse, and perhaps you would like to understand her more. Because nothing hurts more than being misunderstood. You knew that from experience.

"I'm Yamanaka Ino," You say, only for the means of starting a friendship.

You know that she is confused as to why you would bring up something so obvious, because everybody knew both your names for different reasons.

"Haruno Sakura."

deux.

realization

You look at her, completely baffled at her reaction. In her hand she holds the red ribbon that once held her bangs back, and now you realize that she is trying to end your friendship. You begin to find yourself angry, because you realize that no matter what, you – Yamanaka Ino – would always be underestimated and misunderstood, even by people you once thought were your closest friends, especially Haruno Sakura. You hear your once best friends behind you, whispering nonsense such as, "I told you so! I told you that freak-girl wasn't worth Ino's time!" Even though it made you angry – angrier than you have ever been – you ignore their trash-talk and focus your attention on Sakura.

It has been five years. Five years of being the best of friends, and helping Sakura become more confident. Five years of watching each other grow older and more mature. And now you both are twelve years old, so different from your seven-year-old selves.

You regret, after going through all those memories, to be as you were. You were known to have a new boyfriend every week, even at the age of twelve, and that every boy wanted you. But you know that you regret, more than anything, of liking Uchiha Sasuke, the heartthrob of Konoha and the most wanted man on the planet. And it is not because you have spent many years liking him, but because Sakura likes him, too.

Which brings both of you here together, with Sakura giving up the one thing that was reminiscent of your friendship.

"Why?" You manage to say.

Sakura looks at you confidently, and for a moment you are proud. You are proud that she is more confident than she was five years ago.

"Because you like Sasuke, and I do, too."

You clench your fists, because your anger and rage continues to rise. You are extremely annoyed and frustrated that Sakura, your best friend of five years, cannot understand that no matter what, you would remain her friend, even if you two were after the same guy.

"What does that matter?"

She frowns and shakes her head, and you realize that she is trying her hardest to will her tears brimming at her eyes to go away.

"Because I am sick of losing to you, Ino!"

And when she lets the red ribbon float upon the latest breeze, where it found you and rested on your shoulder, you frown and clench your fists even tighter. Tears of anger, frustration, and sadness become falling from your eyes like waterfalls, and you have the largest urge to scream.

Sakura will always remain your friend, you muse through your anger and frustration. But Sakura never looked at you, helped you, like you helped her.

The eyes are the doors to the soul, your mother always said.

If Sakura had looked into your eyes, you know that she would have seen the same thing that you have seen in her. She would have understood why things were the way they were, and would have never ended your friendship like she had.

If Haruno Sakura had looked into your eyes, she would have realized that what hurt you the most was always losing to her.

When you turn your back and part from her for the first time in five years, you find yourself more frustrated and angry than you have ever been, your feelings of sadness thrown aside and cast into the shadows. You wonder if Sakura ever understood how much she meant to you. You would have given up Uchiha Sasuke, if she had willed you to, because you were – are – her best friend, and that is what best friends do. Even though it hurts you more than anything, you begin willing yourself to stop liking Uchiha Sasuke, because you know that he will never like you, and that Sakura has more of a chance than you do. It hurts, but you go on. That is what best friends do.

trois.

consolation

"You keep looking at her," your best guy friend, ever since you have been born, muses. "You still haven't made up? It's troublesome."

You look at him, and for moments you wonder if he can see right through you. Because he is Nara Shikamaru, the best strategist and number one genius Konoha has ever seen. You both have been the best of friends ever since birth, because both your fathers had been on the same squad when they were your age. And now, you both are on the same squad, at the ripe age of eighteen.

"It's been six years, Ino. It's been long enough."

You bite your lip, because he does have a point.

"We're sort of friends," You decide to say defensively. "We still talk. We're just not – "

" – The best of friends, I know, Ino. You've both gotten stronger, a lot stronger than I ever thought you would have. Konoha's in a time of emergency, and you might be placed on a mission where you might have to pair with her. Tsunade won't be pleased if you fail a mission because you let a fight from six years ago falter your focus."

