Chapter 9
After what seemed like a long time before I could ever sleep in the same bedroom that Reid and I shared for a long time, it really and truly felt wonderful to finally be able to sleep on my new bed in my newly redecorated bedroom. It isn't that I didn't want to sleep in our bedroom after Reid passed away but, I would be looking at the same color on the walls, the same drapes that hung in the windows; virtually everything would still be the same except for Reid. So, by redecorating the bedroom, I'm putting the past behind me and moving on with my future. I know that Reid isn't here physically but, he will always be in my heart.
I finally made my way out of bed even though, I didn't really want to but, I had to get on with my days since I have an extremely busy day ahead of me today at the hospital filled with meetings galore and not to mention setting up my next session with Dr. Evans. Even though, our first session was just an initial start it will be quite a relief to talk to her about all of this unwanted baggage that I've been carrying around with me all these years. I seem to remember once that my mom tried to get me to go see a therapist to talk about my feelings but, I just thought that it was just a crock of bull. Now that I've matured a little I realize the importance counseling can have.
Before I went to my first meeting of the day, I called Dr. Evans to set up our next session she tells me that she has an opening for later this evening at 6:00 p.m. I told her that 6:00 p.m. would be just fine and, I'm really looking forward to meeting with Dr. Evans once again.
I was in between meetings so, I went to the cafeteria to grab some lunch. I was looking around the cafeteria to find a quiet table in a corner to eat my lunch and to prepare for my next round of meetings later this afternoon. I saw an empty table in a far corner open up, I started walking towards the table when I saw Kevin sitting alone at a table near by. I walked over and greeted him. Kevin looked up at me and said Hi Luke. I asked him if he would mind some company he said no, not at all. I asked him what brought him into the hospital. He then told me with a very sad look on his face that his dad is here in the hospital and isn't doing well. I was quite concerned for my friend and asked him what seemed to be wrong with his dad, Kevin told me that his dad is in congestive heart failure and, the Dr's don't think that he will make it through the night.
I so badly wanted to comfort Kevin in the worst way possible but, all I could do was express my deepest sympathy to him and his family. I told him I would be there for him if he needed a friend to talk to. I took a long look at Kevin and noticed how tired and worn out he looked. Kevin asked me if he looked as tired and worn out as he felt and, I told him I can only imagine the stress he's under. I remember the stress and pain when my family took vigil at the hospital when Grandma Snyder died. Kevin told me that he has been staying here at night while his mom is here during the day sitting with his dad. I asked how the rest of his family is doing; he said that his sister hasn't come home yet and, his mom seems to be doing okay but it's taking quite a toll on her too.
Kevin wanted to know how I was doing since the last time we talked I told him that things are going pretty good and, I'm keeping busy here at the hospital. All the while we were sitting there eating our lunch; I could tell that Kevin wanted to ask me something I looked up at him and asked what else was on his mind besides his dad.
Kevin told me that he needs an escape from all of the madness at his parents place. He wondered if I would be interested in some company possibly tonight that is if he could get somebody to sit with his dad. I told Kevin that I have an appointment at 6:00 p.m. tonight but, that I should be free that I told him I would give him a call when I got home. Kevin seemed to be okay with that. I looked at my watch and, told Kevin that I had a meeting starting soon and, I have to get going. We said our good byes and I told him that I would see him later tonight. As I was on my way to my next meeting, I got thinking about Kevin and what he and his family are going through right now. I was beginning to wish that I could be there with Kevin just to put my arms around him and, to make his troubles go away if only for a little while.
While I was in my next meeting, my mind kept wandering about Kevin and, thinking about how much he seemed to have changed over the years. Even now, I still think that he is very good looking even with the way he was dressed today. Kevin was wearing a light blue western style type shirt, which really matched his baby blue eyes not that I was noticing or anything like that though, and he was also wearing tight fitting, Wrangler Jeans. At one point while we were eating lunch, Kevin got up to get a refill on his coffee and, I could tell how great his ass looked in those Wranglers too. While I was watching Kevin, I think that I was drooling slightly with the way he was walking and, how he strutted in his black cowboy boots made me drool all the more but, I didn't want Kevin to know that I was drooling over him now, how embarrassing would that be to try to explain. I began to hope that was a chance for Kevin and I to rekindle the love we once shared.
