It was all too much. Emotions and memories swirled around in Silver's head as she sat in the cramped and humid confines of the sweat lodge, suddenly very angry at herself for suggesting that they come up to Ojai in the first place. She can hear the guru rambling about focusing on what she wants in the distance but can't calm her mind long enough to actually make sense of it. She's afraid to figure out what it means because part of her already knows. Silver knows what she wants, and for the first time of her life, she is afraid to go after it.
It'd be selfish to act on her feelings. Adrianna was going through so much right now, and the last thing she needed to worry about was one of her closest friends stealing her boyfriend. Silver didn't even know how they had ended up here. She hadn't seen her feelings for Navid coming from a mile away. And yet, it was the most she had felt for any boy since Dixon, if not ever. One false move and she could blow her entire life apart.
Her legs wobbled as she stood up and made up some lie about not feeling well. She knew that the pangs in her stomach weren't from sickness but guilt and disgust. Silver wasn't the kind of girl that stole someone's boyfriend, let alone one of her best friends. That kind of thing was hard to digest. She just wanted to get out into the night, inhale some fresh air and sleep away all thoughts of Navid. Her plan was going pretty well up to the point when she saw him coming toward her, the moonlight glowing behind him like a halo, almost as if he was a guardian angel sent to the retreat to save her.
She was nervous, she was late. She left it up to fate, standing at a phone. And she knows what she wants and she came here to take it. How perfect it could be – you and me.
His arms are around in her a second, their mouths smashed together and their tongues tangled. The cool wind whips around them as they tumble into the tent, only a battery-operated lantern illuminating the small space. Silver tries not to think too much during, just lets herself live in the moment and indulge momentarily in taking what she wants. Navid is lost in his own haze but manages to be sweet and attentive throughout.
When it's over and they're entwined like spoons beneath her sleeping bag, Silver finds that her mind is finally calm. Navid is rubbing his hands up and down her arms, probably thinking that she is shivering because she is cold and not because she can't believe this just happened. "Hey, you okay?" he murmurs in her ear before laying a kiss on the back of her neck. She nods and smiles in response, leaning closer to him so that she enjoy this feeling. She knows that it's brief and fleeting. Silver is as high as she has ever been with the intoxicating cocktail of love and lust. One step out of the tent will send her crashing back to the ground.
"I want to be with you," she finally allows, turning over in his arms to look into his eyes. She sees all the same emotions she feels dancing in his gaze. He tells her that he wants to be with her too, sealing with his intent with a soft but soulful kiss. "But we can't be, not like this. Ade really needs you right now. She's going through a lot. We can't be another thing that goes wrong in her life. She'd never forgive me, Navid. Ade loves you."
Navid tilts Silver's chin slightly so that their eyes met again. "I needed Adrianna months ago, and when I needed her the most, she wasn't there. You were there, Silver. I can't help that things changed. I didn't do this to her, to us. She made everything but me a priority, and when my dad left and I needed her the most, she was to busy," he reminded her. "I love Ade for a really long time, but I am not in love with her anymore. I don't want to hurt her, but I think it's inevitable. Whether you want to admit it or not, this thing between us is big. You're the woman that I want to be with. I won't stay with her out of obligation or pity. We all deserve more."
Everything that he was saying sounded right, but it didn't change how Silver felt. She couldn't do this to her friend. They had a delicate balance in their close-knit group, and she was already breaking every girl rule by what happened to night and in the days leading up to now. She shouldn't have done anything until after he had broken up with Adrianna, if ever.
"The sad thing is that I know this has the potential to be the best thing that ever happened to me," she confessed softly before sitting up. She reached for her tanktop and pulled it over her head. Navid sat up, the sleeping bag pooling around his waist. She looked at him forlornly before peeling her yoga pants back on. "But it doesn't change that we did something wrong tonight. Just because Ade was impossible these past few months doesn't give me the permission to betray her. She is one of my closest friends, Navid. You're the love of her life. I can't do this anymore. I won't do this anymore."
How perfect it could be, you and me. And she met him at the door, I don't want you anymore. Remember what you said? You and a promise.
Minutes after Adrianna had signed the stack of papers and declared him the best boyfriend ever, Navid had to pull off the shoulder of the highway to throw up on the side of the road. Guilt washed over him as she kissed him there in front of her friends, all the while looking over her shoulder at Silver. He wanted more than anything to take her in his arms and remind her how she was the one that he wanted. He knew that she knew, but she had made the conscious decision to put distance between them. She was the one who proclaimed that they couldn't happen. He admired her loyalty to Ade, but he knew that he still had to break up with her. Hard time or not, he wasn't in love with the singer anymore, and he wanted out of her world before things got even more complicated.