"Why so talkative and persistent, lately?" You snap, glaring at him through your teal eyes. "Usually, you're too busy staring at the clouds to notice I'm even here."

You question the new look in his eyes as he looks away from you and once again gazes up at the clouds. He is silent, and you are sure that he will not answer what he does not want to answer. Instantly, you are worried that he is perhaps hiding something from you, and you lay down beside him to stare at the clouds and avert your focus from the pink-haired girl in the distance sparring with her team.

"I'm just scared," You murmur, rolling onto your side so your face is buried in his shoulder.

You resist the urge to laugh when he groans and slightly shifts his position so it is more comfortable for you.

"Of what?"

You bite your lip and frown, closing your teal eyes and inhaling your best friend's scent.

"Shikamaru, I haven't completely gotten over – "

"Sorry," he murmurs. "I shouldn't have brought it up."

"No – "

He groans once more, and you feel his pineapple-shaped hair brush your cheeks as he shakes his head.

"Troublesome woman," he snaps in frustration and annoyance.

You laugh, yet you wonder what the conversation held earlier really meant.

Nara Shikamaru was still shady to you, even throughout eighteen years of knowing each other and becoming close to inseparable.

"Thanks, Shika."

You smile into the fabrics of his shirt when he remains silent, and close your eyes, falling asleep and thanking him for the random consolation.

quatre.

confusion

You are completely disgusted with yourself, in the moments of pleasure and joy that you are experiencing. Your best friend's – and current boyfriend's – eyes seem to gaze at you in unspoken pain and understanding. You want to kiss him again and again, but you know that's not possible, because now, your heart is working with your mind. Every single time his lips press against yours, you imagine that they are not his, but Uchiha Sasuke's.

You are completely and utterly disgusted, you continue to tell yourself, but you cannot help it.

"I told you, Ino," he quietly muttered, gazing at you with affection and pain, "That we shouldn't have done this."

You want to sit beside him on his couch, hold his face in your hands, and tell him that you genuinely love him. But you can't lie to him. Not anymore.

You are so confused with your mind and your heart. You love Shikamaru, you really do. But Sasuke – that annoying wretch, Sasuke – keeps coming into your head and messing with you. Every single time Shikamaru kissed you, you imagined it was Sasuke. When he first kissed you, you believed that the stupid illusion would go away. But it never did, and you can't continue lying to Shikamaru. Because you love him, but –

"I know you better than anyone else," he continued, averting his gaze and looking up at his ceiling. "I knew I shouldn't have forced you into this."

You worriedly gaze at him, with such intensity and passion you know it hurts him. Because he knows, somehow, that you can never be completely his. He doesn't want to be lied to, and he doesn't want you to be a liar. Your heart swells when you realize that what he feels towards you is genuine affection, a true love that is unrequited. For moments you wish that you could genuinely love him, too, but you know it is impossible.

"Shikamaru, I love you."

You say it again, and it makes your heart swell; yet it tears you apart. You mean it, but you don't.

"But you love him more."

He looks at you with such understanding, you begin to curse yourself for not loving him like you love the cursed Uchiha Sasuke. He is the only one who has not misunderstood you, and you somewhat-genuinely love him for that.

You want to run out of his home, turn your back, and never look back. But you know you could never do that. He has been your best friend for the past twenty-one years, and your boyfriend for the past six months. You could never survive without him, even though he wants something you cannot give him.

"I'll always be here, you know."

He smiles his genuine, trademark, crooked smile, and you find yourself forgiven for your untimely sin.

"I'm sorry, Shika," you murmur, instantly cursing the flow of tears falling from your eyes.

"Go to Sakura," he quietly suggests. "She's been waiting fourteen years, you know."

You want to stay with him. Run away – elope – and forget the stupid Uchiha Sasuke. But you know you can't. You never could.

Pushing the bitter feeling aside for just a few moments, you laugh and nod.

"Long enough, right?"