My meeting was shorter than expected. So, after that, I decided to take a walk outside and get some fresh air and to clear my mind. While I was outside, I was thinking about what Dr. Evans and I would be talking about in our session today. I do know that one of the things that I would like to address with her is how quickly Noah and my relationship evolved. While I was thinking about what Dr. Evans and I would be covering today, I heard my phone ring and it was my sister Natalie who oversees the purchasing department at the hospital telling me that the meeting with purchasing has been postponed until next week. I was grateful that they decided to postpone their meeting because; I really wasn't in the mood for another meeting. So, since I had quite a time span between now and my appointment with Dr. Evans, I thought that it might be a good idea to head back to my office to relax for a little while. While I was in my office relaxing, my phone rang and it was Dr. Evans calling me to ask me if our appointment could be changed from 6:00 p.m. to 4:00 p.m... I was actually thrilled for the change in time of our session since all of my meetings that I had scheduled for today are all said and done. I told Dr. Evans that 4:00 p.m. would be fine. Before I went down to see Dr. Evans, I made a check list as to what I wanted to talk to her about this time so that I wouldn't forget anything.
I made my way to Dr. Evans office for my next session and, I found myself a little early so, I waited a few moments before knocking on her door just to gather my thoughts because I'm sure she is going to want to know what I've been thinking about since our last session. While I was waiting for Dr. Evans, I saw Kevin walking around near his dad's room. I really felt bad for him knowing what he and his family are going through. All of a sudden I heard somebody say Hi Luke; I hope you weren't waiting too long. I turned and it was Dr. Evans. I told her no, I wasn't waiting all that long, I was just gathering my thoughts for what we're going to be covering today is all. She invited me into her office to get started with our session.
Dr. Evans wanted to know how I was doing this week; I told her that I'm doing pretty well. I'm keeping busy here at the hospital. Then, Dr. Evans reviewed what we talked about last time we met and, was quite eager to get started on this next session. She wanted to know more about my relationship with Noah. I told her that when Noah and I met in 2007, I knew then that I had feelings for him although, I never said anything to him right away, but when I finally did I think it took him by surprise. Dr. Evans asked me how I felt once I finally told Noah about my feelings for him. I told her that it was like a huge weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. She asked how Noah felt about me, I said, to be truthful, I think that he had some feelings for me too but, unlike me, he wasn't ready to shout it from the rooftops.
Dr. Evans was curious about our relationship and how quickly it went from friendship to a relationship. I explained to her that there really wasn't much of a friendship period to speak of. I told her that we met in June, we worked on some intern projects at WOAK and, then I told Dr. Evans about when Noah's dad made a surprise visit and offered to take Noah out for dinner which left Noah no time to plan anything or properly get ready. So, I went and got him a tie because he didn't have one. Noah had trouble getting his tie right, I fixed his tie and, it was after that, Noah kissed me. Dr. Evans wanted to know how I felt about that and, I told her that it really took my by surprise because I never thought that I would actually get a kiss from him. She wanted to know how Noah felt about that kiss; I told her that I don't think that even Noah knew how he felt about that. But that it was after that kiss that our relationship really took off.
Dr. Evans commented on the fact that Noah and I went from being friends to boyfriends in a matter of 2 months she wondered if that was a little bit too soon for us to be in a relationship. I told Dr. Evans that I never pushed Noah into a relationship that, I don't think that neither one of us was really and truly ready for. Dr. Evans wanted to know how I came to that conclusion and, I told her that I think Noah really struggled with his sexuality especially given how he had been reminded by his father. I also said that Noah had a really hard time calling me his boy friend when we were in public and, he had a really hard time saying I Love You. For a while there, I was beginning to wonder if I was good enough for Noah since he did have a hard time with calling me his boyfriend and saying that he loves me.
Dr. Evans seemed to think that Noah did have a lot of denial issues and the idea of coming out was quite scary for him. Dr. Evans asked if Noah had ever come out to his parents then, I told her about Noah's psychopath, homophobe dad and, how Noah's dad hated me. I told Dr. Evans that while Noah, I and his dad were on a fishing trip, that Noah's dad shot me and left me paralyzed. Dr. Evans still wanted know if Noah had come out to his dad, I told her yes, he did but, that is when all of his father's psychotic behaviors started coming out. Dr. Evans had commented that it sounds like mine and Noah's relationship had many challenges and, I agreed with her. Dr. Evans said that our session was over for today and, then said that I'm starting to make some progress she would like to continue seeing me.
After my session with Dr. Evans, I decided that I might as well go home but, before I left the hospital, I did manage to see Kevin to tell him that I will be home earlier than expected if he still planned on coming over. Kevin said that he is still coming over now that his sister is here to sit with his dad for the evening. He even said that he'll bring the beer if I supply the pizza I told Kevin that I can do the pizza and, that I'll be looking forward to seeing him around 7:30 p.m. I made my way home to get ready for Kevin's arrival I'm really looking forward to spending some more time with Kevin. When I get in the house, I check the answering machine for any calls and, the one message that I got was from Noah. Noah called just to see how I was since I haven't replied back to his email that he sent me. He also stated that he will be in Oakdale teaching a film making class as an adjunct professor at the University this summer and he would like it if we could get together while he is here. Oh God, I thought, so, Noah's coming back to Oakdale eh? Hmmm…am I really ready to see him again after all these years?