He drove back to the house to find his mother sitting alone on the sofa with a glass of red wine. Kissing her on the forehead, he collapsed on the couch next to her and asked about his sisters' day and then about hers. They didn't speak much about his father now. They both figured the less the kids knew, the better off they would be. Instead, she asked about how Adrianna was doing and the girls' retreat. When he was quiet and brief with his answers, she seemed to know something was wrong. Navid couldn't bring himself to meet her eyes because he knew how disappointed she would be if she heard the truth.
"Son, I can tell that something heavy is burdening your heart. My advice to you is to be honest before it eats away at you. You have seen what secrets can do to the people who love you most. Whatever it is, keeping the truth hidden will only destroy your happiness."
"Thanks," he replied before kissing his mother and heading upstairs to bed.
Images of Silver danced behind his eyelids as he tried to sleep. He had walked away from her tonight without a single word. After hearing her vow not to hurt Adrianna again, he knew that there wasn't anything left to do. This had to happen on her terms. She knew how he felt, but it didn't matter if she wasn't willing to take the risk. While he admired her dedication to her friend, it still broke his heart because he had fallen in love with her.
He turned and he didn't wait. He walked right through the gate, so glad to be alone.
They are back at school a few days later, and Navid can barely stop himself from pressing her against the wall of the Blaze office. Video equipment hums around them as she works in the editing bay and he struggles to pay attention to the editorial staff meeting that he is supposed to be leading. She catches his eye a few times but quickly buries her head in the stack of DVDs and story boards littering the desk. It's only when the meeting is dismissed and he finds himself alone with her again.
He hears Silver muttering to herself in frustration, pounding on the keyboard and rambling about something. "Need help?" he asks, poking himself over the cubicle wall. Silver looks up at him and shrugs before pointing to the frozen images on the screen. "Oh, yeah, that's been happening for awhile. I am going to put in a request for some new equipment. I'll show you a trick I learned."
Silver watches him tap a few keys before the screen jumps back to life again. Navid smiles proudly as she thanks him, ducking his head slightly as he takes in her beautiful grin. "How have you been?" she finally asks. "How's Ade?"
"Things aren't great, actually, but I think you knew that already. It's pretty hard to pretend that everything is fine when you are the only person who has even understood me for months," he admits. Loving Adrianna had changed his life, just like falling for Silver was starting to alter his universe once again. It was a hard thing to let go of, but he knew that it was time. "I know why you can't do this. I get it, I really do, but it's not just about wanting to be with you. I am in love with you, Silver."
Her eyes are angry at first and then they soften. It's the scariest and the best thing that she has ever heard because she knows that it's true. It's not like it was with Teddy or Dixon. It's not even like what could have been with Ethan. She knows that he loves her in a way that had the potential to go the distance. There wasn't an expiration date like there had been in the past. It was even different than the love he had for Adrianna. This was real.
"I can't, Navid, I'm sorry," she apologizes. "It's not that I don't care about you. In fact, I love you, too. But I love Ade and she'd never forgive us."
Navid watches helplessly as she gathers her stuff quickly and rushes out the door. He can hear her single sob and the frantic pace of her running footsteps echoing in the hallway. Rubbing his hands over his face, he wishes that he had handled this differently. He should have ended things with Ade months ago. He misses his dad and having someone to talk to about it all. Dixon and Teddy have their own issues with Silver, and Liam is too busy with Annie to really get what he's going through. He thinks about giving up but knows that he can't. Loving Silver isn't something that is going to go away.
And he knows who to call. I'll always be there for you, call me anytime. I don't mean to offend. The voice on the other end is a stranger to me. You and a promise.
And just like that, Navid is running down the hallway after Silver. He catches up with her on the steps outside the school, gathering her in his arms and kissing her out in the open sun until all breath leaves her body. She slumps against him afterward, burying her face in his chest and soaking his collar with tears. He realizes moments later that he is crying as well, scared and exhilarated and confused and assured all at one time. He is aware that there are other people watching him and that Ade will soon know what happens. Part of him knows that he should care more but he is also glad knowing that hiding this is finally over.
Silver pulls away and looks at his eyes before pressing her forehead to his. "I love you," she murmurs, wrapping her arms around his waist. "I tried really hard not to love you. I didn't want to hurt her, I still don't. But it's not possible now, is it?"
He shakes his head and lays a kiss to the top of her head. "Afraid not," he agrees before looking down at her again. He had no idea of knowing how this would end up when he fell for her months ago and even less of a clue when he had first given up to his feelings before Christmas. The night in the desert only cemented what they had both tried to ignore, but it was only now that he had actually gone after he. He was prepared to fight for her.
It's not ideal, but this is where they are now. Adrianna's heart is going to be broken, and he has to live with knowing that he did that. He tells her that he will take the blame and tell her. She wonders if they should tell her together. It's messy at best, a complete disaster at worst. "I honestly don't know what to do," she admits before hugging him tightly again. "I just know that we have to do it because I can't walk away again."
And they say to themselves, how could I ever let this happen? You and a promise.
Fin.
Author's Note: Lyrics are attributed to "You and a Promise" by Howie Day.