Your unofficial ex-boyfriend nods and smiles, and instantly pangs of guilt shoot through your heart once more.

"I heard Sasuke was looking for you, too," he quietly murmurs, not letting jealousy get the better of him.

You are disgusted when your day instantly feels greater and brighter. Offering an apologetic smile, you disappear from his home.

On your way to patch up your failed friendship with Sakura, you feel so confused. Sasuke has never once spared you anything other than a few words and few glances, yet you refuse to let go of that sliver of hope. He is playing your strings, you muse, and you continue to wonder if it was worth leaving Shikamaru over.

cinq.

ache

"I'm really sorry, Sakura," you say.

Her eyes are wide and she smiles the smile you remember you were proud of. It was confident, genuine, and inspiring.

"Me, too," she says.

And without any words, you go to hug her, and she returns your embrace. You feel complete with your best friend accepting your friendship once more, and instantly you thank Shikamaru for sneaking in the old, red ribbon into your pocket the last time you kissed him. And so you end the embrace, and hand her the red ribbon, which she gladly accepts.

"You're shining brighter today, Forehead-girl."

She smiles, then turns away and blushes.

"Well, yeah."

You're heart swells with pride when she doesn't stutter. Shikamaru was right four years ago. You both have grown in strength and maturity, and you never would have thought Sakura would be on her way to becoming a legendary Sanin.

"Why?"

She fidgets and turns away, obviously hiding something.

"What's up?" you ask, instantly worried.

Sakura looks at you with a look she has never given to you in all your years of knowing her, and you frown. Instinct tells you that it was the thing that had ended your friendship in the first place, yet you will the butterflies of anxiety in your stomach to go away until she answers. Until your nasty instinct is proven – if it is that nasty instinct.

"Best of friends, right?"

You laugh, because it is just like when you two were young. When something could easily end your friendship, you would both always say, 'best of friends' and wait for reassurance before popping the bad news.

"Of course."

You smile, and stop yourself from telling her that you always have been her best friend, but you know that she will regret ever ending your friendship and will not tell you.

"Well, Sasuke and I – "

You feel your smile falter, but you instinctively repair it and smile as if you had never smiled before. Your heart begins to beat with betrayal and pain, and if you did not have the self-control you did, you would have fell to the floor and began sobbing like crazy.

"Ino, are you okay?"

You curse being so easy to read, and you quickly nod.

"Yeah. Sorry to cut this short, Forehead-girl, but I forgot something at Shikamaru's. I'll talk to you later, alright?"

Without allowing her to answer, you turn around and run to seek shelter at Shikamaru's house. You know that this will leave her suspicious, and perhaps figure out that you still haven't completely gotten over Uchiha Sasuke, but the ache in your heart is far greater than worry.

And so you run, run as fast as you can, as tears begin to stream down your face unwanted.

"Yamanaka."

When you are nearly at Shikamaru's door, you freeze when you realize that someone is behind you. The one person in the world who you have tried so hard to forget, to hate, to dislike, but cannot. Wiping away your tears, you turn around, and you are faced with the perfect face in which you have grown to love.

"Did you need something, Sasuke?"

You can tell the look in his eyes is not good. He looks at you with annoyance, and for once your heart beats because he is actually spending more than one minute in your presence. You curse yourself, because you know that he is not yours, yet you still refuse to let go of that one sliver of hope.

"About Sakura – "

The ache in your heart grows greater. He can and only will talk to you about Haruno Sakura, your best friend. You are sure he knows that you still hold passionate feelings towards him, but you are not surprised at his apathy to your misfortunes.

"What size – "

You manage to smile, and you wish you were able to stagger onto the floor and clutch your chest, because it is paining more than it ever has. You know he wants to ask Sakura to marry him, and you know that Sakura will say yes.

"Less is more in a size 7."

Your fake smile grows wider, and with a curt nod, he mutters a short "thank you", before disappearing from sight.

The ache in your chest continues to nag, even after you burst into Shikamaru's house, even after you collapse in his arms, and even after he allows you to ruin his shirt by drowning the fabrics in your salty tears.

You realize two things.

One. You have lost another battle to your best friend, but you will never let that hinder or end your friendship. Never again.

Two. You love the man who loves your best friend.

six.

end

You feel proud when you are her maid of honor. You are smiling a genuine smile that lightens the whole church while you stand beside her as she joins herself to the man you love in holy matrimony. The pain and ache in your chest continues to nag, but you know that as a best friend, this is Sakura's day, and so you will be happy. Genuinely happy, regardless of Sakura marrying the man you love.

You eye Shikamaru in the front pews, and you silently thank him for reading your mind and choosing the spot where nothing could hinder your eye contact with him during the ceremony. You are trying your hardest to not let your pain show, and so you attempt to not eye and listen to your best friend as they continue to exchange "I do's". He smiles in reassurance, you instantly feel lighter and more confident.

When you hear the cursed words of, "you may now kiss the bride", you eye Shikamaru once more, and he looks at you sadly as applause erupts through the building as the two, newly-wed couples kiss to somewhat-finalize their new life together, as one. You are reassured, and the pain in your heart lessens, when he continues to smile at you to help you forget the pain.

During the reception, you take a seat beside Shikamaru while he holds your hand to help you forget all the pain and ache you are feeling. You turn to face him, and he looks at you with the same passion and affection he felt when you two were still a couple. You find your heart continuing to ache, and your mind constantly badgering you to forget Sasuke, because a man so much better was beside you, and he was yours, even though you were not his.

"Are you okay?" He whispered, breaking his gaze from you and looking as the newly-weds took the dance floor in their first dance.

"Yes," you manage to monotonously reply.

He turns to you, saddened and pained, because he is the only one who completely knows the side effects of the joining of the man you love and your best friend.

"You should try to live for one more day, Ino," he murmurs, shaking his head in disapproval. "It wouldn't hurt you. It certainly won't hurt me."

He smiles, and you are foolish for being selfish and keeping him close when you are in love with another man. It does not work that way, and both you and him know that. Yet you cannot give him up; you are dependent upon him like the earth to the sun.

"It's hard, Shika," you say, your voice cracking as tears continue to brim at your eye, "Because I want Sakura to be happy."

"You should want for yourself, Ino. You've been like a mother to Sakura, and perhaps you weren't as fair to yourself as you should have been before this happened."

You look at him, and for a few moments your heart races.

"Can I kiss you?" you finally blurt out.

He is taken aback, but after kissing you so many times while you two were a couple, he shrugs.

"You're troublesome in every way."

And so he leans in, and steals away your lips.

Your heart pains when, again, it is not his face that appears in your mind. You break away, and you finally begin to cry. He holds you close, because he knows that it was not he, and allows you to ruin his expensive suit once more.

"Live one more day, Ino," he whispers in your ear. "I don't want to lose you."

You decide to listen to him, and the night wears on while he takes you onto the dance floor and waltzes with you, letting you live a night without your pains and aches until it is time for you both to expire into a world of slumber.

Yet you know your torn heart will never be mended, because you love the man who loves your best friend.

The world is sickeningly twisted, you muse, yet you will go on.

You will go on through the pain of having your friend slash you once, because that beautiful ring on her finger will forever plague you with pain. You will go through the pain of having the man you love slash you, because he continues to force you to hold on to that sliver of hope. And you will go through the pain of slashing yourself, because you are wasting your life loving a man who does not love you, and wasting your life losing to your best friend.

fin

A/N: This is based on a true story, haha!

A new style of writing that I wanted to try out. I really hope you like it.
I'm really sorry for my lack of updating Something Profound and Pressure Points.

Also, I curse myself for making Shikamaru and Ino's situation too much like Jacob and Bella in Twilight. I apologize for that ):

I also apologize if the OOCness of Shikamaru and Sasuke bugged you.
Thanks for reading & I really hope you enjoyed this! (:

Till next time!